Envy

[Fruitbat]

Here’s an admission. Beat me up as appropriate:

Ive worked very hard and achieved quite a lot for what I was born with. I’m not here to brag, but I make good money and career has been a success. I make significantly more than most people I’m friends with.

As I hit 40s, my friends are getting inheritances. Now, naturally it’s sad to lose parents and relatives. However - I will too, it’s a moot point.

Some of these folks have immediately become as wealthy, and in some cases, 2 or 3 times as wealthy as me. They now have the option of brilliant experiences, privately educating their children, taking an easier working pattern. I have to pedal harder, like I’ve always had to.

I’ve responded by just making myself better, and that’s all I can do. I stand to inherit nothing.

It is very hard not to become envious or resentful. I’ve done everything right, and I’ll struggle to ever be as superficially successful. Sure, I’ve done it in my own right but that’s not what matters. I am still slaving for a mortgage, getting stressed, while others can enjoy the good life. You only get one life and it seems largely dictated by good fortune.

There’s no real solution to this other than try to contain my resentment and to try to do the same for my children. However, it sucks. It’s hard to not feel like there’s no point. what matters at the end of the day in this world is money and it doesn’t matter how you get it.

Life isn’t fair, no matter how many times I tell myself this, it doesn’t get any easier. I do wonder how people with this good fortune feel about it, I mean, do they feel ashamed of it, or rightfully feel entitled? I suppose they are just enjoying it.

I used to think “aha, don’t worry because I’m gonna be so successful in the end I’ll prove I can do it alone” but I can’t. There’s people in my social circle who will always have a better life and they’ve done nothing to merit it, and it bugs me.

it’s not like I begrudge them of it, I’d just like the same too. This is merely a venting of frustration but it would be nice if people acknowledged those who’ve had to earn it but nobody does really. People don’t question the guy in the brand new Beamer, even though he could be a lucky loser, whereas the guy behind him in the older model had to crawl through glass to get that.

tough world, buckle up and all that but it’s depressing. That’s all, cheers, I’ll cry into my coffee more. :-(

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I used to think “aha, don’t worry because I’m gonna be so successful in the end I’ll prove I can do it alone” but I can’t. There’s people in my social circle who will always have a better life and they’ve done nothing to merit it, and it bugs me.

I guess you still believe in 'fairness'.

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[jaygreenb]

Here’s an admission. Beat me up as appropriate:

Ive worked very hard and achieved quite a lot for what I was born with. I’m not here to brag, but I make good money and career has been a success. I make significantly more than most people I’m friends with.

As I hit 40s, my friends are getting inheritances. Now, naturally it’s sad to lose parents and relatives. However - I will too, it’s a moot point.

Some of these folks have immediately become as wealthy, and in some cases, 2 or 3 times as wealthy as me. They now have the option of brilliant experiences, privately educating their children, taking an easier working pattern. I have to pedal harder, like I’ve always had to.

I’ve responded by just making myself better, and that’s all I can do. I stand to inherit nothing.

It is very hard not to become envious or resentful. I’ve done everything right, and I’ll struggle to ever be as superficially successful. Sure, I’ve done it in my own right but that’s not what matters. I am still slaving for a mortgage, getting stressed, while others can enjoy the good life. You only get one life and it seems largely dictated by good fortune.

There’s no real solution to this other than try to contain my resentment and to try to do the same for my children. However, it sucks. It’s hard to not feel like there’s no point. what matters at the end of the day in this world is money and it doesn’t matter how you get it.

Life isn’t fair, no matter how many times I tell myself this, it doesn’t get any easier. I do wonder how people with this good fortune feel about it, I mean, do they feel ashamed of it, or rightfully feel entitled? I suppose they are just enjoying it.

