You can't MAKE her your girlfriend.

[squirrels]

A lot of these kinds of posts have been flying around lately:

"I've been seeing this girl for 3 weeks...I really like her? How can I make her want to be my girlfriend? How can I convince her to take the next step??"

Short answer: YOU CAN'T.

Before you go apesh!t on me, understand that you can't CHANGE someone who doesn't want to be changed. Engaging in a relationship is very much like engaging in a kiss or a sexual encounter...it takes TWO to get involved.

When you want to have sex with a woman and focus on trying to MAKE her want to have sex with you, at best what you'll do is end up chumping around trying to get her to SEE you as an acceptable alternative for a lover, giving her leverage over you because you want in her pants. At worst, you could try to coerce or put mental pressure on her to sex you, which is borderline sexual assault.

What you SHOULD do is find ways to project to her that you are both very willing and very able to engage her in a sexual encounter, to the point where SHE decides that SHE wants to have sex with you, without actively trying to convince her to sex you. Gunwitch puts it best: be horny, wait for her to get horny, then isolate and engage.

The SAME PHILOSOPHY applies to relationships.

If you've been seeing a girl for a while and suddenly you decide to try to MAKE her your girlfriend, at worst you'll be giving her the power in the relationship...she'll be able to make you feel better by talking about or acting more like a girlfriend and feel worse by pulling back and acting less like a girlfriend, encouraging and discouraging you at her leisure to get what she wants. At worst, you make her uncomfortable by trying to PUSH her into a commitment she doesnt' want to be in. This kind of "relationship rape" is all too common and because it has SOCIAL backing (society says relationship = good, no relationship = slut), it crushes her between a rock and a hard place. If you're going to do this, be READY for your girl to become despondent, depressed, restless, break up with you, or even cheat.

What you SHOULD do is present an attitude and behavior consistent with a man who would make a great steady boyfriend and who is willing to initiate a long-term relationship with a woman. Then if she's willing to get into that type of relationship, SHE will change HER behavior HERSELF to conform to your initiative. This is a MUTUAL relationship that both parties have CHOSEN to be in. This is the LTR you're looking for.

:nervous: But what if she DOESN'T change? What if she's not willing?? :nervous:

Well then you're SOL, buddy. Sorry 'bout your luck, but this one isn't interested in that type of relationship with you, and trying to convince her that she IS when she's NOT will only end in utter misery for you down the line. There's nothing wrong with continuing to try, but after a while if she doesn't fall in line with your direction, she's probably not going to.

No problem, there are other women who will.

Or maybe it's an indication that you need to either 1) become more relationship-worthy or 2) project better your willingness and ability to initiate and lead a long-term relationship.

The bottom line is you cannot MAKE a woman love you romantically any more than you can force her to love you erotically. Avoid getting into the "relationship-rape" mentality and instead BE the kind of man a woman would be LUCKY to have as a boyfriend...then offer that opportunity to her.

Good luck.

 

[Lost In Translation]

awesome

 

[penkitten]

bump !!!

i really found this post to be very good, very true, and very well needed as a tip


bible worthy even

 

[Kerensky]

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
:rockon: :rockon: :rockon:

 

[Miles Davis]

Yeah man, on point!

 

[belividere]

Or maybe it's an indication that you need to either 1) become more relationship-worthy or 2) project better your willingness and ability to initiate and lead a long-term relationship.

I agree with the basic premise of the post but these guidelines are things that I would consider a bit off key. In your example you consider someone who has only been in a relationship for a few weeks. At this point I think that qualification is still a major issue as well as being able to read actual interest level. My arguement with point one being that this early in dating someone it really isn't so much as trying to prove yourself to be relationship worthy as it is trying to actually determine what kind of relationship would actually occur. At this point I would actually say that showing your cards up front and having the girl do the same is the best bet for anything long term. For me this is the fault of the posts that you mention on this thread is the realization that in my respects any relationship that is younger than 3 months is still a non-exclusive relationship. Having been in a few LTR's and having been with several girls for 2-3 months I find it safe to say that a persons REAL personality/intentions are not revealed until enough time is spent to actually know the girl. What I'm trying to say is that a facade can easily be carried well beyond the 2 month mark and the only way to recognize such is by experience. With such short-term relationships I think that following either of these guidelines will make you come off as either a.) to desperate, b.) to co-dependant or c.) to willing.

 

[HB_Hunter]

Originally posted by squirrels
Or maybe it's an indication that you need to either 1) become more relationship-worthy or 2) project better your willingness and ability to initiate and lead a long-term relationship.


:

Awesome post and i agree with every word but thing is i haven't had many relationships so im not that experienced though i engage in and have fun and try to enjoy every interaction with girls and i get girls interested in me but the thing that i want to you to clarify more is showing that you 'want' her not need her in an unseen way as pook's once discussed .

I used to read here and follow alot of tips to the result that i was over-analyzing , 2nd guessing alot , philosophizing thanx god i got this off ym chest . I now enjoy my life , learn from my mistakes that i do naturally , move on , don't demand perfection like before , it's like everything is smooth and spontenous .

However showing the girl that i want her , desire her , thru my eyes , voice-tone , a literal unconcious connection ..this is what i want to hear more about as i either pursue and jump alot of steps forcibly or fastly or initiate and divide myself off my emotions (something that i hate ) to not be seen as coming too strong too early and thus she leaves . However the times that i follow my gut and let everything out and not fear rejection or being thought as this or that is the times i succeed and feel like a man , girls love this boldness .

 

[Oxide]

Wow, all these smileys now make it much easier to comment on posts.. no need to say "great post" when you got the cheerleader icon (which should be used by girls, Kerenski..


You cant and shouldnt pressure a girl into anything.. especially a relationship. Squirells got it right on the head. Switch it up, what if some girl was telling you that SHE WANTED YOU TO BE TOGETHER. she wants YOU to not have any other options. she wants YOU to only hang out with her.. Now if you arent madly in love with the girl, running for the hills seems like a very good idea

As for the guys who actually want a realtionship to happen.. why not just play it cool and wait for her to ask you? Trust me, if you are the man she wants, it will not take long for her to start dropping major hints...

Solid post.