Golden Rules and Personal Boundaries

[starplayer]

Personal Boundaries

I think it’s important that every man has a set of rules that he sticks to when dealing with women. Whether these are internalized or written down, every man has to have personal boundaries and values that he will not compromise for any woman.

One of the main problems with “nice guys” is not that they are supposedly “nice”. No, the thing women really hate about them is that they are spineless and let women walk all over them. They can’t say “No”. They have no personal boundaries. They have no self-respect. Women like jerks because they don’t put up with her sh!t.

I know a lot of guys on here say they’ll never compromise their values for no chick, but let’s be honest; the power of the pvssy can be extremely influential. Once she’s got you on the hook it’s hard not to be addicted, and if you’re emotionally attached as well then you’re really in trouble. You might end up losing your self-respect and rationalizing your behaviour at the time.

This isn’t about getting and keeping the girl (although that might be a good side-effect). This is about guys protecting themselves from the users out there. Yes, some women can be manipulative cold-hearted b!tches but if you don’t learn to stand up to them and walk away then you’re no better than the girl who keeps going back to her abusive jerk boyfriend. She acts like a b!tch to you because she knows she can get away with it.

Women will ALWAYS try and push their boundaries, so it’s very important for the man to know exactly where his boundaries are.





Golden Rules

For instance, these are my personal Golden Rules to turn to in a weak moment when emotion clouds my logical mind. Some of them are from my own from experience and others I’ve found here on the forum. These are based on my values and I know not to break them, no matter what I think is the right decision when I’m dealing with a chick I like. You can use your own variations.

So for me I tell myself, it doesn’t matter how hot she is or how great the sex is or how much you think you might like her:
NEVER hesitate to walk away
NEVER compromise your values
NEVER let yourself get taken for granted
NEVER let her cross your boundaries
NEVER put up with her disrespect / bullsh!t
NEVER ignore your gut
NEVER go back after being cheated on
NEVER go back after being dumped
NEVER rationalize her bad behaviour
NEVER ignore mixed signals / games
NEVER back down / apologize for doing nothing wrong
NEVER ignore red flags
NEVER keep giving validation / attention without getting sex
NEVER spend money / give gifts / do favors without her earning it
NEVER agree to commitment / a relationship easily
NEVER agree to commitment / a relationship with a slvt or unworthy woman
NEVER get mushy / start talking about feelings
NEVER give away complements
NEVER panic and chase after her when she pulls away
NEVER let her see you get jealous
NEVER agree to everything she asks for
NEVER contact twice in a row without a response (maybe ONCE more after a few days)
NEVER ask her again after a flake (unless she really works for it)
NEVER move in with her
NEVER get married (maybe for the right woman, but definitely not before 35)


You might think having all these rules is a bit extreme. The truth is, for an experienced man they are. If you are really good with women then you know you don’t need to stick to a rigid set of rules like these.

However, for newbies and guys who have been taken advantage of by women in the past, having a list of rules like these is essential. Think of them like training wheels to keep you in line until you can internalize them and stand up for yourself properly.





Lesson learned

I learned this the hard way.

I was recently seeing a girl and I let a few of these rules slide, although I didn’t have a proper list then. I was feeling confident and thought she had such high interest in me that I could afford to be a bit more open, let my guard down a bit and let a couple of things slide. The result was a fvcking disaster. I made a thread about it a couple of weeks ago.

I feel sh!t about it now. And it’s not just because I lost the girl, although that does suck. No, the reason I feel sh!t is because I compromised my own values, I let her disrespect me and take me for granted. She tested me, I KNEW it was a test but I still folded. I was strong when I first met her but I had a couple of weak moments and slipped.

I should have stood up for myself and it’s eating away at me inside – she disrespected me and took me for granted because I LET her. At first I thought she was just a b!tch but now I realize I could’ve walked away at any time, but I didn’t because she was hot and I was too busy thinking about getting laid. I gave away my self-respect in the hopes of getting more sex from her – and that’s the worst feeling. She wasn’t the problem, I was. She was just being a woman. She was only reacting to the way I was acting.

