How did I handle this one?

[Alle_Gory]

Anyways, I'm dealing with this Italian HB. She's pretty cute. This is a facebook message thread she started:

HER: hahaha shh its okay you dont need to be serious, but why are you up at 630am!?
ME: That's when the sun sets. I'm just getting ready for bed. ... my message says "February 15 at 9:37am".
HER: ohh oops my phone is retarted i guess your not that weird
ME: Yuh huh. You were up at 630am waiting for my message, weren't you?
HER: HAHA aw you wish
ME: Uh huh. Don't worry. I think you're cute and all but too short.
HER: hahaha Thanks loser i could say the same
ME: Don't call me loser.
HER: Well your not very nice
ME: To me, and most of the people I know, its an insult to call someone loser.
HER: to me, and most people i know, its an insult to call someone short.
ME: You know I didn't mean it like that. Goodnight HB-Italian.

Anyways, I'm just assuming she's screwing with me. But what's my option if she's genuinely pissed?

Usually I just ignore sh*t like this... and pretend like nothing happened even if I was wrong but that isn't always the best way to handle these situations.

Keep in mind I got to see this HB again tomorrow.

 

[SoldMySoul]

This is the HUGE problem we have with all this technology today. From, Text messages, email, chatting and crapbook/ myspace. Sometimes it is too difficult to determine if things were meant to be made the way they are perceived.

You are fairly young so I will give you the facebook sarging as acceptable. I posted on here the other day that these things were pretty cool when they hit, but the cause way too many problems and I included have fallen to some of them in the past.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Anyways, I'm just assuming she's screwing with me. But what's my option if she's genuinely pissed?

She does seem like she's genuinely pissed man. But, that is the drawback of communicating through text, because to me - it looked like you were pissed as well....

As gay as they are - in text .... ;-) and =) are very good for conveying you're playful.... people are so used to people using them "Lol" or "haha" or "hehe" that anything not using them - comes off as serious.... just a sad reality of modern communication...

HER: hahaha shh its okay you dont need to be serious, but why are you up at 630am!?
ME: That's when the sun sets. I'm just getting ready for bed. ... my message says "February 15 at 9:37am".

notice how she set the tone with "hahaha" which is "im just playing with you...."

HER: ohh oops my phone is retarted i guess your not that weird
ME: Yuh huh. You were up at 630am waiting for my message, weren't you?
HER: HAHA aw you wish

I liked this exchange. You both were being playful with each other. But then... and again, notice the "haha" - i believe she was looking for you to do that in return.... not only to show you're playing, but to show that you accept it as a means of communicating playfulness.... you never did though... personal choice to not use things like that? very hard to use text and not get taken too serious with them,

ME: Uh huh. Don't worry. I think you're cute and all but too short.

this is a pretty hardcore neg. it CAN be pulled off, but absent of a smile and incredible body language? not likely.... I think this legitimately offended her, and i don't think she's entirely wrong to be offended.

You straight up disqualified her here with "but too short".... there's infinite ways to say that in a much more lighter tone. "I think you're cute and all but im not sure i can date someone who isn't tall enough to get on roller coasters. =D" .... or something is in my opinion much less likely to get a serious/angry response because it's obvious you're being playful....

actually - you are just being playful aren't you? i just want to clarify that.... you don't actually think she is too short [for you] do you?

anyway, being pissed off at you isn't entirely bad. at least you got some emotion out of her.... but expect to have to warm her back up to you again when you guys hang out tomorrow.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Well fvck me...

All right. I guess I can go apologize then. I'll just explain to her that I was joking and that it wasn't meant to hurt her... etc. And then just make fun of how BAD that line was and apologize for making her read it etc...

No I don't think she's too short for me. I'm never serious when having conversations with her. Always playful.

 

[Johnny_Kage]

Next time you're joking around on text or facebook, use smiley faces. When the girl gets to know u better, u could be more deadpan and she'll know ure kidding.

I would chill with the negging. It's kind of lame and is usually misconstrued as an insult. If anything, gear more towards being sexual. Besides, your ultimate goal is a hang out, not building attraction via text (that should have been done already in person).

