You want to be a Player - Why?

[Slickster]

With the terms Player, DJ, Pimp, Mack, Pickup Artist, etc being thrown around this place so much I really have started to wonder.

Why the hell would anyone want to be a Player?

Is getting laid or having the reputation of being a ladies man worth it all?

I'm serious here.

I listen to some of the so called Players/Macks/Pimps spouting off about their game and their Ho's, Pimphop.com and everything under the sun relating to women. It just makes me shake my head.

The whole Player mentality seems so focused on women and sex. I've heard it said that to be a player you have to live and breathe the sh!t. You must always live your life with a "Player mentality". I know it works too. However something about having women and sex as the primary focus of my day to day life seems very flawed to me.

I was having a discussion with Tha Realnezz on another thread about the idea of Focusing on yourself vs. Focusing on your game and women.

To me its the same argument as DJ vs. Player. Or Self Improvement vs. Improving your Game/Chasing women.

It seems to be a real sticking point on this forum as of late. The DJ mindset (ie. self improvement, etc) and the Player mindset (ie. tap that a$$) are two different things to me now. I can see why all the fussing and arguing happens. The advice given by a Player and the advice given by a DJ are going to be very different at times and undoubtedly arguements arise. Which is silly because both mindsets work! They both lead to success with the ladies.

Back in the day I used to play guitar for a popular local band. I had all kinds of pvssy for the taking. I wouldn't call myself a player but some might. Now that I'm a bit older things haven't really changed much. I have many women showing high interest in me but its not something that I strive for at all. It just happens.

Having both perspectives and the ability to look back at the past gives me some insight.

I just honestly feel that the Player route is such a waste of life. Focusing so much on the game, getting laid, and chasing chicks isn't a good way to spend your days.

Especially when you can focus on yourself, make yourself happy and a better person and achieve the same results. The only difference being that you don't have to chase women. They chase you!

Sorry for the rant but more and more I see these posts by so called Players that end up in b!tchfests about the DonJuan Discussion forum being stupid and the DJ vs. Player arguments.

Don't get me wrong there are some Players out there who have ALOT to offer these boards. I just wish these differences wouldn't keep coming up and polluting the forum. If you're a Player and feel the need to post some negativity about the DJ forum then just STOP. Head to pimphop.com and talk about your ho's and b!tches and your pimpin' over there. Peace

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

There is truth in both outlooks. 'Players' do well in our American society because there is an abundance of hors on the scene - you need to be equipped with this mentality because your audience (hors) demand this mindset to have any success!! This a Players world and not an AFC's world - just look at all the AFC chumps being eaten and discarded and then whining!

On the other hand, if you approach every women with this 'Player' mentality it will not work because they are looking for something else - in essence they (women) want a man in all of his masculinity!!!

The 'Player and DJ mentality both works because it embraces "MASCULINITY"!!! It is the AFC CHUMP mentality that is a failure!!! This we can agree on!

 

[Player_Supreme]

Let me step into my old role of player and add something here:

A player mentality is just one road to finding happiness. In truth we all just want to find someone we love and that loves us back. That is why we are all here.

The player path is but one path to your destination. To me it was the superior path because it allowed me to become the type of man that could always find someone to love me!

When you become a player your whole life changes. Suddenly women are popping up in your life. By this path you have created a way or mind set that will allow you to pick and choose who you want to spend your time with while your waiting for Ms. Right to show up in your life.

In the game there are certain levels that you must climb if you want to reach the top level in the conquering YOUR issues with females...which is what all this bullshyt is about.

Yes the player is at the bottom of the food chain as well as The PUA or the Don Juan. But all you need is the skills from the bottom to find that one special someone.

Slick it seems like your tired of the games and are now looking to settle down. Good for you. As I always say when your through with the game then leave it behind and settle down.

Now your ready for the game of "relationships".

You have snatched the pebble from the hand now it's time to go out into the world!

 

[Player_Supreme]

Ok, now to finish my thoughts:

When She shows up in your life, you will need the skills and experience to handle that special someone. Nothing gets you there in skills faster than being a player.

The Don Juan mentality isnt working! Look at the main board and you will see proof.

You got guys running around with some ficticious idea of what a player is suppose to be like based on a mythical character.

If I am understanding of the whole Don Juan philosophy, your a so called real man who goes outs and finds a woman to love you. Your not a player but a suped up nice guy.

Now look at what happens when this philosophy is put into action:

Need Help With Escaping Friend Zone
Is she cheating on me ?
bringing back the disinterested girl?
Chick set the date then flaked
girl cheating on my friend
lost my dominance in bed

This is a small example of the results.

