Glass 1/2 Full/Empty, Zen & Indifference

[tincanman99]

Here is something I have been thinking about for a long time. I read this once - how you feel about a particular event or item is largely determined by how you react to it with your emotions.

In other words your reaction/emotions control how you feel. Instead of letting it be that way, why not control your reaction/emotions to a particular event.

Here is a particular example, you ask a girl out, she says no. You have a choice to roll with it (be indifferent) or you can be angry about it. Its largely up to you, not her.

Its like that thing about the glass being half full or half empty. Same glass, same water - how you look at it will largely determine how you feel about it.

I decided to break a pattern that I have with chicks. Usually when they do something I dont like (ie. reject me, aggravate me, etc) I have a very bad habit of cutting them out of my life.

I decided in the future I am not going to run away nor cut them off. I am going to act like nothing happened and go about my business. Its not for the purpose of getting them but rather for the purpose of me changing.

I know that with Zen in particular they teach you that indifference and detachment are key.

Why not apply this to women. Instead of getting mad or upset when they turn you down, it just is. Its not bad or good. It just is.

Of course its easier said than done like most things. But what I have realized is that the more you get tied up in the actual outcome of an event will determine how you react to it.

 

[Tiguere]

Hitler was a master zen. The guy murdered millions and was able to do it by rationalizing his emotions and controlling/manipulating his feelings.

Careful with that road my friend always leads to dehumanization.

 

[Betamax]

Hitler was a master zen. The guy murdered millions and was able to do it by rationalizing his emotions and controlling/manipulating his feelings.

Careful with that road my friend always leads to dehumanization.

The dark side is in us all... but as long as we know the difference between the light and dark - "it just is" is okay







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[bigneil]

This sounds like Confident Persistence which I like. As opposed to the Two Strike rule which is pretty extreme though also logical in many cases.

I've found that women follow a sinusoidal (wave) path in terms of their behavior. High, low, high, low etc.

Men follow a linear path.

A lot of times men try and battle women on their low points (a disaster) - but you are better off just ignoring them during low points and let them naturally normalize. Know that they will return to their high points later and just enjoy them when they do.

This means when they don't text you or call back, just wait until they do.

 

[rocket87]

Careful with that road my friend

I would be careful with making this a big "life change" - As Tiguere said, it is a scary road because you are giving up a lot of emotion and it can easily become the path of least resistance to just stop caring when you should in reality be taking action/feeling emotions in certain situations.

This isn't specific, but an easy example is simply standing up for yourself if someone does something you don't like. It could be whatever.. Rejection, close friend does something you really disagree with, etc. It IS smartest to just move on and be non-reactive, but this doesn't mean just stand there and pretend it never happened; it means to take it with a grain of salt, and contain your feelings and emotions to your inner self without showing weakness (reading back through this after writing it reminds me of the word "zen") You know what I mean? Pretending it never happened in front of this person could be interpreted as a major sign of weakness and it could lead to you being taken advantage of in the future. (I'm not looking to debate this example, just giving you a heads up on what I feel you should avoid - It's intentionally broad).

Think about it.

Oh also, cutting people out of your life is NOT A BAD habit IMO. It is an extremely strong and powerful gesture and takes a logical approach at relationships (men and women relationships/friendships); this is considering you are doing it for legitimate, *thought-out* reasons. So, like you said, if a girl hurts your psyche by rejection or aggravation and does not have good intentions in doing so, why not remove them from your life? Why give them that power to do it again? Screw em. You deserve to associate with better people. Case in point, if someone screws you over, being able to drop them is invaluable. This works the exact same for men and women.

 

[tincanman99]

Article On This Site: Zen & Chicks

http://www.sosuave.com/halloffame/hall231.htm

Zen and Chicks

by GiveMePoontang

"What is Zen?" you may be thinking right now. Or possibly "How can Zen help me score?" Regardless of what you’re thinking, I guarantee that applying Zen to your life will have you literally knee-deep in females in no time.

First, let me briefly explain a little bit about Zen for those who are new to it.

Zen is short for Zen Buddhism. It is sometimes called a religion and sometimes called a philosophy. Choose whichever term you prefer; it simply doesn’t matter. Asking the question "What is Zen" basically can only have an answer that would make sense if the question was phrased as "What is the essence of Zen?"

Historically, the essence of Zen has been explained in seemingly mundane statements and questions like "Wash your bowl" or "Have you eaten yet?" The question cuts right to the heart of the matter and can only be answered by you. Perhaps the best answer is "practice".

When I first discovered this discussion board I noticed a common thread that ran through all the advice being given by the DJs... from tips like "Wait 5-7 days before calling" to "Don’t seem too needy."

It became clear to me after awhile that the common thread running through the DJ tips seemed to be non-attachment. The more a guy tries to get a particular girl, the more his efforts seem to actually repel her. Conversely, the more un-attached a guy is to the woman, the more attracted she will be to him.

This is Zen.

Many of you have probably witnessed this in everyday without even knowing it. Pay attention to what common aspects the guys who pull the most chicks have. By and large, they have a non-attachment to the girls that they get. If they lose one chick she can be easily replaced, therefore there is no need to worry.

On the other hand, the guys who obsess over getting a certain girl and make her the center of their universe will unquestioningly fail in getting her. What is going on here? I think a Zen Story would be good here in order to explain non-attachment in concrete terms:

There is an ancient Zen story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

"May be," said the farmer.

What quality does the farmer demonstrate throughout the story?

Non-attachment. He doesn’t care about all the ideas, opinions, etc. of his neighbors because he knows that in the greater scheme of things what they have to say is simply insignificant.

Understand this and apply it to your dealings with females. Never get too interested in any one girl.

Perhaps another story is in order to further drive this home:

During the civil wars in feudal Japan, an invading army would quickly sweep into a town and take control. In one particular village, everyone fled just before the army arrived - everyone except the Zen master.

Curious about this old fellow, the general went to the temple to see for himself what kind of man this master was. When he wasn’t treated with the deference and submissiveness to which he was accustomed, the general burst into anger.

"You fool," he shouted as he reached for his sword, "don’t you realize you are standing before a man who could run you through without blinking an eye!"

But despite the threat, the master seemed unmoved. "And do you realize," the master replied calmly, "that you are standing before a man who can be run through without blinking an eye?" At this the general bowed sheepishly and left the temple immediately.

Think about that story. Think about the quality that the master demonstrates in his comment. Take this to heart and apply it to your life.

Once you begin to understand Zen and you start to see it at work, you will realize just how easy it is to get women and you will be guaranteed to get tons of them.

I encourage all the DJs to learn as much as they can about Zen and try to actually apply it to your life. I guarantee that will give you much insight into how to succeed with women. I will leave you with this:

Three points to consider in practice:

1) The situation is not other than your mind.

2) Your mind does not choose the situation, but through practice can choose how it’s realized.

3) Any situation with a chick you want can be realized as an opportunity and be guided to the outcome you want.

 

[bigneil]

Great repost ticanman99

 

[dudewut]

I still cant wrap my head around what ticanman99 said, like what am I supposed to do then? How should I approach life? Just let it go?

Also, how does one pursue and be indifferent at the same time?