Best Break Up Advice You Wish You Knew

[jamesfromhouston]

Hello brothers,

Feeling down and would like some support and thoughts.

Some Context

Recently a main I had been nested up with in a 7 months LTR dumped me because I fooled around with another chick at a party on a drunken night. (I'm a DJ so at most times I'm at parties and that night drinks/things mixed, it got wild). Felt guilty about it, so met up with her a few days after break up and tried to talk it out. She wanted me to reconcile with her again and fix things. I didnt want to lose her, so I agreed to reconcile. But for a week, I experienced real hell. She frequently blew up and showed me the true wrath of a woman. Picked fights about everything and focused on every possible transgression from past, present to even future. Disregarded any other commitment and things I have ever done. She stopped having sex with me and eventually, she dumped me again because I told her that she had been difficult to me over the week. Her voice and demeanor changed. She didn't seem like the person I met.

The Situation

We have since gone NC. It's been 2 weeks now that I last heard from her. Besides reconciling, I have made no attempts to break NC. I do not intend to break it.

I've been focusing on myself. I've been telling myself to accept that the relationship has ended. There is nothing down that street anymore.

The Pain

However I am still in pain because:

- This is someone I really opened up to. We had a great connection. She knows so many things about me than even my best friend.
- Sex was great. Before maining her, I hooked up with so many plates in a casual life-style but nothing felt as good in terms of sexual compatibility and returns.
- She is beautiful. Your aspirational blonde fitness influencer. We had quite a public relationship. The idea that she will monkey branch to someone else just hurts. And the gossip that will generate as well as the criticism of what I've done if she **** talks just makes me feel like crap.
- We had some very special memories together. Did a lot of crazy things like getting stranded in a National Park or sneaking into a country club, skinny dipping and ****.
- I still find myself missing her and thinking about her. I realize a lot of it maybe rose tinting what happened between us because ironically I have tried to dump her a few times because she can be controlling.
- Recently I took a new girl I met to dinner at a restaurant that just opened up in the city. Saw ex's best friend dining there. I'm sure she saw me and probably reported it to my ex. The idea that my moving on will just reinforce my ex's bad perception of me sucks.
- There hasn't been any great action in terms of plates yet and the idea that it requires so much effort for me to hook up whilst it is probably easy for my ex as a girl to move on or to **** another guy also pains me.

Current Effort

I am currently trying to move on. I've realized that I've been declining and neglecting areas of my life such as fitness, my career and even social circle since being with her. I became comfortable. She was a steady supply of attention, sex and love. Over the past 2 weeks I have been working hard to re-establish these neglected things. I started exercising, made an action plan. Got some career gigs coming up. I've also started going out and meet new girls. One I fingered but didn't **** because I wasn't in the mood yet. Another, I tried to close but was rejected. I am slowly trying to piece everything together but been feeling low.

Would really appreciate some advice on dealing with this. Many of you have probably been in this painful situation and learned a lot from it, what would be the advice you would give yourself and you wish you knew?

 

[soulforge]

Hello brothers,

Feeling down and would like some support and thoughts.

Some Context

Recently a main I had been nested up with in a 7 months LTR dumped me because I fooled around with another chick at a party on a drunken night. (I'm a DJ so at most times I'm at parties and that night drinks/things mixed, it got wild). Felt guilty about it, so met up with her a few days after break up and tried to talk it out. She wanted me to reconcile with her again and fix things. I didnt want to lose her, so I agreed to reconcile. But for a week, I experienced real hell. She frequently blew up and showed me the true wrath of a woman. Picked fights about everything and focused on every possible transgression from past, present to even future. Disregarded any other commitment and things I have ever done. She stopped having sex with me and eventually, she dumped me again because I told her that she had been difficult to me over the week. Her voice and demeanor changed. She didn't seem like the person I met.

The Situation

We have since gone NC. It's been 2 weeks now that I last heard from her. Besides reconciling, I have made no attempts to break NC. I do not intend to break it.

I've been focusing on myself. I've been telling myself to accept that the relationship has ended. There is nothing down that street anymore.

