Is male depression mostly linked to lack of female companionship?

[corrector]

Corrector not sure if you see it but there is starting to be a few of us who want you to reach your goals of getting into a realistic relationship.

But we’re tired of your mental masturbations and cringe posts justifying everything. And we’re regularly calling you out on it. We want to see you succeed but we also see you repeatedly going back to the same pattern of behavior to justify your self described meager life.

We are no longer going to let you do this here, we’re going to call you out on your bs every time.

The Correcting Corrector Brigade is in full effect.

p.s. when are you starting CrossFit?

What’s your height and current weight?

My height is 5'10, I'll get to my weight shortly.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Well let’s assume your weight is 200lbs your maximum daily caloric input based on light activity is 2000 calories a day, that’s to maintain 200lbs, or to get from wherever you are down to 200lbs. That’s your BMR.

The only way to raise your allowed calories is to increase your activity level, e.g. exercise.

2000 calories is most Americans lunch. Do you know your caloric intake? Do you know that how many calories is say a hard boiled egg? A boneless skinless chicken breast? If not you need to start a food log and look up the calories for each thing you eat and you’ll get an idea how far off you are. No cheat days, no saying you are eating a grilled chicken breast if it was fried etc. a cup of black coffee is just that, if you add sugar or cream you must account for them in your calculations. In a salad you have to account for everything in it including dressing.

If you cheat you’re cheating yourself.

This is the way forward. Anything else is platitudes.

 

[Rainrain]

The point I'm making, and which you seem to completely miss, is that in order to do something that requires time, you will have to sacrifice something else.

Getting rid of your television is an example of a useless activity that you can exchange for a more meaningful activity that would add value to your life.


No, YOUR tendency is to watch music videos and ASMRs. You do it on a computer and not TV, but that's semantics. It's watching passively in order to soothe your mind that you're wasting your time.
And you can listen to podcasts on your headphones while you do CrossFit.

The thing is that you don't want to do that, so you say you cannot do it. And you'll grab onto any straw to defend your procrastination.

It’s interesting how he took your argument out of context and veered off track just to win the argument, and then you redirected the conversation back to its original context and he ignored it.

It’s concerning to see someone who’s been a member since 2009, surrounded by a wealth of resources on relationships and personal development, yet still struggling to make progress. It seems like he might be DEERing (defending, explaining, excusing, rationalizing) his situation instead of taking steps to address it. I can’t imagine what excuses he has been using for the past 15 years. He could also be using the site as a platform to win arguments without genuine engagement or intention for personal growth.

I believe there is a possibility of underlying problems such as mommy issues, a lack of love during his younger years, or bullying. I think understanding and addressing these deeper issues may be the key to helping him move forward positively. Personally, this behaviour is so bizarre and the lack of accountability is outrageous.

I am not trying to be hostile against a group member here but it is an important conversation to have. Especially when trying to help someone out (if they want to be help).

 

[kzar_kzar]

L

Just a thought

You don't get envious (at least I don't) when you see another guy that makes more money than you, is more jacked, has a bigger home or drives a nicer car.

However, you will get envious (at least I do) of the attractive woman by his side and sometimes it seems like every other guy out there is in a happy relationship but yourself.

Yes, I think most male depression is linked to struggling with the opposite sex.

lack of women and wrong women in life.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It’s concerning to see someone who’s been a member since 2009, surrounded by a wealth of resources on relationships and personal development, yet still struggling to make progress. It seems like he might be DEERing (defending, explaining, excusing, rationalizing) his situation instead of taking steps to address it. I can’t imagine what excuses he has been using for the past 15 years. He could also be using the site as a platform to win arguments without genuine engagement or intention for personal growth.

Well, you can see when someone gets evasive and focusing on details so they can avoid the main issue -- they are procrastinating by busying themselves with other things so they can say they 'don't have time' to address the main issue.

I'm an author and I meet many people who tell me "I always wanted to write a book, but I can never find the time..." and it is offensive to me, as if my day isn't 24-hours like theirs. If you really want to write a book, you don't 'find time' but you 'make time' by sacrificing other things. Some writers get up an hour early and write before they go to work. Other's write in during every spare time in the work day. Or they don't flop down in front of the TV when they come home from work, but they put away the TV and other distractions and concentrate on writing.

In the current climate, people like to 'plan out' their improvements, but when it comes to going to the gym or the dojo or the swimming pool, they have multitudes of excuses why they don't have the time / energy to put in the work. But they do have the time / energy to complain about their misery on forums. That is 'emotional vampire' behaviour bordering on Munchhausen. They love the attention and they disregard the advice, because they don't really want to change. Being a miserable procrastinator gets them enough attention for the moment and they can come back the next day and complain again and someone will give them attention again, so...

And that is why I'm loathe to give advice on this forum, because hardly anyone here actually follows advice. They prefer to read and discuss about self-improvement and watch videos and discuss that with the other failures, but actually taking steps to remedy their situation will always be 'excused away'.

 

[needimprovement250]

That's the thing. There is not just some simple solution when you are being squeezed out.

Imagine if you had to take care of your parents too and do all of the chores in the home (that's kind of my situation).

That’s true there isn’t and the middle class has been getting squeezed out for years now. That’s why I began thinking outside of the box for alternatives and came up with full time RV living, at least in the interim until I know for sure that wherever I relocate to is the right place for me.

Something like that almost happened to me. I remember about a year ago on a thread that we were both on, you told me to get your life where it needs to be ASAP because if something happens to one of your family members to where they can no longer care for themselves, everybody is gonna look at me and see that I have no place of my own to live, no career, and no girlfriend so they’ll nominate me to do it. Well not long after you told me that, something happened to my grandma and she can no longer care for herself now. Just like you warned me, my family members tried to nominate me to move into her house and take care of her full time. I told them that while I love and care about my grandma, I cannot have that disrupt my goals and ambitions. I even told my mom that those 3 reasons were why I got nominated in the first place and she confirmed that.

 

[RickTheToad]

Just a thought

You don't get envious (at least I don't) when you see another guy that makes more money than you, is more jacked, has a bigger home or drives a nicer car.

However, you will get envious (at least I do) of the attractive woman by his side and sometimes it seems like every other guy out there is in a happy relationship but yourself.

Yes, I think most male depression is linked to struggling with the opposite sex.

No. It's due to laziness and not carving your own notch out of the world. Life is too easy for the current generation. Many are a munch of whimps.

 

[needimprovement250]

It would never reach that point.

Women only talk to me if I talk to them 1st, and talking to them 1st usually involves asking questions. The challenge is getting women to talk to you. So I sometimes try to walk around shirtless to try to get women to notice me. And that seems to only have an effect on middle school/high school girls and not older.

I try to talk to a lot of Hispanic girls about the gangs in my city, like asking them if they know anyone killed by the police before, and if they do they usually don't mind talking about it heh.

Yeah it’s never reached that point for me either, but I just feel like that’s what’s in store. Other guys who are in this situation and did make it that far said that they got written off due to not having any experience.

Sometimes they talk to me first, but I’m never around any women. I’ve gotten looks from teenage girls too. At least you’re using what you have to start conversations with the Hispanic girls though.

 

[corrector]

Jist weighed this morning. 251.6 lbs. Still am improvement from 270 lbs. Medical target weight is 245 lbs. Crossfits are being looked at, so far, unable to find anything that synches with my schedule (ie visited my own Gym at 11p on a Sunday night, as it was the only time I was able to do so. Doubt there would be any crossfit/group thing at that time).