I met Maya(27) in Athens back in February at a concert. She was a student from Serbia visiting a common friend or ours who had brought her to the concert. We were introduced, but not much happened because after a while, our groups drifted apart. However, we later became friends online and before long we started wandering into more intimate conversations. I remember being physically attracted to her but as the months passed, I also found myself very into her as a person. She has a vibrant, energetic personality and the fires were fanned by our many common interests, especially in music.
In the months from March to June our bond developed further. At this time, Maya was seeing someone but she did not seem to be in love. She also confessed that they only had sex every 2 weeks or so because he was .."always tired" due to long hours at work. Anyway, it seemed to me that their relationship was on its last legs and come mid-May, Maya told me she had broken up with him. I felt a bit guilty, but she told me it would have happened sooner or later as they were not in love. According to her, he took it well too.
In June, Maya confessed to having feelings for me and I decide to visit her in Belgrade since it would be a new experience and because I too was started to feel for her.
My first visit was for a week in mid-July and Maya turned up at the airport. We were both afraid it would be a bit awkward turning the online thing to real life, but we very naturally hugged and a while later, kissed. That evening we went out, then back to my hotel where we made love. She then returned home late at night.
At this point, I need to clarify certain problems with Maya.
1. She is an only child and her parents are divorced. Her 60-year-old mother(who is not exactly easy to live with) is constantly on her case. The mom is very traditional and old-fashioned and doesn't like me because she is afraid Maya would leave the country and abandon her alone if something serious materialized between us..
2. Maya comes from a poor family in a poor country. She is studying medicine but needs about a year before she finishes, possibly more. She failed an important exam in June, then in July again. For this reason, her Mom is constantly on her case to study hard. Finishing sooner rather than later also means getting a job and acquiring some independence...
3. Maya was raped and locked in a room for 18 hours about 13 months ago. She had therapy afterwards, but has gotten panic attacks since the incident.
It is another reason why she is behind in her studies...
Back to the story...
After making love that evening, Maya seemed distressed the following day and I find out she had a panic attack at her home and had to take some medication for it. She was better in the evening of the second day though....
During the next 5 days we have a wonderful time, I meet her Dad(who I get along with) and our relationship deepens...however, I notice that Maya is reluctant to come back to the hotel room...
On the last day of my trip we go out to a great restaurant, we eat and we dance the night away...then we return to my hotel and make love...again, I return her home and the next day we say our goodbyes..she was in tears and I was a bit choked up too...
A few days later, while skype-ing, I tell her that I probably wouldn't be able to see her until late October..unless...I came mid August for a week again or she came to Athens to visit me. Unfortunately, Athens was out of the question for monetary reasons, plus she would have problems with her mom.
With this in mind, I decide to see her again from the 20th to the 27th of August, which was just a few days ago. I almost cancelled the trip a few days before as she told me on the phone she "wasn't sure" how often she would see me because of her studying for a big exam...Thus, I was ready to cancel but she assured me there would be time...I was worried however of the pressures that were already being placed on her...
So, I arrived once more in Belgrade and we met again with hugs and kisses and tears.. Again, we go to the hotel for some love-making, and then to a rock festival that night. However, I had a terrible headache and told her to stay with her friends while I headed home to rest. She seemed OK, but I found out the next morning that she had had another panic attack later in the evening...
Unfortunately, after this, her whole attitude (to me at least) seemed to change...she was quite messed up the next day, and again took medication which seemed to affect her quite a bit(suppressants). She looked depressed and I could tell the pressures of our relationship were starting to get to her. After a day, I was disillusioned and ready to head back home a few days early, but she persuaded me to stay.. Still, she could not stay at my hotel at nights, first because of her mom, and second, because of her fear that another panic attack would be triggered by being in a closed space like the hotel room...
2 days before my departure we were drinking coffee after a long walk and I tell her we can't go on like this.. She starts to sob and hug me, but accepts that our relationship has real problems...
What followed was 2 days of her constantly hugging and staying close to me yet also being detached in an eerie sort of way...difficult for me to explain this dichotomy..yet it was there...
The evening before my departure she comes to the hotel front court yet does not want to come upstairs fearing a panic attack..I go up and bring her a gift I had brought for her( a scarf) and I kiss her goodbye in the courtyard.
I then leave, but 10 minutes later, I look out my window and notice she is still there...so I go down, we hug and kiss and just sit together. About 2 hours later I put her on the bus home and say goodbye...
What follows upon my return is a few days of messages where it becomes apparent we are in some sort of limbo...
Then, a few days later, she tells me she saw a "priest/psychologist" who can help her with the panic attacks..I am truly worried at hearing this, since I am usually suspicious of priests, but she seems relaxed...yet, very distant....and she starts mentioning stuff about feeling guilt about us, and that we rushed into sex too quickly and that she has done bad things and needs to feed her soul rather than her body...
All this leads to heated words on my part and accusations and I cut ties... However, a few days later I realize I was a bit too emotional and we patch things up in a fashion.
At this point, I speak to a good friend of Maya's on skype(we had been introduced in Serbia) who is called Helena. Helena tells me to give Maya time because she is in a very difficult state now..but that Maya cares, it is just that she is seriously messed up at the moment and is under a lot of pressure form many directions...
A friend of mine also mentions that he too has panic attacks and they are truly a terrible thing as you feel as if you are about to die.
He too believes I should cut her some slack and not press her. He mentions that having a relationship is probably not her prime consideration right now as she is "sick"...
Sorry for such a long story but here now is my dilemma....
Keeping in mind that I have feelings for Maya and wish to further the relationship with her.. should I not pressure her and just give her some time to work things out?
or should I just cut my losses and just move on to another woman as this may be a lost cause?
