Yellow zone with girlfriend

[Who Dares Win]

So Im not (yet) in the red zone but the yellow is establish.

It means she is having some kind of "confusion" about us due to certain behaviour of mine like being rude to people that pisses off or making it clear that long meetings with people Im not very close to makes me tired and bored.

Yesterday a guy (acquitance of us) came while we were having a cofee and joined our conversation, while I asked 3 times how was going (not cause I care but to control the interaction) he didnt replied and instead started talking to my gf...5 seconds after I asked him if he didnt have anything to do and to get away, he then left.

Sometime I also treat her bad like sleeping till 2pm while she is awake and sending her to the supermarket to gain more time since I go to sleep very late, and some other stuff like this.

She is a very joyful and friendly girl which is kinda opposite of me since Im more the reptile type.

Anyway somehow I managed to go out of the "I dont know if we are meant for each other" zone but right after getting a bl0wjob from her, she found out some flirty of message of me and a girl on facebook where I asked to this girl if she wanted to see a movie, which later instead I saw my gf...the girl said she wanted to go btw.

Even if it doesnt seem I really like her and she surely makes my life better, how do you suggest to behave?

btw when she said that she was not sure about us, I didnt do anything afc, I just ignored her (awfully in the passive aggressive way) and made some stuff then later went to her as nothing happened and cuddled a bit.

Opinions suggestions? Im ready to give some ground for her in fact part of the calming her down before reading my facebook was to grant a double date with her friend and her bf.

 

[No.Danny]

You seem like an insecure douche

 

[AttackFormation]

What are you even talking about?

 

[Who Dares Win]

If anything is not clear let me know since I wrote in a rush.

If you are mentally challenged or have nothing to say go back talk about the football championship.

 

[asa_don]

So Im not (yet) in the red zone but the yellow is establish.

It means she is having some kind of "confusion" about us due to certain behaviour of mine like being rude to people that pisses off or making it clear that long meetings with people Im not very close to makes me tired and bored.

Yesterday a guy (acquitance of us) came while we were having a cofee and joined our conversation, while I asked 3 times how was going (not cause I care but to control the interaction) he didnt replied and instead started talking to my gf...5 seconds after I asked him if he didnt have anything to do and to get away, he then left.

Sometime I also treat her bad like sleeping till 2pm while she is awake and sending her to the supermarket to gain more time since I go to sleep very late, and some other stuff like this.

She is a very joyful and friendly girl which is kinda opposite of me since Im more the reptile type.

Anyway somehow I managed to go out of the "I dont know if we are meant for each other" zone but right after getting a bl0wjob from her, she found out some flirty of message of me and a girl on facebook where I asked to this girl if she wanted to see a movie, which later instead I saw my gf...the girl said she wanted to go btw.

Even if it doesnt seem I really like her and she surely makes my life better, how do you suggest to behave?

btw when she said that she was not sure about us, I didnt do anything afc, I just ignored her (awfully in the passive aggressive way) and made some stuff then later went to her as nothing happened and cuddled a bit.

Opinions suggestions? Im ready to give some ground for her in fact part of the calming her down before reading my facebook was to grant a double date with her friend and her bf.

:crackup:

funny how you write a thread about "the board being in bad health", then you write a post like this, you're afraid of losing her, thats all that it is, playing mind games to get back in the "green" zone, high value men don't play lame games, you can always obtain new women, there's no need for playing games, don't stay in a "confused" relationship being afraid, get another woman .

 

[The_411]

Ease up with the heavy handedness. There's maintaining frame and there's acting like a tool. At this point I'd say it's a lost cause because you've gone so overboard with the a-hole schtick that if you start going the other way she's going to think you've gone soft and lose respect.

Going forward maintain your boundaries but if you find that you're tipping too far to the a-hole scale then cut the girl loose.

You can be an ass (cheeky mind you,) just don't be an a-hole

 

[Who Dares Win]

:crackup:

funny how you write a thread about "the board being in bad health", then you write a post like this, you're afraid of losing her, thats all that it is, playing mind games to get back in the "green" zone, high value men don't play lame games, you can always obtain new women, there's no need for playing games, don't stay in a "confused" relationship being afraid, get another woman .

The problem is that she is unlikely all the girls I have around, really worth not only cause she is goodlooking and feminine but because she is probably the only girl I feel "mine" since she comes from a very conservative family and I've been the man which introduced her to sex.

Ease up with the heavy handedness. There's maintaining frame and there's acting like a tool. At this point I'd say it's a lost cause because you've gone so overboard with the a-hole schtick that if you start going the other way she's going to think you've gone soft and lose respect.

Going forward maintain your boundaries but if you find that you're tipping too far to the a-hole scale then cut the girl loose.

You can be an ass (cheeky mind you,) just don't be an a-hole

I never did anything intentionally (unless we can consider those mindset internalized reading this forum), those personality traits exists as default, one day I told her that if it was for me all illegal immigrants should have been sent back no matter what and with no appeal and we had a small argue about "human rights", small stuff like that created the problem.

