Internet dating - no response

[Jeremymichael]

Hi Guys,

I signed up for an internet dating site - the one that is advertised alot and is for professionals. I decided to try it for one month, just to see how it would go. A friend of my sister has had a lot of good dates on it so I thought I would try it.

There is one girl who I have exchange quite a few mails with. We seemed to have a lot in common and so I suggested we speak on the phone. She sent me an email saying great idea and included here number. I got all prepared and phoned the next night and got an electronic answering machine. I left a message with my number and have had no response in well over a week now. I sent her an email (through the website )saying when she is ready to talk let me know, I included my number. Anyway no reponses to that either. Very strange full communication for two week, sharing of numbers and then I seemed to have fallen off the planet. What is that all about?

Do you think she is actually a fake profile?, or could she just be playing games?. My time on the website ends at the end of the month and based on this experience I don't think I'll be renewing!.

Anyone had this experience?

Cheers,

Jez

 

[italostud]

You seem to think that because the website is "for professionals" you're going to get something different than the usual internet dating experience.

Truth is all of these sites are pretty much the same. Some may be slightly better than others, but don't fall for the marketing hype. In fact, that same girl you were talking to could very well also have dating profiles on plenty of fish, or OKcupid or whatever other site.

Most women are flaky, especially online. She could be using it for an ego boost, or maybe to gauge her value. Who knows. Don't overthink it.



I used plenty of fish for about 6 months. I sent and received probably around 1000 messages to various women. I got 3 lays out of it and none were really up to my standards. I probably wouldn't have hit on them in real life. They know it too lol.

I'm pretty good looking and have good pics on my profile, and that was my experience.



Stick to the real world, it's much better. Plus there's so many non-verbal cues you can look for when talking to a woman that tells you more about what she really thinks of you.

If you insist on continuing using the internet for dating, go ahead and good luck, but be prepared for more disappointment and plenty of dead ends.

 

[Jeremymichael]

Thanks for the advice. I paid £34 for one month, as a trial. I certainly won't be paying for a year.

Considering you pay on this site you would she would take the enquiry fairly seriously. and would be interested in at least talking. I'm wondering whether some of these sites may even stall the messages so you stay on longer waiting for responses?.

I'm going to work on myself and make more approaches. I just thought I would give the web a try.

Thanks again,

Jez

 

[DanelMadr]

It could have been perfect scam. So maybe it is.

Internet dating has several problems...

Real world has one big advantage you can observe your prey in real not with your imagination. In real world there is lesser chance you meet a dud aka chic who you are not physically attracted to.

You have some competition against yourself. You have to be very good not to get lost in her overflowing mailbox.

It is the loser way. The more that you pay for it. You can't say you are just killing time. You are so desperate that you pay for meeting women. Even if you are not that stigma is still there and you have to be pretty charming bastard to have some chance.

And honestly you played it like desperate chump.

If you are not desperate you have to be 10 times less desperate on Internet. The same goes for other deal brakes.

Do yourself a favor and read the DJ Bible or posts by Senor Fingers and many more.

I tried the Internet and I have to say I had very good shoot/kill ratio. No photo, pretty charming, ****y as shyt and a bit funny. No long mails...set the hook ask for number, get a date...if she played hard to get in any phase my lack of desperation put her straight.
Unfortunately I never met so many nut cases - pretty desperate women with deep issues and not even half as good looking as they stated or their photo gave away.
Also there is so many attention *****s that you can go mad easily....just don't give them any validation and they come by themselves. But who the fvck want them anyway...only trouble and again not that good looking, only thinking they are.

 

[Jeremymichael]

well I can't say I played it like a desperate chump. I think I played it right- made some email banter and then asked for her number. I got this and then no reply. I have some thoughts that maybe some of the profiles work for the company. But I think its a waste of money really. However my sister has married a really nice guy on the internet, so some of it works. Thanks for your thoughts

 

[catman]

Some sites are alot better than others but all contain nut jobs,aws,married,alholic,drug addicted,unemployed with no direction women:crazy: Weed out these women from whats one this site and you could find a decient one. Singles net was by far the best but they like to try and keep chargeing you for another month even after u cancel which pissed me off!! I have known a few people who met online and i met my current gf online(tagged its free) who seem to be compatible but internet dateing is still fairly new so the virdict is still out on if these realionships will last any longer than meeting in person or a blind date in my opinion. This is in the midwest of the USA mabye the UK is a little different in what sites are better than others.

