Laying it all out there - Need Help - Grown Ass Men Please Respond

[DonutMan]

My Background: Raised in a strict religious home. Never dated in High School, had one girlfriend for 6 months in college. That was my only relationship only girl I have ever f****. I was always to AFC and still am, although I have improved at this. I never thought I was good looking or had much to offer women, although I am very social and come across as a confident person. During college and since college was I basically to much of a p*ssy to get very far with women.

Last Two Years: I have become a lot more confident, don't care as much about getting rejected by women, feel better about the way I look. Been poking around on this site and mostly working on my inner game by myself. Two years ago I moved to NYC to go to grad school, since then I have grown a lot. I have dated several women since last year, but all have ended really because they lost interest. I partially attribute this to me becoming overly interested and needy. I have also become very confident at approaching women in bars and at parties, and when I put in the effort I almost never get turned down when asking for numbers. But I also almost never call them (Usually cause I tell myself I don't have the time/money to spend on them. I am very busy with grad school and have to budget my money cause I don't work while in school).

Last Two Months Decided that this is the decade/year for me to make my life what I want it to be. Been on three dates with a girl I like including a make out session on her bed and almost hooking up. Basically I could of f*** her but I didn't press the issue because I was nervous cause I haven't had sex in a long time. It sucks I know. I legitimately like this girl, so I am trying not to become AFC with her.

In the mean time I met a girl last Saturday that wanted me to go home with her, but I was so drunk that after leaving the bar when I went to go I stopped to get Pizza (she waited for me outside) when I came out I didn't see her so I left alone. She texted me later and asked where I went and told me that she was waiting for me. She says she wants to hang out sometime. Also, I met a girl that says she is going to call me this weekend to get together. (I'm not sure what's with this girl I met her at a museum and exchanged numbers with her she has called me once already to do something with her, but I couldn't because of school. Seems she is pursuing me).

Basically I am confident that I can meet women and get through the first phases, but I think once it comes to any intimacy my lack of confidence comes out. Please offer only helpful advice. I am 27 yrs old and am making my life what I want it to be.

I also am curious to know if you guys think I should keep the girl I really like waiting so that I can hang out with other girls, and if I do should I tell her I'm spending time with other women, or just tell her I am busy.

*When I was with the girl I like she asked me if I had ever been in a relationship and told me that she just got out of a long one. I cut her off real quick and said yes I've been in a relationship but don't want to talk about relationships.

**I really just want to get laid on a regular basis, wouldn't mind being in a relationship if it also resulted in me getting laid on a regular basis.

 

[Jitterbug]

One issue guys who lack experience and are learning Game is that they have no idea how to let a relationship (be it casual or serious) naturally happen from a social circle. As a result, they are often pushy, impatient and are too eager to escalate as well as too quick to abandon. If you think of it as a partner dance, they're the guys who step all over the shop, have no idea about the beats and have no rhythm nor feel for what the girl is responding to.

What you need to do - regarding the intimacy confidence issue and whether you need to tell other girls you're hanging out with someone else also - is to relax, keep to the tempo of the mating dance. Don't rush to pick a girl or go all the way with her straight away. Take your time to let you naturally build up confidence and get the hang of this.

A lot of guys rush this because they're dead afraid of being put in the Friend Zone. It is a bad attitude to have. If you are an attractive, cool guy, who keeps doing things that makes you attractive & sexual to women - the plural is important here, you may be still a friend for now and have not slept with her yet, but you will remain on the list of potentials and will always have a chance.

Be patient and ease yourself into it. Slowly get more comfortable physically with women. You'll overcome your lack of experience.

With regards to talking about relationships, you're doing yourself a disservice. Women love talking about relationships and from that you can learn a huge deal about them - either how to seduce them or the warning flags you need to know. You don't have to spill your gut (in fact, never ever do that), but reacting like that raises suspicions about you having serious baggage.

 

[DonutMan]

Thank You, very thoughtful response. How do you suggest talking about relationships? I should have more experience than I do, so don't want to appear like there was something wrong with me in the past that didn't allow me to have it in the past. Remember only one serious GF and only have f**** that girl, this is not normal for my age.

I called this girl on Monday and we talked for a little while. I haven't heard from her since. I decided to not communicate and make her make the next move. Unless, I don't here from her by Thursday or Friday. Then I'm gonna call her to do something on the weekend. Is this a good idea?

 

[DonutMan]

Also were not a couple yet. But should I acknowledge her for Valentines Day? Like a card of flower or something. I know her address and have been to her apartment, so I could send her something. No way I'm gonna tell any girl I love her for a long time...But I dont know about this.

 

[Colossus]

^^I would let her call you. If she is really interested she will. If you dont hear from her maybe send her a brief text or something, but that's optional.

