I have messed up by giving away all my power, and i want it back.

[PokerJohn94]

*Sorry for the long post, but this is important to me. Thanks in advance! *

I have got this girlfriend now. She is somewhere 6/7. We are together for about a month now or so.. I am 18 years old, and we live in other sides of the city. It taks 1h for os, to go by each chatter, and we bolth live in dorm (strictly no opposite sex allowed). I am meeting her 2 times a week, but I am speaking/texting with her really long hours every day.

Ok, so the holydays started. At the first they of holydays we were talking in skype videochat again for 5 hours, but it ended, when got a little upset, and just disconected from there, and my phone got dead (bad timing. what an irony). She send me message, that if I want, I can never switch the phone on, because she will not write nor speak to me a long time. I pluged in the phone, and called her. I did something really wrong, and it ended up, that I made her cry (a little wtf. ), and it ended up for me, appolagizing for her. What a big shift.

Ok, we made up. After few days she told me, that she has never met annyone, who would be so different from her as me. And that is the truth. we have really not much in common. We started talking, and she said, that she dont think, that we will last a long time, that she will have really tight shedule after holydaus, that I we will not be able to meet that often (probabbly 1 a week or so, and that her parrents dont let her party outside her town). We allmost broke up, but still did not. she said:"We bolth know, that we will break up eventually, and it will be a lot harder for bolth of us, if we do it later than now. I do like you and care for you, but lets say, I dont care, and you decide."
Me:"**** it. lets live for today. It doesent mean, that we cant have some fun now, and the future is further away anyway. I say we still are together, and I wont take no for an answer."
She:"But are you shure. You said, that you dont need virtual girlfriend, but after the holydays, I will have a really tight shedule. I have a lot of schoolwork this semester, and I still have friends I cant turn my back on. I will not be able to see you 2/3 times a week."
me:"Right now you dont know your exact shedule. lets just wait and see, but i need answer from you now. Are you with me or no?
She:"yes, I am."

I really couldn't do it, because somehow, I really care for her really much.I had told her that. That night she also said, that she has never forgive anyone as fast, as she has forgive me.

ok, but I have a problem. I really need to get my balls back, because sometimes, she says, that she is upset with me, and that as a little boy toy I am chasing her, and appolagizing (mostly, in the places, I have nothing to appolagize about). When she calls, I am allways there, and talk to her. Even in the middle of a night. She had lied to me about stuff too, because I asked her, how many boyfriends she have had, and she said 4, but now turns aut, that I allready know about 10 (that I know of. i bet there are moer countless one night stands), and some of them, she had cheated on (once we had a discussion, and I said, that every girl/women is able to cheat, and she said, that not all girls are the same, and she do not cheat, and got upset with me, that I implied, that she might do that, and again I chased an appolagized. But now turns out, that she really has cheated in her life.) Basically, I now realize, I am jumping trugh her hoops, and she is aplha, and I really cant stand it. i believe, the girl needs to be the one, who fallows you.

A little discussion from that night, when we allmost broke up
Her:"Many things that I have told you is the opposite."
Me:"Ok, so that when you told me, that noone have seen you naked, that was not complitelly true"
Her(a little giggle):"You really want to be the second person, that knows this?"
Me:"Who is the first?"
Her:"That other guy I was with."
Me:"Ok, how many times you have had sex?"
Her:"Ok.... once..... ok, ok...... twice. (giggle)"
Me:"Somehow i dont want to believe you.."
Her:"No, this time serously... (really serous tone. She allmost allways is laughing, but this time there were no sound of that, and I maby believed her)"

One reason, why we would not last long she said, is that I want the girl, to chase after me, and she wants, to be the boss, at that the guy does what she tells him.

