Your predictions - put your DJ knowledge to the test

Your predictions...

  • She will ditch him completely before the end of the month

    Votes: 9 12.9%
  • She will LJBF him and keep him around as a lapdog

    Votes: 28 40.0%
  • Their relationship will work out fine in the short term

    Votes: 10 14.3%
  • She will stay with him, but treat him like a doormat

    Votes: 16 22.9%
  • They will live happily every after

    Votes: 2 2.9%
  • Other...please elaborate

    Votes: 5 7.1%

  • Total voters
    70

Jariel

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I thought I'd start a thread just to get some predictions on this situation, to see how close they are and put our DJ knowledge to the test.


Here's the scenario...

Two weeks ago a close friend of mine finally hooked up with one of his (hot) female friends after flirting with her and charming her for over a month. He's above average looking, but he's not in good shape and is a bit of a slob. He is, however, very charming, confident and charismatic, and girls love his sense of humour.

His girlfriend has said that she didn't find him attractive to begin with, but she started to fall for his charm and attention.

Now they are an item and my friend has started to break many DJ rules and turn into a lovesick AFC. In just two weeks...

*He has told her he has feelings for her.
*He keeps starting conversations about "where they stand" and seeking reassurance.
*He is getting posessive and jealous.
*He used to flirt with a lot of women and now he doesn't.
*He asks to see her at least 5 times a week and calls her regularly.
*He has said that he is in constant fear of her dumping him.
*He has stopped socialising and hanging out with his friends.
*He has placed her on a pedestal.

She used to be very shy and insecure, but since he's been feeding her ego she has been getting very confident and even flirts a lot and quite heavily with his closest friend (me), right in front of him. She also talks about me and other guys to him and her friends, undermines him slightly and generally appears to be taking him for granted...and he's allowing it and even encouraging it.

However, things are going smoothly at the moment, she is very happy to be with him, very passionate and shows him a lot of affection when they're together.

This really is a classic scenario of DJ falling in love, turning AFC and losing the girl, but will it turn out that way? I'm interested in your predictions, whether theoretical or based on experience.

(I'm considering this an objective study. It's interesting to see the textbook AFC mistakes and I'm curious to see how well the DJ advice applies. I'll keep you posted...)
 

arlanda

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He keeps starting conversations about "where they stand" and seeking reassurance.
You said he's not great looking so it's not like she would stay with him for his looks when he turns AFC. He's gonna get LJBFed eventually.
 

Jariel

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Originally posted by arlanda
You said he's not great looking so it's not like she would stay with him for his looks when he turns AFC. He's gonna get LJBFed eventually.
This is my guess too. I can understand her being attracted to his confidence and charm, but when he loses it, then I can't see much that would keep her around.
 

A-Unit

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Re:

I chose Other.

Reason...

...when the masculine exhibits traits of the feminine (i.e. AFC), the feminine will exhibit traits of the masculine. Which means, the girl starts pulling away, being distant, requesting space, being demanding, and almost loathesome.

As this spiral starts, it's hard to stop, especially if you haven't absorbed the DJ "principles." For now, it will work out, but everyone has a threshhold, and if he breaches that by becoming overtly needy, she will see it and act accordingly. As that happens, tense rises. The woman, if she's true feminine, will react to the changing roles with violent outbursts. She'll apologize for her misbehavior, but deep down she seeks a return to the "way things were" and a man in charge. That is the reason she got with you in the first place.

Because they are players in an ever-changing game, the outcome is still foggy. Nonetheless, if he keeps up this behavior, she will become bitter and upset at the loss of her man, at least personally, and the relationship will kill itself out, rather than them doing. Most likely it will be her, to which he will respond by seeking her out.

I would then expect him to return to these boards soon, say inside 3 months, at the most 6. Every girl has a different tolerance for these things.


A-Unit
 

Skydiver43127

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I remember my history teacher once told me that every conflict has precondition, reason and excuse.

The precondition is in effect - his insecurity has reached high level

The reason is probably in effect - he is losing her attraction, but she may still think that keeping him around is useful

The excuse is to follow - when she stops wanting to be with him, she will still stay around, until she finds a legitimate excuse to dump him (something harsh he says or something like that)
 

DJDamage

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Originally posted by A-Unit
Because they are players in an ever-changing game, the outcome is still foggy.
Agree. If you are already in a relationship you can fvck up (being AFC) here and there and the girl can still be with you as oppose as fvcking up at the beginning when the two of them start seeing each other non exclusively.

