Keeping in contact between dates...

[tihash]

Situation "A":
Let's say you meet a girl cold. A day or 2 later you contact her and set up a date. But alas, she is busy with work this week so today is a Saturday and you make plans for Thursday.

Situation "B":
Or let's say you have a first date with some other girl. All goes well, you kiss her, no sex or anything, and you call to set up another date. Say today is Tuesday. But alas she is out of town for work this week, so it has to be next Sunday night that you get together.

What do you guys do in terms of contact? Some girls, esp. with Situation "B," make it easy and send you "Happy Wednesday" texts and crap like that.

But I have seen that the hotter/more confident the girl the more likely she is to keep radio silence and only respond when you initiate. Assume these girls are interested, but are just silent unless you contact them.

Do you go the better part of a week without contact? Do you text them daily? What do you guys do to keep yourself on their mind but not seem needy?

 

[ecko280]

I read that the only time we should contact a girl is to setup a date and that's it. I would like to hear what others have to say about this also.

 

[jophil28]

Situation "A":
But I have seen that the hotter/more confident the girl the more likely she is to keep radio silence and only respond when you initiate. Assume these girls are interested, but are just silent unless you contact them.

Do you go the better part of a week without contact? Do you text them daily? What do you guys do to keep yourself on their mind but not seem needy?

A much undervalued resource is email - short, C&F emails with NO overt sexual or romantic content. IT keeps 'em warm and intrigued until you meet up for the main game.

 

[jophil28]

I read that the only time we should contact a girl is to setup a date and that's it. I would like to hear what others have to say about this also.

That is nonsense advice.

IT is based in the belief that NOT contacting a woman somehow amps up her interest in you because your ' unavailability' may trigger her desire.

That may be true if your name is B.Pitt.

Her desire for you is a direct consequence of how you make her feel, PLUS(or times) your preceived value.

Not calling her, or staying silent by pretending to be busy ain't gonna work. All you're doing is creating an opening for some other guy to walk through.

 

[L B]

I used to set 30 minutes or so on a certain day and just call the ladies based on how much interested I have in them. If girl A doesn't pick up, leave a message. Dial girl B and small talk for a few minutes and set up a date. Call girl C and small talk and set up a date if I have time for the week. After talking to girl C, girl A would call back. Small talk and set up a date with girl A. I would do that several times a week depending on how much time I want to invest in the relationships. Worked pretty well for me in the past.

Most important thing to do is keep track of the conversation and the date appointments. It only takes one mistake to ruin your cover.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

I think the key thing is that you need to always be the leader, especially in this early phase of the relationship.

All aspects of the date - ie where to meet, what to do, must be your choice. Pick a day where you will be completely open, and organize and plan the event.

Texting is a wild card. Ttext if you are available to text, but under no circumstances would I text at work, travelling, or out with friends, or if she otherwise is cutting into my day.

 

[kingsam]

IT keeps 'em warm and intrigued until you meet up for the main game.

errmmm...
should your initial meet (and calling to arrange a date) intrige/excite them enougth to keep them warm till the date...?

Not calling her, or staying silent by pretending to be busy ain't gonna work. All you're doing is creating an opening for some other guy to walk through.

well a guy shouldnt pretend he should BE busy - filling his life with good things... (work, socialising, gym, dating other women)
yes if a guy is faking it - she will see it soonner or later

but most guys (a typical AFC) if they set a date contact the girl LOADS and loads trying to warm her up! (sub communicating they have no other options ...etc...not a high value male) so going NC/almost NC will make you stand out - coz no one really does it! - (she interprets you have a full life (like a real DJ would have), have options (she has competition = you are a high value man)..etc...ALL good stuff for her interst level) - it gives opportunity for her imagination to build you up!

she will only interpret NC badly if shes got a bad attitude (LSE, golddigger...etc...) or low interst level in you - its a screening method as these are not women you wanna date anyway!

guys you can never go too slowly with a woman (within reason)

 

[Lexington]

This "only contact her for dates" thing is a rule of thumb for a lot of guys because they are more inclined to contact her too much. What you don't want to do is to get into hour long conversations with her and kill the mystery. There's nothing wrong with sending a text to two. Just keep it brief and lighthearted. As stated above, you want her to know that she's not the only thing you got going in your life. Calling frequently (and once a day is frequently) will give the impression that you value her very highly. Time is valuable, and if you're willing to spend so much of it on her, that tells her something.

 

[jophil28]

errmmm...
should your initial meet (and calling to arrange a date) intrige/excite them enougth to keep them warm till the date...?

"..should your initial meet ..keep em warm until the date .."
Probably not.
Dude, do you have any clue about what women do in the interim ?
No? Well they talk to at least two or three of their G/fs about "this new guy " .
Your every tiny utterance will be dissected, misinterpreted and criticized ( or critiqued) by them. IF her girls are single and dateless, guess what they will try to do ?
Secondly, women's IL in a new guy needs to be fertilized, not allowed to stagnate by some misguided silence from you.
Let me tell you something that you may not want to believe - most women's IL in a new guy will drop to lukewarm within 24 hours after your initial 'hit' . It falls because you are not around to maintain it. THink about this- IF her IL initially was triggerred or created by your 'game', then it stands to reason that it will subside when your game ceases.
You may be congratulating yourself on gaming some new woman because you had her giggling and following you around the club, but by the next evening her fire will have died down.
Women and men register and accumulate attraction differently. A man will be just as hot for a ne women five days after meeting her.
A woman's initial attraction can easily fall below 'maintenance level' , and will be replaced by either indifference or suspicion .
That is why you guys have so many first date flakes to deal with.