The Pain

However I am still in pain because:

- This is someone I really opened up to. We had a great connection. She knows so many things about me than even my best friend.
- Sex was great. Before maining her, I hooked up with so many plates in a casual life-style but nothing felt as good in terms of sexual compatibility and returns.
- She is beautiful. Your aspirational blonde fitness influencer. We had quite a public relationship. The idea that she will monkey branch to someone else just hurts. And the gossip that will generate as well as the criticism of what I've done if she **** talks just makes me feel like crap.
- We had some very special memories together. Did a lot of crazy things like getting stranded in a National Park or sneaking into a country club, skinny dipping and ****.
- I still find myself missing her and thinking about her. I realize a lot of it maybe rose tinting what happened between us because ironically I have tried to dump her a few times because she can be controlling.
- Recently I took a new girl I met to dinner at a restaurant that just opened up in the city. Saw ex's best friend dining there. I'm sure she saw me and probably reported it to my ex. The idea that my moving on will just reinforce my ex's bad perception of me sucks.
- There hasn't been any great action in terms of plates yet and the idea that it requires so much effort for me to hook up whilst it is probably easy for my ex as a girl to move on or to **** another guy also pains me.

Current Effort

I am currently trying to move on. I've realized that I've been declining and neglecting areas of my life such as fitness, my career and even social circle since being with her. I became comfortable. She was a steady supply of attention, sex and love. Over the past 2 weeks I have been working hard to re-establish these neglected things. I started exercising, made an action plan. Got some career gigs coming up. I've also started going out and meet new girls. One I fingered but didn't **** because I wasn't in the mood yet. Another, I tried to close but was rejected. I am slowly trying to piece everything together but been feeling low.

Would really appreciate some advice on dealing with this. Many of you have probably been in this painful situation and learned a lot from it, what would be the advice you would give yourself and you wish you knew?

First of all you dated her 7-8 months or so.

I don't understand why you opened up in such a way with a girl you barely knew.. 7-8 months is not a long time.

She knows things about you, that even your friends don't? Dude you cannot make yourself that funerable to chicks.

I don't share my personal feelings much or problems or history, with girls I have been 2-3 years with lol.

Anyway sounds like her feelings changed once you cheated on her.

Maybe the power dynamic shifted to her instead of you. When she found out that you cheated, who made the biggest effort to try and reconcile? You or her.

I know it hurts, and yes girls do have it easier by simply monkey branching to the next dude, but rarely does the rebound work out. She will be on her azz again soon, like most modern woman are.

I would focus on fitness in a BIG way. I mean physically you need to transform yourself.

Dedicate yourself to fitness, furthering your career, hobbies and interests.

Also bang other chick's.. Seriously you need be around other girls too.

They might not be as hot as your ex, but it's just a matter of time till you land a hot one.

The pain will go away in time, avoid drinking too much or drugs.

Never reach out to her and break NC

 

[CornbreadFed]

The reality is that time and perseverance is the only cure to a breakup. Do what you need to do to avoid contacting her to open the healing the wound.

 

[obelisk]

You are FAR too focused on what she or anyone else thinks about you. Who cares what they say or think? You are catastrophising about what she can actually do to you merely because she knows private things about you. We're simply not that important to the people around us. Chill out man and get out of your own head.

There are billions of women in the world. The majority of them could care less what your ex thinks or says about you. Most of her friends probably don't give a **** either. Practice emotional non-reactivity. IDGAF, that should be your unapologetic motto. Focus on your own self-improvement and meet new people outside your social circle.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Thanks everyone for the responses so far.

First of all you dated her 7-8 months or so.

I don't understand why you opened up in such a way with a girl you barely knew.. 7-8 months is not a long time.

When she found out that you cheated, who made the biggest effort to try and reconcile? You or her.

Probably was ***** whipped bro. I dont know. She confided a lot in me. Vice versa.

She initially proposed reconciling but the reconciliation process was all me bro..

You are FAR too focused on what she or anyone else thinks about you. Who cares what they say or think? You are catastrophising about what she can actually do to you merely because she knows private things about you. We're simply not that important to the people around us. Chill out man and get out of your own head.

There are billions of women in the world. The majority of them could care less what your ex thinks or says about you. Most of her friends probably don't give a **** either. Practice emotional non-reactivity. IDGAF, that should be your unapologetic motto. Focus on your own self-improvement and meet new people outside your social circle.

These are good points man. The thing is she is surrounded by a group of sisters who have always hated my guts. I slept with one of them a long time ago. They are always trying to **** block me. Just feels like this **** will get blown out of proportion.

