I have a couple things to say on the subject of first impressions. These are not hardfast rules that you must stick to, but, like the other ABC's written for the newbies out there, they are very good guidelines to stay by when you're working on your game. I tend to like to avoid generalities like "be funny"...so the theme of these tips is that they are simple, tangible things to work towards.
Because all of these are short term goals, you can in a short amount of time set them for yourself and strive to achieve them. They are thus easy to practice!
1. Her mouth is a signpost.
This one is totally G rated, despite the title. It relates to the initial conversation. First, you want to keep her talking most of the time! Remember open-ended questions? There should be stuff coming out. Aside from keeping an eye on how much she's talking, listen to her (cannot be emphasized enough!) and contribute to the conversation, which brings us to...
Second, keep her smiling! If her mouth is any indication of the situation, you know you are doing very well if she's smiling or laughing. This is probably extremely obvious in written form, but realize this: if she's having a good time, to the degree that it's visible to you, then you have NO reason to be fretting about how you're doing. Leave the worries out of it.
2. No lingering.
Have you been in the situation where you've met a girl, and have kept a good conversation going, and you even have the opportunity to continue it, maybe by walking her somewhere? Or even that you've gotten the phone number, but things are going well so it seems fine to continue talking?
This is the HIGH POINT. You feel good because it's the point in your immediate relationship with her where everything is great and neither of you has any complaints. This is why you should end it.
So many people do not end it then. Why? Because they feel that since things are going so well, they can continue to go well. Your intuition tells you that you're already smooth sailing!
Squelch that intuition! End it, and award yourself a smile of satisfaction that you did right.
3. Do not expatiate.
Expatiating is going on endlessly about something. Don't do that. In fact, don't even talk about yourself at all unless she asks. Unless you have something funny to contribute, like a quick story.
This point is important because when you first meet a girl, she is likely NOT to ask you questions if you are asking her questions and keeping conversation going. In fact, it might very likely seem as if she's not interested in you at all. This is nothing to worry about. Her interest in you is something you NEVER test anyway, let alone during your first meeting.
So ask away, and keep in mind that it's okay. As long as you remember #1!
4. Give attention to something/someone else
If you can, give attention to something else that you see. Better yet, talk to someone else (a greeting if you know them, a question if you don't). Point out something in your surroundings that seems interesting and comment, and ask her opinion of it.
Basically you're saying she's interesting, but other things are too. If you encounter someone you know well, INTRODUCE HER! This instantly makes her feel like she knows you better, even though she may feel surprised and even slightly awkward (any awkwardness she feels should, if you are not awkward yourself, come from her own shyness). And if any of this doesn't feel natural to you, then don't do it
.
But pay attention to the other three!
cynetix
[This message has been edited by cynetix (edited 09-24-2002).]
Because all of these are short term goals, you can in a short amount of time set them for yourself and strive to achieve them. They are thus easy to practice!
1. Her mouth is a signpost.
This one is totally G rated, despite the title. It relates to the initial conversation. First, you want to keep her talking most of the time! Remember open-ended questions? There should be stuff coming out. Aside from keeping an eye on how much she's talking, listen to her (cannot be emphasized enough!) and contribute to the conversation, which brings us to...
Second, keep her smiling! If her mouth is any indication of the situation, you know you are doing very well if she's smiling or laughing. This is probably extremely obvious in written form, but realize this: if she's having a good time, to the degree that it's visible to you, then you have NO reason to be fretting about how you're doing. Leave the worries out of it.
2. No lingering.
Have you been in the situation where you've met a girl, and have kept a good conversation going, and you even have the opportunity to continue it, maybe by walking her somewhere? Or even that you've gotten the phone number, but things are going well so it seems fine to continue talking?
This is the HIGH POINT. You feel good because it's the point in your immediate relationship with her where everything is great and neither of you has any complaints. This is why you should end it.
So many people do not end it then. Why? Because they feel that since things are going so well, they can continue to go well. Your intuition tells you that you're already smooth sailing!
Squelch that intuition! End it, and award yourself a smile of satisfaction that you did right.
3. Do not expatiate.
Expatiating is going on endlessly about something. Don't do that. In fact, don't even talk about yourself at all unless she asks. Unless you have something funny to contribute, like a quick story.
This point is important because when you first meet a girl, she is likely NOT to ask you questions if you are asking her questions and keeping conversation going. In fact, it might very likely seem as if she's not interested in you at all. This is nothing to worry about. Her interest in you is something you NEVER test anyway, let alone during your first meeting.
So ask away, and keep in mind that it's okay. As long as you remember #1!
4. Give attention to something/someone else
If you can, give attention to something else that you see. Better yet, talk to someone else (a greeting if you know them, a question if you don't). Point out something in your surroundings that seems interesting and comment, and ask her opinion of it.
Basically you're saying she's interesting, but other things are too. If you encounter someone you know well, INTRODUCE HER! This instantly makes her feel like she knows you better, even though she may feel surprised and even slightly awkward (any awkwardness she feels should, if you are not awkward yourself, come from her own shyness). And if any of this doesn't feel natural to you, then don't do it
But pay attention to the other three!
cynetix
[This message has been edited by cynetix (edited 09-24-2002).]
