You Lose the Power Whenever You Make a Move

[One on One]

Tonight I called a girl at 10:45 and had to leave a message on her machine. I was nearly positive she'd call back because she always has and doesn't play games. She, in fact, did call back at 11:15. However, for those 30 minutes, the power is in her hands. How can you deal with this?

Whenever you call a girl, you lose the power. If you leave a message, you are completely at her mercy to return your call. If she doesn't pick up, you are at her mercy. Even if you have a conversation, you lose power because you can't always be the one to initiate calls. On the contrary, you gain power whenever she initiates contact with you.

On the same token, you lose power when you touch her or anything. I'm not complaining here, but it's just difficult to understand how to deal with this. I think confidence and not caring about the result is the best way to deal. There is a post in the DJ Bible about this subject. Don't play the game to win it, play it for fun. You can't be afraid to lose.

Anybody have any thoughts on this?

 

[squirrels]

Why are you looking to HER for your "power?" If you have enough strength and confidence in yourself, you don't need to seek power from women...in fact, you can afford to give it away. Not to say you SHOULD in every case; if a woman does something to disinterest or disrepect you, of course you shouldn't give her any "power."

In physics, power is force applied at a certain velocity. What good is power if you're standing still?

You're on the right track with not "playing to win." If you ARE a DJ, you don't NEED power from her and don't CARE when you give it to her, because you have plenty of power IN YOURSELF, and you get enjoyment out of sharing it...with the right person/people.

 

[MisterAl]

Pointless ramblings removed...

 

[Grey Fox]

Power? What is this idea of "power" you ramble on about? Stop worrying about this dumb **** and focus on having a good time. Look you can call a girl, thats fine. You can leave a message, after you have gotten to know her. If she doesn't call, so what? Really, a lot of you claim to be Don Juan's student, to know his tricks. But your fretting over one girl, one girl out of a million is going to hold you down. Your desperation will seep through and she'll see it at the worst time. If your sweating her not calling you for 30 minutes, then you got problems. If your sticking to some rigid plan of action for a date, you got problems. Dating has no true hard and fast rules, there is no superior battle plan for victory. You just make up a bunch of **** as you go along and let things play out. The stuff you learn here is just stuff you have been unable to learn in the real world due to no one teaching you or the fact that you just didn't pick up on it the first time around. Look just be your own man, she doesn't call, fine. She calls fine, whatever. Power is an illusion anyway, you give someone the illusion of having power over everytime you do something that causes you to bend over backwards for them. When you rebel or whatever they are always shocked, not by the act of your rebellion but by the fact the "power" you gave them isn't really there. So to aviod this silly illusion of power and the game it gets turned into, never be afraid to remind you and your woman, that you can walk away anytime. You guys have yet to learn the most important lesson of all, its okay to make mistakes and its not a bad thing if you don't control every single aspect of a relationship, because how can you love what you control?

-Grey Fox

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by dave134
You Lose the Power Whenever You Make a Move

Well, that is an illusion. I mean if you never make a move, what sort of power is that?

Yeah, you risk rejection whenever you make a move -- but that isn't a loss -- because rejection is a certainty if you never make a move.

You are increasing your odds from zero when you make a move. Seems like the way to go.

 

[Beebo]

Whenever you call a girl, you lose the power.

So true. Its like were the bug getting caught in the spiders web.

This is weird cuz i was going to post something similar to this. I seem to do all the calling with my gf. I don't like the fact that I pick up the phone more than she does.

I dont want her to think she 'has' me cuz i don't want to be considered by anyone to be wrapped around their finger

But in the same sense, i like talking to my gf, and like to hear whats up. I was going to post and look my encouragement from other DJs to stay away from the phone and let her call me.

While in honest good relationships, people think more with their heart than their head. Thats why we are always better at giving advice than following our own.

I found that doing anything that involves thinking about her is bad, and also doing things for yourself work good as well. Cuz if she does not want you, then you are bettering yourself for others. So that wait, if one, is not that long. Plus, doing things for yourself just makes you feel better anyway...like hitting the weights. Always leaves a rush of adrenaline thats makes forget just about anything. I also find myself cleaning sh-t, as it makes me lose my focus on whats bothering me, and puts it somewhere else. Or i throw it in my work. My only problem is when i go to bed. Thats when i cannot distract myself any longer.