The day before, we had interesting skype videocall. Her's mom was asking, who is this guy you are talking so much, and eventually, she shoved me to her (wierd, because she usally hided me, and did not want to show me to anyone). Than we talked a bit, and she showed me the chats she have send with her exes, where they brake up/are arguing. I told the picture, I really like with her (that she really was not so shure of), and she putted that picture as profile. She got out of the shower, and was in the shirt with no braw, so at 5 am we again talked, and I daret her, to take the shirt off, so she were only covering by blanket. And step by step I told her, to take out her shoulder, for me to see, and take the blanket little downer, and at that point, where her's nippleswere allmost showing, she jokingly/teasingle said:"You are so dumb, if you think, you are going to see, what you want so much." (we have not gone further from kissing) So we talked, and our talk ended with me hanging up, because she got cold, because I said:"How can I fully trust you, if you had lied in the beggining, and you have cheated on your boyfriend (alldoagh she was really drunk, and she said, that they were not officialy together. That that guy did not ask her like I did). She knows I am really jelous type, and sometimes she does use it for her's enjoyment.


Ok, now things are kind of good. i talk with her a lot, she offered me to go to this party in her town (yesterday), but I did not went, because I did have not the money on me (she told just a day before). At allmost a midnight, she writted to me out of the blue:"Today I thinked about things, and I now really know, that i really like you, and I would never cheat on you."

Now the thing is, that we were agoin talking on the phone 1 hour ago, and she is hangover. There is this one thing, that she has done some funny fail, but she does not want to tell me. I have asked frqently, and I am dying to know, because it has got so interesting. Ok, she did not tell me, and than I started some funny story, but did not finish it, and said, that I will tell her, if she will. She insisted that I finish the storry, but she will not tell me hers. I said, no. She were trying to get it out of me for 5 mins. and tha suddenly got cold and said:"ok, I dont really care"
me:"Now you dont care, huh?"
she:"Mhm"
Me:"ok"
20 sec. pause
me:"Now you will not talk to me?"
she:"Mhm"
me:"If you dont talk to me, I dont see the point of us continuing this call"
she:"Mhm"
me:"If that is so, and you will not tell me anything, than I will hung up."
she:"Mhm"
me:"Ok I am hanging up now."
she:"Mhm"
Me:"ok, bye!"
she:"Mhm"
*I hang up*

Only last too days I have really started to hanging up, because I have lost my balls with her, and I really need to get them back.

Ok, i want to know, what are my leaks. I need to know, mabey the things I should do, to get me to be the one up. Actually, i text with her really much. She tells me where she is going/doing. if I stop replying, after 2 hours she ussualy texts me:"What you are doing?"

Can I really trust her? Looks like, she is really in to me, but still, she is so manipulative, and the funny thing is, that looks like, I am in love with her (the kind of party girl, you do not want to fallin love with, but it is what it is), because this is first time, I like girl like this, and when I think of her, I have this funny feeling (yeah, looks like untill you are 21 you still are a child. )

 

[AH909]

When this happens you need to switch the playing field and use the same tactics she is using on you. You need to stop talking to her for long periods of time(might even want to go no contact), dont return her calls/text, give one word answers and do the same thing that she does that pisses you off.

You have to understand that girls are like little kids. If they have something they will get bored really easily but if they see something they dont have it just makes them want it more.

Dont give me the "but I love her" excuse to keep on being her b*tch. Your not gonna marry this chick and she sh*ts and farts like the rest of us. You even said she was a 6/7.

 

[Interceptor]

PJ94,

can I be very frank with you?

You may be going through all of this because either you are extremely desperate for female attention/companionship, and/or you are very young, and this kind of manipulating,drama, argumentativeness, etc is something youre new to, and so you tolerate it.

I can guarantee that if you were more mature, and say quite a few years older, and have seen some ****, so you dont really tolerate or take **** anymore...you wouldnt give this female the time of day.


OK, I recognize this is the HS Forum. BUT...at some point you WILL have to say "No more Drama" and just not worry, be concerned, think about, try to figure out, try to fix, try to repair, try this try that....anymore.

This is way too much bull**** for any guy to endure.

You dont seem like you really are in love with her, and are thinking LTR, nor does she seem to really have those kind of feelings for you.


A lot of times men try to fix this stuff out of ego. Because they feel they failed, and their ego cant take it, so they MUST fix it. Its something they cant stand..the rejection, the mistakes, the misspeaking, the drama, the yelling cursing...
guys want to try to fix it, when the majority of the poor behavior is coming from the female.