Final point is that Maya continues to seem distant to me these last few days. We do not chat at all, and only exchanged a short message a day ago.
Is there something here, or am I flogging a dead horse?
Thanks for your patience brothers in reading this overly-lengthy post!
In the months from March to June our bond developed further. At this time, Maya was seeing someone but she did not seem to be in love. She also confessed that they only had sex every 2 weeks or so because he was .."always tired" due to long hours at work. Anyway, it seemed to me that their relationship was on its last legs and come mid-May, Maya told me she had broken up with him. I felt a bit guilty, but she told me it would have happened sooner or later as they were not in love. According to her, he took it well too.
In June, Maya confessed to having feelings for me and I decide to visit her in Belgrade since it would be a new experience and because I too was started to feel for her.
My first visit was for a week in mid-July and Maya turned up at the airport. We were both afraid it would be a bit awkward turning the online thing to real life, but we very naturally hugged and a while later, kissed. That evening we went out, then back to my hotel where we made love. She then returned home late at night.
At this point, I need to clarify certain problems with Maya.
1. She is an only child and her parents are divorced. Her 60-year-old mother(who is not exactly easy to live with) is constantly on her case. The mom is very traditional and old-fashioned and doesn't like me because she is afraid Maya would leave the country and abandon her alone if something serious materialized between us..
2. Maya comes from a poor family in a poor country. She is studying medicine but needs about a year before she finishes, possibly more. She failed an important exam in June, then in July again. For this reason, her Mom is constantly on her case to study hard. Finishing sooner rather than later also means getting a job and acquiring some independence...
3. Maya was raped and locked in a room for 18 hours about 13 months ago. She had therapy afterwards, but has gotten panic attacks since the incident.
It is another reason why she is behind in her studies...
Back to the story...
After making love that evening, Maya seemed distressed the following day and I find out she had a panic attack at her home and had to take some medication for it. She was better in the evening of the second day though....
During the next 5 days we have a wonderful time, I meet her Dad(who I get along with) and our relationship deepens...however, I notice that Maya is reluctant to come back to the hotel room...
On the last day of my trip we go out to a great restaurant, we eat and we dance the night away...then we return to my hotel and make love...again, I return her home and the next day we say our goodbyes..she was in tears and I was a bit choked up too...
A few days later, while skype-ing, I tell her that I probably wouldn't be able to see her until late October..unless...I came mid August for a week again or she came to Athens to visit me. Unfortunately, Athens was out of the question for monetary reasons, plus she would have problems with her mom.
With this in mind, I decide to see her again from the 20th to the 27th of August, which was just a few days ago. I almost cancelled the trip a few days before as she told me on the phone she "wasn't sure" how often she would see me because of her studying for a big exam...Thus, I was ready to cancel but she assured me there would be time...I was worried however of the pressures that were already being placed on her...
So, I arrived once more in Belgrade and we met again with hugs and kisses and tears.. Again, we go to the hotel for some love-making, and then to a rock festival that night. However, I had a terrible headache and told her to stay with her friends while I headed home to rest. She seemed OK, but I found out the next morning that she had had another panic attack later in the evening...
Unfortunately, after this, her whole attitude (to me at least) seemed to change...she was quite messed up the next day, and again took medication which seemed to affect her quite a bit(suppressants). She looked depressed and I could tell the pressures of our relationship were starting to get to her. After a day, I was disillusioned and ready to head back home a few days early, but she persuaded me to stay.. Still, she could not stay at my hotel at nights, first because of her mom, and second, because of her fear that another panic attack would be triggered by being in a closed space like the hotel room...
2 days before my departure we were drinking coffee after a long walk and I tell her we can't go on like this.. She starts to sob and hug me, but accepts that our relationship has real problems...
What followed was 2 days of her constantly hugging and staying close to me yet also being detached in an eerie sort of way...difficult for me to explain this dichotomy..yet it was there...
The evening before my departure she comes to the hotel front court yet does not want to come upstairs fearing a panic attack..I go up and bring her a gift I had brought for her( a scarf) and I kiss her goodbye in the courtyard.
I then leave, but 10 minutes later, I look out my window and notice she is still there...so I go down, we hug and kiss and just sit together. About 2 hours later I put her on the bus home and say goodbye...
What follows upon my return is a few days of messages where it becomes apparent we are in some sort of limbo...
Then, a few days later, she tells me she saw a "priest/psychologist" who can help her with the panic attacks..I am truly worried at hearing this, since I am usually suspicious of priests, but she seems relaxed...yet, very distant....and she starts mentioning stuff about feeling guilt about us, and that we rushed into sex too quickly and that she has done bad things and needs to feed her soul rather than her body...
All this leads to heated words on my part and accusations and I cut ties... However, a few days later I realize I was a bit too emotional and we patch things up in a fashion.
At this point, I speak to a good friend of Maya's on skype(we had been introduced in Serbia) who is called Helena. Helena tells me to give Maya time because she is in a very difficult state now..but that Maya cares, it is just that she is seriously messed up at the moment and is under a lot of pressure form many directions...
A friend of mine also mentions that he too has panic attacks and they are truly a terrible thing as you feel as if you are about to die.
He too believes I should cut her some slack and not press her. He mentions that having a relationship is probably not her prime consideration right now as she is "sick"...
Sorry for such a long story but here now is my dilemma....
Keeping in mind that I have feelings for Maya and wish to further the relationship with her.. should I not pressure her and just give her some time to work things out?
or should I just cut my losses and just move on to another woman as this may be a lost cause?
Final point is that Maya continues to seem distant to me these last few days. We do not chat at all, and only exchanged a short message a day ago.
Is there something here, or am I flogging a dead horse?
Thanks for your patience brothers in reading this overly-lengthy post!
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