I see many couples in a relationship for years and even married couples that the boyfriend/husband act very afc's. As A-unit put it the role reversal will not make her a happy woman. But it does not mean she will dump him. There are other factors at work here.

Originally posted by Jariel
She used to be very shy and insecure, but since he's been feeding her ego she has been getting very confident and even flirts a lot and quite heavily with his closest friend (me), right in front of him. She also talks about me and other guys to him and her friends, undermines him slightly and generally appears to be taking him for granted...and he's allowing it and even encouraging it.
This is however a telltelling sign that if this trend continues, it is unlikely she will stick with him for the long haul.
 

Mr. Cardio

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Why would she dump him? Because of the AFC rules? Well, I must admit, him telling her his feelings is not a good idea, but a woman will not simply LOSE attraction because you TELL her your feelings, whether they are afc or don juan or snoop doggish. Women lose attraction when you stop acting like MEN, and start acting like little BOYS. And you just know deep down inside if you are in your MAN state or your little BOY state. Hell, if you are a man, you dont have to follow these little rules anymore like waiting to call 3 days, 3 second rules, ****y and funny or none of that, ask me, those rules are only to get people out in the field and rolling, but they are not requirements. The only requirement is that you be a man. And what confidence that guy shows, when she shyt tests him by flirting with other guys and he doesnt get jealous. What confidence that guy shows by TELLING her his feelings and KNOWING that she wont go nowhere. See guys the thing is, this guy KNOWS his girl aint going nowhere. Now, remember what I am saying and tell me if I m right, but the only way this relationship will end, is if HE ENDS IT.
 

DonJuanMonk

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Jariel, don't refer to "YOUR FRIEND" when the post is all about you. Don't be shifty.
 

Nighthawk

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It depends on whether he is making her come. You can get away with being quite AFCish as long as you f*ck her brains out real good.
 

Jariel

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Originally posted by DonJuanMonk
Jariel, don't refer to "YOUR FRIEND" when the post is all about you. Don't be shifty.
I promise you, this post isn't about me. I do have a relationship dilemma at the moment, but it's very different to this one.

This is actually my friend who knows nothing about DJing. I tried to warn him what's happening and give him some advice, but he refuses to listen. He even told me (quite sharply) he will do things his way because his way works.

As a friend I don't want to see him f*ck it up, but I am interested to see if my advice was right afterall.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

The Nice Guy is Gone

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Since he has shown fear of getting dumped, she will ljbf him before too much longer.

I think she'll do it that way so that she won't hurt his feelings. I say that because of his constant seeking reassurance as you say.

She'll keep him around for when she is bored or tired, or just wants an ego boost.

That is my take on this scenario.

Might be different if it was longer than two weeks, though.
 

Freeman

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the way I figure it is like this-she will use your friend as an ego boost for as long as its fun for her-when she tires, she will probably start throwin signs at you to get it on with her...
 

Jariel

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ok, time for an update on this situation.

They've reached the 2 month mark and are still together. My friend is still very wussy and still continues being soppy, and on top of this, he has even told her he loves her and is scared of losing her.

However, she has shown no signs of leaving him and is still very keen on him. They see each other almost every day and are still very passionate. She continues to flirt a lot and even though it bothers my friend he never speaks up.

The one thing he does that could be considered textbook DJ is he assumes control. He plans and leads their dates, always knows what they will do, has lots of ideas and is always certain how to do it. I'm starting to think this could be a very important factor in his success. So even though he is emotionally insecure, he is confident in his actions.

It still seems to contradict a LOT of what I've learned from the seduction community though. Any opinions?
 

tmpgstx

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My Gawd .. how he is pulling this one off being a guy with no respect for himself is beyond me. You did say she was insecure and likes the attention, this has to be it. Once a guy wants her that she finds attractive from day one, watch this thing unravel.
 

cA^

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I know most of the other meanings on this site, but what doe LJBF stand for?
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

BrotherAP

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Originally posted by Jariel
It still seems to contradict a LOT of what I've learned from the seduction community though. Any opinions?
My dad taught me how to drive a standard. I consider myself to be a skilled driver, since having many friends who were pretty serious about racing their cars who would always scold me if they thought my shifting could be improved. "Don't ride the clutch!" they'd say. "Dude, you could be in 3rd instead of 4th right now." It was annoying, but I learned how to really use my transmission.

I have a friend who has no idea about shifting. He drives an automatic with a decent engine, but has never used the lower gear options. He'll ride his brakes all the way down the hill, and coming up just keeps the pedal floored as his car loses speed and the automatic transmission struggles to keep shifting in time. In spite of having a more powerful car, I could still beat him up the hill any day because he doesn't know how to use his transmission. He still gets up the hill though.

