AFC no more!

[Die Hard]

Well, it's been one month since I decided to change. If I were to seriously follow a bootcamp, things would most probably go faster but I'm happy with the progress so far.

I've really changed my basic convictions about women and the whole mating game and they're becoming a part of my system.

I've also made it second nature to be very aware of women around me, look for opportunities to interact with them in a sexual context and improve my game. For example, I was shopping today (I do that a lot lately, guess why ). I went down on an escalator and on the opposite one I saw a HB going up. I tried to make eye contact, she looked back at me, so I looked down her body and then up again, did it very obviously on purpose. I saw her eyes change, suddenly she had this "eager" look on her face and was looking at me very intensely . I smiled and walked out of the store... I don't yet have the balls to simply take the escalator upstairs again and approach her there! But that will come... She really got a look in her eyes like she wanted me to f*ck her right there! But I know I would've screwed up and gotten nervous once I approached her... As I said, that will come, until now my main objective was to make it second nature to interact in a sexual context with every goddamn woman that enters my eyesight. I think I've reached that objective now . Whenever I see a woman I try to flirt with her, it has really become a habit!

I've been working on my kino-game with a lot of girls at work but I can still feel myself being hesitant and afraid that they will give a negative response many times, especially with HB8's or higher. Below that level, I'm pretty confident most of the time.

I made one attempt to hook up with a girl, the one in the clothing store. It wasn't a real approach, I didn't have the balls...so contacted her on the internet and she rejected me.

I've started a little game with my BPD ex, trying to seduce her and f*ck her once. I don't think it's gonna work...I can prevent her from getting me under her control but I don't have the skills to get her under my control either. I think it's gonna end with both of us ignoring eachother and expecting the other one to budge, but none of us will budge so the game ends.

Summed up: My inner game has evolved a lot and the tendency to flirt with girls has become second nature.

Next objective should be making it second nature to approach and go for a number close! Damn, I can sense myself being nervous for this objective and wanting to postpone it... Jesus, I'm such a wimp! What are they, gods?! No, they're just p*ssies/ass/tits surrounded by some limbs and a head on top of it, brought into this world for only one thing: to bring me pleasure!!

AFC no more, f*ckface!

 

[Die Hard]

Was in the gym today. Some chick (HB7.5) was using the leg extension machine so I waited until she completed her current set (I hate it when people talk to me when I'm in the middle of a set, so I never do it to others either) and asked her politely: "Excuse me, do you have many sets left to do?" She had a real b*tch look on her face and said in a very unsympathetic tone: "Yes." without even looking at me! I waited one or two seconds and kept looking at her, as to let her know that I found her behavior unappropriate. But she just acted like I wasn't there lol... I was in a very good mood at the moment so I didn't take any offence at her behavior. I was more like "lol, you're weird", I guessed she probably had a bad day so I simply said "Okay!" and walked over to the leg curl machine. I got on it, adjusted the seat and did one set. After that first set, I looked behind me: She had left the leg extension machine!! WTF?!?! She just confirmed to me that she still had many sets to do but she was gone 2 minutes later?!

Now I WAS pissed off... I wanted to confront her but she was on a stepping machine, right in front of a window, her body faced to the window, and she was talking with her girlfriend. It was easy for her to ignore me if I would've approached her, I couldn't stand in front of her, there was no space between her and the window. So I decided to wait until she would be finished with that exercise and try to confront her then. But while I was doing another exercise, apparently she had left the gym.....

This has nothing to do with trying to hit on her, I didn't feel attracted to her anyway. But this DOES have to do with taking no sh*t from women!! In hindsight, I'm so p*ssed off at her behavior, who the hell does she think she is?!?!? I swear to God, next time I see her, I'm gonna do something condescending. Like looking at her while she does an exercise and laugh at her in a scoffing way (English is not my native language, so I hope you know what I mean by this). What a C*NT!!

 

[Die Hard]

Been going through some sh!tty times this last month or so. Greatly affected my battle against AFC-ness...I've been feeling lost in life in general, so also felt lost about the whole AFC/DJ thing. Things are getting better, though. Just have to pick up where I left off over a month ago. I'm feeling kinda restless/confused at this moment, can't really think clear...but I'm seriously contemplating this plan to set a deadline for myself: ask out one of the two chicks at work before Valentine's Day.

Keep pushing forward...don't stop, don't fall over, stay on your feet and keep pushing forward...

 

[zekko]

But this DOES have to do with taking no sh*t from women!! In hindsight, I'm so p*ssed off at her behavior, who the hell does she think she is?!?!? I swear to God, next time I see her, I'm gonna do something condescending.

I think you're overreacting about this. The thing about people is that they can get in each other's way. Sometimes they get thrown together in a room and can get on each other's nerves. It's just the nature of the beast. People are annoying.

I wish you luck with your efforts, but hitting on girls at work isn't an ideal situation. I've done it, I admit, but it isn't an ideal situation.

 

[Die Hard]

Note to self: When getting advice, remember why you are what you are and why you do what you do at a certain moment of time or during a certain period of time. If you don't keep this clear for yourself, you'll automatically believe whatever your advicer fills in at the gaps!

