"You're the Sherminator." How does one cultivate *actual* confidence?

[MascaraSnake]

My roommate's not a Don Juan by any means, but he's a very socially adept member of my circle that I'm proud to have as a confidant. He told me very something very sobering the other day when I started *****ing about girls.

“MascaraSnake, you're the real life version of The Sherminator from American Pie. You relentlessly hit on women way out of your league, and then you slink off into a corner and say '**** the world' when they see through your obviously faked confidence and the inevitable happens. You reek of bitterness and insecurity much of the time, and women can tell.”

My roommate isn't exactly a Don Juan – in fact, he tends to get crazy social anxiety around girls. Hearing this from him was something I wasn't pleased about.

He continued, to my chagrin. “You date a lot, but that's only because you're so willing to go on a date – and even a broken clock is right twice a day. You know why you don't get a lot of second dates? Because you lead with your ****. It seems like you need to get laid to prove yourself, and women hate that.”

He then said something that really got to me:

“You know those friendzoned pantywaist satellite boys you look down on? They're on a higher tier than you are.”

Honestly, he's right. While I've begun to get my crap together in life and date better women (eating better, lifting weights, gotten a better job, taking college seriously), being bad with women has always been a cosntant with me, and has only gotten moderately better since high school. I still date 5s and 6s on average...with a rare 7.

It seems like even as my life continues and I find meaning in it, my number 1 priority has always been to screw hot girls (and stamp my feet and complain when it isn't happening). Genuine swagger is a very important part of self-improvement. How does one cultivate it?

 

[CrimsonPanther]

you shouldn't care so much mate. girls and getting laid is not the meaning of life. you feel less because you are not getting the "hot chicks", but you should actually concentrate on your future, and self development. just socialize and instead of getting desperate to get laid, watch others and learn. learn what to do, how to do and how NOT to do.
the sherminator's problem was that he was also ugly. are YOU ugly? if yes, how? your face? grow a beard / get rid of the beard, change haircut, if your body, hit the gym, do some sports. dress, look, smell and BE someone you can look up to and be proud of. you can do it.

by what you wrote though in the OP, it seems to me, your biggest problem is VANITY. you date the 5-7's, yet you don't feel satisfied. why? 5-7 have the same pvssies, they sit on the toilet the same way the HB10 does. i think you want to show off. maybe i am mistaken.

be happy with those 5-7's, and you will project the state of spirit you need to get the hotter ones. while i also care about looks, i can say this: do not be a shallow person. there are 7's who will make you happier than any spoiled brat 10.

 

[VladPatton]

Your roommate don't know dıck. First and foremost, stop complaining about girls to people! Of course you will automatically be placed below them, you're self-admitting you aren't where you wanna be. When you do this, everyone will jump aboard and put you down so they can look better. It's how people make you feel inferior. Also, abandon all hope that other people will help you get laid. That's not gonna happen.

Would you tell a guy you're about to fight "look man, I'll fight you, but you're gonna win, so I'll just go through with it for shıts and giggles..ok, hit me...now...". No, you wouldn't, you'd honestly fight for your own hide. Same here. Don't tell people your shortcomings, that's just for you to figure out. Those who get puṣṣy need not advertise about it. Once you figure this out, you truly begin to stop giving a fück about anyone's opinion about you. Only then can you truly work on yourself and move on.

Lesson of the day: Stop giving a fück at all costs and stop stomping your feet when things don't go your way. MAKE them go your way.

 

[MascaraSnake]

by what you wrote though in the OP, it seems to me, your biggest problem is VANITY. you date the 5-7's, yet you don't feel satisfied. why? 5-7 have the same pvssies, they sit on the toilet the same way the HB10 does. i think you want to show off. maybe i am mistaken.

No, you're dead on bro.

When I see a hot chick, I'm not thinking "come to papa baby, I'm gonna make you orgasm 8 times", I'm thinking "ooo, my social circle will see this and be impressed". I tend to see women as ways to "prove" myself.