Look,if you dont really really in your heart feel this is going anywhere. You dont see yourself with her in the future.....
Gut check time, are you thinking of her in your future? Are you seeing her as your partner?
If not, then, brother, dont sweat this.
Dont worry about your status, or reputation, or what she will think of you, or how you appear to her, did I appear Alpha, did I look weak, etc etc...

Dont do this.


Dont try to fix things, and kill yourself worrying about this, when she doesnt take you seriously, isnt really attracted to you, and doesnt really respect you.
She is more interested in playing games with you than being your long term loving romantic partner.

Think about these things, and then decide if all this stuff is really worth it.

Good luck.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I could tell you that this won't work out from one sentence.

she wants, to be the boss, at that the guy does what she tells him.

So unless you want to be a pussified man that lets his girl cheat on him then by all means be with her. You can thank her divorced parents for this thinking of hers!

 

[PokerJohn94]

Interceptor, thanks for your detailed responce!

Yes, actually, I am pretty inexpierienced. I'm really am. And it really does look like, she is putting me trugh some bull****, and have really lost her's respect for me. Yesterday we were talking, and actually the talking part got boring (it was late at night doagh), and she said, that someone is calling her on the other line, so can I wait a little. I said, yeah shure. I waited 5 mins. than taught screw it and hung up. Now in the morning, I asked her, how long did she stayed up talking, and she said, for an hour or so.. Just wtf! And the worst part is, that she did not appologize or nothing. At that point I really understood, how meaningless I am for her, and how she looks at me just like for passing time till better thing comes along. And the even worst part of it is, that she said, it was her guy friend (I am pretty much getting annoyed at, because he is her's ex, and once he was drunk, he called on her, and said, that he still would want to get with her back. She said no at the time, but still, if she is keeping him arround, this keeps bothering me).

You can thank her divorced parents for this thinking of hers!

Lol! Her parrents really are devorced. Yeah, looks like, you know what you are talking about.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Break up with her now. That is too disrespectful.

It take 10 seconds for her to click over and say "I'm on the phone with my boyfriend, let me call you back later."

Or she could have clicked back over in 10 seconds IF she realized the call was important and say "Hey Poker, Jasmine has an emergency so I will call you back".

Break up wit this btch now because she is going to soon. Once she loses respect for you then all hope is lost.

 

[PokerJohn94]

Break up with her now. That is too disrespectful.

Ok, I did not have the balls, to just leave her. I still am really atracted to her. I tried the AH909 advice. At morning, she texted:"Call me?"" (we ussualy do this, because she has texts for free, and I can call for free, so ussually when she wanted to talk, she texted me and I call back). I intentively only replied 3 haurs later:"Mabey later." Ok, after 4 hours, she send me:"So?", and than I could not take it, and really did call her.

You may be going through all of this because either you are extremely desperate for female attention/companionship, and/or you are very young, and this kind of manipulating,drama, argumentativeness, etc is something youre new to, and so you tolerate it.

Looks like all of it were true. So.. I called her, and she told me this really funny thing. Ok, we talked for an hour, and that again hot/cold ****. She teased me, and said, would I have one night stand with this slutty friends of hers, and I said, no. Than she jikingly replied something, but i did not hear that. I asked for her, to repeat it, and she said:'"No, you missed your chance." I jokingly replied, if you will not tell me, than I wont speak no more, ever! (as a joke ofcourse). Than she said in nasty tone:"I wond speak with you."
Me still joking:"Than we will be just to people by the phone sitting in sielence."
she:"Than i do not see the point in this convresation, hang up."
This triggered again the emotion from yesterday, so I was not laughing no more:" If you will keep this up, I will hung up!"
She:"Mhm. Hang up than"
*I hang up*

After 10 mins I still cant calm down, so I texted her, and this is how it went:

Me:"This is TOP 1 thing i find so anoyying with you: we are talking, and talking and suddenly you change in deferent person, and start some bullshi*t. And it happens so suddenly. After how you behaied yesterday, I did not even wanted to talk to you, because I taught, it would be again the same, and imagine my suprise, it is! Now I see how selfish/narcisistic you are..."

