Wow this sh!t works!

[bugsquish]

Hey DJs!

I discovered this site one week ago today, and already my life has begun changing! I wanted to write this post and share my experiences of my first weekend after spending a week reading this site. My first weekend as a Don Juan

I write this post:
1) To thank the extremely intelligent writers of of the articles that have influenced me. You know who you are! If you wrote a good one chances are I read it, and your dedication to helping others is greatly appreaciated!
2) To give hope to anyone who is in the frame of mind I was before I understood the concept of being a DJ. For my first couple of days on this site I honestly thought I was beyond help. I think a lot of people will totally identify with what I'm saying.
3) To ask a little advice on what to do next cuz I'm still pretty much a newb, even if I did get off to a good start!

<Obligatory back story>
I had a fukked up childhood for a start. While I was growing up I was always an outsider. I fukked my head up with drugs at about 16. I was in a turbulent 4 year relationship with Emma about an 8.5) which ended against my will last year (yes I was dumped). So I pretty much ended up in depression with no motivation, no self esteem, confidence, and absolutely no faith in my ability to pull a woman HALF as "perfect" as I imagined Emma to be.

We both lived in a pretty small town and we wanted to stay friends (groan) so I never had any hope in hell of getting her out of my head, so I upped and moved to the city (Glasgow). Been here for three months now but with no self esteem I could only manage average (or below average) girls.

I KNEW I needed to change, both my outlook and personality, and even experimented with different ideas, but had no real clue what direction to take. In desperation I turned to the Internet for some pulling techniques. Gimmicks.
</obligatory back story>

<The Rebirth>
THEN the turning point of my life occurs and I stumble on the Don Juan Centre. I soon realised that it's MUCH more than gimmicks, it's actually a complete lifestyle, a state of mind, almost like a religion! And for me, I can sum up the whole message that changed my life:

Stop being a *****!

So things didn't work out? So fukking what? You learned from it, stop *****ing. Stop making excuses to miss opportunities. Stop wasting your short time on this planet. Be a man!

Okay this is nothing new to most people but it was almost divine to realise WHY I LOST EMMA IN THE FIRST PLACE! It also fitted perfectly with the mystery of average guys i know who are worshipped by chicks.

It was a struggle, but after as few days I realised this state of mind was within reach.
</The Rebirth>

Okay, if you're still reading this you must really wanna know about my first weekend as a DJ.

<Putting it to Work>
I found sosuave.com on Monday. I studied it religiously all week. Remember I only just moved to this city and don't really know anyone yet. On Thursday I arranged a meeting with this girl Jody I'd been talking to on the net for Friday night, 8pm.
10 minutes later I had a notion to go get the phone number for Kozi (it's my favourite clothes shop and I've chatted with the hot chick there). I called her at work (out of the blue) and asked if she was busy on Sat, she said great, meet her about 8 on Sat.

So far so good! I would never have pulled the Kozi stunt without my new state of mind!

Anyway to cut a long story short (okay maybe not ):

Friday
Jody from the net turned out to be a bit of a dog (about a 4 - no surprises there - **** I hope she never sees this).

• Non Juan Lance woulda screwed her anyway and then spiralled even more into self loathing.
• Don Juan Lance spent a few hours enjoying her company and practising my new communication skills before gently confirming we were just friends, and heading to my fave club ALONE (something I'd never do).

Once in the club I could feel my new found DJ "everyone is my friend" attitude. Normally I would just sit with my pint and feel sorry for myself! This time I was friendly to everyone who caught my attention (male or female) and smiling the whole time. To begin with I focused on making guy friends. Don't wanna be a sad lonely perv with no friends! What I noticed was amazing. Girls seemed to be putting themselves in my line of sight, and I found that if i just stood and smiled straight at them without saying anything, THEY usually came and said hi! And if they do that you DJs know ur in there. I was still a little nervous, but I managed to snog 2 girls, first a 7 (attractive but a few years older), then an 8, a cute little brunette. No pen=no phone number argh!
No big deal but NORMALLY I wouldn't even talk to a girl above 5-6. Needless to say I went home quite happy with myself.

Saturday
Suzanne was late. She's about an 8.5 and I only ended up talking to her cuz I always go to her shop, but I'm usually nervous. Anyways I was fine, I got on great with her and I could tell she fancied me. A DAMN SHAME when she introduced me to her boyfriend.