And the irony of ironies is she most likely left BECAUSE I let her walk all over me. She lost all respect for me, and therefore all attraction.

NEVER AGAIN





No more Mr. Nice Guy

The sad truth is women are so used to “nice guys” giving them everything they want, that as soon as you show any signs of weakness and giving in they’ll push for even more. Women expect “nice guys” – they are the majority. So when she meets a sexy, masculine confident man she sh!t tests the hell out of him. If you show any signs of being a “nice guy” in the early stages she’ll assume she’s “got you” and try and walk all over you. It’s a slippery slope from then on. Basically, if you give them an inch they’ll take a mile. Even if she has high interest in you she will still test you.

Dealing with women these days is like walking a tightrope. Once you slip, there’s no getting back on. Maybe you can hang on for a while if you’re lucky, but it’s only a matter of time before you lose your grip and fall. This is why it’s SO important to keep your balance in the early stages, because once her respect is gone, it’s gone.

New and inexperienced guys need to have something to keep them in place and stop them straying when their emotions for a woman get too strong, or she manipulates them with sex. I’m sure it’s happened to all of us at one time or another.

So you set these rules before you meet the woman and stick to them. You have to be careful because in that moment when the power of the pvssy has you in its grip, it’s very tempting to make excuses for why this situation is “different” and go and break your rules.

Also, more guys need to learn how to walk away from a bad situation. When you’re getting used and abused by a woman WALK AWAY and don’t look back. It’s always hardest the first time you have to do this with a woman but it gets easier. It will hurt but it’s like ripping off a band-aid and you’ll be better off in the long run. But when things are obviously going wrong Eject mothafvcka! Eject!

Never put yourself in a situation where you can’t drop her at a moments notice (don’t mess with women at work, don’t move in or get married unless you know for 110% certain she can be trusted and even then be careful). If you have to, you need to be able to get the fvck out of there!

 

[starplayer]

Scared of losing her?

There is a chance you will lose a woman or two having rules like these, but look at it this way.

Take this example. Say a chick cancels a date at the last minute. She reassures you and says she still wants to see you another day though.

She is either:
A) Not interested
B) Testing you
C) Actually busy (very unlikely)

But the rule says NEVER ask her again after a flake (unless she really works for it).

So what happens if you follow the rule?
Either:
A) You will lose a girl who is not interested. (No big deal)
B) You will pass her test. (She will now respect your time more)
C) She will contact you and make it up to you because she was actually busy

What happens if you don’t follow the rule and instead continue to pursue her as before, encouraged by her words that she’s still interested?
Either:
A) You will be chasing after an uninterested girl (Not good, not good at all)
B) You will fail her test (She will now respect your time less and think it’s ok to flake)
C) She was actually busy so it doesn’t really matter

So you can see what the best path to take is. If she’s interested she WILL make it up to you, unless she’s ridiculously stubborn but then who wants her anyway.



FYI, the girl I was seeing actually pulled this stunt on me. She cancelled last minute but reassured me she still wanted to see me. It shocked me but I waited a week and asked her again and she enthusiastically agreed and followed through with it. She was testing me – I failed. She was still interested afterwards but it wasn’t the same and when we met it wasn’t very good. I was even more spineless and she was even more b!tchy, she sh!t tested me like crazy and I kept failing. I’d devalued myself in her eyes and it was all downhill from there.

The annoying thing is, I had that gut feeling. It was a MASSIVE red flag. As soon as she cancelled alarm bells started ringing “She’s testing me!” “She’s testing her boundaries!”. For a few days I was like “fvck this b!tch, who does she think she is, she better work for me”. I knew what I had to do.

But I had a weak moment and caved and now I really regret it and wish I hadn’t. I made excuses for her behaviour “she’s playing hard to get” “she just doesn’t want me to take her for granted, etc.”. PATHETIC. She should’ve had to work for me but I didn’t even give her the chance to. I turned spineless and needy and it makes me cringe just thinking about it.

