You're a nice guy? It can be a good thing.

[thirdtimescharm]

Do you hate that?

Got messaged from a woman on Match.com. We live two thousand miles apart. I replied something to the effect of "I don't do long distance dating" and she said she comes to my city on business a couple of times a month. I said great, let me know when you are in town and we can hang out.

So the first time she is in town, I give her a call and she tells me she is out at a restaurant with a couple of guys she works with, and if I'm not afraid of that, I could join them. Afraid? Please.

So I join the three of them, the two guys sitting together on one side of the table and her with me. And I proceed to ignore her for about 5 minutes at least, and just talk to the guys.

Of course, she's already attracted to me and this is just ramping it up.

But, I am in no hurry here. She's nice and all, but I'm developing a little harem. A woman in 5 miles away who comes and does overnighters at least once a week, at my whim. Another potential suitor a few blocks away, nice, sane, wealthy. Tomorrow, a meeting with a fine actress.

I will say...I date a lot. I may have a hard time getting off the roller coaster. However, my divorce has not yet been final for a whole year, and I am not hard on myself. In fact, I treat myself pretty good.

Her next trip in, we meet at a bar, I have a drink (she's already had some with coworkers) and then I ask if I can see her room. On the bed, she says "you're a nice guy" and she proceeds to give me an awesome bl$% job and swallows everything. Who saw the Chris Rock comedy bit? Classic!

 

[MisterMcGee]

Yay, another post where one thinks a "niceguy" is a "nice guy". NICEGUY is a nickname, a title, an archetype. A Nice Guy is just a guy who is nice in some aspect.
I love seeing people try to prove that being kind is good, as if anyone is saying that it is bad. Nobody is saying goodheartedness is a bad trait. Being a niceguy has nothing to do with being kind or any of that bs, it's about being an AFC.

 

[Trader]

Yay, another post where one thinks a "niceguy" is a "nice guy". NICEGUY is a nickname, a title, an archetype. A Nice Guy is just a guy who is nice in some aspect.
I love seeing people try to prove that being kind is good, as if anyone is saying that it is bad. Nobody is saying goodheartedness is a bad trait. Being a niceguy has nothing to do with being kind or any of that bs, it's about being an AFC.

The OP is not some keyboard jockey spitting out his own intellectual arguments on what a *nice guy* is, and whether one can be *nice* and still get girls.

He is sharing a revelation, an 'Ah Ha!' moment from his own personal experience that being *nice*- but not in the AFC terms of losing your sense of individuality - can still attract girls.

So you know this already, good for you. What is the point of you posting that waste of 010100101s in cyberspace?

The OP's post is still valuable in that it might help another aspiring Don Juan crystalize his own thought processes.

 

[Nelford]

I consider myself a niceguy. I just have a low tolerence level.

 

[mikeraw]

IMO, nice guy does not necessarily mean AFC.

I'm sure modern day royalty, like the princes of Spain and England, are really nice, educated, and composed individuals, but I'm sure they are not AFC.

They won't tolerate disrespect. If they feel insulted, they'll walk away with a smile on their faces... after politely whispering a death sentence in your ear.

Anyways, back to the OP, at the beginning of any relationship, especially one that's moving fast, a woman doesn't yet know much about the guy, so instead of complimenting his profound grasp of philosophy or his life-long passion for rock climbing, she'll fall back on a useless compliment... "you're so nice"

 

[ketostix]

Other than her saying "you're a nice guy", I don't really see where you acted particularly like a nice guy. When women say "nice guy" it can have a double meaning. Usually it means chump, but not always. I'm not saying you didn't act nice or aren't nice, but it seems to me you acted mostly indifferent to her and that attracted her more.

 

[jophil28]

When women say "nice guy" it can have a double meaning. Usually it means chump, but not always.

Exactly right. That second meaning goes something like this ," You have behaved in a chivalrous and considerate way. I like you, and find you attractive and charming. I want to see more of you . Here is a little enticement called a BJ to encourage you call me again ".