 

[member162951]

Recently a main I had been nested up with in a 7 months LTR dumped me because I fooled around with another chick at a party on a drunken night. (I'm a DJ so at most times I'm at parties and that night drinks/things mixed, it got wild).

Hey sorry bro, breakups are tough especially when you're still digging her and it's your fault. Which begs the question, why did you cheat man? A meaningless f*ck when drunk no less. Was it an attempt at self-sabotage because of this?

Probably was ***** whipped bro...

Been there myself and what helped me was not going out and f*cking random chicks, that's like putting a band-aid on a deep wound without antiseptic to help it heal.

Some deep introspection is in order to determine why you felt compelled to cheat and risk losing a great chick you valued.

There IS something to be learned from this but you won't learn anything by putting a band-aid on it.

 

[obelisk]

These are good points man. The thing is she is surrounded by a group of sisters who have always hated my guts. I slept with one of them a long time ago. They are always trying to **** block me. Just feels like this **** will get blown out of proportion.

That is exactly my point though. Why are you even interacting with these women? So they're at the same venue. Who cares? Expand your social circle. Try out some new places to take or meet women. You are becoming emotional about some PERCEIVED slight by them that probably isn't even occurring (self-importance ftw) suddenly because their friend dumped you and it's affecting your perception of reality and your behavior. They hated you before. They hate you now. What has changed? Nothing.

Get out of your own head and rediscover your own self-worth. There are other (and better) women out there who will value your attention. It will take a bit of time for these emotions to fade but stay the course and look forward and not backwards. **** the haters. They're beneath you.

You're your own worst enemy right now. Don't trust your feelings. You cheated. OK. Learn from it.

 

[SW15]

(I'm a DJ so at most times I'm at parties and that night drinks/things mixed, it got wild).

Since you are a nightclub type DJ, you have an awesome occupation for meeting women and getting laid. DJs are often some of the ultimate fucck boys.

She stopped having sex with me and eventually, she dumped me again because I told her that she had been difficult to me over the week. Her voice and demeanor changed. She didn't seem like the person I met.

Her behavior that week was not acceptable either. You needed to dump her if you got into that situation. However, the only reason you were in that situation was because you violated one of the Iron Rules of Tomassi.

She wanted me to reconcile with her again and fix things. I didnt want to lose her, so I agreed to reconcile.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

We have since gone NC. It's been 2 weeks now that I last heard from her. Besides reconciling, I have made no attempts to break NC. I do not intend to break it.

Keep doing no contact with her. You're going to need to do it forever. Besides, you're a DJ. You meet many women in nightlife/party type setting and have an abundance of vagina. Enjoy it!

I am still in pain because:

- This is someone I really opened up to. We had a great connection. She knows so many things about me than even my best friend.

- Sex was great. Before maining her, I hooked up with so many plates in a casual life-style but nothing felt as good in terms of sexual compatibility and returns.

- She is beautiful. Your aspirational blonde fitness influencer. We had quite a public relationship. The idea that she will monkey branch to someone else just hurts. And the gossip that will generate as well as the criticism of what I've done if she **** talks just makes me feel like crap.

It's understandable why you are in pain. If she's a blonde fitness influencer type, she's elite level on looks (likely 8+) and the sex was really good. That's a very good combination. But you have to remember that you are a nightlife/party type DJ with abundance and can find another situation like that. You have more abundance than most men. You are a prize. Keep telling yourself that.

The emotional connection stuff is understandably difficult. You will get past it and get past it soon because of your DJ status. When you start meeting some new women in her tier of looks, you will be able to move forward. As a DJ, you have that opportunity multiple nights per week.

 

[soulforge]

This is why I don't cheat on girls that I actually like and they are good quality girls.

However if you're in the DJ lifestyle, it's very very difficult to remain loyal, when you have some much young drunk puzzy around you all of the time.

I DJ myself, however not DJ'd in venue's for a couple of years.

Need to get back in the game.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey sorry bro, breakups are tough especially when you're still digging her and it's your fault. Which begs the question, why did you cheat man? A meaningless f*ck when drunk no less. Was it an attempt at self-sabotage because of this?

Truth be told I think I was just bored and horny. I was sexually bored of my ex after being with her for months. Although she is a freak in bed...it gets so boring to repetitively **** the same girl. The alcohol pushed me over. Funny thing is I actually tried to break up with my ex a few times. She always begged me to stay. And now she dumps me and suddenly I "realized" how great she is. Funking funny man. My mind is so ****d.

