Broke things off with her : Problem.

[Alex DeLarge]

So like the thread title says, I broke things off with this girl I had been seeing for about a month. Throughout this whole dating thing she has told me over and over "I just want friends with benefits" I thought "okay that's cool".

Then last week, she was sleeping over my place. After we had sex she was saying things like "It seems like you're getting attached". I then told her right then "No I'm not getting attached".. She replied with "Oh, well I think I am".

Then I told her this..

"Well to be honest with you, I wasn't just looking for a FWB relationship at this moment in my life, I wanted to meet a girl I like enough to be my girlfriend. You said you didn't want anything further than this, so I don't expect it to go further. We're just having fun."

Then the next day she says something to me like "I feel like if I don't have sex with you you're just gonna lose me." I said back to her "But you only want an FWB relationship. If you take the benefits out of it, then what have you got? You said you didn't want to take things further, so it's going to be meaningless to even keep this a FWB situation. We might as well just be friends."

She sent me some 5 paragraph long text that I didn't give a **** about nor reply to.. In the text she wrote about how she got scared because she started to have "feelings" for me and wanted to avoid any situation that would make things complicated. This seems so fvcking immature to me. So I don't even reply after the 5 paragraph text. I don't talk to her for a day, then she texts me asking to get her sh1t.

I say, "Yeah, ill be working later tonight but i put everything together. You can just grab it from one of my roomates. they'll be home." She asks me to just bring it to school, I agree just cause I want her to stop bothering me. She tells me to keep some book she gave me as a gift (and wrote some message in) but I told her "no im not gonna read it, just take it back".. She then said why was I mad at her blah blah.. I told her I'm not mad and to just take her book back.

She goes off on a big rant. Winds up talking to me. I told her "We're not dating remember? I'm going to bed and I think it's pointless to argue about this. It's over now. Goodnight."

Now I have to see this girl at school wednesday and give her her crap back. To be honest, I don't really want to be friends with her other than a "Oh hey what's up" friend at school. She really got on my nerves and turned me off when she freaked out at me a few days ago. What do you guys think I can do here? Been trying to go NC but she blows up my fvckin phone!

 

[loveshogun]

No contact means no contact, even when she blows up your phone.

If you're not feeling it, you're not. Be polite, be civil, but be firm. She doesn't have what you're looking for. You were up front about it, and you didn't deceive her on any counts. So, from there, just wait for her to move on. You've already moved on, I'm assuming, so you should just get back in the dating scene (if that's what you want to do).

Whatever her reasoning is for what she wants out of you, you don't really need to think about it too much.

She don't got what you want - remember that first and foremost, and don't try to forget it just so you can wrap your salami in her bacon.

Here's another tip - don't "look for women" you like enough to be your girlfriend. Such a woman will exist, independent of whether or not you are searching for her.

Look for women who are a good time, who are even-keeled, who are independent, who are drama free. Then, when you find out that you like one of those enough to call her your woman (and of course, after she's made it obvious that she would like the same), THEN you progress.

It's not about just grabbing a girl and somehow transforming her into your girl. It's about meeting lots of them and picking the best fit. If you go into it thinking "I need to find the ONE," you won't find nearly enough to pick anyone good.

 

[Iceberg]

I'm not quite sure I understand. It seems like you're angry at her. But you're the one who turned down her attempt to make things more serious. Which is fine.

So it seems fairly simple. You don't like her that much, so just give her the crap she left at your apartment, and be done with it. There's nothing else to discuss with her, right? She wants a relationship with you. You don't like her in that way. The end.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I'm not quite sure I understand. It seems like you're angry at her. But you're the one who turned down her attempt to make things more serious. Which is fine.

So it seems fairly simple. You don't like her that much, so just give her the crap she left at your apartment, and be done with it. There's nothing else to discuss with her, right? She wants a relationship with you. You don't like her in that way. The end.

She doesn't and I don't either. I told her that I didn't really see us going anywhere cause of that. The only reason why I'm mad at her is cause I told her I don't really want to talk anymore and she keeps blowing up my phone trying to have conversations like when we were seeing eachother, and she keeps doing it regardless of what I say.

 

[GameTime76]

Just keep up no contact. Give her, her crap back and be on your way. Now, be nice and friendly to her when you do see her. If you have to explain yourself again its okay.

 

[HalfAddict]

Throw her on a pedestal and AFC out on her =P

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Throw her on a pedestal and AFC out on her =P

Lol, I was actually considering this.. But I'd rather not lose my dignity by doing something silly like that.

I will give her her stuff back tonight or tomorrow when I see her at school. I'll totally be friendly with her and not mean-spirited, but I really don't want to be buddy buddy with her. I just think it's going to throw myself at a disadvantaged point since I would still be turned on by being around her, even though I want to discontinue things since they are obviously not heading in the right direction.

However, I'm still conflicted. I want to be able to be friends with her and continue to hangout, but I really don't want to put myself in the position of "the guy who couldn't date her" Know what I mean? Maybe I just need to get over my ego.

 

[Iceberg]

However, I'm still conflicted. I want to be able to be friends with her and continue to hangout, but I really don't want to put myself in the position of "the guy who couldn't date her" Know what I mean? Maybe I just need to get over my ego.

Yeah, I kinda figured there was more to this story. First I'm like "The dude broke up with her. Why does he care about something stupid like her calling him to talk? That's an easy problem to solve."

So, considering the fact that you can easily give her whatever stuff she left at your place, and you can easily ignore her phone calls (no matter how annoying it is), I'd have to guess that there's something you want from her. Whether it's a relationship or sex or whatever. Because if your desire was to break up with the girl, then you won. You broke up with her. So regardless of how SHE feels about that, you got what you wanted....

But that's not what you want. Because if it was, then why would you give a sh*t at this point? Anyway, I'm not trying to be Dr. Phil or whatever. But something's not adding up here....

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Yeah, I kinda figured there was more to this story. First I'm like "The dude broke up with her. Why does he care about something stupid like her calling him to talk? That's an easy problem to solve."

So, considering the fact that you can easily give her whatever stuff she left at your place, and you can easily ignore her phone calls (no matter how annoying it is), I'd have to guess that there's something you want from her. Whether it's a relationship or sex or whatever. Because if your desire was to break up with the girl, then you won. You broke up with her. So regardless of how SHE feels about that, you got what you wanted....

But that's not what you want. Because if it was, then why would you give a sh*t at this point? Anyway, I'm not trying to be Dr. Phil or whatever. But something's not adding up here....

Yeah, well I just want sex. She's not relationship worthy, but some inner AFC in me said I have to end it cause she wouldn't be the type for me to have a relationship with.. However I'm still sexually attracted to her.

I think I just need to get back out there and date other girls. I had other plates spinning while I was seeing her, but they all kinda stopped or I lost interest in the other girls.