You make me feel safe

[wifehunter]

Good news!!! But, do you feel safe with her?

 

[LiveYourDream]

She trusts you enough to surrender herself, to you. Translation includes that, she's telling you she wants to submit to you sexually and she fantasizes about you dominating her sexually and ravaging her out of her mind, like she's never experienced before. She wants to be "taken" by you. She wants the opportunity to show you she will (and wants to) surrender to your (sexual) dominance when you ask her to.

 

[LiveYourDream]

If you haven't slept with her, it's prime friend zone.

If it's right after sex, it's oxytocin.

If she's BPD, she's working your ego (don't be surprised when you hear "I just don't feel safe around you" later on).

It's the exact opposite, in my perspective. To me, it is a woman asking for escalation.

 

[fastlife]

It's the exact opposite, in my perspective. To me, it is a woman asking for escalation.

I could see how that could be the case for some women--especially women who are predisposed (at least subconsciously) to equate sex with the inherent need for provisioning and security that comes along with the risk of getting pregnant. In nature, that'd certainly be the case.

But those women, at least in the age group I deal with, are the minority (if they exist at all lol). Girls have an overabundance of security--regardless of their decisions. They're free to pursue arousal without concern for rational considerations--and they do. And uncertainty, possible danger, fear of loss, and unpredictability are arousing.

The most obvious context in my experience, when a girl says, "You make me feel safe," and you haven't slept with her, it would roughly translate to, You're reliable and respectful and not like those other guys who I perceive as sexual threats; I can hang out with you without worrying that you'll seduce me or escalate and that's really nice (for right now) after being pumped and dumped by a couple *******s, who I always felt insecure around because I knew they had options and might not answer my next text. Maybe you'll make a good boyfriend, but my standards for boyfriends are super high and rooted in fantasy so jump through all these hoops but by then you won't measure up or I'll lose interest, but I don't know why cause you're such a great guy. Oh, well...

I've had a girl or two put me in that box (totally delusional & wistful thinking on their part), usually as they are nearing their expiration of prime SMV; I usually drop out at that point or they get pissed off when I escalate. On the other hand, girls that I end up sleeping with usually say things like, "I never know what you're thinking," "But then I'll never hear from you again" "That's what you say to every girl," etc. Even if I overdo it and they drop off, those are the girls that I can hit up a couple months later to 'catch up.'

I think if you hit a happy medium with a girl who's earned commitment and she said something like that, then it would be a positive. And again, my experience with women tops out at about age 22; I'm sure that by the time they're in their late 20's their priorities shift to where 'safety' becomes more and more valuable.

 

[Atom Smasher]

@LiveYourDream , I have two questions, as I think your perspective as a female might be helpful here.

1) In your opinion is there something to what fastlife says above, that her saying "You make me feel safe" before sleeping with her means you're on the fast rack to the friend zone?

2) What are ways that a man can make a woman experience that feeling of safety with him?

 

[LiveYourDream]

@fastlife I understand how men would expect that is what women mean and that of course would be logical.

In trying understand our varying perspectives, I am realizing there are various levels of distinction when women use the word safety in regards to men. I think this is where misunderstanding comes between men and women, on this topic. It's one word and the distinction is clear to the one using it but not necessarily to the one receiving it.

A good analogy is when a woman tells a man, "I love you," she may simply mean "I love you as a friend" or she may mean "I love you, with all that I am. I want to be your woman. I want to be in service to you. I want you to make me yours," or she may mean "I care for you more deeply than words could ever express," or "you have my greatest respect and admiration." She may intend one meaning while he perceives she means another. Same word, different meaning potentially attributed to it, and thus great potential for misunderstanding, by those interacting. We are both
using the same word, safety, but it is meaning is different to us and thus so is our perspectives.

Context is important too. To me, a woman in a discussion with a man about a ltr or providership, saying she feels safe with him is very different in it's meaning than a woman, not in such a discussion, openly declaring to her man, that she feels safe with him. The first relates to his day to day providership predictability/capacity while, to me, the second is not about that at all. I was relating this thread to the second example, while maybe you and other men were relating it to the first.

 

[SeymourCake]

It means that you are secure and she feels secure around you.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@LiveYourDream , I have two questions, as I think your perspective as a female might be helpful here.

1) In your opinion is there something to what fastlife says above, that her saying "You make me feel safe" before sleeping with her means you're on the fast rack to the friend zone?

Not from my perspective. Women aren't "inspired" to suddenly say that to a friend or a soon to be friend. It comes from a deeper place in a woman.

2) What are ways that a man can make a woman experience that feeling of safety with him?

That's the million dollar question in my view. Rather than to do's let me share some aspects of how a woman experiences a man that "inspires" her to tell him that "he makes her feel safe."

He is a man who acts with boldness, certainly, and without hesitation. He exudes confidence and knowingness. He knows his own value. He also knows what he values and he goes after it till he gets it. He's decisive. He respects himself, his time and his resources. He conveys indirectly that he values her enough as a person and not just a means to his sexual gratification, that he would insure her well-being (to some degree), beyond his self-interest. He inspires her belief that she could surrender herself to him fully and he may ravage her (and hopefully would) but he would hold back from harming her in the process. He exudes masculinity and dominance. He also shows kindness and consideration. He's a leader not a follower. If there was an emergency or catastrophe she feels he'd have her back and would power through, in whatever way necessary. He's incredibly aware and perceptive. He's a good communicator. He's observant. He's very connected to physicality, his body and his sexuality. He is centered and clear. He is a man with vision and purpose. He's not intimidated by her emotions, her responses or anything she throws his way. He is unwavering in his centeredness with her and life.

To me, these are the kind of feelings that come together and "inspire" a woman to tell a man she feels safe with him. (Note that a man's on-going capacity to provide or on-going stability are not included.)

 

[MrWood]

so I have been told "i feel safe with you" now from a LDR that will go physical tonight, and for the next week.

IMO, she is feeling, and has expressed exactly the type of things @LiveYourDream has been saying...
listen to her.

This will be the first time for me to go to a woman first meeting, but scheduling doesnt work out for her.
My first time to St Petersburg Russia anyway, so I cant loose. RT tickets were only 200$ (train would have been about 100-150). StP is only 250mi away anyway...

 

[MrWood]

midterm report

the safe thing is in effect, however she had her period and wouldnt want to have sex, but it would have been our first time, she confesses to no sex in a year. Got head every day and 10 minutes before leaving without initiating. She has work the next 3 days until 10am-9pm, I came back home early.
She is a HB7 (stunning breasts passed the pencil test) will turn 44 next week.
She said she will come here Friday, let's see...

 

[MrWood]

about this HB* rating... So how exactly should this work?

If I compared her to average 44yo American HB7, she is clearly a HB8.5+
she did not wear any fancy dress, shirt and loose jeans, no makeup..
Oldest woman I dated in over 6 years

 

[Tictac]

about this HB* rating... So how exactly should this work?

If I compared her to average 44yo American HB7, she is clearly a HB8.5+
she did not wear any fancy dress, shirt and loose jeans, no makeup..
Oldest woman I dated in over 6 years

Its a subjective pedestal system. It means nothing.

 

[MrWood]

I figured its more like your buddys drinking beer watching chicks go by and rating them