 

[DanelMadr]

well I can't say I played it like a desperate chump.

You did not?
Read it again

I left a message with my number and have had no response in well over a week now. I sent her an email (through the website )saying when she is ready to talk let me know, I included my number.

Even if you are not desperate, which I doubt. This behavior - "Call me please when you are ready" seems desperate to me and to her too.
You can say you are being gentleman but thats the mistake most of us did in the past. Being gentle too early on. They are not looking for gentle aka nice. They are looking for manly. And in order to appear manly you have to be 1. Manly 2. Not afraid of showing it 3. Knowing it is OK to showing it - you won't scare her off

I don't mean to put you down for the sake of putting you down. I'm just trying to show you your mistakes....because I don't think you incorporated the basic DJ principals or mindset, which is alpha and omega.

 

[Jeremymichael]

I know what you are saying but there is a balance. I don't think there is anything wrong in showing you are interested. I also know that women are nervous of weirdos and stalkers, therefore I suggested that she let me know when she is ready to talk. Not that she should call me when she is ready, but to let me know when it is convenient to talk -I know people live busy lifestyles.

Well what else can I do, I called her left my number and she didn't reply. Already in my mind she has made the mistakes. She won't get any dates with the way she is behaving. Maybe she isn't real though, and I have suspicions on that.

Its all too silly for me, mind games or whatever. IF she was interested she would have called me. I can't second guess what she is thinking.

 

[DanelMadr]

I don't think there is anything wrong in showing you are interested. I also know that women are nervous of weirdos and stalkers, therefore I suggested that she let me know when she is ready to talk. Not that she should call me when she is ready, but to let me know when it is convenient to talk -I know people live busy lifestyles.

That my friend is the biggest mistake. That is the mindset that you don't want. That is the beginner's mistake. Thinking like this made me an AFC or at least to appear like one in their eyes. Allow me to explain.

1. You are thinking for her. She has her own brain and believe me even if she is a scared bunny she is waiting for a big bad wolf not a gentle bunny mummy (her friend) who shows her there is nothing to worry about out there.

2. It is much better to be upbeat and enthusiastic about going out with you than suggesting she has nothing to worry about.

3. Showing interest...you are showing it just sending her the mail. Since you don't know her and she probably deep down doesn't value herself highly, why would you show so much interest like you did? Let her show hers and show her you are not dependent solely on her? It screams "He will cling to me like glue."

4. Are you trying to be nice for being nice or are you trying to appear nice to gauge some response? Both is wrong. It is Nice Guy syndrome at it's pure form.

Well what else can I do, I called her left my number and she didn't reply. Already in my mind she has made the mistakes. She won't get any dates with the way she is behaving. Maybe she isn't real though, and I have suspicions on that.

Man, she is either b1tch or you blew it. In both cases you just blew it. Being tougher you might get at least date. You have to be honest with yourself, that's the key, man. It is always your fault....even if it is not. Get it?

Its all too silly for me, mind games or whatever. IF she was interested she would have called me. I can't second guess what she is thinking.

[/QUOTE]
Look, you are probably cool guy but you did not show that to her. You behaved like that 90% of other guys sending her the email. There is no chance she could be interested in you, romantically.

Look, I don't know you and I might be wrong. I'm making conclusions on a few sentences you wrote. Maybe you are real catch and this was just a scam. But I hope that you understand my point and give it some thought. Because if I'm right you have some work to do on your mindset.

 

[jophil28]

...even if she is a scared bunny she is waiting for a big bad wolf not a gentle bunny mummy (her friend) who shows her there is nothing to worry about out there.
.

Yep, spot on ^^

 

[Zarky]

Good lord, don't pay for porn or online dating. Especially that much. These days due to the economy most women are on the free sites anyway.

 

[mrRuckus]

I know what you are saying but there is a balance. I don't think there is anything wrong in showing you are interested. I also know that women are nervous of weirdos and stalkers, therefore I suggested that she let me know when she is ready to talk. Not that she should call me when she is ready, but to let me know when it is convenient to talk -I know people live busy lifestyles.

For the love of god you joined this site in 2001. You should have this sh1t down already, and if you don't, you're probably a lost cause.

