Ok, here goes. It´s long, but stick with me...
Well, she didn´t help with this. That´s the truth.
She´s divorced, has two kids, and...it´s even 11 years older than me (I´m 32...). Crazy thing, isn´t it? But well, if I was totally open to accept her like she was, all her situation, I can only think I really love her. It was not the perfect scenario but hey, no we don´t choose the person we love.
It all begun very slowly, without any of us thinking about bigger things. It hasn´t been a perfect relationship, and yes, she´s complicated like hell. Even after five years of the divorce, she still has marks. She´s strange. Her ex-husband left her. She said she even liked that much of her ex-husband, but somehow felt her biological clock ringing.
She told me she wanted me to be her companion for life, that never liked anyone like she loved me. Words...! But somehow, every time that the relationship evolved, she started to close herself.
After a major breakup, we talked (about one month ago). She said she was suffering, I told her I was feeling the same. I told her I would not close any kind of doors towards our future. So, after that conversation, we were back again to each other, very happy. In fact, since the relationship was not that public, she insisted we should tell about us to a mutual friend. So, right after our conversation, we met with that friend and told her. Man, when we told our friend, she simply started to cry of happiness.
So, for about two weeks, everything was perfect. However, we thought about having a small vacation at the beach. Her father has a house there. So, she felt she should ask her father the permition to be there with a male friend. He said no, because he didn´t know her friend. Well, after that, my parents thought of visting me at my place (but they didn´t go afterall). Honestly, I told her she could lunch with me and my folks (afterall, they knew I was with her, but they didn´t kwow her personally yet). Well, two days after that, we woke up in the morning, and all of the suddent she started to cry and said: "I can´t give what you want. I simply can´t.". I was stunned looking at her.
We talked and she told me she couldn´t stay with me because of all the obstacles we had. I was stunned, man. We talked for about two hours. She said she was sorry and then she hugged me and man, she cried like hell (like if she lost one child). I felt hurted and I asked why she didn´t say that when, two weeks earlier, we talked and got together again, and plus, why she insisted about telling our mutual friend. She said she thought at that time she could overtake those obstacles.
So, there she goes. However, she called our mutual friend and told her she was suffering a lot, but that she couldn´t do that to me, because she was cutting my wings, she was scared, the problem of the difference of ages, etc, etc. But that the feeling she felt for me was very strong, that she never liked anyone like me, etc, etc, etc. She kept saying that for about 2 weeks. Plus, she kept adding songs and poems in Facebook, that showed me how much she loved me, "do you still want me back". I think that was a childish thing to do, but I kind of answer back with something that say "I read you". One day she added a poem saying something so clear that all the fears didn´t matter, the difference os ages, one should follow our heart, etc. I added something that was related to our connection. But, strangely, two days after she added two song with lyrics saying something like "the future is marked, it´s not worth having a map" and "forever farewell". So, she told our mutual friend it was the best. Notheless, I called her, and you talked. At somepoint I asked her "Is this what you really want?" She kept quiet. "Tell me this is what you want I´ll move on and disappear from your life once and for all!" She answers: "You know, that scares me so much...!". So, I told her to stop adding things to FB that were direct to me, and if she wanted to say anything to me, she should talk like an adult person.
Well, two days after, I called her and told her I wanted to talk to her seriously. She accepted. We met in a shopping (she proposed that). Man, she looked like ice. I never saw her like that. She simply was irreducible. Really, she was another person. "It´s the best, it´s the best!". "But why? Don´t say to me it´s the best because you´re thinking about me or my future. I make my own choices and I choose to be with you", I said. At the same time I saw somehow she was suffering and didn´t wanted that also, but her action showed she wouldn´t vacillate. Conversation over, I said I´d follow my way, wished her the best, stood up and made my away.
After that she talked with our mutual friend again. "It´s soo hard, but I feel this is the best... You know, everyone tells me this won´t be the end for us...When he started talking about her parents and to make plans for us, I just got scared.", are just some examples. MAN, she made many plans even before I talked about it. She even told me she´d like to know all of my friends and my family, back home. What the hell????!!!! Once more, our mutual friend told her she should think, because she was losing the oportunity of being happy, showed another point of view, and if somehow she changed her mind, she should to talk to me. Our mutual friend is that kind of pure person that thinks that love solves everything. Well, she told our mutual friend maybe she was right, and that me made her think about some things.
Guess what, two days later she writes on her gmail state "working...sleeping...forgetting..." and later she added a poem on FB saying somthing like "life goes on, I´m doing what I´m thinking it´s right, what has to be in the future will happen". Damn, I hated that and I simply called her saying her she shouldn´t have done that because she promissed she wouldn´t. Man, if in our last conversation she was an ice cube, she was an iceberg talking to me. I couldn´t believe what I was earing. She said I was right and said she was sorry for adding that. Nevertheless she said I could call her every time I wanted. What the hell???? Call her, while she was being extremly cold and harsh with me????
That was the last time I talk with her, (about a week and a halg ago). Since then, I´ve been bad and me and aswell our mutual friend, couldn´t understand this kind of behaviour. So, in these last fews days, after our mutual friend started to ask her "Don´t you think if you really like Fabio the way he likes you, you´d want to make your like with him?". She answerd "Hmmm. Maybe. You know, In fact I guess you´re right. Maybe I don´t like him that way."
What the hell?????
One fact to have in mind is, that my mutual friend has noticed in recent times, she´s too close to her cell phone, sends many texts and moves away to aswer calls. They even spent 3 days together, with other friends, and even if she talked about me to her (same reasons), but she noticed she sent many texts and was always looking if she received messages back. In fact, even at night, when they say goodbye and went to sleep (they shared the same room), our mutual noticed she kept sending and receiving texts at that time. Plus, our mutual had to leave the room, and when she came back, she noticed she was talking on the phone, and soon ended the conversation. And then, she said something like “well, I had to make a call…”, even without our friend ask her for explanations.
Guys, it can be a friend she´s talking with, about our separation, but…being that time sending texts, always looking for the cell if she received back, even doing that during the time they were sleeping, leaving the place she was to answer calls…! I guess it would have to be a very close female friend helping her that all amount of time during the day, and even being that available during the nighy…! The fact is that existing another person explains very well the way she ended the relationship. And the fact is, existing another guy, it comes away back, even during the time we got together again…
A few days ago she told our mutual than in fact she realized the reason she couldn´t go further in the relationship was because she begun to see she didn´t like me enought, but she couldn´t tell me that because it would hurt me. So she asked for our mutual to talk with me and help me overcoming this sitution. I also tend to think she had to act with our mutual friend, only because she had to have her image clean, because she was the one that insisted our mutual should know about us being together. That´s a very bad thing! Our mutual also feels she was kind of deceived by her.
WHAT THE HELL???!?!?!?!? This is not a normal behaviour, guys !!! She acted wrong with me. She was not honest with me! I feel disrespected! I feel used. I feel I acted like a trampoline to her, after all those 5 years she had no one after the divorce.
I must conclude the following one of these following situations:
1 - She´s complicated like hell, she has somekind of mental problem, she´s imature and lacks values like integrity, honesty, correction, etc;
2 – She´s false, manipulative, hypocrite and cunning;
3 – Both 1 and 2.