 

[Howie Farkes]

Originally posted by dave134
Whenever you call a girl, you lose the power. If you leave a message, you are completely at her mercy to return your call. If she doesn't pick up, you are at her mercy. Even if you have a conversation, you lose power because you can't always be the one to initiate calls. On the contrary, you gain power whenever she initiates contact with you.

When I see posts like this I really despair for the people of this world who really don't GET what relating to other people is all about.

People come to this board because they have had little success dealing with the opposite sex (maybe problems making friends with their same sex too) and can only see that their problem was that they didn't know what the right "rules of the game" were. So relating to people just becomes using the right tricks and techniques to achieve companionship or power.

I'm not smart enough to tell people what they should be doing to help themselves to relate to people better but I can say that picking apart every interaction you have with girl and awarding her or yourself "power points" based upon your crazy overanalysis is NOT the right way foster healthy companionship.

 

[Starman]

The illusion of power or having the upper hand in a relationship based on phone calls is just plain ridiculous.

YOU have the power at all times..You call her? You have the option to say "I gotta go" at ANY time.

Her Machine comes on? HANG UP

The illusion of a power struggle is very real..and most women play this phone power struggle game..thinking they have "Won" or have "control" over you..

ITS NOT REAL..like the folks said..if you believe a woman can have "power" over you based on phone ettiquette..you have much to learn..

Power is in your self..to know you can walk away at anytime and not give a damn..The POWER ideal is put in the BIGGER picture of your relationship..not invested in little penny stocks of phone calls..

 

[Oxide]

do not leave messages on answer machines... simple.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I'm reading the response to your question about power...and it's all in your head.

First off, this 'power-struggle' is what makes a DJ become hypercritical of a situation where he will eventually just screw things up because he's questioning every move, thought, phone call, touch, pass, kino-move, because he doesn't want to lose power.

Another DJ, Blitz, used to respond a lot to these 'power-struggle' issue everyone kept talking about. He pretty much figured it out: If the female you are courting has high IL, it's all a matter of not f*cking up the situation by doing something stupid (like calling her a b*tch, acting like an a**hole, etc)

If the woman is highly interested in you, then, it doesn't matter if you call her back within one day, leave a message, and wait for a response. If she's digging you, more likely than not, she'll call you back and persue you.

The rules in the DJ Bible are good guidelines and should only be taken as guidelines. I'd be breaking a cardinal DJ Bible rule and flamed by most of you guys when I tell you that I've called a girl 3 hours after I had just met her at the club that same night. Not only that, I had left a message to boot.

What was her response? "Hpnotiq, it was fun meeting you too. I get off tommorrow at 7pm...how about you stop by my place around 9?" I'm still talking to her now and is a great FB/social proof chic.

My point? If I would have thought power-struggles, I mostly likely would have overthought that senerio, and screwed it up.

As long as the IL is high, than, you pretty much can't go wrong if you keep your DJ edge. Thinking about power-struggles and the such is like watching a person who is dancing and visibly counting the steps with their lips.

Keep Djing natural, not artificial.

 

[Starman]

but then there is the issue of a bruised ego..

I know I get pissed when I call a girl..and she doesnt retrn the call until like a week later..yet she insists that she digs me.

so while I may not be looking for "power" when calling said girl or vice versa..I dont want to look like a schmuck either

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by Starman
but then there is the issue of a bruised ego..

I know I get pissed when I call a girl..and she doesnt retrn the call until like a week later..yet she insists that she digs me.

so while I may not be looking for "power" when calling said girl or vice versa..I dont want to look like a schmuck either

Maybe the IL wasn't high to begin with.

I feel what you're saying though. None of us want to be rejected by a lady after we call her, leave a message, and have to wait around for her to call back.

As a general rule, of course, I rarely leave messages unless the IL is throught the roof.

I also want to add to the stuff in my previous post.

I'm all for keeping the power in a relationship. I believe the the majority of the rules in the DJ Bible are there to elicit interest level from women who might be marginally interested.

I think most can agree that if a woman's interest level is rated 10 on a 10 scale, you have more margin of AFC error than if her IL were rated 5 of 10.

The rules of not leaving messages on answering machines, waiting 2 days to call, not acting totally AFC are there so mystery can be raised in the woman's mind. Why did he call and not leave a message? Why didn't he call me back yet? I wonder what he's doing right now?

