Ex Texted After 19 days No Contact.

[spax]

So.....19 days ago my Ex of 7 years dumped me. We had been doing long distance for the past 10 months and had experienced some issues.

You can read the story here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=221742

Anyway, after she dumped me, I didn't beg or plead for her back, I just went silent. Not a word from me or her.

Today she texts me "Hey, I hope you've been well. I'm coming to town in 3 weeks....maybe we could meet for coffee or something and talk."

I have not responded. I'm not sure if I want her back, or want to move on. I'm torn between the two.

Regardless, what do you think the intention of her wanting to meet is? So she can feel less guilty for dumping me? To re-affirm her decision was right to dump me? To boost her ego? Or just to get me talking to her again now?

How should I respond....if at all....? And....should I meet her?

 

[In2theGame]

Honestly, As many others will tell you the same.... If she dumps you and comes around to "talk", You have to ask yourself "What exactly does she want to talk about since she dumped me?". My guess is she wants to see how your holding up emotionally and to see if her dumping you is making you miserable. Its a fvcked up way to look at it but it seems women WANT you to be miserable in a pile of sh*t so it makes them feel better about their ego. Im not sure why but thats how it seems. In your case, I skimmed over your original thread and it seems another guy was in the picture, Also she was acting like your a stranger? I know its not an easy thing to do because your curiosity will drive you to answer her or meet up with her but i think its best you stay hush on this one. I know 7 years is a long time, Ive been through similar with 5 years, so i can understand, its hard to pull away and stay away. I vote for staying no contact to save yourself some emotional turmoil because it looks like thats all this girl is going to bring to you at this point.

 

[Meisterman]

She just wants an ego boost and confirmation that she made the right decision. If I were you I wouldn't respond. Nothing good can come from it. It's like a recovering addict who is still taking hits of a drug once every week or so. You just gotta know when it's time to cut it cold turkey, for your own health. In her perspective, this is about HER, not you. SHE wants to make HERSELF feel better so that is why she invited you. I would either ignore or politely decline.

 

[elykdavid]

You're joking me right? The point of no contact is to actively work on increasing your SMV so you can go **** ten other women. I hate to break it to you man, but she was cheating on you. 100%. I read your other thread and it confirmed my suspicions.

The reason she texted you: 1. Seek emotional validation. 2. Secure as many beta bux as she can while she's getting her alpha fux.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Good move, not responding. That strikes me as an obvious feeler text - she wants to know where she stands in relation to you, if she has you in her back pocket or not. Notice the lack of urgency in what she wrote to you. So she wants to "talk"? About??? She wants a front row, up close and personal viewing of how you're handling the break up, that's what she wants - standing ovation and an "encore!!! encore!!" if you break down and start crying in front of her.

I'll tell you this much - in case somewhere in the back of your mind you're wondering whether or not this is her first move to get back with you, I can confidently tell you, it is not, and in the unlikely scenario that it is, I can confidently say to that that it's just not worth it. Long distance, she broke up with you ....no no no, let this one go man. You're doing great so far, sticking to your guns. Your top priority should be to heal and get back on your feet. Will meeting up with her help you achieve that? Absolutely not.

Also, briefly entertain for the moment the possibility of her flaking on you should you agree to meet up. Worse still, what if you do meet up, and she seizes the opportunity to put it in your face that she's seeing someone else, all under the guise of "oh, just wanted to talk, meet up, that's all..."? You really stand more to lose than to gain from responding and certainly from meeting up with her. If I were you, I'd treat that text as if it got lost in the ether, and you yourself with it.

 

[GS750]

Ahh the "hope you're doing well" text from the ex. I'm familiar with it. It's bullsh*t. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her manipulation. Her intentions are selfish, take that to the bank. And the "maybe we can talk" text. More bullsh*t. If you reply I'd say "doing great, thanks" and make no mention of meeting up. That'll get her hamster spinning. Or better yet you could just not reply at all and let silence be your answer. You owe her nothing.


Edit: I reread the original thread, I remember this one. This chick was very likely cheating on you. Maybe her situation with "Dave" didn't work out and now she's having regrets. Or Dave saw her for what she is. But you still owe her nothing.

 

[mikey2012]

Just don't reply . That will wind her up. But it seems like you still care that's why you are posting here.

She just wants to see how you are coping without her. If you don't care this will demonstrate you have a higher value than her. She will wonder why you aren't upset etc. She's just seeking validation . You can reverse psych her by saying I'm not doing ok since you left me.. Etc . Beg and plead for her to come back. After which you will never hear from her again .

 

[Trump]

So.....19 days ago my Ex of 7 years dumped me. We had been doing long distance for the past 10 months and had experienced some issues.

Anyway, after she dumped me, I didn't beg or plead for her back, I just went silent. Not a word from me or her.

Today she texts me "Hey, I hope you've been well. I'm coming to town in 3 weeks....maybe we could meet for coffee or something and talk."

I have not responded. I'm not sure if I want her back, or want to move on. I'm torn between the two.

Regardless, what do you think the intention of her wanting to meet is?

So she can feel less guilty for dumping me?
To re-affirm her decision was right to dump me?
To boost her ego?
Or just to get me talking to her again now?

How should I respond....if at all....? And....should I meet her?

No way in hell you respond bro. You didn't react the way she wanted you to and now she needs an ego fix and validation she did the right thing.

She tells you go to hell because she wants another guy inside of her. Then expects you to forget all that because she feels like it. Weak :nono:

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I'd like to add: Anytime a girl I used to date has hit me up after weeks/months of "no contact," even if we don't end up lasting long-term I'm usually able to get a few more hook-ups out of them. Part of the reason they're contacting you is because they're seeking validation, attention, and wanting to be desired; however, if you decide to go to the meet-up and act like your life is fine without them, they'll usually stick around long enough to prove to themselves they're still desired by you, even if it means sleeping with you again. No, this doesn't mean you two will get back together (nor should it), BUT it IS a situation where, since she'll only be in town for a little while, she'd probably be cool to be physical with you temporarily.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Regardless, what do you think the intention of her wanting to meet is? So she can feel less guilty for dumping me? To re-affirm her decision was right to dump me? To boost her ego? Or just to get me talking to her again now?

How should I respond....if at all....? And....should I meet her?

Focus on YOUR own intentions, and YOUR own goals (rather than pondering how to respond to her whim of the moment).

When you are clear on YOUR intentions, the actions to support YOUR goals are clear.

 

[Alvafe]

I'd like to add: Anytime a girl I used to date has hit me up after weeks/months of "no contact," even if we don't end up lasting long-term I'm usually able to get a few more hook-ups out of them. Part of the reason they're contacting you is because they're seeking validation, attention, and wanting to be desired; however, if you decide to go to the meet-up and act like your life is fine without them, they'll usually stick around long enough to prove to themselves they're still desired by you, even if it means sleeping with you again. No, this doesn't mean you two will get back together (nor should it), BUT it IS a situation where, since she'll only be in town for a little while, she'd probably be cool to be physical with you temporarily.

I agree he can get some extra quick sex, but the question is, will that be worth the hassle?

if he move on he would already have someone else or at least some prospects, and I always ask this why waste time on her? wanting or not don't matter how much time you spend together and know each other, fact is on this case she ended everything with him.

 

[Meisterman]

I'd like to add: Anytime a girl I used to date has hit me up after weeks/months of "no contact," even if we don't end up lasting long-term I'm usually able to get a few more hook-ups out of them. Part of the reason they're contacting you is because they're seeking validation, attention, and wanting to be desired; however, if you decide to go to the meet-up and act like your life is fine without them, they'll usually stick around long enough to prove to themselves they're still desired by you, even if it means sleeping with you again. No, this doesn't mean you two will get back together (nor should it), BUT it IS a situation where, since she'll only be in town for a little while, she'd probably be cool to be physical with you temporarily.

