WTF Staying mysterious is not helping me with this one

[topdog3853]

By being c&f and being in control of every situation, etc has gotten me pretty far with this HB. However, I know you are not suppose to tell them your whole life story, etc because if you remain some what mysterious it keeps IL higher right?. Its not that I am wierdly mysterious to her, I know she is comfortable around me, etc. However when it starts to advance to a more sexual level, I get "I don't even know you that well" We have been out on a number of dates and had a little fun. I know she is interested, but how do you advance further when she gives you a comment like that. I understand she is trying to feel out the situation, etc but how do go further by not revealing too much about yourself, thereby possibly dropping her IL and having it crumble all together?

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Hmm, well aren't rules made to be broken sometimes?

Oscar.

 

[Quick]

You adapt your strategy to what's going on. "I don't know you that well" may not even be how much she knows about you, she just may not feel she knows someone until a certain amount of time has passes. If you feel that it is, then drop her a bone. Don't talk about the bully in third grade, but tell her something as a reward. I write stories and plays and things. I once did a monologue in front of a girl I had been dating and wasn't sexual with that was partly autobiographical. She was so into me that night. Asked what made me do it, what actually was true. I didn't answer any follow up questions. I didn't have sex with her that night, but I did soon after. Before that I had said almost nothing about myself. She definitely felt closer to me. I'm sure she felt it was a big deal that I was opening up to her.

Also, i've found, what really makes someone feel they know you is shared experiences. Different situations. If you guys hang out in the same place or places every time and do the same things, they tend to run together. If you go to the other side of town and vary what you do a lot, she'll have seen different sides of you, and think that she knows you.

 

[topdog3853]

I see what you mean about hanging out in different situations and sh*t. Multiple times we have just hung out at her apt, whether it be her making dinner for me or watching a movie. When we hang out during the week though its tough to find interesting things to do. Neither of us get home until 7:00 or so after the gym and she likes to crash early about 10:30 or 11:00. So by the time you shower and everything you only have couple hours to hang out. What do you do?

 

[Chemistry]

Sexual attraction and charisma...

You can be mysterious all you want with girls, but it isn't gonna make them want to jump into bed with you unless you couple it with the charisma that has them eager to know somethin about you, and they have that sexual attraction to you...

Then you play it mysterious by not givin' them what they want... in turn uppin' the IL... basically be more charismatic

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by topdog3853
I see what you mean about hanging out in different situations and sh*t. Multiple times we have just hung out at her apt, whether it be her making dinner for me or watching a movie. When we hang out during the week though its tough to find interesting things to do. Neither of us get home until 7:00 or so after the gym and she likes to crash early about 10:30 or 11:00. So by the time you shower and everything you only have couple hours to hang out. What do you do?

I live in Chicago, so that helps. What I like to do when I first meet a girl is to go through the papers and find an event that's going on. We start there, and then we walk from there in a random direction talking as we go. If there's a coffee shop or an unusual store, I say we should go in. If there's a romantic spot, we stop and keep talking, a girl has never objected. I didn't know about kino, but I would always find a way to end up touching her while we talked, massaging her shoulders or warming her hands. It works great for getting a rapport and getting us both to feel comfortable. I'm real big on starting off with one destination, and then playing it by ear from then on. That's just what works for me, and what I feel comfortable with. I just moved downtown to a highrise, so I plan to keep the next girl out for a late talk near the lake and then invite her to my place to warm up.

 

[PRMoon]

Mystery only gets you so far before it starts to wear a little thin. It appears to her as if you're intentionally hiding something from her and she's going to want to know more about you before you can get into the pants.

My advice is if mystery has begun to lose its effect on her then you should try banking on novelty instead. Novelty as opposed to mystery never really wears thin because it's a unique (usually attractive) feature that you have and few others do. It's one of those traits that girls like to brag that you have to their girl friends. Unlike mystery, novelty doesn't get old or wear off becasue its a trait that's part of you that she likes or finds interesting. Maybe you're into riding street bikes or know a good betting technique to win at roullette. It doesn't necessarily have to be exclusive to you but it has to be something that not everyguy has that's attractive to her or she'll be able to be proud of you having when talking to others.

 

[Shiftkey]

I was going through the archives the other day and read an interesting article that you might find useful.

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/intimacy.htm

Basically it's saying that you need to establish more of a connection, and to do that you need to reveal some private things about yourself (within moderation - don't spill your guts)

Here's the part that probably most applies to you.

3) She's disclosing more than you are. Most likely you're the type who is "afraid" of opening up to people you don't know very well. Or perhaps you see it as more manly to remain aloof (strong, silent type). Once in a while you may get yourself a lady who is a real talker and who makes it tough to keep the conversation balanced. But most likely the problem will stem from you and be one you can "easily" fix.

To solve this problem: you need to RECOGNIZE what is happening. And you need to realize that if you don't start BALANCING the disclosure level on this date, it's going to end up just like all the other dates you've been on recently. Disappointing. No chemistry. No returned phone calls. And no second date... much less the sizzling relationship that you were hoping for. You don't have to go out on a limb with medium or high-risk disclosures, but you need to make a conscious effort to throw out more low-risk disclosures in order to have any shot at bonding the date.

Remember, balance is critical. Matching disclosures are what create the intimacy necessary for a successful date. But balance refers to the level of disclosure not the amount. So this doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do exactly an equal amount of talking and disclosing. No way! In fact, it's usually better to let her do a little more of the talking and disclosing, while you hold back some... to create a little mystery about yourself.