I used to think “aha, don’t worry because I’m gonna be so successful in the end I’ll prove I can do it alone” but I can’t. There’s people in my social circle who will always have a better life and they’ve done nothing to merit it, and it bugs me.

it’s not like I begrudge them of it, I’d just like the same too. This is merely a venting of frustration but it would be nice if people acknowledged those who’ve had to earn it but nobody does really. People don’t question the guy in the brand new Beamer, even though he could be a lucky loser, whereas the guy behind him in the older model had to crawl through glass to get that.

tough world, buckle up and all that but it’s depressing. That’s all, cheers, I’ll cry into my coffee more. :-(

The people you are looking at and comparing probably aren't living as carefree, happy and easy as you perceive them to be. You only really see the side they are presenting to the world. On the other side you seem to be doing vastly better than the majority of people out there. Not sure why someone would feel embarrassed if their parents did well. Would you want your child to feel that way about you if you worked hard to give them a comfortable life? Do you feel ashamed or embarrassed being born in a western country as opposed to poverty in a 3rd world country?

Might be hard, but it is completely wasted energy to spend it on comparing what you have to others. There are always going to be people doing better and worse no matter where you are in life. Focus on what you can be grateful for as opposed to what is lacking would be my only advice

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Perhaps you are using the wrong things to measure success in life?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Fwiw, my loser of a dad was estranged from his rich a55hole of a father his entire life and b1tched non stop about the man. He probably told me a thousand times if he ever inherited anything he would give it to me. Then when the 90 y/o was on his death bed, my dad stopped talking to me and kissed ass to his dying dad enough to get his money. Now the guy who was broke all his life has millions and won't talk to his only son. It's like he became his a55hole father as soon as he got his money. Like the demon in the old movie Fallen, it passes from one man to another.

 

[Deranged]

Wats the old saying? Comparison is the thief of joy..or something like that.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

He probably told me a thousand times if he ever inherited anything he would give it to me.

Anyone who promises money that isn't his to begin with is untrustworthy.
Take it as a lesson in life to not wait for other people's fortune to fall into your lap. Make your own fortune.

 

[jaygreenb]

Fwiw, my loser of a dad was estranged from his rich a55hole of a father his entire life and b1tched non stop about the man. He probably told me a thousand times if he ever inherited anything he would give it to me. Then when the 90 y/o was on his death bed, my dad stopped talking to me and kissed ass to his dying dad enough to get his money. Now the guy who was broke all his life has millions and won't talk to his only son. It's like he became his a55hole father as soon as he got his money. Like the demon in the old movie Fallen, it passes from one man to another.

Money just magnifies the type of person you already are, good and bad. Ex, A dbag becomes a bigger dbag. A generous person becomes more generous. Can be hard coming to terms with that with your parents, I got a pretty dysfunctional family too lol

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

As somebody who has enjoyed a very privileged life, that being carried by what those before me were able to create and gather, but as well by women who paid my bills and showered me with attention I definitely was not deserving of, I can attest to one thing, that money does not change who you are or the choices you make, but rather just allows a greater depth of risk and consequence.

For example, if you look at children who inherit businesses, you see that 50% of them simply run the business into the ground, regardless of how sustainable or profitable the business may of been before.

My buddy for example was given a million dollars, liquid cash and burned through it all in under 6 months because that's all he ever did with his own money, he didn't know any better, he just did what he always did.

Mike Tyson on his podcast made a great observation, that when you hate yourself, you don't enjoy the money you have, all you do is end up giving it away to people that do in some form or another and that is so true.

These people, some will be able to catch themselves before the fall and adjust, but the vast majority will simply apply this money to the same line of thinking they were in before they had the money, which led them to be broke in the first place.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Anyone who promises money that isn't his to begin with is untrustworthy.

Like governments?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Like governments?

They are certainly not excluded.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Good post. The quicker you realize life isn't fair, the more accountability you take and start working on ways to get what you want.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Life is not fair. It is what it is. I grew up in a very affluent area with great wealth all around me however my parents, although both with law degrees, never managed money well. They didn’t understand basic financial principles and were rather stingy, which repels wealth. So some of my classmates drove Porches and BMWs etc in high school. One kid drove a Maserati. They all dressed expensively and had generally nicer homes & things than our family. But my extended family were all millionaires to greater or lesser degree and that was normal. Affluence was normal in my world.

But nobody gave me anything except my father paid for undergrad. I put that to good use & got two bachelors degrees in vastly different fields in a 4 year span. I interned as a senior and then the week after graduation from college went full time to work.

No traveling Europe for a year, no lavish vacations, nothing. I had no debt and other than college no help. I know close girlfriends whose families bought them first homes, and I don’t mean basic starter homes either, I mean homes that are now pushing 1M in value. In trust so they can’t lose it in a divorce. Stuff like that. Parents who upgrade their adult children’s cars every few years, cash. Lifestyle.

And of course I could have leveraged my beauty like so many women do for the right connections, for lifestyle. I didn’t. Believe me there have been days where I thought, Gee. Should I have sold out to the doctor or lawyer or wealthy guy for an easy/ different life? Did I make an error? All my sisters were able to be full time moms & drop out of the workforce for years whilst their kids were young. Not me. I took off 7-8 weeks after each birth (surgical C sections X 3) and so 4 weeks after being literally cut in half I was on a plane for business traveling, usually with a breast pump. I’d ship milk home on dry ice via FedEx. Not kidding. I afforded my husband staying home after his business failed. Did that seem fair? Nope.

My stepmom stole as much as she could from my father as he lay dying. 400K, which split 4 ways is 100K each. Vapid terrible woman in the end who got everything my father intended her to have and about 2/3 of what he meant to leave my sisters and I. I don’t have nuts but that was a kick in the nuts to be sure. Bitterness doesn’t help. It’s gone.

You can’t fret over these things @Fruitbat. There’s always someone with much more. Like you everything I have I worked my guts out for, I sacrificed so much.

Be grateful. Be happy for your friends and those more fortunate. Fortunes can change in an instant for worse too. The struggle teaches you things your Insta millionaire friends haven’t had to learn. Be grateful for the struggle, be grateful for your family. I’m looking into investing some of my modest wealth into a home for each kid once they settle on where. I’ve bought them cars & taught them everything I can; everything they are willing to hear.

It’s all you can do.

I will say this. In time you need to reward yourself for working your ass off. I collect art, which I enjoy, I like good jewelry. Now I enjoy a car most people can only dream of. And *I* did it. It wasn’t given to me. Blood sweat & tears I earned it.

It’s a good feeling. Adopt a grateful attitude my friend. You are doing well. From one bootstrapper to another, I feel you.

Now go kiss that wife who loves you and cuddle your little girl. That is what matters. The rest is just stuff.

 

[zekko]

As I hit 40s, my friends are getting inheritances.

I think I'm older than you, so I'm seeing a lot of this. My parents were dirt poor, but they stayed together and raised me well, for which I am grateful. I never got any sort of inheritance to speak of, nor did I expect any. I built my own wealth so I could retire early. And I see people who got large inheritances also. The way I look at it, this is God taking care of them. I know a lot of older people who really should be barely surviving, but somehow they get enough to get by. They have children who put money in their bank accounts, or as has been said, they inherit a windfall.

I have the satisfaction of knowing that I earned my own money, and built my own means to live out my years. In the end, I find that more satisfying than just having it handed to me, as fun as that sounds. I wouldn't change places with them. As I said, I just look at it as God taking care of them in His own way, just as He did with me. I feel privileged that I was allowed to earn the money.

Another thing I have always thought when someone else got a big raise or something, which wards off envy. And that is that their good fortune doesn't take any money out of my pocket, so I just try to be happy for them.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Instead of being envious of what you don't have, be thankful of what you do have and that you don't have serious issues to deal with.