Her behavior that week was not acceptable either. You needed to dump her if you got into that situation. However, the only reason you were in that situation was because you violated one of the Iron Rules of Tomassi.

Word! I felt that week she was trying to build her strength to kick me to the curb for good. I was basically some shooting dummy for the final kill shot. She fought with me about everything!

I want to move on too bros. Its just now that things have ended and based on all the **** she put me through during our reconciliation week, telling me how crappy I was and the fact I cheated. Just makes me feel like ****. Makes me wonder if I really made a mistake but when we were together and before this, I wanted to get rid of her. But now after being dumped, I wonder if I'll meet another like her and have to spend another 7 months to build the same rapport and connection. Thinking I need to start this process all over again with the next one just feels like such a stretch. The fact that she is an influencer and many of my mutual friends started moving in on her because she basically showed she is single now, makes me feel ****. She used to parade herself as mine and now everybody is trying to or maybe even has already ****ed her over our weeks of NC just suxks dudes. **** cuts deep.

 

[soulforge]

Truth be told I think I was just bored and horny. I was sexually bored of my ex after being with her for months. Although she is a freak in bed...it gets so boring to repetitively **** the same girl. The alcohol pushed me over. Funny thing is I actually tried to break up with my ex a few times. She always begged me to stay. And now she dumps me and suddenly I "realized" how great she is. Funking funny man. My mind is so ****d.




Word! I felt that week she was trying to build her strength to kick me to the curb for good. I was basically some shooting dummy for the final kill shot. She fought with me about everything!

I want to move on too bros. Its just now that things have ended and based on all the **** she put me through during our reconciliation week, telling me how crappy I was and the fact I cheated. Just makes me feel like ****. Makes me wonder if I really made a mistake but when we were together and before this, I wanted to get rid of her. But now after being dumped, I wonder if I'll meet another like her and have to spend another 7 months to build the same rapport and connection. Thinking I need to start this process all over again with the next one just feels like such a stretch. The fact that she is an influencer and many of my mutual friends started moving in on her because she basically showed she is single now, makes me feel ****. She used to parade herself as mine and now everybody is trying to or maybe even has already ****ed her over our weeks of NC just suxks dudes. **** cuts deep.

Yeh it hurts man.

To be honest being Dumped or being the Dumper both suck, if she was hot lol

Anyway it's harder when she was a good chick. If she was a Toxic pain in the azz, it's not too bad breaking off from her.

 

[member162951]

Truth be told I think I was just bored and horny. I was sexually bored of my ex after being with her for months. Although she is a freak in bed...it gets so boring to repetitively **** the same girl. The alcohol pushed me over. Funny thing is I actually tried to break up with my ex a few times. She always begged me to stay. And now she dumps me and suddenly I "realized" how great she is. Funking funny man. My mind is so ****d.

I can relate! Something about wanting/craving what we don't or can't have. It only takes effect when she rejects you, when you reject her, you know you could still have her so there's no longing.

IME its mostly about ego, not any actual feelings you have for her. If there were you wouldn't have wanted to end it when you did and may not have become so bored with the sex. You could have resolved that pretty easily if you wanted to by switching things up, experimenting, even tossing some mild or not so mild B D S M into the scene.

It also might have something to do with your inability or lack of desire to commit, I've been accused of that before but I'm not a shrink so that's only a guess.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

Hello brothers,

Feeling down and would like some support and thoughts.

Some Context

Recently a main I had been nested up with in a 7 months LTR dumped me because I fooled around with another chick at a party on a drunken night. (I'm a DJ so at most times I'm at parties and that night drinks/things mixed, it got wild). Felt guilty about it, so met up with her a few days after break up and tried to talk it out. She wanted me to reconcile with her again and fix things. I didnt want to lose her, so I agreed to reconcile. But for a week, I experienced real hell. She frequently blew up and showed me the true wrath of a woman. Picked fights about everything and focused on every possible transgression from past, present to even future. Disregarded any other commitment and things I have ever done. She stopped having sex with me and eventually, she dumped me again because I told her that she had been difficult to me over the week. Her voice and demeanor changed. She didn't seem like the person I met.

The Situation

We have since gone NC. It's been 2 weeks now that I last heard from her. Besides reconciling, I have made no attempts to break NC. I do not intend to break it.

I've been focusing on myself. I've been telling myself to accept that the relationship has ended. There is nothing down that street anymore.

