It seems as though you might be having issues with the dreaded stink of desperation, the worst cologne a man can wear.
You are asking questions relative to superficial surface issues, but I know that when you address fundamentals the concrete issues resolve themselves as if by magic.
I am convinced that all sexual desperation, desperation as in "a nagging, insistent, pervasive, maddening desire for sex", is rooted in one fundamental issue: a man's self-concept and self-esteem. I think desperation for sex is a manifestation of a lack of self-esteem and an inferior self-concept, which drives a man to seek his self-esteem by sleeping with women.
This is a crude attempt to reverse the law of cause and effect. It is well-known that self-esteem leads to sex; but the desperate man seeks sex as a means to achieve self-esteem. Like a sexual vampire or parasite, his unacknowledged premise is that he will achieve self-esteem by having sex. When he scores, he attains a momentary illusion of his goal; but it quickly dissolves, like any fortress built on quicksand, and once again he is beating himself up and running around in circles, seeking the secrets of the unattainable and the impossible, like a mystic alchemist of the dark ages or a dog without a tail.
I speak from experience, of course. I speak in remembrance of all those sunny mornings where I crept away from some girls' apartment feeling like a con man who had succeeded only in conning myself. Know this: your self-esteem is not hers to give you, and you will never find it between a woman's legs.
For a man of self-esteem, sex is a celebration of himself. It is a celebration of his chosen values, recognized in another person, and sex for him is a source of legitimate, genuine, non-contradictory happiness. I do not preach against promiscuousness for the common reason, which is: the notion that sex is evil. I preach against promiscuousness because I think that sex is good, that it is so good that to have sex indiscriminately is to devalue its splendor and to devalue yourself.
For the man of self-esteem, sex is a selfish celebration of himself.
For the man who has no self-esteem, or the man who hates himself and regards himself as a smutty degenerate animal, sex is an act of fraud where he is both defrauder and victim.
By your own free will and volitional consciousness, you possess the power to choose your values, to choose your convictions, to choose your goals, and to decide who you are and what you stand for. That is the battle that must be won before sex can take its place as a source of real joy for you or anyone.