I have always used one or two texts or emails to tease her and trigger her intrigue until I meet up with her again and it has worked- ALWAYS .

 

[Jitterbug]

I'd listen to jophil.

If a girl has decent interest in you, it's a damn good idea to do some maintenance via email or text to keep it going until the date. It gives her and her Female Council something to overanalyse and have you constantly in their minds.

If her interest drops because you send a couple of texts before the next date, I'd say there was no interest to begin with. And no guy is too busy to send a couple of emails or texts. Stop the BS posturing.

 

[Pandora]

Let me tell you something that you may not want to believe - most women's IL in a new guy will drop to lukewarm within 24 hours after your initial 'hit' . It falls because you are not around to maintain it. THink about this- IF her IL initially was triggerred or created by your 'game', then it stands to reason that it will subside when your game ceases.

Hey jophil please expand on this. This is interesting. We as dudes take it personal and we wonder how come things become flakey once you are physically separated from the girl but they were great when you are with her.

 

[katzorange]

jophil is my idol

 

[jophil28]

Hey jophil please expand on this. This is interesting. We as dudes take it personal and we wonder how come things become flakey once you are physically separated from the girl but they were great when you are with her.

There are several possible factors which combine to produce flakey behavior or a cancelation of an outing which you planned.

The standard PUA opinion is probably that she had low interest level and that your "game" was not up to par on the night when you met her..In other words you were not 'enough' of a PUA to hold her interest until you met up again.
Unfortunately, this assumption does not hold up to scrutiny.

IF she gave you her # or email addy, and she had a fun time with you on that first night, then your "game" is fine.
However, what you do next will greatly influence whether she flakes, or whether she shows up in 5 days time with her best smile and looking hot.

Firstly, consider that women are fearful creatures. Unlike we men who wake up the next day full of confidence and optimism after getting a HB's #, women review the whole # close event in fine detail - usually several times over with the help of their girls. Why? They are looking for reasons NOT to go out with you as much as considering your positive qualities.
SO, if you do NOT contact her for 5 days, and stoke her fire gently with a tease and a flirt in an email or three, your fate is in the hands of her Female Council ( as Jitter said) and her own apprehensions about your character, your background and your general safety and so on.

The often preached advice about not contacting a new woman at all is nonsense.
It surely matters greatly how often you do so, and it matters just as much about the content of your comms, but NO Contact is the worst tactic. It does not increase her at IL because you have not built any value YET. It does not amp up her intrigue - it just allows her initial fire to die down and often down to a level where she will cancel or flake on a plan..

I have found that two to three c&f email exchanges before the first planned 'date' is perfect.

I wait one day before I send the first one and then slightly amp up the humor in the next couple.

Works well for me.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear All,
By signalling your constant need you lose value...Remember you are the prize,if the Interest is there she will wait...looking down the line,this constant messaging is just making additional chains for yourself...leave yourself in a position that you can play all the options life throws your way.

 

[kingsam]

You may be congratulating yourself on gaming some new woman because you had her giggling and following you around the club, but by the next evening her fire will have died down.

read what i said
i was talking about between setting up a date and the date not after a club

 

[jophil28]

read what i said
i was talking about between setting up a date and the date not after a club

Hmm ......never mind.

 

[Jitterbug]

The often preached advice about not contacting a new woman at all is nonsense.
It surely matters greatly how often you do so, and it matters just as much about the content of your comms, but NO Contact is the worst tactic. It does not increase her at IL because you have not built any value YET. It does not amp up her intrigue - it just allows her initial fire to die down and often down to a level where she will cancel or flake on a plan..

No contact doesn't work here unless she's had a significant investment in you (e.g she's already slept with you, or she really needs you for something) therefore a solid reason to see you again.

 

[jophil28]

No contact doesn't work here unless she's had a significant investment in you (e.g she's already slept with you, or she really needs you for something) therefore a solid reason to see you again.

Correcto.

 

[Night Owl]

Call or not call, txt or not txt

Get some balls and call/txt them when you want to...

If they like you, when ever you call is the right time.

Way Too much advice and not enough f***king going on - people have created such a complicated mine field to traverse its a wonder if anybody gets laid these days.

How hard is it really?

Question - what did people do in the days before telephones/txt were in invented? Mmmm how many days do I wait before sending smoke signals...Doh

 

[squirrels]

I still would not text her something gay like "Happy Wednesday". To me, you may as well send her a text that says, "I don't have anything to say, but don't forget me!!".

Something brief and situational is probably best. Something relevant to the time you spent together or the conversation you had...or even let her know you're having a good time at something that she can appreciate, to make her look forward to spending more time with you.

As for when, how often, and what medium, it's situational.