The Pain

However I am still in pain because:

- This is someone I really opened up to. We had a great connection. She knows so many things about me than even my best friend.
- Sex was great. Before maining her, I hooked up with so many plates in a casual life-style but nothing felt as good in terms of sexual compatibility and returns.
- She is beautiful. Your aspirational blonde fitness influencer. We had quite a public relationship. The idea that she will monkey branch to someone else just hurts. And the gossip that will generate as well as the criticism of what I've done if she **** talks just makes me feel like crap.
- We had some very special memories together. Did a lot of crazy things like getting stranded in a National Park or sneaking into a country club, skinny dipping and ****.
- I still find myself missing her and thinking about her. I realize a lot of it maybe rose tinting what happened between us because ironically I have tried to dump her a few times because she can be controlling.
- Recently I took a new girl I met to dinner at a restaurant that just opened up in the city. Saw ex's best friend dining there. I'm sure she saw me and probably reported it to my ex. The idea that my moving on will just reinforce my ex's bad perception of me sucks.
- There hasn't been any great action in terms of plates yet and the idea that it requires so much effort for me to hook up whilst it is probably easy for my ex as a girl to move on or to **** another guy also pains me.

Current Effort

I am currently trying to move on. I've realized that I've been declining and neglecting areas of my life such as fitness, my career and even social circle since being with her. I became comfortable. She was a steady supply of attention, sex and love. Over the past 2 weeks I have been working hard to re-establish these neglected things. I started exercising, made an action plan. Got some career gigs coming up. I've also started going out and meet new girls. One I fingered but didn't **** because I wasn't in the mood yet. Another, I tried to close but was rejected. I am slowly trying to piece everything together but been feeling low.

Would really appreciate some advice on dealing with this. Many of you have probably been in this painful situation and learned a lot from it, what would be the advice you would give yourself and you wish you knew?

You have a couple of lessons to learn as I did.

1. Never leave you hobbies, work and specially gym on the side for a chick no matter how much attention or s3x she's giving you.

2. If you cheated, you should not have told her, if you're truly regretful, you forgive yourself first by not doing again, there are certain things that are better not to say. Learn it from the next time, it doesn't give you permission either.

3. You had reasons to cheat, why? Did you try to hide when/if she finds out? Never hide the badness, if you did it, there was a reason, you tell it how it is. If you were bored and horny, you tell her, "it didn't mean anything, I was bored and horny" It won't mean she will forgive you, but at least you were not a beta trying to hide his badness from mommy, and the mere act of saying without fear that will trigger something in her that you're not afraid of losing her.

4. You tried reconciliation, it looks to me you were supplicating for her love, she dumped you not because you cheated, because you became a fvcking puzzy, allowing her to disrespect you, being okay with not getting sex from her, doing everything to not lose her.

Cheating is the ultimate competition anxiety for a women. She will be mad, but if you played your cards right that will be increasing your value into her eyes cause other women want to have what she had.

 

[obelisk]

It is quite possible that she reconciled with you just to inflict pain and suffering before dumping you the second time. This is even more possible if her friends hated you the entire time. There is nothing worse than a woman scorned. Don't be quite so willing to give her a pass for her behavior. You're a DJ. There are plenty of hot girls in your future.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The more you are OK if you get dumped and walk away happy, the more they will chase after you for a while and want to get back with you.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Thank bros so so much for replying. I am feeling very low. You guys are saving my life here. Funny how I can relate to you guys much more than my IRL friends. Mainly because most of them are BP'ed. They would just say really generic and stupid **** or just judge.

I can relate! Something about wanting/craving what we don't or can't have. It only takes effect when she rejects you, when you reject her, you know you could still have her so there's no longing.

IME its mostly about ego, not any actual feelings you have for her. If there were you wouldn't have wanted to end it when you did and may not have become so bored with the sex. You could have resolved that pretty easily if you wanted to by switching things up, experimenting, even tossing some mild or not so mild B D S M into the scene.

It also might have something to do with your inability or lack of desire to commit, I've been accused of that before but I'm not a shrink so that's only a guess.