Anytime I find myself in this situation I remember back when I listened to a speaker once say that if you got a group of random people in a room, gave them a sheet of paper and told them to write down all their problems, fold them up, put them in a basket and pass them around so you drew a random sheet out you'd find out 2 things:

The first is that everyone has problems.

The second is that you would likely be very glad you had the problems you had and not the ones you were staring at in front of you.

70% of the world subsists on under $900 a month, doesn't have access to electricity 24 hours a day or doesn't have running water.

You have it pretty good even if you don't see it.

 

[rench]

I subsist on 900$ a month, rent & stuff paid. It was all i was able to get. This is an obelisk(u take it thru ur own eyes): i made my gfs billionaires (who i havent talked to in a year); i'm running an empire off 900$/month and obviously the underbelly found out.
I've worked w; through a broker; the elite.
And now (it's subsided) facing an impossible legal situation based on fraud (someone tried to kill me then sued me). They got some ****ty settlement, i finished probation-but no way to piece my career together (legally)
Just taking it one step at a time
Edit: my thing was I get paid last (didnt know the criminal underground would target me)
Edit 2(to not be one of THOSE *******s): at the end i didnt want it. Yeah, i still need my career back but the dreams became superfluous (i actually gave them ^)
Edit iii: instead of being a kardashian i found beauty in the little things!

 

[Fruitbat]

Instead of being envious of what you don't have, be thankful of what you do have and that you don't have serious issues to deal with.

Anytime I find myself in this situation I remember back when I listened to a speaker once say that if you got a group of random people in a room, gave them a sheet of paper and told them to write down all their problems, fold them up, put them in a basket and pass them around so you drew a random sheet out you'd find out 2 things:

The first is that everyone has problems.

The second is that you would likely be very glad you had the problems you had and not the ones you were staring at in front of you.

70% of the world subsists on under $900 a month, doesn't have access to electricity 24 hours a day or doesn't have running water.

You have it pretty good even if you don't see it.

Ive heard this before, I’m not sure if I buy it.

Everyone has problems, but some get to avoid some of them through sheer luck.

Life doesn’t even out. Just because you have no money, doesn’t mean you magically don’t get all the same problems others have. It’s objectively good fortune. There is no compensatory factor.

It’s a destructive force. It really is my Achilles heel. I get extremely triggered by it and I will keep working on it. I grew up as the poor kid in a school I only got into as I was quite bright as a kid. I always told myself I’d outstrip them through work and alas I found this isn’t true. You can’t compete with the bank of family.

As others have said, getting annoyed about it will just make me miserable, I just can’t begin to fathom how somebody can live life with this vast safety net, when for me, and others like me, life is quite a fearful place full of risks.
how on earth must life must be having, or knowing you will have, large sums of money for free? I just can’t even fathom it. It must be life almost without real suffering other than the usual divorce/death we all have.

bad boss? Quit, no problem. Hate career? Do something you enjoy. Expensive divorce? The money left is still more than most. Stressed? 3 month holiday to rest and recuperate.

I don’t mind people who’ve earned it but man, just getting that for nothing, that must be like being made from gold. Unbelievable.

I’ll give you an example, I’ve wanted to start my own business - I have the skills but I can’t. I’ve never managed to have the large sums needed to start as I’ve got bills to pay. Others I know have done it and multiply their wealth again, as they have the safety net.

if I tried this and it fails, I’m homeless and broke. This is the difference

I’m not religious, but Matthew 25:29 stuck with me:

“For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.”

it is what it is, I just hope those with this kind of fortune know how incredibly lucky they are.

The sad fact is when I learn this about someone it actually makes me want to avoid them as it’s one hell of resentment inside me. This is stupid as it doesn’t benefit me, but I feel a mixture of envy and also kind of belligerent scorn, as if anyone this fortunate can’t really be taken seriously in what they achieve, for they’ve started the game with cheat codes basically

I think the logical conclusion is not to judge anyone on their wealth. Question any superficially successful person as 9/10 times they’re just another rich kid cvnt masquerading as someone who has actually done something.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Yup and monkeys are flying out of my ass right at this moment. Jesus man get help.

