Are these signs she want to end our relationship

[JDiddy]

She has just sent another text now saying "No reply? x".

I can easily say I was called in early, she knows I don't text back while at work anyway. So that should give me time to ponder until tonight.

Why do you think you have to make up some excuse as to why you didnt text back immediatly?

A simply reply of "no worries" or "ok" will/would of done nicely
Dont send a big detailed text full of excuses and stuff you want to happen.

 

[DonutMan]

Yea..this sucks. I'm in a similar situation with a girl I was with for about 4 months. Pretty upset about it this morning, but I was thinking and remembered how much I don't give a **** about the other girls I was crazy about in the past. In fact I'm glad I'm not with most of those *****es now cause they're lives suck compared to mine. Try to think of it that way, it may help. It's not good to be to bitter, but really over time this chick won't matter at all to you. It should especially help that she wasn't even mature enough to say something to your face.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

The issue is with cutting off completely from now is that she has worked her way into my social circle - e.g. that female freind of mine, there pretty much best mates now and are always in my local pub at the weekend.

It is likley I will see her again by chance, in this are of England its just a tiny small town centre surrounded by tiny villages. She goes around the bars every Saturday like I do.

What the hell am I suppost to do when confronted? Am sure she will be contacting my other mates if she doesn't hear from me. Even worse, what if she knocks on my door if shes in the village?

 

[Kailex]

"I'm just feeling a bit unsure of this with us. I like you VERY much but im not sure I want to be in a relationship. I thought I did but I think I want some time to to other stuff. Will talk to you Thursday, if you don't hate me that is. X"

This is the offical ending isn't it? Where no longer together

Reading this just burns me up on the inside with a reckless abandon. The rage I get when I read this knows no bounds... simply because it's HER that's breaking up with you yet SHE'S portraying herself as the victim here.

First of all, yes, it is OVER.
Begin to deal with that fact and begin to move on.

Second, when a woman says she is not sure if she wants to be in a relationship with you, what that means is that she DOESN'T want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

Third, stuff means MEN. Stuff means, stuff without YOU.

I'm thinking of responding tonight with something like "Server went down this morning, got called in early and it looks like I'll be working late to fix it. I want to continue our relationship and look forward to spending the bank holiday weekend with you. Although if this is not what you want I respect that and hope everything turns out well for you." After that just ignoring any request from her to "meet for a chat".

I really don't want to loose her.

Fourth, you already lost her. Deal with that fact as well, but deal with it as THIS: SHE LOST YOU.

Of course she wants a reply from you. Don't give it to her unless you absolutely need closure with the situation, but know this... no matter how hard you try... no matter how much you beg... you two are done, so conserve your dignity and swallow your pride and move on mentally starting NOW.

The only response she is looking for from you is that you are okay with this... she just wants to make sure that you haven't killed yourself... which is why she threw in "If you don't hate me"... that's a way for her to protect herself from her own mental blame.

If you get mad at her or even the tiniest bit of upset... she'll validate herself as the victim. Don't give her that.

You got her text. ALL of us are telling you it's over.
So what else do you need?

She didn't even have the decency to do that over a PHONE CALL, so don't dignify her with a response. You already know you need to move on.

And yes, you will bump into her again... and when you do, you just smile and say HI... very casually. You do NOT show her that this has affected you, you do NOT ask her WHY, you do NOT beg to have her back. None of this is worth it.

Now is time to move on and seek better ventures, better women.

I really hope you heed all of the advice here, because at this point in time, you are sounding really desperate, which can only spell trouble for you.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Duracell, buddy, you need to calm down a bit man. I can understand what you're going through. Sometimes when it's over with me and a woman - i get a little sad/sick to my stomach.... but realize that it only last until you have the next set of breast in your face!

I also think that you 1) Don't feel like you're good with women, so you're trying very hard to hold on to this one... 2) Letting the "not orgasming" thing effect you a little too much. As in, you're worried the next woman may have an issue with it too... Let me tell you - there's A LOT of women that would love an unlimited fvck! And i think with the pressure off you to bust - you'd be there in no time....

SHE HAS TO SEE YOU WITH OTHER WOMEN. She will come back if you treat her like a piece of asss. You have to invoke jealousy. If she is not interested, it doesn't matter. YOU HAVE TO BE AN ASSHOLVE.

The problem with telling him to do this is - it won't be congruent with who he is in the long run.... Something like this COULD get a woman's interest back BUT doing as asshove move when you're not one will only delay the inevitable. This woman is very very USED to being treated like sh!t in a relationship and EXPECTS it! She needs the rush from being abused (mentally or physically).... This guy is not that kind of guy.... Him turning into an @sshole to get her back will only result in him getting hurt once he reverts back into his real self.... It is best he moves on completely.... Even if she doesn't want to! He is very overmatched...

