guh. Need to keep my emotions in check.

[ThunderMaverick]

I've been finding lately I've been emotionally short with the girlfriend. Just being a bit insecure about little things she says that are pretty much innocuous. I find that I always have to talk about the things that bug me emotionally, but I'm really wondering how effective or productive it is.

Maybe it's my living situation or my money situation (it's starting to get much better though) but I find certain things that are said just hurt my feelings a bit. I've told her it has a lot to do with my past (physical, verbal abuse, bullying at school, dysfunctional home life, etc) so it's not like I'm a mental case looking for attention. There are just some deeply rooted gripes that I have with myself and it shouldn't be taken out on her. Makes me look like a lil b!tch as well.


Any tips on how I should overcome my insecurities?

 

[samspade]

Yes - stop taking yourself so seriously. And remember that words are harmless.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Obviously, Brother Thunder, you're feeling something negative from her space.

My guess? Cabin fever. You're feeling the walls close-in on you. You're in a shrinking Shutter Island-esque Hell.

Don't apologize for it. Confront it, admit it, give her the boot, find yourself, then do something that makes you happy.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Samspede, I think you get my problem. I can be a real cynic when it comes to other people, but when others, especially close to me, point certain things out, even in a harmless manner I get touchy. Maybe because I don't like hearing certain bad points about myself. I tend to get in my head that "they're always thinking this about me".


Karma, lol. I love your bluntness, and I know your heart is in the right place. However I know this is a problem that isn't limited to just my GF. It's an ongoing thing with others close to me as well. It also wouldn't be very good for my growth as a person to just cut and run whenever I'm face with a relationship challenge. If I wanted to leave I would. If I felt my growth was being stunted with her I'd leave.

 

[KarmaSutra]

It still seems to stem from a spacial deficiency.

What happens when someone gets too close? You feel as if you're being swallowed alive or is it more of a choking feeling?

I used to feel like this until I let, what I perceived to be, everyone else's perceptions of me aside.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

It still seems to stem from a spacial deficiency.

What happens when someone gets too close? You feel as if you're being swallowed alive or is it more of a choking feeling?

I used to feel like this until I let, what I perceived to be, everyone else's perceptions of me aside.

Which is why maybe I need more time to myself. Leaving because of "spacial deficiency" doesn't seem really affective to me.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Is this that BPD chick?

Hmm define bpd. I'm kind of familiar with it but I don't have clear idea of it.

 

[iqqi]

Hmm define bpd. I'm kind of familiar with it but I don't have clear idea of it.

<hands TM a mirror>































































Hi, Tm! Just kidding! :flowers:

 

[DJDamage]

I've been finding lately I've been emotionally short with the girlfriend. Just being a bit insecure about little things she says that are pretty much innocuous.

It will help to know what she said and how you reacted.

I've told her it has a lot to do with my past (physical, verbal abuse, bullying at school, dysfunctional home life, etc) so it's not like I'm a mental case looking for attention.

Again without knowing, maybe your reaction of being short with your girlfriend is justified based on what she said/did. However that could also be due to the fact you may be putting up with her sh1t, instead of dumping her ass if she is in fact does things to make your relationship/life more difficult.

One thing I must comment on is that you should never put yourself down in front of a woman like you did.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Dammit. I hate not being signed in and seeing the post of a person I blocked.

@Damage - Basically in a nutshell I said I was going to do something and she jokingly said with a smile "no you're not". I said "you really don't believe me?" she again said "no". I proceeded to grill her in the most insecure of ways on it. She finally said, "I was really even being that serious".

The fact is, I knew she wasn't from the beginning. In retrospect I was a total ass for taking a benign comment to an extreme. I wanted her to say something that I wanted to hear and I didn't get it. I have slight control issues that bleed through the defense of my character. I hate being called something I'm not.

The putting down part I understand. I have a lot going for me so far this year and I kind of bring things down when I talk about myself. I guess what's the point of harping on weaknesses we can eventually overcome?

 

[Blah]

TO IQQI

Hey Iqqi, this is completely random, but can I send you a private message? I'd like to ask you something about Pook regarding what you may know about his whereabouts.

Just a few questions, nothing too complicated

If anyone else can give info about Pook (I know about his book and blog) I'd appreciate it.

 

[st_99]

Its tough to truly master your emotions and figure out how to diffuse them and stay calm, but I think that's what the 'keeping the frame' thing is all about. Its being IN control not BEING controlled. Its about leading not being lead generally speaking.

I do this sh*t also and I hate it. I'll get to conversating with some girl and I'll let her words get to me and I can feel myself getting annoyed and sink to her level emotionally. When I should be ABOVE silly conversations that are meaningless and stay in control and have some fun with it knowing 99.9% of what girls say is petty and blows with the wind.