This hits deep. And I may not be the only person that has experienced it in breakup I am sure. When I had her wrapped around my fingers, she was easily disposable. I realized this maybe a matter of frame. She was in my frame and when she wasn't, I was ready to dump. Past times, she wasn't really meeting the conditions of my relationship requirement at several occasions and therefore, I tried to dump her. Many times! Every time she crawled, begged and sucked my ****. This time the tables have turned, she suddenly gained strength and dumped me. Suddenly, I appreciate her and want her in a way that I have never wanted before. Its like I am missing an opportunity of a life time.

I have asked myself why I cheated. Whether it is an inability to commit or a lack of desire. I don't really know. I didn't cheat on her in the beginning of our relationship. During out hot monkey sex moments, I was very happy with the ***** I was getting. It only happened near the end of our relationship. The material changes are that she took on a consulting job and so she travelled a lot. There were many times that she was not physically there. We have tried things such as **** but even with that, things were boring at times.

Other times, I felt she was always challenging my frame and trying to make me make concessions. It was concessions for concessions. Like if I don't do certain things, she won't do certain things. As a result I have made so much concessions for her. But I realize a pattern in myself though. In my life, when I have cheated it was always because things got stale.

1. Never leave you hobbies, work and specially gym on the side for a chick no matter how much attention or s3x she's giving you.

2. If you cheated, you should not have told her, if you're truly regretful, you forgive yourself first by not doing again, there are certain things that are better not to say. Learn it from the next time, it doesn't give you permission either.

3. You had reasons to cheat, why? Did you try to hide when/if she finds out? Never hide the badness, if you did it, there was a reason, you tell it how it is. If you were bored and horny, you tell her, "it didn't mean anything, I was bored and horny" It won't mean she will forgive you, but at least you were not a beta trying to hide his badness from mommy, and the mere act of saying without fear that will trigger something in her that you're not afraid of losing her.

4. You tried reconciliation, it looks to me you were supplicating for her love, she dumped you not because you cheated, because you became a fvcking puzzy, allowing her to disrespect you, being okay with not getting sex from her, doing everything to not lose her.

Cheating is the ultimate competition anxiety for a women. She will be mad, but if you played your cards right that will be increasing your value into her eyes cause other women want to have what she had.

1. I realized that I unknowingly gave up everything since being with her. When she first met me. I had put myself first. Everything was in check and on the rise. Over time I became complacent with her and the relationship. My fitness fell. My hobbies became non-existent or lazy ones like watching TV. My work was alright but I felt my ambitions waned. I was just getting by everyday in a daze.

2. I didn't tell her that I cheated. I was never planning to. I confessed because I was caught. When I was showering one night, I accidentally left a YouTube video running. She snooped into my unlocked phone and read messages and saw it. She has always had a history of snooping. She tried to log into my laptop many times. She will also constantly ask her sisters and other friends whether they saw me out with other girls. She has even messaged some girls that she suspected I might be seeing.

The truth is I had been innocently flirting and day gaming with some girls in the later stages of our relationship because I felt she was getting pedestalized by force. She had tried many times to find out about things. She was constantly investigating me. This was one of the pains of our relationship. It may come from the fact that her best friends all warned her about me because I slept with one of them and had a casual fling which was taken badly. So from the gossip she was never feeling fully secure.

3. Totally agree with you. I don't think I was most alpha in how I addressed the cheating. I tried to water down the reasons of why I cheated to not upset her too much. Maybe I should have just been direct and unapologetic. My frame was wrecked because she tried to say I was a gas lighter, emotional abuser and manipulator. I felt guilty about these allegations so I became supplicating.

4. I been thinking about this too bro. The reconciliation week especially at the end of it, I was so beta. I never begged or cried but I told her I was willing to change and give up more things in life to make her stay. In terms of the lack of sex I even said I could wait. She didn't want any of that. Instead she became even more aggressive and dissing to me. The entire dynamic has shifted.

You say cheating is competition anxiety but how could I have increased my value in her eyes? Don't most girls find cheating to be the worst crime they can suffer?

It is quite possible that she reconciled with you just to inflict pain and suffering before dumping you the second time. This is even more possible if her friends hated you the entire time. There is nothing worse than a woman scorned. Don't be quite so willing to give her a pass for her behavior. You're a DJ. There are plenty of hot girls in your future.

Yeah I don't really know what was the point of the reconciliation she requested. After she found out, we went to dinner I apologized for what I did and told her I'll take my leave. She then asked me to try to fix it for us. Then all I got was increasing hatred. I definitely feel pain and suffering because its like I experienced the break up several times. I had hope it was going back to normal then it wasn't.

