squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
- Messages
- 6,628
- Reaction score
- 178
- Age
- 45
You're not afraid of rejection. Rejection is safe.
Think about it...when you DON'T engage with a woman, you're safe. You haven't put any of yourself out there. You haven't taken any risk or made any commitment of your time.
Suppose you DO roll up on a girl and she shuts you down cold. Again, you haven't made any commitment of your time besides the little you already spent. You're essentially back to where you started with the ladies, and the risk you've taken has been minimal. You haven't given her any opportunity to really judge you. You haven't let her get close enough to affect your feelings. Essentially, rejection is a NEAR-ZERO RISK situation.
No...what you're afraid of is ACCEPTANCE.
You're not worrying, "Oh my God, what if she turns me down?" That would be the easiest way out of the situation you're putting yourself into. What you're saying to yourself is, "Oh my God, what if she says YES??"
If she gives you her number or agrees to a date, then all of a sudden you have a RESPONSIBILITY. You're committed to furthering the sarge. You're forced to expose more of yourself as you spend more time with this girl. Suddenly, what you do takes on a whole new level of importance!!
The worst of you with women has never even BEEN at this level before. The rest have been exposed to it at some level, but this "performance anxiety" is what REALLY stresses you out.
-If you spend time with her, you'll have to spend time with all her friends, who will ALSO judge you.
-If she accepts you, then you'll have to set aside time you were using for something else, or saving for God knows what, to spend with HER.
-You'll actually have to find creative ways to spend your time, now that you're with her, because before, just lying on your couch, you only disappointed yourself.
-You'll have to become educated, learn to dress nice, make the money to keep step with everything you want to do, learn to socialize with other human beings, and learn to have FUN at the same time!!
Think of all the responsibility!! So much easier to...
...SABOTAGE THE APPROACH!!
That's right...the reason a lot of you get rejected with women is because you SABOTAGE your own approach. Sure, you'll go up and run your so-called "Game", but that voice inside of you that fears all this initiation will keep telling you, "If she accepts you, you're more screwed than you were before!" That will leak out in your mannerisms, in your nervous habits, in your awkward speech. She will see this and HONOR YOUR REQUEST for rejection.
When you go to pick up a woman, you're not just picking HER up. They're not livestock. You pick up a whole EXPERIENCE. You pick up a lifestyle change, EVEN if you're only with that girl long enough to get laid, EVEN if there's no relationship involved.
Women aren't a commodity, they're an experience. What pushes you outside your comfort zone isn't expressing interest in the product, it's completing the transaction. It's COMMITTING to whatever the experience brings.
So the first thing you need to do...is decide whether you really WANT to have a go with women. It's not something you can do half-way, or they will reject you every single time. You either want women in your life YES, or you want women in your life NO.
And if you DO want them, then that doesn't mean you can just approach, get digits, and then have booty on-tap like running water. It means you're gonna be taken on a bit of a ride. Like getting on a rollercoaster, you can pretend that you're afraid you won't be THIS TALL enough to ride, but your real fear is that you WILL be, and once that lap-bar comes down, you're committed to whatever comes next for at least the next serveral minutes.
Think about it...when you DON'T engage with a woman, you're safe. You haven't put any of yourself out there. You haven't taken any risk or made any commitment of your time.
Suppose you DO roll up on a girl and she shuts you down cold. Again, you haven't made any commitment of your time besides the little you already spent. You're essentially back to where you started with the ladies, and the risk you've taken has been minimal. You haven't given her any opportunity to really judge you. You haven't let her get close enough to affect your feelings. Essentially, rejection is a NEAR-ZERO RISK situation.
No...what you're afraid of is ACCEPTANCE.
You're not worrying, "Oh my God, what if she turns me down?" That would be the easiest way out of the situation you're putting yourself into. What you're saying to yourself is, "Oh my God, what if she says YES??"
If she gives you her number or agrees to a date, then all of a sudden you have a RESPONSIBILITY. You're committed to furthering the sarge. You're forced to expose more of yourself as you spend more time with this girl. Suddenly, what you do takes on a whole new level of importance!!
The worst of you with women has never even BEEN at this level before. The rest have been exposed to it at some level, but this "performance anxiety" is what REALLY stresses you out.
-If you spend time with her, you'll have to spend time with all her friends, who will ALSO judge you.
-If she accepts you, then you'll have to set aside time you were using for something else, or saving for God knows what, to spend with HER.
-You'll actually have to find creative ways to spend your time, now that you're with her, because before, just lying on your couch, you only disappointed yourself.
-You'll have to become educated, learn to dress nice, make the money to keep step with everything you want to do, learn to socialize with other human beings, and learn to have FUN at the same time!!
Think of all the responsibility!! So much easier to...
...SABOTAGE THE APPROACH!!
That's right...the reason a lot of you get rejected with women is because you SABOTAGE your own approach. Sure, you'll go up and run your so-called "Game", but that voice inside of you that fears all this initiation will keep telling you, "If she accepts you, you're more screwed than you were before!" That will leak out in your mannerisms, in your nervous habits, in your awkward speech. She will see this and HONOR YOUR REQUEST for rejection.
When you go to pick up a woman, you're not just picking HER up. They're not livestock. You pick up a whole EXPERIENCE. You pick up a lifestyle change, EVEN if you're only with that girl long enough to get laid, EVEN if there's no relationship involved.
Women aren't a commodity, they're an experience. What pushes you outside your comfort zone isn't expressing interest in the product, it's completing the transaction. It's COMMITTING to whatever the experience brings.
So the first thing you need to do...is decide whether you really WANT to have a go with women. It's not something you can do half-way, or they will reject you every single time. You either want women in your life YES, or you want women in your life NO.
And if you DO want them, then that doesn't mean you can just approach, get digits, and then have booty on-tap like running water. It means you're gonna be taken on a bit of a ride. Like getting on a rollercoaster, you can pretend that you're afraid you won't be THIS TALL enough to ride, but your real fear is that you WILL be, and once that lap-bar comes down, you're committed to whatever comes next for at least the next serveral minutes.
This definitely bolsters the importance of self acceptance. Acceptance or belonging is the first intrinsic tier of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs after physiological and safety needs. 
