Creating a New, Healthy Self-Image

[reset]

Hey guys so I've been taking much of what I've seen here in the Mature Man forum to heart. I went from an AFC who walked right into a BPD's trap to a guy who started learning "seduction" (used it on girls at work) then I found a girl I thought was compatible with (same interests--different values) fell into an uncontrollable one-itis with her...and I actually could have had her but I sabotoged the thing at the last minute and felt like a failure because I ended up betraying everything I learned here. But, I guess you learn some lessons the hard way. It's been two months since she moved away and I still wake up thinking about her... and it's starting to piss me off. I'm TIRED of thinking of her. And what's worse, she ended things on a very LOW point, basically "kicking me in the ass and asking if I want a hug" (like Joekker would say) and it's only NOW that I realize that I actually deserved better treatment than that. She showed all signs of being a bytch yet I thought "hey that's the one for me!"

I'm trying to not to beat myself up. I'm trying to stop thinking of her. And at the same time I know just meeting a new girl is not right--I'm still weak from her and whatever is left over from the BPD chick. I have figured out that it is my self image that needs work, not my seduction skills.

I'm doing all the stuff, reading, visualizing, affirming, getting in touch with my masculinity, pouring myself into my song-writing, preparing to leave an unsatisfying job, I'm not shying away from looking at myself and being honest. I know that I am the one who needs work.

Some things that run through my mind "31, haven't had sex or a girlfriend in ages, times running out, if a girl knows you haven't had sex in a long time she will judge you and laugh, if you couldn't handle the last one you'll screw up with the next one"--

I know it's all lies but it's tough to change your self image. And I know that there is actually NOTHING wrong with me---I'm good looking enough, fun, outgoing, assertive, playful with women, I don't supplicate, strong.... I just have these BS thoughts that I'm NOT that way. I see myself in the world being outgoing and confident and have to remind myself that "yeah, I just did that."

I guess what I'm asking is just to know that it gets better. If you've had to change your self-image from the ground up. I'm sick and tired of beating myself up and holding myself up to someone else's standards. Waking up from the Matrix has not been easy. I need to know that the work I'm doing on myself is going to pay off. I am SERIOUS about changing. I'm just not sure what the new man is going to BE like, and that is SCARY.


Once my back heals I will be getting plenty of exercise, I know that's a big part of it. But I was exercising while I had my oneitis and still couldn't think of anything else. I know that's the basis. I'm doing my best to only see in my minds eye the things I want... and that's a challenge.

Just having an identity crisis here.

 

[romangod]

I guess what I'm asking is just to know that it gets better. If you've had to change your self-image from the ground up. I'm sick and tired of beating myself up and holding myself up to someone else's standards. Waking up from the Matrix has not been easy. I need to know that the work I'm doing on myself is going to pay off. I am SERIOUS about changing. I'm just not sure what the new man is going to BE like, and that is SCARY.



It does get better. Continue on the path of self-discovery and it will pay off with a deeper understanding of yourself and others. Have no fear. You'll like the new man. Good luck and Merry Christmas.


.

 

[reset]

thanks roman.

 

[Interceptor]

Reset, whatever it is you need, any time you need to talk or counseling, or just share something you go ahead and contact me.

That said, as you know I will be posting a program for "fire in the belly" men like you, and will have a LOT of things that will help you (and those brothers who are ready for a challenge) profoundly.


Just give me some time during these holidays.
It will address the Physical, Mental, Emotional, and dare I say it (wincing) Spiritual levels of Mature Masculine Man POWER.
(The Complete program will NOT be for everyone. But everyone will be able to benefit from things they pick and choose from.)


Reset, remember, that ruly developing your Self Image, the Person you desire to BE, and share YOU with OTHERS..means making Peace with your hurt, your trauma, the people whom hurt you, and the mistakes you have made. We cannot walk around insecure about ourselves, and insecure and embarassed, and ashamed about our past hurt.

Sounds strange, doesn't it?