Inexperienced guy vs. LSE used to being abused woman = inexperienced guy getting hurt badly EVERYTIME.

Should I just not respond to her until we next meet or is there anything at all? What would happen if I ask if she has been seeing someone else? I don't have any solid evidence of this but the signs are all there - e.g. only sex at the weekend, like shes getting it elsewhere in the week. Her ex only works weekends.

She could very well be fvcking her ex still! I suspected it from your story about him. He can give her what you can't - a FIST TO THE FACE!

Do you understand? It's NOT YOU WHO IS FVCKING UP - IT IS HER WHO IS FVCKED UP!!!!

When we see each other on Thurs night would putting up a fight to keep things going be hopeless or should I smile and wave???

Don't see her at all. Do something else. You are not strong enough at this point to handle either of those options.

I'm the ****tist b/f on the planet.

STOP THIS FVCKING NONSENSE! This issue is not with you! I'm trying to tell you that; this woman is not of good quality!!!! I don't care how much your friends love her, how much you love her, etc.... SHE is FVCKING TOXIC!

Do not EVER FVCKING THINK that you are in this situation because you treated her badly.... You are in this situation because you DID NOT TREAT HER BAD ENOUGH!

What makes me vier towards thinking otherwise is that in the early stages when she said "am I your g.f?" where I responded "lets wait until etc. etc." she burst into tears and said she loved me and "you don't like me do you? Thats fine I'm used to it".

Oh man, she is sick.... Listen man, as a guy who's been there - she is very right when she says "that's fine im used to it" because she IS! That is what she expects from men! And early on - you wouldn't give her the title of girlfriend, you probably didn't give her many compliments, etc....... And that is why she wanted to fvck you so much! It's so clear to me man! I could sit you down and break down your relationship with her for HOURS!

And bursting into tears because you don't say she's your girlfriend? That is as Low Self-Esteem as you can get! But i guarentee she was turned on by the whole thing! I guarentee she wanted to fvck hard and rough that night!!!!

I'm thinking of responding tonight with something like "Server went down this morning, got called in early and it looks like I'll be working late to fix it. I want to continue our relationship and look forward to spending the bank holiday weekend with you. Although if this is not what you want I respect that and hope everything turns out well for you." After that just ignoring any request from her to "meet for a chat".

Worst idea of all time! You're giving her all the power! You're giving her your balls! The only language this woman understands is men being d!ckheads to her!

As sick as it is, a response like this would work 100Xs more on her: "Blah, i don't really give a fvck what you want to talk about. I don't have the time for it. Maybe some day when you can make me cvm i'll care a little more."

I really don't want to loose her.

You should. She's lose interest, is LSE, and wants to be abused.

Get rid of her now!

Don't worry about being alone! That's all you're worried about!!! WE CAN HELP YOU REPLACE HER!

 

[brokenupinside]

Sorry,everytime I hear "the Village" I remember Mat Lucas.

Ok,listen,been there meself....don't beg for nothing,go long,she expected you to have a strong reaction(what,no reply?),go counterintuitive.....reply non-chalantly,something like kool,see you around.
If you see her in in the village act the same,and get yourself another girl to bang and to be seen with,act as if your life has never been better.
You live in a small town,your reputation is at stake and your own inner well being.

As far as you not being able to have an orgasm....FAKE IT!,do what they do.
You do get a BOW-NER don't you?, so give it an hr and fake one,don't tell them jack about your condition.

When I got dumped I went AFC and now that I'm all better and back to normal I feel ashamed at my reaction and is actually my only one regret,nevr pass the chance to act like a MAN.

 

[thewickedm]

thewickedm, cheers for the links. I will have a good read of these after work tonight over a cold beer.

She has just sent another text now saying "No reply? x".

I can easily say I was called in early, she knows I don't text back while at work anyway. So that should give me time to ponder until tonight.

I note your opinion and have breifly skimmed over the posts.

From the situation it is all towards as you say everything makes sense not to meet her and not respond to any further contact at all for the next couple of months.

What makes me vier towards thinking otherwise is that in the early stages when she said "am I your g.f?" where I responded "lets wait until etc. etc." she burst into tears and said she loved me and "you don't like me do you? Thats fine I'm used to it".

Could her recent text just be one of her stunts to cause a bit of drama?

But then I'm thinking if she was so obsessed over me she wouldn't be saying she's thinking of ending what we have.

I'm thinking of responding tonight with something like "Server went down this morning, got called in early and it looks like I'll be working late to fix it. I want to continue our relationship and look forward to spending the bank holiday weekend with you. Although if this is not what you want I respect that and hope everything turns out well for you." After that just ignoring any request from her to "meet for a chat".

