How to move forward with my GF of 7 years

[ThunderMaverick]

Hey mature men! It's been a while but I'm back. Usually, when a member of sosuave stops posting it usually means his life has turned...for the better or worse.
I haven't posted because things have been really good for the most part. Of course, still building up myself to be who I'd like to be is still a process, but I am truly excited for things ahead.

In the past 7 years I moved out of my family's house, extricated myself from a very abusive side of my family (I actually saw them a couple of days ago and the fur flew jajaja. I'll save that for another time) and landed a pretty decent job.
Mistake after mistake and learning things on my own I decided to hunker down on this job and take a risk - it wasn't something I wanted to do, but I was living in a piss soaked trailer with the GF at the time and we saw no reasonable way out, given the path we put ourselves on.

We have been homeless together, stopped drinking alcohol together, got each other away from toxic people (for the most part) as well as changed other really nasty habits. I feel without her I would not have had an opportunity like this at my current point in life. She's my best friend and partner. I love her
NOW for the issues! lol Sometimes she'll get sucked back into the drama on FB, with the same people. Her ex, my friend at the time, 7 years ago actually ****ed around on her and told ME that I could date her, even when she thought they were dating. The dude was a sociopath ***** hound, which I didn't mind. It's just that when she left he should have moved on. Even to this day he's made youtube videos talking **** about us and through 2nd hand information he is STILL talking about my GF to this day. The same ratchet he left my GF for is still living with him in his mom's house...in his room. And he's talking sh!t about her...on facebook.

Contrast that with the people that I work with; Goal oriented. Not gossipy. Focused on getting ahead instead of constantly talking about other's shortcomings. Helpful, friendly. Everything that these earlier circle of friends were not to us.

Fast forward to today and my GF still brings them up. Once in a while I'll bring them up as a joke, but then it snowball into 10-20 minute conversations about people I don't care about. My GF is in a slump with work and she's trying to get out of that rut. I notice a pattern with her; when things aren't going well she tends to withdrawal, or on the other extreme talks a massive amount of sh!t about these people.

It can be draining hearing about the same stuff about the same a$$holes ever and over, especially when I'm trying to focus on good and positive things. Sometimes I just shut down. I've approached her a few times about this and she'll acknowledge her behavior, but whenever there's a slump she goes right back into the negative mindset and goes into gossip mode. I want to move on from all of this and I'd like her to as well.

Gentlemen, what do you think the best approach would be to let her know I'm over all the drama? I mean I talk about it once in a while in passing, as a joke, but I'm not so sure I should even do that anymore. I'm wondering if I should be a lot more blunt like "I'm over hearing this sh!t, we should move on"?

Thoughts?

 

[Bible_Belt]

I remember a research project analyzing the language that a couple used with each other. Each sentence was marked negative or positive, not necessarily about one's partner, just about life in general. The research concluded that the couples who stayed together had the most positive communication, and the couples who broke up had the most negative. Even when negativity is not directed at you, it still wears on the relationship.

On the other hand, you want to avoid what is called "invalidating her emotions." You can't ever talk a woman out of feeling bad, even though it is the male nature to try to fix problems. Never tell her she is wrong for feeling a certain way, even if you're right. And never say anything that she will take to mean 'I don't care how you feel.' That's the worst thing to do in a LTR.

So you have to tiptoe around the invalidating, but frame it as you wanting the two of you to be more positive, for the sake of your relationship together. That's language a woman will understand.