But the true masculine man, has Congruence, enough security to be able to ADMIT his mistakes AND hurt to himself, and to a select, well chosen few. ( a mature , masculine Man ALWAYS keeps a Side of himself OFF LIMITS to everyone. It's up to you to decide what goes in there, and to keep that 'room" private, and never intruded upon. And yes, there is ALWAYS a side, or 'room" that is OFF LIMITS to Women specifically.)


But he is confident in himSELF, EVEN WITH his 'mistakes/Failings/Vulnerability".

Forgive, so that you can MOVE ON quicker, lighter, more agile, and with ease, and calm....and PEACE of MIND.

In order to be a fully Self Realized mature Masculine Man, you must learn to HEAL , as you LEARN to HURT.


What does that mean exactly?

You must be congruenst and aligned with your true self, making peace with the Negatives, while unleasing your Personal Positives.
("Have your 'sword" at the ready, be willing to use it, but strive to stop 'violence' or hurt BEFORE you have to draw it.")
What does thst really mean?

Learn how to heal yourself, inside and outside, so that you can heal others around you.

Learn how to heal your self and others, so that it will help you in that dark time when you go into Combat.

I first learned how to physically hurt people, THEN I learned how to heal them, with energy, and positve aura, and genuine, well intentioned ADVICE/Guidance.

Problem was, that although I was/am physcially adept and mentally tough in a fighting situation, I was strangely disconnected to my feeling of healing others, and even, compassion.
I learned how to be a tough as nails guy , who is at ease with strangling a guy to death if need be, but I didn't know how to help others as well. I didn't know how to fully improve and enhance the lives of others.

Strange, but I was not in a Harmonious mode, so to speak.. There was Yang........but no Yin.

I was tough, macho even, yet I had no compassion for my partners, and for my Opponent.

This I now am healing, and treating.

Part of MY "therapy" is participating in this forum. And in real life, mentoring and guiding Men who are ready and have the courage to seek me out, and train what I prescribe for them.
I also have mentors and guidance myself. We're all on different parts of the same, or parallel Path.

The Path to Enlightenment.

The Path to Self Realization.

The Path of the HERO.




And it has only made me even stronger, and not to sound pompous at all, but much more dangerous to any poor soul who makes the msitake of trying to engage me in combat.

NOW, I have even deeper insight, better intuition, better knowledge of the human body , and mind, and have more COHESION. thus CONGRUENCE in My Self, and MY INTENTIONS.


Yang, with Yin is much more powerful,and PROFOUND than Yang by itself.


OK, enough about me, just some personal background from me to you, that's all.



Stay strong, stay positive, and manage your time wisely. DO what you need to do , when you need to do it.

Always dedicate some time every day to one of your pursuits, one of you hobbies, health, self care, career, obligations, fun and leisure/relaxation, meditation, and being social in some way.

Every day..

It takes disipline. Strong Self Discipline.


Continued good health, success, fulfillment, and peace to you, Reset.


We will get this handled..............


Carry on.





Interceptor

 

[reset]

Thanks Interceptor, I knew I could count on you. The last couple months I have some really good days, then days like this where it just sort of hits me, birthday and holidays all at the same time, I think is when people take stock of their lives.

I know the answer is congruence with mind/body/soul. I'll work on forgiving myself and others. I've actually tried to forgive myself and her, it just goes back and forth. I get glimpes of the postive/masculine man I'm turning into. I have analyzed myself and the oneitis situation to death. It's put my whole life in perspective, career, health, passions... they weren't being attended to. I feel like I've been slapped across the face: "dude, this is your LIFE here! Hello? It's important, you know." Lol. I'm getting stronger every day though. Not a linear process.

Looking forward to seeing what you've got in store for us.

 

[BLebowski]

First of all...merry Christmas. :rockon:

It's funny..I had a Christmas Eve dinner last night, it was fun, lots of family whom I had not seen in quite a while. We went to mass and to be honest, I could slowly feel myself saying goodbye to the old me. Sounds kinda soft, but the past 2 years have been quite the rollercoaster.

You're not the only one dealing with an identity crisis of sorts reset. I wish you (and everyone else) Godspeed, good luck and determination in their own 'quests'.

And yeah...I'd be interested in that program as well since. Looking forward to your posts Interceptor.

 

[reset]

Merry Christsmas!