Probably the term "good guy " is a better fit here.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Thirdtimescharm,
Mate you really have got it worked out...Some of the prolific bloggers on this site should take a page out of your book...Life is a pendulum where any obsessively prescriptive behaviour finds its reaction....sure that's a generalisation to which there are some exceptions,but it is not a generalisation to say while many people can be fitted into common behavioural types most Quality women should be treated as individuals and played accordingly,that calls for experience and flexibility.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Exactly right. That second meaning goes something like this ," You have behaved in a chivalrous and considerate way. I like you, and find you attractive and charming. I want to see more of you . Here is a little enticement called a BJ to encourage you call me again ".

Probably the term "good guy " is a better fit here.

Jophil, you crack me up. But you are so frakking right. It really is that simple.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

most Quality women should be treated as individuals and played accordingly,that calls for experience and flexibility.

On target there. While there are certainly bits and pieces of "game" that do work wonders, what wins out in the end is seeing each person as in individual. No "script" is going to work in all cases. Ultimately, what I desire is to make sure that I am spending my time with quality people who recognize that there is such a thing as a good, respectful "relationship" (and my definition goes from one good night to months of casual fornication and beyond at this point) and it does take work to get one's self to the point of being a part of one, whatever form it may take.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Yay, another post where one thinks a "niceguy" is a "nice guy". NICEGUY is a nickname, a title, an archetype. A Nice Guy is just a guy who is nice in some aspect.
I love seeing people try to prove that being kind is good, as if anyone is saying that it is bad. Nobody is saying goodheartedness is a bad trait. Being a niceguy has nothing to do with being kind or any of that bs, it's about being an AFC.

Yup. The problem is that the type of "nice guys" that we see on these forums are not getting laid, and are not creating any type of attraction in women. The type of "nice guy" that trolls here is searching for validation from posts like this and tells himself, "See, I can get *******s from an out of town hottie, because I am a nice guy", instead of working on themselves, they look for evidence as to why they don't have to change.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Girl age 16: "You're such a nice guy."

Translation: " I don't want to hurt your feelings, or come off as a b!tch to my friends, but I'm really much more attracted to Bad Boys - outlaw bikers, the football team's quarterback, basically any guy who appears dangerous and exciting. You're Nice, nice and mundane"

Girl age 22: "You're such a nice guy."

Translation: "Thanks for listening on the phone to me cry, fall into verbal hysterics and drone on for hours about my Jerk BF (oh, and my little dog too). You're really sweet, and deserve a girl who can appreciate how nice (i.e. mundane) you are (which isn't me)."

Girl age 28: "You're such a nice guy."

Translation: "I know you've always been (an) my emotional tampon, and thanks for sticking with it - any sane guy would've found a far better prospect by now. And while I'm beginning to see that guys like you are stable, dependable and tend to make a lot more money than the Jerks I've dated, I think I'm gonna hold out for a hotter guy than you while my looks still hold up"

Woman age 32: "Why can't I just find a nice guy?"

Woman age 35+: "You're such a nice guy."

Translation: "Oh you're a Nice Guy,..here, let me suck that for you. See? Being a Nice Guy does get you laid!,..thanks for being there for me when I needed you; my fatherless kids appreciate your generosity too. How chivalrous of you to forgive my past indiscretion and take us in, I wish there were more guys like you. I really pity the women who can't appreciate your kind of dedication - you are so different from "other guys"".

 

[Tazman]

^^All that needs to be said, lol.

 

[Duffdog]

Right on Rollo--

You must not forget that women expire at 30. Before then, when their looks are still on top, they fvck every bad boy and a55hole that they can find until their looks expire. So, while its nice to think that "nice guys get laid" -- they only get laid by well used leftovers.

The instant that the guy does get laid by a young hot b1tch with a choice between any guy she wants...he is not "nice." Guaranteed.

 

[vorbis]

Duffdog, I'm fairly cynical but you're off the charts.
Nice is not the issue, having self respect is. I hooked up with a 19 yo at the weekend while on holidays. It was a typical holiday lay but one sentence struck out for me. She said that she usually goes for bad boys but thought I was a good guy with an edge.

And in a way thats exactly how I'd like to be perceived. I'm generally nice to people but at the same time I don't let myself get walked over. Honestly this "young women only want to **** *******s" line is a bad attitude to have. Its self defeating.