If this girl is willing to cheat on her new bf and fvck him again after she already dumped him and got a new BF, you can bet she was fvcking that dude from work for months probably before she actually dumped OP. I wouldn't even bother if I were OP. They were together SEVEN years. They've sexed enough. Time to find new plates.

 

[Cremasta]

Don't do it!

I would only ever meet up with an ex for 'coffee' when I knew in my heart that I was absolutely 100% over them.

Unless you walked in on her fvcking your dad, you're nowhere near 100% over her 19 days after a 7 year relationship.

I'd be tempted to text back "Who's this?", but however it pans out, make sure you decline the offer.

 

[salinechow]

The quality of the advice here never ceases to amaze me. Spax, listen to these guys. I agree with everything each one of them say.
1. 19 days is not long enough to be over her.
2.Yes. You probably can get sex out of her but it will not be worth it. Chaos will ensue.
3. DO NOT text her back... However, and I hope others weigh in here before you take my advice...
1a.I was thinking you could set up the meeting and flake.
2a.Have a hot girl-friend run into you at the coffee shop
3a.Send your dad and see if they hit it off. As Cremasta suggested that would definitely get you over her in an expedited way.

My real advice though is this. You have to set clear boundaries in life or you will end up hurt and rudderless.

If a chick ever mentioned calling the authorities on me (especially while I was 5hrs from home) I would never speak to her again for any reason. BPD!

I would make it a prioritized mission to have sex with some other girl right away before this chick gets to town. You need that just in case you cave you go in knowing you still got game. It will help with indifferance.

Best advice has already been given though. Never speak to her again. I was just giving alternate 2cents.

 

[Starfvcks 64]

I am cosigning everybody who says to not text back.
Girls almost always try to keep in contact, stay "friends" with their exes for many reasons, but ultimately it breaks down to her wanting her cake, and eating it too.
You could probably turn it into more sex, but that isn't what is in your best interest right now. Even if she still had feelings for you, you would never be able to get back the original spark when things were fresh and fun between the two of you. There will always be the memories of the ****ed up and bad aspects of the relationship, which neither of you will be able to forget or truly forgive.
The best option is to not respond, and feel confident you are acting in your best interest. There will always be a “what if” no matter what option you choose, which is why your best option is always what’s in your best interest. In this case it’s finding the strength to move on into the future. Let the past be the past.

I've been in your position before, and I never texted back. Sometimes I still wonder what may have happened if I did, but I am glad I didn't. I was able to move on and let her be, and she did the same. To try to insert myself in her life now, after all this time apart, all the experiences i’ve had, and personal gains / losses i’ve taken would be a huge failure, and set back.

Getting back with an ex is like replaying your favorite video game - the one you remember spending hours playing, unlocking all the characters, finding all the secrets - and being disappointed because it just isn’t as fun as it was when you were a kid playing it for the first time. Compared to the newer games it's just a disjointed and constricting mess.

 

[LondonTowers]

OP.. I would consider changing your number. I know it sounds extreme. But it could do wonders for you moving on. You will receive no more baiting and emotionally it will put a full stop on the situation. You can move on without thinking if that next text is from her. She could send you something that spirals you and makes you want to respond. All this can be removed and the space can be created for you to heal and move on. It will also send her a powerful message to her that you are done.

 

[dk1990S111]

OP I think you get the point that nobody will tell you it is a good choice to respond. I was in kinda the same situation as you (only my relationship was only 4 years) and I wish I would have known about this site and asked this question when my ex started contacting me after leaving me. I did respond, and I fvcked her off and on for about a month before she decided that she was done with that. Was it worth the extra fvcks? Nope. I had to start all over getting over her. Live and learn, in this case take it from the guys who have been there done that.

 

[asa_don]

anybody who goes back to an ex for sex after she dumped and humliated you is a huge beta with no other options.

 

[GS750]

Block her or change your number. She cheated. Therefore, she is not worth your time.

 

[mikey2012]

Don't underestimate the lowness and cuckoldness of the modern man . Some will ask a cheater to come back.