Lack of Motivation/Nothing to Say?

[CarpeDiem]

19, about to turn 20 in University. In my life, ive had one serious relationship, 3+ years, and one short fling a couple of months ago. The thing that bugs me is that both of them just kinda fell into my lap, making it real easy. I have no problem advancing a relationship once I have a girl that is attracted to me, its the initial attraction that I am horrible at, and I would say that this is because of two reasons.

1. Lack of Motivation

University is full of hot girls, I should be bathing in them. But for whatever reason, I feel that my attitude when im there is "get class over with and go home", meaning sit in class, listen, leave asap. Ive thought "hey that girl by herself beside is pretty cute, maybe I should say something to her", but in the end ill just say meh and go on with the day.

2. Nothing to Say

Bringing back to the girl beside me thing, sometimes ill decide I should say something, but then I cant figure out what to say. Im like this with both guys and girls. If I dont know the person, Im clueless on conversation. I have all the confidence in the world, just a blank mind on conversation. For example, if I actually have something I need to say (need directions, ask for time, have to ask a question), I have no problem, its just small talk and starting conversations with no real purpose that gets me.\


Those are the two things that I think are holding me back, any suggestions on how I can work on it?

 

[bilboteabaggins]

I suffer from lack of motivation as well, don't really know what to do about it...I must add though that getting serious about the gym and lifting pretty hard has helped that tremendously, I am horny as **** since starting, one look at a girl and I am ready to take her anywhere and fvck, T is good stuff

 

[zekko]

1. Lack of Motivation

University is full of hot girls, I should be bathing in them. But for whatever reason, I feel that my attitude when im there is "get class over with and go home", meaning sit in class, listen, leave asap. Ive thought "hey that girl by herself beside is pretty cute, maybe I should say something to her", but in the end ill just say meh and go on with the day.

I know what you mean, when I was in school I often just wanted to put my time in and get out of there. The thing is, if you do get a little more involved with your classmates (talking to them or even starting to hang out), it starts to become less like work sometimes and becomes more fun. It doesn't even have to be female classmates for this to take effect.

The other thing is, one purpose behind school is to learn to socialize with others. Even in college, it's important to continue to hone these skills as you learn to network and form connections. The course content isn't the only important thing. Keeping this in mind may help motivate you.

2. Nothing to Say

Bringing back to the girl beside me thing, sometimes ill decide I should say something, but then I cant figure out what to say. Im like this with both guys and girls. If I dont know the person, Im clueless on conversation. I have all the confidence in the world, just a blank mind on conversation.

Generally speaking, it helps to look for some common ground when starting a conversation with a stranger. If it's a classmate, you can ask a question about an assignment, make a comment about some of the instructors or anything else that's happening on campus. Look for anything around you or any type of common ground. It can even be a comment about the weather.

Also, people love to talk about themselves. "Where did you get that pen?", "I like that jacket, it's cool", "What did you think about...?" or something like that.

 

[Mike32ct]

I was a commuter student in college. I went to class, focused entirely on academics, and then went home. I didn't even try to talk to girls. I still regret it to this day. Don't make the same mistake.

Take an interest in her as a person and come from a place of curiousity rather than focusing too much on puss. Notwithstanding, working out and not masturbating will greatly improve your motivation.

 

[Allurre]

If you ever run out of openers/topics, look at the situation first and see what may be relevant and more importantly, INTERESTING for a conversation.

Anything that triggers an emotional response will do the job. Try to keep the convo open-ended. Ask for opinions, thoughts, and just take it from there.

 

[The_411]

There's no magical lines or words that make girls melt it's the delivery rather than the message.

Tease her make a joke about something about her (aside from her appearance), tease her for being a nerd.

It's not easy otherwise everyone would be cassanovas. You just gotta say what the F and undertand that you will fail but in doing so you learn and you will succeed. Don't get over invested in a girl. Ask 100 girls out you may get 5-10 positive resposnses. Hell make friends with more guys as they always are going to have female friends or girlfriends who have friends.

I,too, had the same problem and I had hordes of women accessible becuase of the friends I had. I was just like you too afraid and I even got oneitis after being friendzoned. I could kick my own ass for acting like such an AFC.

You gotta just take a I don't give an F attitude becuase guess what who f'ing cares you're 20 you're nowhere near ready for marriage and you're at the easiest place in the world to meet women who are ready available and most likely dtf.

 

[cablecow15]

I realized that i lost alot of my motivation when i was masturbating regularly , if your doing it , stop , it will make your more easily turned on by girls you see in the world , a boner can be all the motivation you need to strike up a convo

 

[CarpeDiem]

Alright thanks guys

 

[stayfly]

in terms of what to say

think of a few topics you like talking about and a few things you'd like to learn about her. then develop lead in questions for the things.

I.e.

open with whatever: you're studying hard there...

ease tension / have fun: I think I could literally see steam coming out from your head from all the brain cells you were just frying concentrating so hard. blah blah until it's nice and comfortable.

lead in question/s: sooooo, what's your major? or sooooo, what else do you like to do besides study

tell stories for every question you ask: oh cool. I'm studying blah blah cause I wanna blah blah. or I'm really into surfing. I love blah blah

the rest should take care of itself. follow ur curiousity and have fun and you'll be fine.