 

[Duffdog]

Duffdog, I'm fairly cynical but you're off the charts.
Nice is not the issue, having self respect is. I hooked up with a 19 yo at the weekend while on holidays. It was a typical holiday lay but one sentence struck out for me. She said that she usually goes for bad boys but thought I was a good guy with an edge.

And in a way thats exactly how I'd like to be perceived. I'm generally nice to people but at the same time I don't let myself get walked over. Honestly this "young women only want to **** *******s" line is a bad attitude to have. Its self defeating.

She said your a "good guy"-- not a nice guy. HUGE difference. If she ever at any time thought that you were "nice", you would have not gotten laid. Its quite simple. And yes, I am cynical. I agree with that entirely. Here is another cynical statement for you: All hot girls already have boyfriends This is mostly true 99% of the time, but not for the reason you think. If you are hot and she wants you, she doesn't have a boyfriend, if not, she always will.

I just had an all-nighter with a 21 yr old hottie who "never does anything like this" and "has a boyfriend"... both of those statements are true btw, considering she gave me her number with her BF watching. The reason I get to fvck her is because I was a complete a55hole, plain and simple.

I wasted 5 years of my life being an upstanding, honest, nice male with aspirations of living a happy life. Before that time, I was such a phenomenally mean d1ckhead it was unreal. But...I got laid all the time. Recently, I got tired of being a nice guy because it really wasn't me on the inside. As soon as my attitude of "take what I want and stomp on anyone who gets in my way" returned, I started getting all the females I could ever want.

I'm telling you, being nice is useless for a PUA.

 

[Nutz]

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88037/dating-question-can-a-guy-be-too-nice/

http://funandsocial.blogspot.com/2008/05/nice-guy-and-why-hes-not-nice.html

http://funandsocial.blogspot.com/2008/06/nice-guys-part-2.html

http://funandsocial.blogspot.com/2008/07/nice-guys-part-3.html


When people say "nice guy" they think of it in the negative light usually, at least most guys in the community do. They think AFC, choady, wussy guys that don't make their intentions known and end up in the friend zone. Read the links and get the different perspectives. What's interesting is that even women acknowledge the phenomenon and see being "nice" as a pejorative these days and find them as simple unattractive. And don't confuse that with not being worthy of friendship, it's just that they lack attraction.

Yes, you can be a nice guy, but you also have to show that you're sex worthy. If you can't be a challenge and show you're still a "real man" then being nice get's you nowhere.

 

[Truebrit]

Girl age 16: "You're such a nice guy."

Translation: " I don't want to hurt your feelings, or come off as a b!tch to my friends, but I'm really much more attracted to Bad Boys - outlaw bikers, the football team's quarterback, basically any guy who appears dangerous and exciting. You're Nice, nice and mundane"

Girl age 22: "You're such a nice guy."

Translation: "Thanks for listening on the phone to me cry, fall into verbal hysterics and drone on for hours about my Jerk BF (oh, and my little dog too). You're really sweet, and deserve a girl who can appreciate how nice (i.e. mundane) you are (which isn't me)."

Girl age 28: "You're such a nice guy."

Translation: "I know you've always been (an) my emotional tampon, and thanks for sticking with it - any sane guy would've found a far better prospect by now. And while I'm beginning to see that guys like you are stable, dependable and tend to make a lot more money than the Jerks I've dated, I think I'm gonna hold out for a hotter guy than you while my looks still hold up"

Woman age 32: "Why can't I just find a nice guy?"

Woman age 35+: "You're such a nice guy."

Translation: "Oh you're a Nice Guy,..here, let me suck that for you. See? Being a Nice Guy does get you laid!,..thanks for being there for me when I needed you; my fatherless kids appreciate your generosity too. How chivalrous of you to forgive my past indiscretion and take us in, I wish there were more guys like you. I really pity the women who can't appreciate your kind of dedication - you are so different from "other guys"".

Spot on as usual.

 

[Borknagar]

On a rare case the nice guy thing can work. My first snl I was generally nice(and she was my hottest snl thus far) and one time I was out and the guys the chick was with were obvious douches, I was pretty calm, and friendly, nice sort of speak, and she left with me! Though I agree, the nice thing doesn't work, I was only nice cause I wasn't in my usual ****y mood.,