Anyway your point is the same one which came in my mind, even if I were to consciously try to be less assh0lish it would show her that Im made of paper and easy to bend which would turn her off physically even before than personally.

So yeah try to keep myself between the cheeky and the a-hole but closer to the cheeky, anyway I guess sooner or later I have to examine some of my personality traits considering that Im not a kid anymore and they could undermine my persona life as much as my professional one.

 

[El Payaso]

OP, I know exactly what you are talking about. This is a defining point in the relationship and the real test of if you are truly an AFC or not. What you want to avoid is "talking about things with her" or going soft like the other person said.

What you do want to do though is throw little nibbles for her. All she wants is just reassurance from you that you care about her. That's all. You can do this while still maintaining the dominant frame in the relationship. If she says stuff like "I'm not too sure about this relationship anymore" or "You take me for granted", things along that line, just say "Well, I've always cared about you and still do but if you're not sure about us, feel free to leave." Make sure you leave or drop the phone right when you say this.

It will throw her mind into overdrive and confusion while still lingering on the thought that you do care about her. She will call you back several times but do not pick up. When you finally to or she comes over. Feign anger or disappointment at her for her behavior and say things along the line of "her not having faith in you guys" and that she's right, you're not comfortable in a relationship where she doesn't trust you.

Basically, all you're doing is flipping the script on her. The key idea is to make her feel guilty.

WHATEVER YOU DO, IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU DO NOT APOLOGIZE OR SAY THINGS LIKE YOU'RE SORRY FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR. DO NOT TAKE THE BLAME FOR ANYTHING.

Keep maintaining your dominant frame and never feel sorry for sending her to the supermarket.

 

[Eph]

I'd say apologize (explicitly saying sorry isn't necessary or recommended) for being an a-hole, and tell her that if she wants to break up, then that's what you'll do. Shows her you're not worried about losing her (even if you really are), while the apology tells her you're not an entirely bad guy. More than likely, she'll forget the entire thing ever happened.

OP, I know exactly what you are talking about. This is a defining point in the relationship and the real test of if you are truly an AFC or not. What you want to avoid is "talking about things with her" or going soft like the other person said.

What you do want to do though is throw little nibbles for her. All she wants is just reassurance from you that you care about her. That's all. You can do this while still maintaining the dominant frame in the relationship. If she says stuff like "I'm not too sure about this relationship anymore" or "You take me for granted", things along that line, just say "Well, I've always cared about you and still do but if you're not sure about us, feel free to leave." Make sure you leave or drop the phone right when you say this.

It will throw her mind into overdrive and confusion while still lingering on the thought that you do care about her. She will call you back several times but do not pick up. When you finally to or she comes over. Feign anger or disappointment at her for her behavior and say things along the line of "her not having faith in you guys" and that she's right, you're not comfortable in a relationship where she doesn't trust you.

Basically, all you're doing is flipping the script on her. The key idea is to make her feel guilty.

WHATEVER YOU DO, IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU DO NOT APOLOGIZE OR SAY THINGS LIKE YOU'RE SORRY FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR. DO NOT TAKE THE BLAME FOR ANYTHING.

Keep maintaining your dominant frame and never feel sorry for sending her to the supermarket.

^ This, more or less. Where I disagree is the part about not apologizing. It's key. The apology is what tells her you care. Without it, you just seem too distant and uncaring. It also keeps you from having to go AFC and having an entire conversation about how much you care, how much she means to you, etc. Like I said, you don't need to explicitly say, "I'm sorry". Just say something like, "I know I've been an a$$ lately, but I do care. But if you don't think we're right for each other, then we'll break up". With that, walk away.

 

[Who Dares Win]

El Payaso and Eph thanks for your feeback, I exactly needed that kind of confirmation, regarding the apologies I think saying that Im sorry makes me look too soft and could encourage blackmail in future to get what she wants plus it would confirm her that I did something wrong which I would avoid to get back in track.

I think about framing it as I got misunderstood in my intention or that things look different than what they are.

The problem is that she left home this morning and grabbed her stuff without even leaving a message, she threathed me many times that if I were gonna cheat on her again she would have done this...good thing is that he best girl friend is helping me (since I helped her in past with her bf I tend to trust her).

 

[jurry]

"Im more of the reptile type."

Hahhahaha ahh best line ive read in awhile.. Thank you sir.

 

[Lotus Effect]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to El Payaso again.

Great advice mate. It reminded me of something I've read quite a while ago.

The topic was about the LTR being a test as well. She's given you everything so she can see if you are the Male you portraied to be when you first met, or just an AFC in disguise, which most cases are!

This is really a turning point in your relationship, where she is testing your manliness!

I agree with El Payaso in every word, and co sign what he has wrote.

This situation you are living right now, is the deal breaker moment, and, as El Payaso said, is when you have to stand your ground and show her your dominance. She wants to be dominated!

I guarantee you. All a woman wants in life is to follow a strong male. Show her that your priority is yourself, your future, and your goals, and that you have zero time for BS, and she will follow you, as is in her nature!

Great thread by the way!