But when one embraces the players path and mentality:

thrill of the chase
Str8 dime: jedi mind tricks
Knocking: Prevention & Treatment
Game Lessons
Theory v practice

Your mind is more focused on the game and getting laid as young men should be in their life mix. Work, women and play and future.

Not working about some girl who flaked on you. A player will be off with someone else.

Not working about losing your dominance in bed. A player doesn't sink that way.

A player is his own worst enemy. Eventually he plays himself just to get laid...but it's so much better than the alternatives.

So in answer to this question:

You want to be a Player - Why?

To get laid! To get laid when you want, how you want by whom you choose to be with as you want... and as often as you want!!!!

The player route is just one route to reaching the top of the game of your own life. When your tired of that particular path you will know it and choose differently.

 

[So Many Ways]

I'll second what the Realness said. My good friend and roommate has ****ed over 100 chicks, maybe close to 150 and he can barely read and write and he can barely rub two nickels together. I've done all kinds of stuff to improve myself. I got a college degree. I went through a phase where I was working out 5 days a week and that didn't get me women (I can't work out anymore due to injury). I got a good job out of school and bought a condo in OC. I got laid off, went through some rigorous retraining and got another job after a few months and I'm now comfortable money wise.

Still after all of that, I watched my roommate get chick after chick after chick while I was wanking myself to sleep every night. I knew something was wrong. That's when I decided to get help.

I think there is a lot to learn from the player mindset, even if your goal is a ltr. They see the world in a way that makes themselves the center of the universe, if that makes sense. They are so firmly established in their reality that they basically do whatever they want. You don't need self improvement to do this, you don't need to get swole in a gym, earn degrees, buy houses and make bank to pull that off. Yeah, that stuff helps, but it's not enough. The fact is, men are drawn to women and accomplishing a whole lot of goals, pursuing hobbies and self-improvement is not going to eliminate the biolical urge to mate.

As I seek guidance in reaching my goals, I will gladly accept advice of those who have knowledge, such as the folks on this mature board, my player roommate, and anyone else who has some knowledge and I will incorporate that into my reality and into my lifestyle. Yeah it's nice having a comfortable lifestyle, getting educated, and having hobbies, and improving your appearance, but none of that is comfort when you get nervous around women or you can't get a date or can't get laid.

 

[Jango_Xavier]

Originally posted by AFK Protector
1 word for you old geezers:

Balance.


Hahaha, thats exactly what im thinking.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

As much as I hate to quote myself from another thread;

I've always found it fascinating that if a guy is honest with himself and decides not to be exclusive with one woman, and is upfront, and lets a woman or his friends know this he's labeled as a 'player'. Yet when a woman is non-exclusively 'dating' multiple partners regardless of circumstance, she's deemed as being 'prudent' or 'exploring her options' or told "you GO girl!"

Remember, for every 'double standard' (a term that women think they own) there is for a woman, there's another for a man. 9 times out of 10, all you have to do is reverse the roles.

The term 'Player' is just another catagory we as men will accept and wear because we're taught that a woman's desires for security are socially acceptable, wholesome and right, while a man's desire to 'explore his options' is vulgar and a perversion. It's only because his desires contradict her own that the term exists.

Also, remember that 'Player' - which is sometimes equated with 'Slutt' - isn't the same term. Slutt and Fagg serve as 'weapon terms' for both sexes. When a woman is termed a Slutt it denotes that she is unworthy of a man's attention (a primary competitive desire for women) because it implies she will not return his attention reliably with exclusive sexuality. When a woman (or man) says, "oh she's such a Slutt", what's being said is "she is a bad investment for your ability to provide for a woman." A pretty potent weapon wrapped up in one term.

The same holds true when a man who is obviously receiving a good amount of attention from women is called a Fagg. How often do 'average' men question the sexual preference of a Chippendales dancer or male model? "Yeah, he's ripped, but only his boyfriend gets any of that." Whether or not it's true, the stereotype is embedded - to the point where women will draw the same conclusion autonomously - and this serves to make the case that although he approximates an idealized male, his sexuality is fundimental flawed (he's gotta be gay) and this sabotages any realistic notion a woman may have in giving the guy her attention. "That guy's a Fagg" is the same 'weapon term' as Slutt - only applied to men's potentiality (sex), whereas a woman's desire (security) is used to defeat her.

'Player' is just another weapon term to gain use recently. It's meant to serve the same function as Slutt, and for the same reasons. It fundimentally sabotages a man's long term worth in his ability to provide security for a woman. It serves a woman's biological self-interest (security), but it fails to account for a man's biological self-interest (sex). And just as women have internalized the 'Fagg' stereotype, men are now applying it to other men as a deragatory condition.