Acting too fast and leaving messages CAN bring down IL and CAN make a man seem needy and thus, can make you loss power.

With that said, better to guage IL first before blanketing every woman with a standard rule. The DJB is a guideline, I'm sure each one of us can write our own appedix using our field tested life experiences.

Ahhhh....women!

 

[iqqi]

i think squirrels said it best.

its not that serious. its just a message. its not like you gave her your beating bloody pulsating heart and asked her to take care of it for you...

and if a girl happens to NOT call you back soon enough for your security, then just be objective about it. If you are handling everything right and being the best man you can be, then it really most likely is NOT ABOUT YOU anyways.

 

[hitop]

Power and Power Trips

Don't get too caught up in Power . When you do it only reinforces or worsens insecurity. Being consumed by attaining power is for losers ok. This type of behavior might also be associated with people that suffer from "Small Man Complex", don't go there.

 

[DankNuggs]

Power is nothing more than a perceived concept. You feel like she has the power because you are terrified you will be seen as not good enough and that she won't call back...Lets turn the tables for a second. What if you called her up, knowing that she is very very lucky your giving her a shot to get to know you...You simply don't have the time or resources to get to know everyone in this world, so you have narrowed it down, and she is amongst the lucky finalists for your attention...Now what would you think if she didn't call you back? She just missed the shot of a lifetime...Who has the power now?

 

[chlywly]

The problem is, you feel you are powerless and truthfuly you are playing games, you must find true confidense within yourself to begin with... Know yourself as a package, be SINCERE and TRUTHFUL with yourself.

Go ahead and call talk to her, you see the WORLD is only what YOU perceive it to be, you set your rules in your life.

Therefor if you feel you LOSE power every single time YOU make a move, then my friend you Do lose power and only set yourself up for dissapointment.

Call if she calls back great, if she doesnt place another call in a few days, you have to learn to relax, let lose, and go with the flow of things

Just know you are constantly in control no matter what, you always control your path and destiny.

 

[Chemistry]

I didn't read the other posts so maybe this has already been said but whatever...

The power was only in the woman's hands because you let it be... if you've handled yourself as a true DJ up to this point, do you really think that leaving a message gives the woman infinite power? No...

If you've done things right, as soon as the girl gets the message she will be delighted to hear from you and call back at the first possible instance... your initial job in any female contact is to create a sexual attraction so that she can't resist you, and even tho' there will always be a sexual attraction there with regards to you feelin her - I mean you did approach her in the first place - you have to maintain the attitude that she needs you, as you will give her the best time of her life... if you learn to do this you will have even the hottest, most stuck up girls crumblin, and callin YOU day in day out

It's basically an insecurity issue... I mean call her, leave the message, then occupy yourself because she will call back when she gets the message... it's kinda simple, if it ends up that you don't get a returned call, there is a slight chance that she didn't get the message so drop a call by her later the next day but don't leave a message... but if you've carried yourself right in this all, she will call you back anyway or simply call you off her own back...

End of the day, you seem to be chasin' this girl here rather than havin the girl chase you, in a way you've put yourself on the back foot, as a result over analysing everythin that happens...

DJ is an attitude, not just doing a few things that can be found in the bible...

 

[diplomatic_lies]

You lose power if you DON'T make a move.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Oxide
do not leave messages on answer machines... simple.

Just say that you called then go find something to do. Only girls hang around waiting for the phone to ring. But wait, yours doesn't... Hmmm, wonder why it seems that there's a power struggle....

 

[One on One]

Originally posted by DankNuggs
Power is nothing more than a perceived concept. You feel like she has the power because you are terrified you will be seen as not good enough and that she won't call back...Lets turn the tables for a second. What if you called her up, knowing that she is very very lucky your giving her a shot to get to know you...You simply don't have the time or resources to get to know everyone in this world, so you have narrowed it down, and she is amongst the lucky finalists for your attention...Now what would you think if she didn't call you back? She just missed the shot of a lifetime...Who has the power now?

Man, most of you guys misinterpreted what I wrote so I guess I didn't write it clearly. Anyways, DankNuggs probably had the best response on here.

When I say POWER, I'm not talking about some epic inhumane struggle between myself and the lady. I'm just talking about the fact that the ball is then in her court if she wants to call back or not. This thread wasn't meant to be a big thing, just a thought I had.