Being disposable to women - How to change?

[Firefly]

I am doing one of the inventories of my life that I like to do on a regular basis.

I realised recently that I seem to have become disposable or a second option to a lot of the women that I meet. That is, they will hang out with me if they have nothing better to do (especially since I get a lot of invites to movie premieres, big parties etc and am always looking for people to take along with me) but will drop me like a bad habit as soon as a more interesting option comes along. I have lost count of the times women have agreed to meet me on a particular date and then flaked or just forgotten to get back to me. I suppose I would like to become the sort of guy that women make a priority, but am not sure what to do about it.

This is an issue that I have struggled with for some time, as being treated as disposable has caused a lot of damage to my self-esteem. I first tried increasing my social value by widening up my social circle, and becoming well connected in my community to some success, but this seems to have only lead to women seeing me as a means of getting invites to social events where they can meet men they want to sleep with (I recently went no-contact with a girl because she literally ended up hooking up with a different guy every time I took her out). I am currently working on my physical appearance which I recently let go in the last year (I have lost 13 pounds in the last four weeks, and had some mild signs of interest from random women I have met). I was wondering if any DJ's here have any other tips or hints on how I can change how women perceive me?

 

[scrouds]

True value must come from within. You made your apparent value higher by your connections. But you still need to make yourself more valuable.

Improve your looks and women will want to use your body
Improve your social standing and women will want to use that as well
Improve your wealth and women will want to use your money
Improve your game and women will want to be with you because of the way you make them feel.
If you want women to like you just because you are you, go watch more disney movies.

 

[Firefly]

Yeah, I think I fell into the trap of upping my social connections and then just letting women make use of that without asking for anything in return. I am working on that - I asked a girl recently out to a movie premiere next week, and she accepted but basically said she would not have time to hang out after the film. I wrote back saying that I had asked someone else, but would let her know if the other person couldn't make it, so basically letting her know she was my second choice.

 

[pipe007]

bottom line is that you are saying that you have no power and she has ALL the power.

you only change the perception of how your see YOURSELF

so find out how you can start perceiving yourself as being higher value, more confident, and learn to DECIDE and CHOOSE which is the best girl for you, and YOU DECIDE to reject those that are not good enough for you.

 

[Maxtro]

Yeah, I feel completely disposable too and it caused major damage to my self-esteem.

I think the problem is how we interact with women that just leaves them indifferent.

I'm starting to get the impression that women are like spoiled little kids who do what they want without any fear of repercussions.

 

[Firefly]

Yeah, I feel completely disposable too and it caused major damage to my self-esteem.

I think the problem is how we interact with women that just leaves them indifferent.

I'm starting to get the impression that women are like spoiled little kids who do what they want without any fear of repercussions.

And that's the thing. It is one thing to perceive yourself as being of higher value (and I know I have made some significant steps in the last couple of years to increase my genuine value) but I think having some concrete tips on how to interact with women in a way to convey this value would be of assistance.

 

[samspade]

And that's the thing. It is one thing to perceive yourself as being of higher value (and I know I have made some significant steps in the last couple of years to increase my genuine value) but I think having some concrete tips on how to interact with women in a way to convey this value would be of assistance.

How are you interacting with them now?

Do you stare them down when your eyes are locked?

Do you keep things light and flirty, and do you playfully tease them?

Do you avoid topics such as politics, death, their relationships, and your feelings?

Do you ask questions that stimulate deep rapport? (Google - deep rapport questions).

Do you flirt with other women in front of them?

Do you keep your personal life mysterious?

Do you laugh off, or neg back, when they try to insult, push, or find fault in you?

Do you engage in innuendo, and own your sexuality, your d!ck, and your knowing dominance over her?

Do you believe that the words and information you deliver to her are a gift for her and not the other way around?

These are small mechanical corrections you can make, but they start with a much larger, inner shift of status, confidence, and self-assurance. If you only remember one thing, make it this: Your time, company, and conversation are gifts that you know she wants and will be happy to receive. She paid admission to bathe in your personality.

 

[asid76]

How are you interacting with them now?

Do you stare them down when your eyes are locked?

Do you keep things light and flirty, and do you playfully tease them?

Do you avoid topics such as politics, death, their relationships, and your feelings?

Do you ask questions that stimulate deep rapport? (Google - deep rapport questions).

Do you flirt with other women in front of them?

Do you keep your personal life mysterious?

Do you laugh off, or neg back, when they try to insult, push, or find fault in you?

Do you engage in innuendo, and own your sexuality, your d!ck, and your knowing dominance over her?

Do you believe that the words and information you deliver to her are a gift for her and not the other way around?

These are small mechanical corrections you can make, but they start with a much larger, inner shift of status, confidence, and self-assurance. If you only remember one thing, make it this: Your time, company, and conversation are gifts that you know she wants and will be happy to receive. She paid admission to bathe in your personality.

Firefly, I was just going to write and say I've been there too, and I know the feeling.

But then I saw the post above, which I quoted. Excellent advice Mr Spade!! I have internalized a lot of what you wrote but there are some points there which had a need to be brought up. What a great post! If a man did all the things samspade mentioned, he would have much more "fun" with women.

I have been reading romance novels to get some insight on the female psyche and what I've noticed is they all want to be taken, possessed, or dominated to some degree. What samspade wrote is what the guys in those novels do. Each novel has the "nice guy that the girl SHOULD be with" and every novel has the counter-character - the bad-a$s ie - "the guy she really wants"

 

[MaddXMan]

BIG ups for losing 13 lbs in 4 weeks, that is awesome.

 

[Firefly]

Actually, not to be a complete wanker but I just realised I incorrectly calculated my weight loss. I lost 7 kilos which is actually 15.4, not 13, pounds in 4 weeks, which I am pretty happy about.

 

[Falcon25]

You may want to ask this question to our homosexual members named "ELMER GANTRY" and also "KarmaSutra". PM them if you can. Coming from a gay point of view, they have answers that will solve your problems. Look them up! Good luck!

 

[scrouds]

You may want to ask this question to our homosexual members named "ELMER GANTRY" and also "KarmaSutra". PM them if you can. Coming from a gay point of view, they have answers that will solve your problems. Look them up! Good luck!

Back already? Get the fu%k out of here.