Who gives a sh1t about one stupid online chick?

I gotta go, the smell of insecurity in this thread is making me nauseated. "Please tell me when special little you has 3 seconds to spend on little ol' me." Blah.

That is the beginner's mistake.

He joined in 2001!!! 2001!!!

 

[Jeremymichael]

Mr Ruckus, I wouldn't be so Mr smarty pants - it's easy to be critical. You don't know whether you will still be here in many years to come!. It might come back to haunt you those comments

 

[Razor Sharp]

If you are suspicious, chances are it's for a good reason.

I used to work for a dating site startup which shall remain nameless. I left the company after I discovered that they had a roomful of nerds who they paid to post up fake profiles, and respond/flirt with clientele. It's a dirty DIRTY business and you'd be smart to only use these types of sites to supplement your game.

Caveat emptor my friend

 

[italostud]

Mr Ruckus, I wouldn't be so Mr smarty pants - it's easy to be critical. You don't know whether you will still be here in many years to come!. It might come back to haunt you those comments

Yeah really. If you had asked me back in 2003 (7 years ago holy crap!) if I would be on here in 2010, I probably would have laughed.

 

[Colossus]

Jeremymichael--

The mistake you made was in contacting her again after she never returned your voicemail. Dont ever chase it down like that. Trust me, she got your message and you dont need to pander to her 'busy schedule'. Interested women will always make time for you. She just found some reason she didnt want to. Who cares, move on. Women who use online dating tend to think they have much more dating value than they actually do. It's just a big jerk-off until you actually meet them, when disappointment usually ensues. The thing is people can imagine whatever they want about a person they are talking to online. You imagine things, and convince yourself she sounds wonderful. Then you try to inflect these imaginings on her when you actually meet her, creating a false attraction. They do it to.

I'm not saying online dating is a total wash, you just cant take it seriously. Think of it like dropping a fishing line in some random spot in a big lake. You leave it there, change the bait once in a while, and just see what bites. No plan at all. The chances of you catching a real keeper are very, very slim. And if that's all you do, you'll be excited just to get some crappy lake carp.

See it for what it is, and focus your energies on other, more productive methods.

 

[Lexington]

DO NOT pay for online dating. The odds are completely stacked against you.

Check out this link where the author broke down how bad the odds really are on a paid site: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2...d-never-pay-for-online-dating/comment-page-6/

Yes it was written by an author from a free dating site. Yes, he has a vested interested in bashing online dating, but the calculations don't lie.

 

[OMGWTFLMAO]

Whenever you join an internet dating site you need to keep something in mind. Both men and women who use these sites a lot tend to start talking to one person and be interested and then a couple of weeks later they start talking to someone else who just appeals to them more. Where internet dating is involved, if you want to have more success you need to throw some of the rules out the window simply because you need to act fast. If you wait three days to call her or to respond to mail or messages you're most likely going to end up in the boat you are right now. If you call quickly after getting the number and setting up a time to meet as soon as possible you will have much better luck. With online dating you really do need to strike while the iron is hot.

 

[Jeremymichael]

Some good points made my friends- all of them. I need to get out more

Cheers,

Jez

 

[omkara]

DO NOT pay for online dating. The odds are completely stacked against you.

Check out this link where the author broke down how bad the odds really are on a paid site: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2...d-never-pay-for-online-dating/comment-page-6/

Yes it was written by an author from a free dating site. Yes, he has a vested interested in bashing online dating, but the calculations don't lie.

The calculations themselves don't lie, but there is a lot of selection bias in which calculations he chooses to make. His statement that only 1/30 profiles are viable is only true on the surface. That would be true if an automated crawler were searching through profiles. But there's a thing called, IDK human intelligence? If you set the filter to only people who've been online in the last week, then you get the people who are actively looking. The fact that he ignores this is laughable. And he actually proceeds from there to extrapolate on his faulty premise! lol He says that your odds of getting a reply are only 1/100 on a pay site. That's ridiculous.

I have yet to switch over to a pay site but I'm thinking about going over to match.com, if I ever wanted to seriously use online dating. I have gotten a pretty good response rate at OKC... and I heard the quality is better on match. People are actually wanting to date there, not just take quizzes. As for the money, it costs just about as much as paying for overpriced drinks in a club. Depends on what people's situation is.

thx peace