Her:"So ok than. Than don call and write to me if I am like that"

Me:"If you will intentiously treat me this bad (like for example, that time on the phone: will you wait? And than make fool out of me, if I would be sitting there for 1 hour waiting. It would take for you 10 seconds, to switch to me, and say "ok, lets end today, now I will talk with Christy, ok?", but you even could not do that for me...And I dont know what is worst - the fact you did did that or that you even did not bother to say simple sorry... What a disrespect.), than you dont leave me another option.

She:"Ahh, c'mon"

Me:"I treat you so good, give yo so much of my time, but in return i get "I dont know", "ehh, I dont care", "mhm", somekind of ultimatum. When you get borredm than you rather do things, that I really hate, but even if you get even the littlest fun out of it, than it is worth it for you. I would want to see, how it would be, if I would treat you like you trat me. But I would never do that. When you figure your selfe out, give me a call. "

She:"If you would know the littlest thing about me, you would understand"

Me:"But you dont say much about yourself. It is so hard to get something out of you. I know, that the many things from the list I can say thanks to your divorced parrents."

She:"Do you even know, why I dont tell you anything?"

Me:"I think, because you believe, that noone gives a ****, how you feel or about your problems. But I am not 100% shure. I really dont know. But If I would ask you this earlier,than even if I would get some kind of response, you would answer:"No, I do tell you stuff." "

She:"I dont want to get attached to you, that is why I dont want to tell you stuff. Today I understood, how much person are hurting, who even have not sean each chatter (Hers brother broke up with this crazy chick, that kept skyping him, but looks like, he got attached, but still broke it off. She would go visit him in 2 days). But I will hurt more, if I will get really, really attached to you. So sorry. but you can not wait anything more from me. I will not tell you more about my self. Because, I dont want to hear anything about my selfe, how can someone else?"

Me:"Don't want to get attached to me? Because you will go away for the whole summer, is that the case? Than better talk allday long about some meaningles crap? What do you get out of that??? Now I realise, that I have bean for you just this boy toym, so it would be simpler to you to pass time, when you are feeling bored, till the point, when something better comes along. Funny, how people can "burry" someone even at the beginning, without giving them a real chance."

She:"it is enaugh for me, that I am only 17, but I have suffered more than some 30 year olds. Why? Because I get attached too quick, and trust something that I should not have. That is why I dont tell anything? Did it became more easy for you? For me just the opposite."

She:"So thanks for this. Really. Thanks. Dont write to me anymore, please. Seriously, please, just leave me alone, please, plase, please!!!!"

Me:"If you want for me to wanish at all. That this would be the last contact from me. That you can forget about me. That I would never call/text you than just send me "yes" in response"

She"Oh my God! Really? You really are the first person that hurts me so much 2x and after all of this you really expect, that I say anything else than yes?"

Me:"Sorry. I did not want to hurt you, but you are the first girl, that have hurt me this much too. Just send a text, where is one word "yes", and this will be the last text, you will receave from me. But no matter how it goes, I wanted to tell you, that I want, that you succeed in life. Make some higher gols for your life, and reach them. (This I allways hated, that she had no real long term goals, whyle I have so high).You really are special girl, but if you want to be happy, you need to give people a chance. I really wanted with all my heart, that things would have bean different."

She:"I cant say it, even it is just one word. I just knew it, just knew it. I have allready got attached to you too much. ****!"

Me:"I will give you time to rethink things. I really will give you space, and I will not call/write to you (take as much time as you need). Just decide what you want, and could you trust me, because I really don see of my selfe as someone, who yould intentiously turn your trust against you, but the trust is REALLY importaint to me. I need a person, that trust me soo much, that could tell me anything abut themselves. Alldoagh, you make me so angry/nuts, the next time you call me, it kind of fades away. I can't racianally explain this, but I dont want to let you go. Only thing I ask, is dont leave me hanging, and when you decide, let me know, no matter waht is the answer. "

after 30 mins.

She:"Than i am sorry, and I can't trust you, and in these curcuimstances I say yes. Sorry, but if someone would ask me for trust, I need more time than 4 moths. I can't forgive like that"

She:"No matter how much I like you, i dont want to hurt you. It can hurt for me, but for someone else, to hurt because of me. I cant have it. It is not worth it."