When I was really inexperienced I would try to push things too fast. Like hinting at a relationship after a few times hanging out. This turns girls off so fast you'll wonder what the fvck happened. Just relax, you have other prospects and it seems like you can generate them readily. This is a huge step. In fact, I would say you should pursue multiple girls right now. Forget the guilt, you havent committed to anyone. And dont say you dont have the time/money, because you do. Two nights a week, 10-20 bucks for some food, a drink or two, a local music show...that's all you need. A maximum of $40 bucks a week to spend on dates and a couple free evenings after 8pm. I know you can produce that.

Seriously man, start seeing multiple girls right now! Dont be captain morality like I was and "feel bad" that they dont know. Like I said, you haven't committed to anyone yet. Dont be in a rush to do that either.

 

[DonutMan]

Thanks man...I need advice like this. You are right. My biggest problem right now is that I can't stop thinking about this girl. I'm gonna call up another girl and try to make plans for tomorrow night though, maybe that will help me not become more AFC.

What about the valentines day thing? I was thinking not communicate unless she initiates, but send something small to her apt. for V-day so she knows I'm still interested. Maybe as small as a card with a small gift in it.

 

[Jitterbug]

Thank You, very thoughtful response. How do you suggest talking about relationships? I should have more experience than I do, so don't want to appear like there was something wrong with me in the past that didn't allow me to have it in the past. Remember only one serious GF and only have f**** that girl, this is not normal for my age.

Regardless of your experience, what you do is to get the girl talking about relationships while you listen and comment on it at times with the male perspective, NOT going yak yak yak yourself. Girls feel alive & emotional when talking about that topic - see how the media sells sh!t to them - which is where you want them to be.

I discuss dating & relationships a lot with girls as a conversational topic but I rarely talk anything specific about girls I've been with (if I do, it's very brief) because I tell them that regardless of how the relationship was, I respect their privacy and wouldn't yap about whatever happened between us to a third party (also helps me cover my arse and not reveal any potential dealbreaker).

That's how you earn their trust & set the foundation for getting laid in a social circle. If you show them you know how to keep your mouth shut, you're half way in.

Get over your inexperience, mate. It's not big a deal to them.

I called this girl on Monday and we talked for a little while. I haven't heard from her since. I decided to not communicate and make her make the next move. Unless, I don't here from her by Thursday or Friday. Then I'm gonna call her to do something on the weekend. Is this a good idea?

Yeah it's fine. Just remember that you have your own life to live and she has hers. Sometimes you get a girl who flakes on you for months because of something happening in her life then all of a sudden is showing high interest consistently and is all over you (happening to me right now, and is a regular thing). This is why you should always have a few girls lined up so you don't get too emotionally invested in one, and not NEXT her too quickly (unless she's clearly shown red flags or done something very disrespectful).

The key is: don't take all of this seriously.

Regarding Vagina Day, you don't have to ask her out or send cards. In fact, don't do that. What you do is to ask her to join you on some fun activities that you're gonna be doing with your friends anyway (this is what I'm doing this Sunday, going to a music & dance festival where I'm performing and the girl is coming along). Don't even acknowledge V-Day. Act like you're completely oblivious to it. Then while you two are out having fun, escalate if the situation calls for it.

 

[Isko]

I think you were traumatized somehow by a girl, probably your ex-girlfriend. Now you've got an aversion to getting intimate with a girl. I suggest you follow this post's advice: http://www.personalpowermeditation.com/forum/index.php?topic=148.0

 

[hydroheathen]

One issue guys who lack experience and are learning Game is that they have no idea how to let a relationship (be it casual or serious) naturally happen from a social circle. As a result, they are often pushy, impatient and are too eager to escalate as well as too quick to abandon. If you think of it as a partner dance, they're the guys who step all over the shop, have no idea about the beats and have no rhythm nor feel for what the girl is responding to.

What you need to do - regarding the intimacy confidence issue and whether you need to tell other girls you're hanging out with someone else also - is to relax, keep to the tempo of the mating dance. Don't rush to pick a girl or go all the way with her straight away. Take your time to let you naturally build up confidence and get the hang of this.

A lot of guys rush this because they're dead afraid of being put in the Friend Zone. It is a bad attitude to have. If you are an attractive, cool guy, who keeps doing things that makes you attractive & sexual to women - the plural is important here, you may be still a friend for now and have not slept with her yet, but you will remain on the list of potentials and will always have a chance.

Be patient and ease yourself into it. Slowly get more comfortable physically with women. You'll overcome your lack of experience.

With regards to talking about relationships, you're doing yourself a disservice. Women love talking about relationships and from that you can learn a huge deal about them - either how to seduce them or the warning flags you need to know. You don't have to spill your gut (in fact, never ever do that), but reacting like that raises suspicions about you having serious baggage.

thank you for that JB