I really don't want to loose her.

MY BROTHER. You are analysing things too much. One of the most important things I've learned on these forums is, Judge a woman by her actions and not her words.

It doesn't matter what she says blah blah, or what she said blah blah. At any time, what a girl says is just a reflection of her feelings at that point in time. So what if she said those things she said when she first got together with you? She has taken the action of ending the relationship.

I don't want to sound harsh here bro, but.. seriously, you want her back? or you just don't want to be dumped by her? Yes, we can all come in to help you analyse in depth about whether she was just throwing some drama, some **** tests whatever when she said those things about breaking up. But, there is something more important here. Do you REALLY want a girl who throws up **** tests and goes thru all the **** with you about breaking up, just only because she wants your attention? Or do you want a girl who is matured enough to handle her insecurities? If she's done it once, she will do it again and again. I've fallen prey to such crap too often, and from the same girl too. It eats away your judgement and clarity after awhile.

So, instead of convincing yourself that she's the one and you don't want to lose her, why not open your heart and accept that you fouled up. Yes, we all do foul up. Nobody here is perfect, we just keep trying to work towards being perfect. Whether or not she's worked her way into your social circle is totally unimportant. We're not saying that she won't try to find out about you thru your common friends, we are just telling you that you shouldnt be the one providing the information to her.

After all, shouldn't you have a life to live, with or without her?

 

[DonGorgon]

• Less bubbly and a little less energy then usual
• She used to invite me over almost every day for food at her place etc.
• Sex is only now once a week
• She isn't as affectionate towards me as before, e.g. when sleeping together she used to say things like "Where are you?" if were not cuddling up together or she would put her arm around me and lightly kiss me on the back of the neck if my back was to her. This has stoped completely.
• It is now always me that has to get things moving to have sex, e,g, she doesn't give anything on impulse, anyting on return is for a very short time
• She used to send random text messages while I was at work with things such as "Can't wait to see you tonight" or "I was thinking about you and got really horny"

she has a new man in her life already and she is getting ready to dump you... be strong and dump er now with no explanation at all to her.. she knows what she is doing and it is obvious that she is emotionally disconnected from you already.

 

[todays_news]

I've had the same thing happen with my ex.

Sure it hurt at the time, when we broke up. I know, we know, everyone knows.. But the fact is that she's ugly. Which means you could do better. Her loss at the end of the day.. Meet new women, make new friends, get another hobby. Seriously, you need to try and man up, because believe me when you get over it, you will come back stronger and more experienced for the next girl that gives you the run around.

The First thing you need to do, is be honest with yourself, for the sake of pride if nothing else. And accept that its over.

The Second thing that needs to be done, is to get your self worth back. You're in a good job for a start, and you know that you can do better than this fvckpie of a woman. Grab your balls man, and tell yourself that you dont need a girl to complete your life. Particularly an ugly one.

The Third point i should make is, that if you look at your previous thread about how you weren't sure about her, and how you werent sure about a relationship, how you werent sure about her face. Well look at you now, a shadow of you when you wrote it. The old you, the guy that wrote that thread, the one that didnt need a girl in his life, the guy with the loose morals on a womans appearance (high fives on that).. well that should be your target. Because then you'll be happy again.

You're feeling at a sense of loss, because you cant picture life without her in the short term. And as you say, you dont want to lose her. The trick is to fill the gaps that she has left. No woman is irreplacable, and there's no better way of getting your masculinity, confidence and self worth back than getting another to girl in your bed and to fill those voids she has left.

She's a crazy *****.
Out with the old and in the with the new.
Happy hunting. And no dont contact her, just cut her out.

 

[Serg897]

When I got dumped I went AFC and now that I'm all better and back to normal I feel ashamed at my reaction and is actually my only one regret,nevr pass the chance to act like a MAN.

Also:

You're feeling at a sense of loss, because you cant picture life without her in the short term. And as you say, you dont want to lose her. The trick is to fill the gaps that she has left. No woman is irreplacable, and there's no better way of getting your masculinity, confidence and self worth back than getting another to girl in your bed and to fill those voids she has

Some great advice here. Its long overdue that I start applying this in my own life.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

When I got back from work I read through all of the break up links and these replies in detail.

I sent her the message "OK, I won't be available tommorow night. See you out and about sometime maybe. Bye."

Renamed phone number to remove kinky name, delated all text messages, deleted her asigned photo, deleted all photos of her and changed her ringtone to "silent".

Went out for a run at the usual place...

Altough.........

A big thanks to all you guys that have given your opinion and you are bang on. Her car is parked outside of her ex's house right now!!!!

In shock and panic I texted her freind (I know, I know) asking if the "hoe" turned up to see her (the hoe told me last night she was seing this freind tonight) and wella.. she responds explaining no.