 

[888]

Saw this a few days ago, been mulling it over. maybe it's a little late, but I figured I'd weigh in.

"You're the real life version of The Sherminator from American Pie. You relentlessly hit on women way out of your league, and then you slink off into a corner and say '**** the world' when they see through your obviously faked confidence and the inevitable happens.

You know those friendzoned pantywaist satellite boys you look down on? They're on a higher tier than you are.”

In a way, he's right about this. While those AFC orbiters might not be getting laid right now, they're learning to relate to women on a more natural and normal level. Assuming they develop as a person based on the feedback they get, instead of just being p*ssies their whole lives and wondering what's going wrong (and honestly, a whole lot of them WILL fall into that trap), in a few years, their social calibration is going to be absolutely airtight and their game is going to f*cking EXPLODE. Why? Because they'll have put in the sh*t work, they will have learned through rejection and failure by actually putting their REAL selves on the line and found through FIRST HAND experience what does and does not work for them PERSONALLY in terms of attracting women. Their game won't even BE game; it'll just be a natural part of their personality, firmly rooted in life experience.

You shouldn't look down on the average guy just because of where he's at now; it would be like going to the gym and mocking the people who are just starting out. Sure, a lot of them WILL just give up and be useless pieces of fat forever, but if they put in consistent effort they're going to get JACKED.

A big part of this PUA stuff centers around THEORIES of attraction; it's sort of like "act this way, and never get rejected again!" Ultimately the only thing that these techniques accomplish is put up a bit of shield for you, they're little training wheels so you'll feel enough (false) confidence to go out and put yourself on the line and LEARN FOR YOURSELF.

With the workout analogy, the theory gives you the boost to actually get off your couch and hit the gym. You might be inclined to think you're suddenly a bad mofo right off the bat and start hitting up 10's; this is as ridiculous as thinking that by reading workout guides, you'll be able to start out benching several hundred pounds. Not going to happen. You need to be willing to deal with the fact that, when you start out, you are going to absolutely SUCK. You've got to FULLY own up to your own lack of skill, don't even try to be something you aren't yet; just know that if you put in the groundwork, the results are naturally going to follow.

If you develop your "outer" game from a foundation based on theory and techniques, you might get a temporary leg up on the competition for now, but it's only going to get more and more complicated the deeper in you go, and you're never going to have a deep intrinsic understanding of what the f*ck it is exactly you're doing or why you're doing it. On the other hand, if you develop your "inner" game (eg your own goddam self as a person in terms of how you naturally and instinctively interact with women), it's going to start out sh*t in the beginning, but it'll get easier and easier as you progress.

We are literally BRED through billions of years of evolution to be masters of reproduction. Aside from de-programming some false beliefs that society has beamed into your head, there's nothing you really need to read or learn in order to get good with women; you just need to go out and learn and grow into your own power. Just because you suck now doesn't mean you're going to be sh*t forever. The time is going to pass anyway; would you rather spend the next X years of your life learning to be some cheesy PUA f*ckup, or would you rather just go full-blown natural? Your call.

 

[zekko]

In a way, he's right about this. While those AFC orbiters might not be getting laid right now, they're learning to relate to women on a more natural and normal level. Assuming they develop as a person based on the feedback they get, instead.

Yeah, I think some guys are at such a bad place when it comes to women that they are looking up at the orbiters. They are the omegas to the betas.

In most cases, you have to be at least somewhat sexually appealing to be an orbiter, otherwise the attention they get off of you would not be so valuable. Orbiters may get the occasional kiss, or even sex at times, if the woman they are enamored with wants to hang on to them. Women will sometimes keep orbiters as potential placeholder boyfriends in times of need. The orbiters are not their first choice by any means, but may do in a pinch - better than going without.

Some women can be very fond of their orbiters. I know a woman who put in a great deal of effort to throw her orbiter a surprise party for his birthday. She talks highly of him, as one of the few people she can really trust. To a struggling omega who fumbles to even try to have a conversation with a woman, to be an orbiter would be a big step up.