Horniness

[The Duke]

Over the years I've noticed I am far hornier when I don't have a girl living with me. I thrive off being a hunter of the opposite sex and enjoy seducing.
I've had every type of situation possible and I want sex most frequently when she has her place and I have mine and we see each other 1-3 nites a week.
I'm more aggressive, have tons of energy, take more risks, very outgoing, always on the go. Meeting new girls and going out is always an adventure and that fuels me. Its a blast to meet new girls and especially when you vibe.

About year 2 or 3 of a long term relationship I start to lose horniness and settle down. Its like there is little challenge left. Nothing for me to conquer. She is all mine now. They quit trying so hard to impress you and complain more and that wears on me a little. I still enjoy them and am glad I have them for an LTR

I've been called out for a lower labido in every LTR I've had. I'm not sure I can fix it. Its who I am I get into one. I can't fake anything.

Its definitely not the girls problem. I've always had LTR's that loved sex, were lots of fun, and would do anything I wanted.

Maybe the single/casual dating life is where its at for me.

Anyone else deal with this?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I get it. Sometimes the 24/7 availability demotes sex on the activity list. So other stuff gets priority when she's with you constantly.
If she's not living with you (which I prefer), you're more in the mood for sex when she comes around.

One more reason why I won't let lovers move into my apartment.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Hell I am even moving away from overnights unless traveling together. I like being accompanied and hours of sex, but I find myself wanting alone time more and more as I mature, I got stuff ya do, ya know?! Being “on” all the time is exhausting.

 

[SW15]

Over the years I've noticed I am far hornier when I don't have a girl living with me. I thrive off being a hunter of the opposite sex and enjoy seducing.

About year 2 or 3 of a long term relationship I start to lose horniness and settle down. Its like there is little challenge left. Nothing for me to conquer. She is all mine now

Thrill of the Hunt Men vs. Pleasure of Sex Men - Alpha Male 2.0

Enable Dark Mode Enable Light Mode Get Free Email Updates! Join us for FREE to get instant email updates! -By Caleb Jones This is such a big topic that it will likely be the first of several posts I make about this. This will clear up a lot of confusion you may have regarding conflicting advice

alphamale20.com

You are more of a "Thrill of the Hunt" man vs. a "Pleasure of Sex" man from the framework above. I am a more of a "Pleasure of Sex" man.
I base your "Thrill of the Hunt" orientation on your comments from "About Year 2 or 3 of a long term relationship....." onwards. That's the classic thing that a "Thrill of the Hunt" man would say.

Living together has a way of reducing desire, even for a man with more of a "Pleasure of Sex" orientation. The reduced desire comes from both sides but is more of a factor for reducing female desire than male desire. This reduced sex frequency in a cohabitation situation serves as a disappointment for both the man and the woman in the relationship.

The man thinks that living with a woman will increase sex frequency and make it easier to get sex as she's right there all the time. That's usually not how it turns out as I'll explain below. Much of the reduced frequency of sex is a function of the woman in the relationship not wanting sex as much as before living together.

Even normie, blue pill media has picked up on this phenomenon.

Moving In With Your Boyfriend Is Killing Your Sex Drive

Women who live with their significant others or have been in relationships for over a year have lower sex drive.

www.newsweek.com

.

I've had every type of situation possible and I want sex most frequently when she has her place and I have mine and we see each other 1-3 nites a week.
I'm more aggressive, have tons of energy, take more risks, very outgoing, always on the go. Meeting new girls and going out is always an adventure and that fuels me. Its a blast to meet new girls and especially when you vibe.

.They quit trying so hard to impress you and complain more and that wears on me a little.

Rollo Tomassi explained this well in "The Rational Male" with Iron Rule of Tomassi #4. Although "The Rational Male" was published in 2013, the origin of Iron Rule of Tomassi #4 comes from a 2011 essay below.

Shacking Up

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4 NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months. You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVE…

therationalmale.com

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

Why is there an Iron Rule of Tomassi #4?

Tomassi notes "You are utterly powerless in this situation....Just don’t do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm’s distance."

I think the paragraph below is the most important in the essay/book chapter.