NEVER AGAIN



I feel too embarrassed to ever see that girl again for the rest of my life after that night. I didn’t beg for her back and I’m moving on so at least I’ve kept some of my dignity. I also learned an important lesson.





So…….

- Have your own set of Golden Rules based on your own values.
- Internalize them.
- Never break them.

Everyone should also take a look at this thread which is very inspirational.

Remember, if you don’t respect yourself then she definitely won’t respect you, and if she doesn’t respect you then she’ll definitely never love you.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Personal Boundaries One of the main problems with “nice guys” is not that they are supposedly “nice”. No, the thing women really hate about them is that they are spineless and let women walk all over them. They can’t say “No”. They have no personal boundaries. They have no self-respect. Women like jerks because they don’t put up with her sh!t.

Some women can be manipulative cold-hearted b!tches but if you don’t learn to stand up to them and walk away then you’re no better than the girl who keeps going back to her abusive jerk boyfriend. She acts like a b!tch to you because she knows she can get away with it.


Women will ALWAYS try and push their boundaries, so it’s very important for the man to know exactly where his boundaries are.

Perfect. Nice guys lose respect because they show weakness by being walked over. They consider the girl the prize and they, the suplicants. Actually I think both are the prizes, and we are just a little more of course!! lol. Don´t forget to BACK IT UP WITH ACTIONS, only think you are is not enough. You must be, act, and feel it, otherwise you´ll show incongruency (aka "fakeness").

I had a huge problem with boundaries and didn´t even know. Later I would feel resentful and didn´t know why, like I was not in charge of my life, or as DD says "You have an external locus of control". In this mode, we react instead of act.

With psycho girls, we are even more damaged because they are expert boundaries pushers/destroyers more than any other kind of girl. If you´re strong they will either resent you because they can´t suck you dry or will admire you. They probe you and scan you for weak spots where they can later use it to their own purposes. The weaker you are, the easier your "doors can be opened" at will. The irony here is that these girls can be a blessing in disguise if you´re smart enough to see where she´s pushing you (you feel tense, anxious, etc). Most of the times we are not even aware of our weak spots. I like the analogy of the phoenix that returns from the ashes every time he is destroyed, the same manoeuvre doesn´t work with him anymore, as he is wise enough to see right through it.

It´s interesting how some people are practically intact after an encounter with a psycho (vampire) while others are left in shambles/broken/outgunned. What lies in the first group?

Awareness
Streetsmarts (Experience/Game)
Strong Frame
Strong Boundaries
Non-needing State
Options
Values

*Most of the times these girls are not even that great, it´s only how they present themselves, they´re expert marketers. Tactics are shallow, they can´t compensate for a weak frame or boundary. If you´re weak in any one of these "doors", the girl will enter and it will be GAME OVER.

Sensitive is good, but oversensitive means there are holes in your boundary.

 

[Park]

great post man.. respect your values, always no matter what!

 

[Radninja]

As Rollo pointed out, girls shi!t testing is as subcoucious for them as guys looking at girls' boobs. They are testing you because they are attracted to you and want to make sure you can meet her needs. She wants to see your power in effect that can give her security and excitement.

I was recently in the same boat as OP. I let a few things slide, then contacted her multiple times, and got bitter at her when she flaked. Totally ****ed up and no way to regain the frame. And the only reason for this is that I was too stressed with other stuff in my life to dedicate a few moments to properly evaluate her interest and the necessary path forward. I'm still having trouble in forgiving myself for this. But it was damn good and harsh learning exparience. She is a high quality girl too. You live and learn, sometimes the hard way.

 

[Allurre]

Excellent contribution.

Always have your own personal standards crystal-clearly set. Don't ever tolerate with a woman's bullsh*t, and always prioritize a woman's personality, character, morality OVER ***** -- that is if you are vouching for a meaningful relationship.

 

[Nutz]

This is a great thread for setting boundaries and expectations, as well as the consequences of what happens when a woman doesn't meet your standards and expectations of behavior.