Yet another how to: OVERCOME APPROACHFEAR

[Eaglecreek]

You have to adapt yourself to any given situation. Actually its all about etiquette IMO. How did I overcome my fear of approach: first step: knowing why i feared = "What if I come over impolite, is this wierd, talking to strangers?". In the end we never want to come over as a psycho, social kluns, inpolite, etc.
So I read this book about etiquette (I know its lame, but I go to alot of receptions and I don't wanna come over as an guy with no manners). I found the basic rules of approach there, which I alwayse applied and released me of my fears, cause I KNOW I'm polite and not wierd, if I'm rejected then its by a social RETARD and thus I'm better off without that person anyway. So here goes:

1) If you really wanna get to know somebody you SHOULD go over there. Its unreasonable not to do so. Especially when you don't know anybody there, or if the person who invited you is currenty occupied or left/hasen't arrived yet.
2) Don't interupt two or more people speaking. If they are, then wait before approaching them.
3) If you go up to a person start by saying hello, your name and your occupation. Show your hand and give a handshake. (This is good for receptions but also daytime sarging, at parties give some information that can get the conversation going, so don't say your occupation at a party unless you know that super intresting)
4) Don't kiss strangers on the cheek, only if you see the female come up for a kiss you do so. But go for a handshake first IMO. I myself am not that fond of kissing a stranger, who knows where she's been, I don't cause we just met .
5) If you know one of the people in the group then you can go over there and greet him/her and introduce yourself to the group, AGAIN do not break rule number 2.
6) Alwayse introduce your friends to each other, that way they return the favor which will come in handy later on. (thrust me on this one) Don't break rule number 4 here!

Knowing rule number 3, you will come over as a wellmannered person, so there is no reason to fear the approach (Knowing that alwayse gets my fear away instantly. In my mind its something like: This is etiquette, no way a normal person will reject this approach!). You just wanna have a normal conversation, no need to give them seduction lines and crap, get to know them first. What does this person do, are they funny, are they psycho, do they have some content(I hate dumb women or females with no content). If people go crazzy on you for being normal, you've gotten the favor not needing to know this psycho. In the end, no normal person will refuse your handshake or a small conversation, if they don't like you you'll notice soon enough and can bail without being impolite nor being a creep or whatever you fear.

Wanna know what to after that? Read the forum posts, you'll find some good stuff about it. My suggestion is to talk about something about a subject in environment. For me at receptions: the subject its about, same goes for most places. If I'm bored and just feel like talking, I just say that but thats just the way I am . Rest goes automaticly

Greetz from belgium,
Eagle

 

[Eaglecreek]

(This is not an offensive post to you mr_elor, mainly my opinions) Clearly you don't understand a word about what I'm saying. True you don't need to introduce yourself to people. I've been there done that, it results in rejections as well as showing you feared asking, showing lack of confidence on your approach. Hugging strangers also shows your needyness, which you clearly have, and alot of women will think your a creep for doing so. Second of, I never mentioned the magic pill, you did, you still need a set of balls to do it, you alwayse will, thats life. You'll alwayse need the courage to do what is necessary (I'll give you that, you do...). You can't conclude how confident a person is by the way he says hello, and you talking sh*t about what to drink or not, where I'm direct, straight to the point, just shows that I have more confidence than you. The part where you show you're a guy thats in your words is ballsy and not boring, hasen't come yet, if you think so then you don't know sh*t.

I'm being cautious of getting people I don't wanna be with (aka psycho's), its called the anti-dump method (see the dj bible which you should read...). In the long run, I won't get hurt. You will with once you end up with the cheater, stalker, retarded(,etc...) women. I will have noticed that crap in about 5 minutes, where you would be licking her face. You don't know where my post's coming from, because you never been there and still have alot to learn to get there. I've on the other hand been where you've been (closing women without knowing names, one-night stands, I've had my share, still am). But I realised that I don't need a psycho women in my life, but rather have a women with content that improves my life. I also rather have no GF if I have to feel like sh*t for the crap she's pulling off, you clearly do. So don't come here telling you know where I come from and that your a DJ cause you can close women. You aren't a DJ, your kind is called a PUA. Only a few PUA make it to DJ, who's able to seduce the women he wants and be sure she's intresting aswell.

 

[SubtleT]

The way to overcome AA is to realise internally, that you don't give a F_CK what other people think of you. Manning up and appoaching, over and over and over.

I feel that the less frequently you approach the larger AA becomes. RSD Transformations and Hypnotica Sphynx of Imagination helped a lot though.


I disagree with #3. You are the most important person in the world. Whatever YOU say matters the most. Your way seems very civil, but it also seems like its TRYING for rapport, which should not happen.

 

[SubtleT]

I've only seen Tim and Ozzie's ****, but it's awesome. The Neutral to Breaking Rapport was genius

And damn right you're the most important person in the world. Someitmes the odd person tells you you're a prick, but then you just remember how much of a bad-ass you are and it's like "yeah that's nice".

Yeah man, i just downloaded the thing and only saw Tim's part, but the outlook is PERFECT. I realized my main flaw, was trying to build rapport and trying too hard. I now think "**** it" and say whatever comes to mind, and i do whatever i want to do because my game is a 10.