this is going to seem odd, but it seems like this belongs here. i've figured out a lot about myself but i never to this day could not figure this **** out.
back in my drug using days i mean, my basic setup was i never did my thing, well let me stop lying, more times than not, i preferred to use a hotel room. id idn't like people coming to my house and knowing drug use was going on i mean my little sister and my regular friends came over all the time and stuff so if i had the control i would drive a few blocks and go to a hotel room.
and i mean, i'm there were times i'd get my rocks off or what not when i had a girl with me, but i mean, i was not where i was now with game, but i mean, i had gotten far enough along where i have no qualms about talking to women and spitting game to women
but i mean, in that particular enviroment, with drugs on the table, even with me horny as can possibly be, as coke makes you, at least me pretty horny, even with the girls coming over pretty much expecting to have to give it up, i'd freeze up 10 out of 10 times. **** never ceased to amaze me. there was one girl who got smart, and realized i was going go freeze up and just started to take initiiave of the situtation lol, and thus i ususally called her beucase i didn't have to bring it up, but i don't know if it was something about hte girls in particular, or the situation or what, but i just reverted 100000000000% AFC mode. and honestly, i'd probably do so today if i were in the same situation
i mean i dont' care to relive the situation, but i always found that interesting. i dont' know if it was the type of girls i was hanging out with or whatever. i mean more times than not i wasn't even all that attracted to the girl lol, i've gamed and ****ed much hotter than these crack*****s basically but still, i'd clam up every time. i have had a few ask me am i gay lol. i mean i would just guy 400-500 dollars worth of dope, sit there and invite them over and wouldn't make move Q lol. and the insanity of it all, is like i'd call these girls, knowing good and well that i'm not going to make a move and i'd do it all again over and over again expecting a different result.
anyway, that always is something i found interesting. girls that if i met under normal circumstances, i wouldn't look twice at, that in this situation, i just frooze up.