Me:"Ok. I understand... But I thing, that we bolth are hurting. Really. I just wanted to say, that you were the most awesome girl I have ever had (true) and even met (not true), but now it is time to say fareweel.... Farewell, Evelin! After 5 years lets contact each chatter, because I will want to know, how you made it"

She:"Dam...Why did you say it like that!!! DAM!"



Just now begun to realize, how melodramatic I am. I knew we would not last forever, but still, I feel like crap. Anyway, I realize, this feeling will go away, but I would really appriciate some feedback, on how I handeled things, and please, be frank.

 

[Nite]

umm... ok
There are a lot of really long texts that keep saying the same thing. I thought I was reading romeo and Juliet, we love each other but we can't be together! OH NO!
From her I read, I like drama because the world hates me and i love these feelings I'm getting, I'm so special no body else has ever had it hard. BOO HOO!
You I saw a lot of feels being said, power being given ups and sorrys. I think sometimes it's just a good idea to let it go.

Personally, i would have hung up after she got all sassy, and not text anything waited at that point until i saw her in person, if i still cared, talked to her like nothing was up at all. Or just stopped talking to her all together

Get some new girls

 

[youngmack]

Damn Damn Damn. You are hella AFCbro, and she is fake and manipulative as hell too. I think shes BPD or HPD.

Sh1t made me cringe reading it but dude MOVE ON from her. Shes got mental issues and you don't need that in your life. Just focus on you and your goals and fucck *****ez too, but dont make it your priority

 

[Interceptor]

Well, its not like..totally AFC.
It wasnt that bad.
It really wasnt.
It seemed very sincere. You were speaking from your heart. And you were really connecting and bonding with her, although from what she said she doesnt want to bond with anyone because she doesnt want to be hurt.


Thats all about immaturity. If she cant handle intimate relationships, thats all her failings and defects. Here you are opening your heart to her, which takes balls, and she wont do it, because she's too unwilling to open HER heart for you.

Nah, this want so "afc". A little melodramatic. So dont talk too much like that , keep it to a minimum, but you did explain very clearly to her what youre experience is, how it hurt you, etc. All that is important.

But, little bro, she is not interested. She is already handling too much emotional baggage, and wants to be and stay some sort of victim and martyr. She would rather keep you at a distance, at arms length, than accept your love, intimacy, companionship, all the things women say they want.

So this was a good learning experience for you.
Stay strong. Stay ballsy and ready to share your heart with a woman you really care for, but understand that this is not rare. There are many emotionally UNAVAILABLE women who will attract you.
You will see and feel one thing, but something totally different is actually happening. Something you dont see.

Here, she is telling you what she feels. And shes not biting.

So chalk this one up, dont become angry or bitter. You put in the time and effort, and it didnt work out. Thats being a man. Because you werent a chicken **** and stayed home playing Xbox or jacking it, you went out and tried to work things out with the woman.
She wasnt biting, so hasta la vista.

This was good for you.
So learn from this, and stay strong enough to share your heart again with a woman who you feel deserve it. If she doesnt want it, well you now know, you arent going to DIE. You'll be upset, hurt, and your ego is hurt too. But, you will get through it.
So stay strong for the next woman who just MIGHT BE the right one for you.

And realize that just because you tried really hard to be with her, make her happy, share your heart, and be vulnerable with her, she may STILL reject you. Yup. And it hurts. But you move forward still.

Good luck and I hope this helped.

 

[AH909]

Damn didnt think it was gonna be this bad... You need to follow everyone elses advice and cut contact with her... And start talking to new girls immediately, it will be the only way you will get over her.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Well it's over now! You should feel weightless, like you just dropped a huge monkey off your back. Feel like anything is possible now that you're free to mature, and know that your life is too long to be bothered by a fling like this one.

The pattern was: Hot/cold, drama drama drama.

When you sense this pattern again, attempt to never feed drama. Even when she gets mad or ignores you or says you're doing something wrong, just accept it, consider it, and do not respond with drama. It's a tough skill to master.

Once you figure it out, she will be amazed by how calm you can be. It will attract the sane parts of her and repel the insane parts. She will make more ridiculous drama to try to pull you into it (the way this girl did). If you can resist the pull, everything will go well. If you can resist the pull, even when the relationship ends, you will be calm, and only the dramatic person will be in pain.