And I’m licensed by the MI-6 to kill people. I’m an international man of mystery. But I’m hanging out here talking to you guys, cause ya know gotta check out what the little people are doing…

I subsist on 900$ a month, rent & stuff paid. It was all i was able to get. This is an obelisk(u take it thru ur own eyes): i made my gfs billionaires (who i havent talked to in a year); i'm running an empire off 900$/month and obviously the underbelly found out.
I've worked w; through a broker; the elite.
And now (it's subsided) facing an impossible legal situation based on fraud (someone tried to kill me then sued me). They got some ****ty settlement, i finished probation-but no way to piece my career together (legally)
Just taking it one step at a time
Edit: my thing was I get paid last (didnt know the criminal underground would target me)
Edit 2(to not be one of THOSE *******s): at the end i didnt want it. Yeah, i still need my career back but the dreams became superfluous (i actually gave them ^)
Edit iii: instead of being a kardashian i found beauty in the little things!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ive heard this before, I’m not sure if I buy it.

Everyone has problems, but some get to avoid some of them through sheer luck.

Life doesn’t even out. Just because you have no money, doesn’t mean you magically don’t get all the same problems others have. It’s objectively good fortune. There is no compensatory factor.

It’s a destructive force. It really is my Achilles heel. I get extremely triggered by it and I will keep working on it. I grew up as the poor kid in a school I only got into as I was quite bright as a kid. I always told myself I’d outstrip them through work and alas I found this isn’t true. You can’t compete with the bank of family.

As others have said, getting annoyed about it will just make me miserable, I just can’t begin to fathom how somebody can live life with this vast safety net, when for me, and others like me, life is quite a fearful place full of risks.
how on earth must life must be having, or knowing you will have, large sums of money for free? I just can’t even fathom it. It must be life almost without real suffering other than the usual divorce/death we all have.

bad boss? Quit, no problem. Hate career? Do something you enjoy. Expensive divorce? The money left is still more than most. Stressed? 3 month holiday to rest and recuperate.

I don’t mind people who’ve earned it but man, just getting that for nothing, that must be like being made from gold. Unbelievable.

I’ll give you an example, I’ve wanted to start my own business - I have the skills but I can’t. I’ve never managed to have the large sums needed to start as I’ve got bills to pay. Others I know have done it and multiply their wealth again, as they have the safety net.

if I tried this and it fails, I’m homeless and broke. This is the difference

I’m not religious, but Matthew 25:29 stuck with me:

“For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.”

it is what it is, I just hope those with this kind of fortune know how incredibly lucky they are.

The sad fact is when I learn this about someone it actually makes me want to avoid them as it’s one hell of resentment inside me. This is stupid as it doesn’t benefit me, but I feel a mixture of envy and also kind of belligerent scorn, as if anyone this fortunate can’t really be taken seriously in what they achieve, for they’ve started the game with cheat codes basically

I think the logical conclusion is not to judge anyone on their wealth. Question any superficially successful person as 9/10 times they’re just another rich kid cvnt masquerading as someone who has actually done something.

How do you avoid being born in a place that is a 3rd world country like 70+% of the population on earth?

Or being born with genetic disorders that leave you in a wheelchair or unable to live a normal life?

If you live in a house with running water and electricity and have food in your fridge and don't have to worry about any of that you are automatically doing better than almost 3 out of every 4 people alive.

 

[rench]

Yup and monkeys are flying out of my ass right at this moment. Jesus man get help.

And I’m licensed by the MI-6 to kill people. I’m an international man of mystery. But I’m hanging out here talking to you guys, cause ya know gotta check out what the little people are doing…

U might not believe it but nothing happens in the elite- it's vaginal missionary