As far as the mindset goes with regard to applying myself to multiple partners in my youth or submitting to an LTR, I have to say that experience taught me that I got into much less conflict when being a 'Player' because things were set according to my own terms. In fact the only times I exhibited AFC tendencies was when I was in an LTR because of the contigencies most guys will make for sexual exclusivity. It boils down to power really. The person in any relationship with the most power is the one who needs the other the least. In an LTR where the woman is mutually understood to be a man's sole source of sexual intimacy for which she no longer needs to compete with other women for, she retains the power. He needs her to be happy in order to get his primary drive fulfilled. This will go on until the reinforcement is no longer worht the effort necessary to achieve it.

The Player mindset reverses this situation and keeps women in a constant state of competition with eachother, thereby serving the man's primary drive and empowering him, as he doesn't rely on a single source for his sexual experience. He is empowered because he needs women less than they need him or the potential he represents (future security).

Now is it any wonder that the 'Player' term has been derogatorized? If it's a negative term it not only serves a woman's biological agenda, it helps men unable to apply it to themselves, to at least present the image to themselves and potential mates that their attraction capacity includes exclusivity that the Player can't (actually wont) provide.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Im no player, but the player route works cause it gets to the point...Like others have said. self improvement is good, but it may/may not help with women...People like to make rules to reward themselves with girls if they work hard at things that dont even involve women...Like you will have a dude who couldnt get girls for his life but he worked hard and got rich and now he tricks on girls all the time...But who really is the trick, compared to a dude who just does whats nesscessary to get girls, he just gets to the damn point...Most people will call the first dude a winner, but is he? He just uses money, if/when that money goes, there goes the girls...So the player way is good cause you use what you have to get what you want and you get to the point, which is getting girls...

 

[CEF]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
As much as I hate to quote myself from another thread;

*snip*

Great post!

 

[biker_gixxer]

I can't 'become' a player, it's who i've always been. And thanks to boards like this, my player syndrome has gotten worse...

 

[disciple]

Let me throw my 2 cents in.

I think there are alot of advantages to the player path.

Consider the following:

1) By focusing on multiple women, a player never makes the AFC mistake of putting all his eggs in one basket.

If a player loses a girl or decides to get rid of a girl, he doesn't act like he'll never get another chick like a nice guy or AFC does.

He knows he has other options.

2) Speaking of options, a player can indulge his fantasies and desires with various types of women and he can sample chicks like you sample flavors of ice cream. (Tall, short, thick, skinny, smart, dumb, big boobs, small boobs, fat ass, tight ass, etc.)

3) By dealing with a large amount of women, a player learns how to handle different personality types and learns what type of chicks respond best to this or that type of game.

4) A player can also be much more picky and choosey about the women he spends his time with because he knows he has the skills and mentality to get what he wants.

In other words, a player knows he doesn't have to settle for second best.

5) If a player reaches a point where he would like to be with only one woman ( which alot of players do want eventually), he'll have a great selection of chicks to choose from.

6) If a player hands in his player's card and opts for a LTR card, he knows that if this relationship doesn't work out, he has the skills to get right back in the game instead of moping and feeling down and out like an AFC or a nice guy would.

7) A player can have a wife-type of chick who takes care of him and also have as many side pieces of a$$ as he wants (assuming of course that his game and that is what he wants)

8) Players don't act clingy, desperate, or needy around a woman because they don't have to. They can actually relax and "be themselves" and act more natural because there is no fear of losing a particular chick because he has backups.

9) Women are attracted to men that alot of women want and this also makes a player's love life much easier.

10) The final advantage to being a player is that you are completely free to do whatever you want without any ties to any chick so you can have as much fun as you want.

Every man should learn to be a player and then if you choose to settle down, you will be doing it on much better terms than if you came into a relationship from the AFC/Nice Guy path.

 

[Jariel]

It's not for me, but I understand guys want to be players and get sex without the commitment and complications.

But what I don't understand is why any above average looking guy would need "game", attitude or any kind of techniques just to get sex.

 

[Metaphysikal_Lover]

It's 2:33am Cali time. I just got home. Met a beautiful woman who looks like Kim Bassinger tonight and is very wealthy.

I just turned down a seat in a box office at Sundays Raiders game.

If I didn't have the player aura, she probably would of never noticed me, nor would I of had the charisma to pull in this new one.

 

[Alpine]

Simple

I want to gain skills and attitudes that will let me box above my weight in the lover department.

I don't want to poke fat or plain women anymore, which is what I normally get thrown.

 

[biker_gixxer]

But what I don't understand is why any above average looking guy would need "game", attitude or any kind of techniques just to get sex

Because looks might get you to the front door, but that doesn't mean you get to go inside. I've seen many average (and not so average guys) get plenty of attention from women and it had nothing to do with looks. Women all have that 'attraction' button, but only a select few know how to press it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I have a shining example of just this dynamic. A guy I used to work with was what most women would define as a 'hunk' (in fact that was why my former boss hired him). The guy was about 6', 2" broad, muscular, frat guy and had the archetypal square jaw of G.I. Joe. By all accounts the guy could pull tail like nobodies business, yet the only reason he couldn't was because he was a textbook example of an AFC. This dude constantly whined about how he couldn't find a girlfriend and how he embodied everything a girl ever said she wanted in a guy - funny, nice, sensitive, a good listener, attentive to 'her' needs, etc., etc. And while he could easily get a date, he could never, and I mean NEVER, close. In every case the chicks would never want a second date. I can remember a time when he did in fact end up going home with a chick and tapping her, but the date they had after that time was when she basically ignored him and told him she wasn't interested anymore. The guy was seriously depressed and was alll self-defeated and down on himself. I made various attempts at intervention to tell him how he needed to get in touch with his inner A-Hole and stop him from his kiss of death idealisms of 'what women want', but it was like trying to convert a Catholic to Islam.

This guy could have been a world-class 'Player' or even an ideal 'boyfriend' if he could get to convincing a girl he was even remotely a challenge or assertive. He hadn't one shred of self interest or thought for anything, but proving to any girl that he was exactly what every woman had ever told him he ought to be in order to get with a girl.

Looks are definitely important and play a major role in attraction, but it's the confidence you display after that which makes a 'Player' or a 'Good Guy' appealng enough for women to compete for him. This guy's package looked good, but after 5 minutes with him women could tell that he wasn't a 'commodity' worth investing their time in.

 

[NewMan]

Let's assume you take the DJ road.

You finally - after many years of self improvement - of living your life the way you want it - meet the woman of your dreams.

Let's even go further and say that she's into you - and you both start up a relationship together.

let's fast forward this a year or so.

She leaves you.

What happens to our DJ friend?

The guy is crushed. He moans, cries, groans....

He knows not what to do - for her made himself the best person he could be - but that could not keep the woman of his dreams.....


What will he do next?

He will enact revenge of sorts on all women.

He will turn into the Player.... Playing women - meeting and banging as many as he can (unless he's co-dependent or has other such issues)....

As a man - you want to come from a base of power.

You want to be complete. You want to go into a relationship knowing what's out there. Having experienced life and women.

The DJ mindset id good to a point - but you need more than just self improvement.

You need to have some of the player mentality. You need to have the senses of an animal and be able to smell when there blood in the air - instinctively know when that women is for the taking.

What would the player have done in the above situation?

He would have had the skills and the background to be grounded - he would have gone through similar experiences and been able to handle it better and move on with his life.


The fact that your done with getting chicks is a stage in ones growth.

Time to look to settle down if the game is no longer fun or interesting.

Good luck.

 

[Gipper]

I enjoy the company of attractive women.

I try not to complicate my life, so I don't think about questions like this too deeply.

I don't necessarily want to be a "player" as you might describe it. I like women and I seek out the ones that enjoy men. As long as no one gets hurt, things are groovy.

From a technical aspect, however, disciple's 10 considerations pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Gipper

 

[TrickyD]

I've been pondering this exact question...

Player vs DJ (To play or not to play)

I've always wanted the nice LTR since I was an early teen (you know dating, engagement, marriage, etc.) but after realizing that there are different types of women out there (thanks to the education from the likes of Player_Supreme, Disiciple and PuertoRican_Lover) I've been sitting at a crossroads as to what my 30's will be like. It seems that I'm always attracting and dating the freak types. Rarely do I find a Good Girl to go out with.

I haven't decided if I want to go the "player" route and just go with these freaks -- like PRL says, that pretty much all that's out there -- or hold out for that Good Girl. It's the classic "one head says wait for the GG, the other says bang the freak". What to do, what to do...

...there's just so many freaks out there!

 

[Slickster]

Re: I've been pondering this exact question...

Originally posted by TrickyD
Player vs DJ (To play or not to play)

I've always wanted the nice LTR since I was an early teen (you know dating, engagement, marriage, etc.) but after realizing that there are different types of women out there (thanks to the education from the likes of Player_Supreme, Disiciple and PuertoRican_Lover) I've been sitting at a crossroads as to what my 30's will be like. It seems that I'm always attracting and dating the freak types. Rarely do I find a Good Girl to go out with.

I haven't decided if I want to go the "player" route and just go with these freaks -- like PRL says, that pretty much all that's out there -- or hold out for that Good Girl. It's the classic "one head says wait for the GG, the other says bang the freak". What to do, what to do...

...there's just so many freaks out there!

You ever stop to wonder if its because the Good Girls don't wanna be hanging with a freak like you?

Just buggin' ya