"most AFCs view cohabiting as an ideal arrangement. Few of them really have the real options, much less the will to experiment exercising them, to see shacking up as anything but a great way of exiting the SMP, limiting potential rejection, and locking down a consistent supply of *****. Men who are spinning plates, men with options, men with ambition, rarely see cohabiting as anything but a limiting hinderance on their lives. On some level of consciousness women understand this dynamic; guys with options (the Alphas they’d prefer) wouldn’t consider cohabitation. So when a man agrees to, or suggests living together it impresses her with two things – either he’s an Alpha who she’s won over so completely that he’s ready to commit to exclusivity with her, or he’s a beta with no better propositions than to settle into living with what he believes is his ‘sure thing’. What’s jarring for a woman is that she may start her living arrangement thinking she’s found the elusive Alpha ready to commit, only to later find he was just a clever beta who reverts back into his former, comfortable, AFC self after they sign the lease agreement."

The men who women have real desire for would never agree to a cohabitation situation. Women's desire functions best when she has "competition anxiety". When she's living with another man, she has no competition anxiety. When she's in an LTR with a man but living apart, there is some anxiety. He is able to have the illusion of at least having other women over at his place on nights they aren't together. That illusion is enough to make women want to have sex more.

The men who are willing to commit to cohabitation also have more of a beta inclination than an alpha/sigma orientation.

I have never married and never lived with a woman. There was a time where I would have considered those paths but none of my relationships got near that point. I'm glad I never lived with a woman, especially in an unmarried cohabitation situation.

As a man who is more of a sigma male, I am not a good fit for cohabitation and I'm glad I learned that without cohabiting.

 

[LTG71]

Consider what women are looking for, protection and resources. Once those are secured and she knows you are not leaving, they start getting comfortable and complacent. Comfortable and lazy, the pounds start coming on. Sex was a bargaining tool, but now is not needed. Desire starts to dwindle and resentment kicks in. The horniness is there but for something new. When I’m with my buddies, we are constantly looking at women. All of us are married 20+ years. Everything looks better than what you already have. Sorry ladies.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Moving In With Your Boyfriend Is Killing Your Sex Drive

Women who live with their significant others or have been in relationships for over a year have lower sex drive.

www.newsweek.com

.



Rollo Tomassi explained this well in "The Rational Male" with Iron Rule of Tomassi #4. Although "The Rational Male" was published in 2013, the origin of Iron Rule of Tomassi #4 comes from a 2011 essay below.

Shacking Up

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4 NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months. You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVE…

therationalmale.com

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

Why is there an Iron Rule of Tomassi #4?

Tomassi notes "You are utterly powerless in this situation....Just don’t do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm’s distance."

I think the paragraph below is the most important in the essay/book chapter.

"most AFCs view cohabiting as an ideal arrangement. Few of them really have the real options, much less the will to experiment exercising them, to see shacking up as anything but a great way of exiting the SMP, limiting potential rejection, and locking down a consistent supply of *****. Men who are spinning plates, men with options, men with ambition, rarely see cohabiting as anything but a limiting hinderance on their lives. On some level of consciousness women understand this dynamic; guys with options (the Alphas they’d prefer) wouldn’t consider cohabitation. So when a man agrees to, or suggests living together it impresses her with two things – either he’s an Alpha who she’s won over so completely that he’s ready to commit to exclusivity with her, or he’s a beta with no better propositions than to settle into living with what he believes is his ‘sure thing’. What’s jarring for a woman is that she may start her living arrangement thinking she’s found the elusive Alpha ready to commit, only to later find he was just a clever beta who reverts back into his former, comfortable, AFC self after they sign the lease agreement."

The men who women have real desire for would never agree to a cohabitation situation. Women's desire functions best when she has "competition anxiety". When she's living with another man, she has no competition anxiety. When she's in an LTR with a man but living apart, there is some anxiety. He is able to have the illusion of at least having other women over at his place on nights they aren't together. That illusion is enough to make women want to have sex more.

The men who are willing to commit to cohabitation also have more of a beta inclination than an alpha/sigma orientation.

I have never married and never lived with a woman. There was a time where I would have considered those paths but none of my relationships got near that point. I'm glad I never lived with a woman, especially in an unmarried cohabitation situation.

As a man who is more of a sigma male, I am not a good fit for cohabitation and I'm glad I learned that without cohabiting.

He includes the marriage exception but never explains why that magically changes sexual desire.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If you don't keep the sex fresh, the lust will decline over time. Familiarity breeds contempt.

 

[SW15]

He includes the marriage exception but never explains why that magically changes sexual desire.

That's worth an additional discussion. Rollo has also said many times over the years that while his own marriage has worked out (25+ years, no divorce), he does not advocate for that path for the majority of men. That's what has made Rollo different than a tradcon like Matt Walsh or Ben Shapiro.