Either way, nothing u did here is a dealbreaker. It does look like u got pissed though. This is not a good thing (especially if u didn't bang this girl yet). Don't show the girl that she got to you. Once you do, you're done. If she does do something to disrespect, let her know in an indirect way. Here's what I mean:

This girl flaked on me the other day:
Girl: Did you have fun the other night?
JK: Yeahhhh it was a blast....u missed out....and speaking of that, way to flake on me btw
Girl: I didn't flake. Had stuff to do. Blah blah blah.
JK: LOL yea yea....calm down....no worries
JK: Anyway....

Ya see? I called her out on her sh!t and then made it look like it didn't affect me (which it actually did cuz I'm pretty into her lol).

Kinda went off topic I realize. But hopefully you get the point man.

JK

 

[bukowski_merit]

Well fvck me...

All right. I guess I can go apologize then. I'll just explain to her that I was joking and that it wasn't meant to hurt her... etc.

I'll probably say to her what SoldMySould told me, and that I made the same mistake pf misunderstanding. Maybe she didn't mean it like that either.

she may be just playing though.... that's part of the problem with not using either a smiley face or some form of laugh indicator....

because when you don't use it - she'll assume you'll think she's weird if continues too.... she could have been playing, but just stopped using haha because you didn't use it...


i've done extensive testing of this... and by and large women follow mens leads in texting or email exchanges.... what i mean is.... they'll "lol" if they see that that's my indicator or playfulness.... they'll do "haha" if they see that's my indicator of playfulness, etc.... absent of those types of things completely - they'll stop using whatever their default is...

and that's when text conversations become impossible to understand...


but just off of instinct - im going to stick with her being legit mad. i don't know if apologizing is necessary, but clarifying that you were just playing might be a good idea... to which she'll probably respond "i know, i was just playing too" (regardless of if she was or not)....

tension isn't a bad thing... so seeing each other face to face tom could be interesting =)

 

[Johnny_Kage]

Well fvck me...

All right. I guess I can go apologize then. I'll just explain to her that I was joking and that it wasn't meant to hurt her... etc. And then just make fun of how BAD that line was and apologize for making her read it etc...

No I don't think she's too short for me. I'm never serious when having conversations with her. Always playful.

I started writing my post before you posted. Don't apologize. Just let it be.

Text her in a day or 2 and tell her that something reminded you of her. If you still have a shot, she'll probably respond to that. If you don't, no worries. Find someone else.

JK

 

[teacha]

lol neghits, they seem to be doing more harm than good on this forum especially when used in online/sms communication.

You should have played it off during the conversation and not act all pissed off and make a big deal out of it after she called you loser (always maintain composure), maybe she was negging you back since you called her short (lol) first. I wouldn't apologise if I were you and just play it off like nothing happened.

now tell me do neghits really work, 'I think you're cute and all but too short.'? I never really understood neghits but i don't really think you should neg someone about their physical attributes, sure you can do that about their fashion sense but physical attributes, i don't think so.... (they can't change that shit)

 

[Alle_Gory]

so seeing each other face to face tom could be interesting =)

Not really. This wouldn't be the first time I've pissed her off. I jut think its more serious now because I potentially insulted her about something she can't change. Her height. The last time I just apologized because i believe that i was out of line. This time it wasn't intentional but she still got pissed so i don't know how to handle it. i don't want to apologize, but i don't want her to get insulted for no reason.

Hahaha. f*cking smiley indicators. I better use more of those They just seem so gay. LOL.


See what I mean?

 

[bukowski_merit]

now tell me do neghits really work, 'I think you're cute and all but too short.'? I never really understood neghits but i don't really think you should neg someone about their physical attributes, sure you can do that about their fashion sense but physical attributes, i don't think so.... (they can't change that shit)

I personally use negs more to TEASE someone about something... including physical features...a neg is a flirt disguised as a mild insult if done right...

a hardcore neg (Which is what alle's came off as) is really only necessary if the woman has a huge b!tch shield up... or if she's up on a self built pedestal...

Hahaha. f*cking smiley indicators. I better use more of those They just seem so gay. LOL.