What's my point?

All of the ideas on this website will teach you how to handle relationships much in the same way that my friends taught me how to handle a transmission: in the most efficient way. That doesn't mean that there aren't other ways that might still get you up the hill. Men who have never read this website or anything like it still date end up with girlfriends every day. They might not know what they're doing right and wrong, but they're doing alright.

One thing to note is that none of the advice here factors in female insecurity / desperation. Many of it comes from an assumption that you are dealing with an attractive girl who is very sure of herself and her ability to manipulate men. This kind of girl will be very much more put off by 'wussy' behavior then an insecure girl who's not sure guys like her, or is needy for whatever reason. A needy girl will actually enjoy being showered in attention - called 3 times a day, constantly reassured that she's pretty, etc. The point is that you, as a secure confident male, will be somewhat incompatible with a girl like that - you don't need to play babysitter to her self-esteem. She'll go good with a guy who in turn needs her to reassure him. They can reassure each other and build a relationship based on that, where both parties are over-dependant on the other. It happens every day.

My previous LTR of 3 years somewhat fits that description - except my confidence grew over the course of it, and by the end I had a girl who called me too much, needed too much attention, was constantly fishing for reassurance, and always worrying that I didn't love her like I used to because I didn't buy her flowers every week and needing me to tell her that she was sexy (I don't know what was wrong with her... she is hot). It became more than annoying and - believe it or not - she left me for a total AFC . A need, whiney, ***** of a man. I mean, a week after her and I broke up, she kissed some other dude, and this dude was crying over it! Yet somehow, it didn't bother me too much. It didn't matter though, because he gave her the attention that she was craving, and fed her ego. Meanwhile, I just completely cut her off - ignoring her phone calls, emails, and giving her the "im busy, what the hell do you want" attitude when she'd try and talk to me. After a few months of his crap, she finally got sick of it and dumped him, saying "I don't even know why I wasted my time with that loser!" She wanted me back - but, no second chance for cheaters. So I kept her number on my ignore list and she went crazy, almost seeing a counselor to help her get over me (as her friend told me, in trying to convince me to give her a second chance).

So, in the end it all depends on the girl and how secure she is. Some really buy into this so-called AFC behavior. If she's insecure, she'll really become dependent on the feeding of her ego. Eventually it gets old though, as something said too many times loses its meaning. Once she no longer needs the guy to boost her up, she'll get bored and start noticing other guys. Or maybe she'll dump him to be "just friends" to watch him kiss her ass twice as hard and fill her ego while she fvcks some other guy (and that's where you come in).

It's these chicks that fall COMPLETELY head over heels for a man who doesn't need them, btw, because they go crazy trying to get you to validate them.

So, in short I have no idea how long this will last. If she's needy, or she likes the ego boost, she might actually stay with him for quite a while. Years even.
 

Jariel

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Well, it has been 2 years since I posted this thread and I can now reveal that everyone who chose option number 4 "She will stay with him, but treat him like a doormat" is spot on!

To my surprise, they are still together, but I've never seen a more pitiful, emasculated male in my life. His girlfriend literally bullies him! She insults him and ridicules him in front of his friends and he sits and takes it. Every time she's bored, she'll accuse him of something random and go into a sulk. He kisses her ass and lavishes all his attention on her.

God it's sad! Anyway, I guess it was an interesting experiment. :)
 

ConantheLibertarian

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Very interesting. It would seem as though she is no longer shy and insecure. You see marriages where the woman is the man, maybe this is another in the works. 2 years is an awfully long time for her not to have found someone else and demote your friend to being 'just friends.' Ask him how his way is working now :D.
 

DanelMadr

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I think it is the question who is more worried.

He is certainly a border line wussy aka wussy in her arms. But I know girls, very attractive ones, charming personality or whatever and they are with their wussy boyfrinds b/c of security.
Their wussieness gives the girl feeling of security.
She is not worried to be rejcted.
She has control hence freedom.
She doesnt love him that much, even humiliates him infront of his friends due to no respect and assuring she still has the poer over him BUT she is afraid of the dating world outside.
She is warm and safe. She will go out and flirt maybe even sleep with other guys but will maintain this relationship.
Hey maybe her parents were like this and she thinks husbands are doormats. No father/husband/partner role models for girls too.

I know tons of girls like this. She will marry him unless some bigger fish snatches her completely, which she is signaling would like to happen. "Im not happy with him,I dont respect him, take me."
 
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