AAARGHHH!!!!!!!! Good ****in job you lot told me not to go crying back. I am so full of rage and feel short of breath.

I'm tempted to broadcast to my freinds, maybe even a sarcastic message to the hoe.

Please stop me if thats going to cause issues, but she's involved with my freinds here, I don't want her anywhere near me.

I feel so ****ing worthless right now as to why she has gone for someone else. Yeah she was ugly, but that was the only girl I was capable of getting.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Again, not surprised....

I HIGHLY doubt that she's cut contact with him during ANY point you guys have been together. In fact - she probably hasn't told him you guys were even "dating".

Ugly? (which probably has a lot to do with you not busting) History of abusive relationships? Fresh out of a failed engagement? This woman is trash; your mistake was in attaching yourself to her.... and if you stick around and learn from us - we can help you AS LONG AS YOU DROP THAT D@MN "i suck at life =(" attitude... if you're unwilling to drop that - you will never change!

As far "broadcasting" your dirt (i presume on a social networking site) - I wouldn't do that if i were you.

You can tell your close friends what happened in person... no need to "broadcast it".....

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Its ok my reference to broadcasting was to text my freinds who live locally and become to find her a good catch.

I'm not really keen on social networking sites.

I really want to tell her I know to prefent any conflict with these mates of mine. Better if both sides know.

 

[hansol]

Dude, if your mates are "mates", they won't jump to conclusions without talking to you first. Relax.

 

[pipe007]

work on yourself and raise your standards.

if you did, you would let her go and thank her for letting you free to find a not so ugly stable chick

 

[masterpiece]

At the end of the day they are your friends so i wouldnt worry to much about it, just tell them personally dont broadcast it that you to arnt together no more.

Move on from here and use the experience gained from the relationship to move on. I got dumped by my ex and it took a while to get over her but i played the field for a bit and now have found a girl that's much better than she ever was.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Many thanks for all your responses.

This has given me a good insight and a slap to the face with a wet flannel.

Decided not to contact the girl or my freinds (I will yet them find our naturally). Only told my female freind briefly by text.

I'm now following and posting as suggested here.

 

[thewickedm]

You keep it up bro. Anytime you feel like giving in to temptation, do this. Take a deep breath, and visualise very clearly the scene where you saw the car at the house and confirmed our suspicions. Immerse yourself in the pain you felt. The disappointment. The sense of loss.

Then remind yourself that if you crumble in any way, she will be back in your life and repeating this murder of your heart and pride over and over again over the next few years

 

[todays_news]

one other thing i would say, is that if you are so desperate to call her.. simply call somebody else.

when i split, if i ever felt tempted I would simply call somebody in my family or a friend. not necessarily to talk about the break up, but just for a chat. It takes your mind off it, and it helps alot, you should try it.

To be honest since i broke up with my gf, I've become a lot more cynical about things, particularly women, if somebody does something I dont like, then I shut the door. Because all women are replacable, you'll start to realise that soon, providing you stay with the no contact game.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Er.... ermm... this is getting very strange.

Still no response from the cheating lady.

This female freind tried calling me today (the one I've known for years - we did **** on a random drunken night before I met cheating girl - I wouldn't even dream of doing that again, shes fat, has poor hygine and bad dress sense. yuk! But a good laugh to have a pint with in the local and has become good freinds with cheating girl, us 3 used to go pub every Friday), I didn't answer and she cold called at my house about an hour ago.

She timed it so wrong, just moments before I was rolling around on my bed in tears so I wan't exacly in a right frame of mind.

Anyway, I guess she came to investigate

Predictably she claimed she was checking if I was ok and asked why I thought my girl was cheating with her ex and responded with "oh maybe there just freinds" and "maybe she was working late".

After explaining what I saw and pointing out why has she not told him she was with me, why has she changed the wording and timing of her texts in a negative way, change of routine etc. etc. I got a little emotional and said I won't be responding to any of her calls or texts she hasn't got back to me anyway. Female freind responds "She will be!!".

Gave further explanation saying even if I did considor getting back and I was wrong in my findings it wouldn't work as I can't trust her. From here female freind changes attitude with the "oh you will find someone better" and going less defensive in her opinions of cheating girl and explaining about how she dumped somone once and moved on etc.

From what she said, cheating girl has said to her she doesn't know whats happening with us, I got the picture cheating girl is not at all upset. Did she not get the hint or has she not got any emotion towards me???

Female freind leaves by saying "contact me sometime if you need girlie talk a chat over a glass of wine or something that you can't do with the lads."

I know she came over on her own accord, but does this look like a terrible issue here and I will have to resort cutting off and loosing a freind I have known for years as well???