The more you are OK if you get dumped and walk away happy, the more they will chase after you for a while and want to get back with you.

Do you think this would have applied to cheating as well?

 

[obelisk]

There are some key insights in your last post man. Reread those for yourself and realize it was not simply you that was ****ing it up along the way. Jealousy, toxic friends and family, snooping, lack of trust. manipulation etc....it is what it is. Chalk it up to the game. It looks like you see the light at the end of tunnel.

Even if she's an influencer? Pfft! You're a DJ ffs.

Cut yourself some slack and focus on the new girls coming into your sphere of influence.

 

[Learning Curve]

The conclusion of your story is the following:

1. Nothing you can do, find the b@lls to move on.
2. Number one.

It hurt's it will. Probably for a few more months before you are good to go.

Try as much as you can to do something to stay occupied the whole time, so you think as less as you can about this situation.

Hit the gym all the good stuff and focus on ur-self.

Next-time don't ever risk f1ucking another woman if you are not ready to lose the one you have. Because finding quality women nowadays is like searching for sugar in the sand.

It's nearly impossible.

 

[Juanto]

did you cohabitate with her after dating for a few months? If so, why?

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Hello brothers,

Feeling down and would like some support and thoughts.

Some Context

Recently a main I had been nested up with in a 7 months LTR dumped me because I fooled around with another chick at a party on a drunken night. (I'm a DJ so at most times I'm at parties and that night drinks/things mixed, it got wild). Felt guilty about it, so met up with her a few days after break up and tried to talk it out. She wanted me to reconcile with her again and fix things. I didnt want to lose her, so I agreed to reconcile. But for a week, I experienced real hell. She frequently blew up and showed me the true wrath of a woman. Picked fights about everything and focused on every possible transgression from past, present to even future. Disregarded any other commitment and things I have ever done. She stopped having sex with me and eventually, she dumped me again because I told her that she had been difficult to me over the week. Her voice and demeanor changed. She didn't seem like the person I met.

The Situation

We have since gone NC. It's been 2 weeks now that I last heard from her. Besides reconciling, I have made no attempts to break NC. I do not intend to break it.

I've been focusing on myself. I've been telling myself to accept that the relationship has ended. There is nothing down that street anymore.

The Pain

However I am still in pain because:

- This is someone I really opened up to. We had a great connection. She knows so many things about me than even my best friend.
- Sex was great. Before maining her, I hooked up with so many plates in a casual life-style but nothing felt as good in terms of sexual compatibility and returns.
- She is beautiful. Your aspirational blonde fitness influencer. We had quite a public relationship. The idea that she will monkey branch to someone else just hurts. And the gossip that will generate as well as the criticism of what I've done if she **** talks just makes me feel like crap.
- We had some very special memories together. Did a lot of crazy things like getting stranded in a National Park or sneaking into a country club, skinny dipping and ****.
- I still find myself missing her and thinking about her. I realize a lot of it maybe rose tinting what happened between us because ironically I have tried to dump her a few times because she can be controlling.
- Recently I took a new girl I met to dinner at a restaurant that just opened up in the city. Saw ex's best friend dining there. I'm sure she saw me and probably reported it to my ex. The idea that my moving on will just reinforce my ex's bad perception of me sucks.
- There hasn't been any great action in terms of plates yet and the idea that it requires so much effort for me to hook up whilst it is probably easy for my ex as a girl to move on or to **** another guy also pains me.

Current Effort

I am currently trying to move on. I've realized that I've been declining and neglecting areas of my life such as fitness, my career and even social circle since being with her. I became comfortable. She was a steady supply of attention, sex and love. Over the past 2 weeks I have been working hard to re-establish these neglected things. I started exercising, made an action plan. Got some career gigs coming up. I've also started going out and meet new girls. One I fingered but didn't **** because I wasn't in the mood yet. Another, I tried to close but was rejected. I am slowly trying to piece everything together but been feeling low.

Would really appreciate some advice on dealing with this. Many of you have probably been in this painful situation and learned a lot from it, what would be the advice you would give yourself and you wish you knew?

She dumped you long before she actually dumped you.
That you fvcked another chick was just a perfect exit strategy and excuse for her and doesn't matter that much.


Girls plan these things for weeks, months - heck even years to dump a guy /LTR, but in most of the cases not until she has an backup/new guy already fvcking her to fill your spot.