Oh... trust me - i know. I especially feel they're extra gay when a guy uses them with me. But at the same time - take what you wrote and compare it to:

"f#cking smiley indicators. I better use more of those. They just seem so gay"

same exact words.... much more straight forward and now it comes off as ANGRY and serious.... the way you wrote it comes off as playful (even though the point remains the same)

if you're being playful through text.... unfortunately - there's not much choice... unless you want to keep being misunderstood.

my smiley of choice is ;-) .... because, it's a slick lil smile with a lot of wickedness. it's also reserved in most peoples text repertoire for when they say something sexual... so it automatically associates things i say with $ex... or something along those lines....

 

[Alle_Gory]

Ok. I'm using that smiley.

Now as far as me getting pissed. I kind of regret that, but how do i handle these insults and crap? She needs to know when she screws up, even if she doesn't mean it.

 

[teacha]

[

QUOTE=bukowski_merit]I personally use negs more to TEASE someone about something... including physical features...a neg is a flirt disguised as a mild insult if done right...

what if she's highly insecure about herself? is it still gonna work?

 

[teacha]

Ok. I'm using that smiley.

Now as far as me getting pissed. I kind of regret that, but how do i handle these insults and crap? She needs to know when she screws up, even if she doesn't mean it.

unless she dead serious, you shouldn't get pissed at her, just play it off and get back at her harder. don't take life so seriously man, just keep it fun with her.

btw you shouldn't dish it out if you can't take it........

 

[Atom Smasher]

I would walk up to her unexpectedly (appear out of nowhere), give her a little rub up and down her upper arm and say, "Hey, you didn't think I was serious last night, did you?" in a very casual, friendly way. The kino will throw her off-guard and surprise her. Then say, "Nahhh.., I was just teasing. Let's grab lunch" or some other thing that is entirely off the subject.

If you short circuit her like that you will probably diffuse the situation.

 

[Evzone]

Sarcasm and mild ribbing doesn't come across well over text-only messages. 90% of normal face-to-face communication is non-verbal. If you said that to her face-to-face, she could tell by voice, ect., that you were just joking.

 

[Alle_Gory]

She's not that insecure. She is kind of cute. REALLY fvcking cute.

I just don't know how to apologize for this one, or even if I should.

Something like: Look I was just joking. I don't care how tall you are. I don't want you to be mad at me, even though you have every right to be mad at me.

... etc.

I'm not really good with apologizing.

 

[Pathgen]

Your not even sure if she is pissed at you. She could just be annoyed. All I am saying is save your apology until you need it. Keep your apology on hand, talk to her and if she seems fine and flirty, don't use it.

 

[Iceberg]

Anyways, I'm dealing with this Italian HB. She's pretty

Anyways, I'm just assuming she's screwing with me. But what's my option if she's genuinely pissed?

Genuinely pissed? She was kidding with you. I call chicks "loser, dork, jerk" all the time. Not in a mean way. It's just my style of humor. If you're a girl and I see you brought a sandwich to work for lunch, maybe I'll say, "Thanks for making one for me, jerk." It's just sarcastic humor. You took it a little too seriously.

Actually what she said to you was exactly the same kind of joke as what you said to her by calling her short. It's no big deal. You just took it the wrong way. You'll live, man. It'll do her some good to think that you're in control and that she should watch what she says around you.

I just don't know how to apologize for this one, or even if I should.

Something like: Look I was just joking. I don't care how tall you are. I don't want you to be mad at me, even though you have every right to be mad at me.

... etc.

I'm not really good with apologizing.

God no. Don't apologize. Forget it happened and just let it go, unless she brings it up. And if she does bring it up, make it seem like she's the sensitive one and that YOU were only joking.

 

[Kailex]

Come on Alle... you know better than to be apologizing for something you didn't mean. Just do another normal exchange of words. If SHE brings it up again, which if she's pissed she WILL, then you can apologize... "sort of".

Remember, you did call her short, but she did retort by calling you a loser.

So technically, even though you started it, you're both even.
If she hasn't apologized for calling you a loser, then why should you?

She "insulted" you as a person, you just "insulted" her height. Which do you think is more of an insult on a "personal level"?

Bottom line: Don't apologize... yet. As in, don't let that be the first thing you say to her, unless she brings it up. Then tell her to wear some sexy heels for you on your first date. Because.... she's short.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Ok. So I took a break. Talked to her the next day like nothing happened... etc.

Warmer than before. Now I'm giving her a couple of days missing my attention. Then something else. Something a little more serious or deep conversation wise.

Things are going according to the "natural" schedule.