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks for your advice, Donutman. To be honest, I don't worry about that. I would never make a kino move that's significant enough to be considered "sexual harassment" if she hasn't given me some IOI's yet. Besides kino can be done very subtly and you can make it more significant gradually. For example: Today one of my female colleagues (who I don't know that well) was putting on her coat, she was facing me with her back and I had to pass her. So I gently put my hands on her shoulders and turned her body a little so I could pass. That's just innocent kino and if she responds well to it, in combination with showing other IOI's, I know I can try more significant kino moves (like when I put my hand on the hand of 'second girl') and be pretty sure I won't get sued by her .

 

[Die Hard]

Solved some very important stuff in my life! Everything's gonna be so much better for me now, I have so much more energy and happiness. I'm curious how this will all influence the "woman part" of my life! We'll see..

 

[Die Hard]

Hmm, I keep improving but not as much as I'd like. Whenever I interact with a woman, I try to grab and control the frame, I flirt, I play with them etc. and it works pretty well for me. But when it comes to the girls I really dig, I still act like a moron...

Gotta break through that barrier! :box: When I'm with HB7's or lower, I feel confident and can wrap them around my finger. I just have to transfer that to the HB8's and higher.

And I'm gonna fukkin prove it to myself the first chance I get!!

 

[Die Hard]

Lessons learned... Worked with HB8.5 yesterday and acted towards her like she was just a toy. Like I planned, I treated her just like I would treat a hb6.

It's funny how much impact that little attitude change had... First of all, it caused us to become a lot closer, we talked a lot, opened up to each other and I got to know her a lot better. This caused me to realize that she's actually just some stupid chick. I discovered a lot of personality traits of her and convictions she holds that I dissaprove of. My interest level dropped quite a lot and this automatically reinforced my attitude of "you have to qualify towards me, not the other way around".

Second thing that came out of this all: At one point during conversation, I just asked her if she has a boyfriend. Her answer was yes... WTF? I always thought she was single! Her facebook said so and she always acted and talked like she was single (whenever other chicks at work talked about their boyfriends she would never even hint that she had one too, she always kept quiet). But anyway, I feel like a moron: contemplating whether or not I should make a move on her and the implications that would have for my career and yackety yackety yack!! Blehhh, what a fukkin loser I am!

But like I said: Lessons learned!

 

[zekko]

Lessons learned... Worked with HB8.5 yesterday and acted towards her like she was just a toy. Like I planned, I treated her just like I would treat a hb6.

Yeah, that is a big key to things, I think. To be as loose and natural and yourself just as much with a HB8 or 9 as you are with the 6. Easier said than done, of course, since with the higher value girls there's always that "damn I'd like to hit that" running through the back of your mind. It's a bit of a distraction.

 

[Die Hard]

I guess so... I can only speak for myself but I think this apllies to a lot of other guys: As a child I never got any love. Even worse: My mom was a classic BPD cvnt. Anyone here who has dealt with a BPD in his love life knows how destructive they can be. And that’s speaking of guys who are already grown up, who have already turned into autonomous individuals. Now imagine being a child, being totally dependant of the BPD, physically, mentally, emotionally, the very development of your personality lying in her hands. My psyche has been thoroughly destroyed during years of continuously having to deal with my BPD mom, experiencing all the exact same **** that you have to endure when you have one as a girlfriend... Anyway, I had to totally disconnected myself emotionally, in order to survive my childhood. No love, no feelings… So there’s a great gap inside of me and whenever I like a girl, the gap wants to be filled by her. That’s all unconscious stuff which I need to control. And I think that’s basically what all true AFC’s have to deal with, although the gap inside and the according “need” to be filled may have a very wide range depending on each person.

So… That’s basically my struggle, my road to cure from AFC-ness. What makes things hard, is the fact that in order to fill the gap, you should need someone who is special, which creates a paradox.... If I could acquire a girl who is special in my eyes (stunningly beautiful, great character etc. etc.) I would feel like the she could fill the gap inside of me. An angel… That’s what I long for inside. Rationally I realize that such a person does not exist..and even if she existed, she could not fill the gap, it needs to be filled by you yourself, you have to come at peace with yourself, no one else can do it for you. But unconsciously, that longing will persist and it will influence you when you deal with women. It wants to put women on a pedestal because it wants some very special angel-like girl who can fulfill the gap. From your unconscious, it influences what you feel, how you think and how you act in regard to a girl you like. It makes you AFC! And so, it makes you sukk at gaming girls, you'll only drive them away with your behaviour. That's the paradox... And that stuff is just very tough to control… Like we all know: reading here, we can rationally understand perfectly how we should act with women, but once we really have to do it, we have lots of trouble with it.

So anyway, I’ve been doing it with this chick as well. Since our last meeting, I see her for what she really is..while before, in my mind, I was turning her into something which she is not: having that “Oh, there she is! What am I gonna say? How can I make a good impression on her?” attitude, like she’s something special, or could offer me something special. But she can’t. I always realize that whenever I find out a girl is not interested in me, but never during the period when I’m still hoping to “get” her. Same thing happened this time… But I’m taking it with me, I’m writing it down here and I will remind myself of it the next time I meet someone I like. The attitude change I made this week must become permanent, it must be there even before I start liking someone. And eventually it will, because I’ve vowed to myself that I will cure from AFC-ness..and I will constantly remind myself of this by reading this forum and read/write in this particular thread I created…

On we go!:rockon: