You need to work on your appearance.

[dosquito]

Too many of you are too ambitious and think that your attitude is going to make everything happen for you overnight.

In reality theres' a "true" component to who you are, when you go outside. the impression that you're giving people.

The truth is that the women are doing almost all of the selecting. Unless you have some really deep insecurities that are holding you back, you're probably being limited by your actual value. Looks are a big component of that value.

Everything started picking up for me when I started dressing nicer and got contacts.

The other day I was in a coffee shop and noticed a cute girl smiling.

Stopped her as she was walking out and gave a last smile:

"Well, don't just smile and leave..."

she walked over and i talked to her for a few seconds, got a number, and took her out this morning.

It's that easy. No really. If youre trying too hadr youre just fighting an uphill battle and embarassing yourself. Before one of my exams this term a girl was smiling at me across the room - a stranger. Sorry, but you need to be realistic here. How much is game going to help you when she's smiling at some other guy who isnt even trying?

and that's not to say you should feel like it's pointless if you're not "handsome". I certainly don't look like a model. But girls have much wider taste in guys than guys do in girls -- and even if you're ugly as a male, being in shape will help you a lot.

"Hard to get" / "busy" / "unclear" / "vague" = NOT WORTH YOUR TIME / UNINTERESTED

When you're well put together, all you have to do is take the obvious hints that women give because theyre too shy to approach themselves. I'm not even looking for sex. I feel confident enough with myself to admit that what I really want right now is a relationship with a girl I respect...and I'll keep looking for that. Maybe it will be with this girl (we had a great first date, she was enthusiastic about hanging out again) maybe it won't.

What I'm really trying to get across here is that you probably don't have as much power as you'd like to believe when it comes to raising your success in the dating game, except:

1) the power to reduce the insecurities that brought you to this site and raise your confidence to let your natural character show
2) looking good
3) having your life put together

In my experience, #1 can bring you down a lot. But your real limit is usually being set at #2.

So get a decent haircut, dress nicely, and DEFINITEly start working out.

And if you're not fit and dressing well, don't even start complaining about your lack of success. Because it's seriously the least you can do for yourself.

Hope you're all doing well. I haven't been on the forums in some time now.

 

[HyperAnalyze]

I think that if most guys take care of all the personal things in his life - he is already coming from a frame of "everything is good" and this can translate into his body language and well being.

I don't think looks matter. Otherwise these ugly bozo's at the club getting it in with these girls wouldn't have even had a second look to begin with.

What I think DOES matter is, freedom from outcome, offering value instead of taking value, being confident with who you are and OWNING who you are.

 

[dosquito]

Yeah. All those matter, once the girl already thinks you're in her league (or, more accurately, out of her league). You might see bozos hooking up with insecure girls at the club, but not with quality girls. At least none that I've ever known.

 

[HyperAnalyze]

It's a big controversial debate about "Leagues".

I think they exist to an extent. I.e. Guys who have value, people reacting to them, social status, appearance, etc.

Keep in mind, these girls would have to KNOW you first, to gain insight to the value that you have.

So, if you cold approach and do night game, its all a level playing field, IMHO.

 

[dosquito]

The very concept of game seems to imply that you can somehow trick women with your smooth talk into wanting to sleep with you. This is very fuxking difficult because their whole job is to make sure you're legit. Better to just add to your actual value and take the opportunities that come along your way, IMHO. If you're trying too hard to get girls you're already failing.


Yeah, a girl might entertain an ugly guy at the club. Maybe he'll even get laid. But will the girl want to stick with him and does she actually think he's quality? Idk. Maybe. It does happen rarely but every time I've seen a pretty girl with an ugly guy he was a charity case or she was trashy and clearly had issues.

 

[pdx1138]

agree with op. Years ago I started to dress better and got contact lenses. Not only did it boost my confidence (the look good/feel good thing) but I got noticed a helluva lot more.

Something about caring about your appearance helps in a huge way.

 

[apprenticedj]

I'm pretty much in agreement with you. We must never discount the importance of the first impression which is a visual thing. Body language is a big factor too but let's be honest these ladies are judging us by a quick glance. We do the same to them too. I can site myself as a good example. I've always been a bit overweight but I have a knack for making people laugh. Sure my sense of humor got me a few chicks in my life but I was mainly viewed as the funny husky guy, think Seth Rogan or someone. I would make the chicks laugh all night but they would end up leaving with the buff dude with gelled hair. Now that I've become a buff dude (well at least in shape) things have changed. My sense of humor is the icing on the cake as opposed to my main tool. Also I have to do so much less work now, I'm not analyzing glances and wondering if they're feeling me. They make it perfectly clear and actually they'll even approach me now! It's a trip honestly. Just this weekend I went with a few friends to the bar and the reactions are different. As Maximus Rex would say "they're choosin' heavily". I sat at the bar for 5 mins and after a brief convo the bartender volunteered her number to me. Granted she works there and she's only a 6 but that's not the point. This is the point:

Looking good opens the door and game gets you in their bed.

If you're visually unappealing be prepared to work your ass off. That's why you gotta maximize what god gave you, take that lump of clay and mold that sh*t into the best version of yourself that you can.

 

[GS750]

Looks are your best asset. Anyone who argues against that is delusional. But you can improve them with exercise and dress, so yes looks open the door and from then on just don't fvck it up.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Too many of you are too ambitious and think that your attitude is going to make everything happen for you overnight.

In reality theres' a "true" component to who you are, when you go outside. the impression that you're giving people.

The truth is that the women are doing almost all of the selecting. Unless you have some really deep insecurities that are holding you back, you're probably being limited by your actual value. Looks are a big component of that value.

Everything started picking up for me when I started dressing nicer and got contacts.

The other day I was in a coffee shop and noticed a cute girl smiling.

Stopped her as she was walking out and gave a last smile:

"Well, don't just smile and leave..."

she walked over and i talked to her for a few seconds, got a number, and took her out this morning.

It's that easy. No really. If youre trying too hadr youre just fighting an uphill battle and embarassing yourself. Before one of my exams this term a girl was smiling at me across the room - a stranger. Sorry, but you need to be realistic here. How much is game going to help you when she's smiling at some other guy who isnt even trying?

and that's not to say you should feel like it's pointless if you're not "handsome". I certainly don't look like a model. But girls have much wider taste in guys than guys do in girls -- and even if you're ugly as a male, being in shape will help you a lot.

"Hard to get" / "busy" / "unclear" / "vague" = NOT WORTH YOUR TIME / UNINTERESTED

When you're well put together, all you have to do is take the obvious hints that women give because theyre too shy to approach themselves. I'm not even looking for sex. I feel confident enough with myself to admit that what I really want right now is a relationship with a girl I respect...and I'll keep looking for that. Maybe it will be with this girl (we had a great first date, she was enthusiastic about hanging out again) maybe it won't.

What I'm really trying to get across here is that you probably don't have as much power as you'd like to believe when it comes to raising your success in the dating game, except:

1) the power to reduce the insecurities that brought you to this site and raise your confidence to let your natural character show
2) looking good
3) having your life put together

In my experience, #1 can bring you down a lot. But your real limit is usually being set at #2.

So get a decent haircut, dress nicely, and DEFINITEly start working out.

And if you're not fit and dressing well, don't even start complaining about your lack of success. Because it's seriously the least you can do for yourself.

Hope you're all doing well. I haven't been on the forums in some time now.

Which is why I started working out again and went from a waist 40 to a waist 34 and lost my 40 pounds in the process, just to make it easier for me to get my foot in the door with women but obviously I know that my looks alone will not be enough