• Non Juan Lance woulda been mortified, felt ridiculous, embarassed and probably made my excuses to leave pretty quickly so I could go home to feel sorry for myself...
• Don Juan Lance thought "hmm, I bet she's got lots of hot friends", which she does including a network of barmaids at all my fave pubs . So yet again I practised my communication skills with her and her boyfriend (who was cool, by the way) and made 2 pretty cool friends.

Anyways, they left and I opted to go to my club, alone, AGAIN! Perhaps by chance, perhaps Don Juan himself was smiling on my fate, but I bumped into one of Suzanne's barmaid friends, (Claire, about an 8) who apparently had noticed me in her bar before but I was too shy to notice. She came home with me and I got laid by a city chick FOR THE FIRST TIME!

Sunday
Not a good start, I went to the bar where Claire works to see her. I realise this was a bit NON Juan and I'll be more careful next time!
You guessed it, now addicted, I went back to the club, where I first snogged another girl about a 7.5 (i'm getting used to this already!) then bumped into ANOTHER of Suzannes (and Claire's) friends Hannah. And gentlemen, if you had the same taste in women as me, you would surely empty both barrels gazing upon such a fine specimen. Easily a 9 (now remember how shy I was last week).
I sat talking to her for an hour after we left the place and we got a lot in common. Now this is the bit I need advice about. We got on well, we flirted, there was some contact. All good. She put my number in her phone (i didn't have mine and still no pen doh) and we arranged to go for a pint on thursday.
But at the end, for a moment we could've kissed. But in that split second I thought "I really like this girl, I don't wanna tacky snog on the first night, PLUS I should keep her guessing about my motives." And I just said "send me a text about this drink" instead of kissing her. Then she said "I'll txt u tomorrow" and I said "whenever, just before thurs (smile)" then we parted.
</Putting it to Work>

Now, she didn't text me today. Is that cuz I said "whenever"? Is it a good idea to show a little indifference about these things? Also, I've seen conflicting views on the "to kiss or not to kiss" scenario. Did I just dump myself into the friendship bin by not siezing that moment? Or do you think it had the desired affect? What if she doesn't txt me? I'm gonna bump into her again at some point so how should I act? Should I just not mention the fact that we were supposed to meet, like I forgot about it? Experienced DJs please gimme ur thoughts on the matter!

Holy sh!t this is a big post. OOPS! Anyways, I hope fellow newbies get some inspiration from seeing how fast u can get results if u BELIEVE. And I hope experienced DJs feel a bit of nostalgia about their humble beginnings

A little confused, but I now consider myself one of you. Not bad for my first weekend

Lance

 

[Phrozen]

Nice job, sounds like you've had a hell of a week. I wish I had the nerve to just take this information and run with it. The way I feel now its like I am just shedding my afc skin, but I'm still dragging it behind me like a ball and chain.

BTW, careful about banging all Suzanne's friends. It might be pretty akward when they get together and talk about the new guy they just met hehe.

 

[bugsquish]

Hey I'm still dragging that ball and chain, but it gets lighter with every step. It was tough Friday, but it got a little easier by each night. My little trick is to think THIS whevever a decision arrives:

"What would the old me have done, as a NON Juan?"
Of course the answer is usually nothing, or something negative and generally unproductive.
"So what will I do now, as a DON Juan?"
And as soon as an idea pops into my head I do it. Immediately, before I can talk myself out of it.

Reading this site for a week really helped me get into the right state of mind! And I forgot to mention, but I had a few failures throughout the weekend too. But by that time I was like "silly girl your loss".

Oh, and thx for the warning about her friends, DOH i was having too much fun to think of that

Anyone else got any comments? I'd like to hear from anyone. Especially people with similar stories about trying this stuff for the first time! I kinda feel reborn....

 

[CGE333]

Good Job Man!!!

I have struggled through similar things as you and I am also thankful I found this site. I think more than anything else this site is helping me to grow some b*lls, have the courage to approach women, and to only depend on myself. Keep up the good work.

 

[jive]

Wow one week ago? That's a pretty impressive feat to be able to change that fast. Good job.

 

[Starman]

Good job..you are starry eyed and enthusiastic..I hope your motivation and drive continue on..I too was really awestruck at my AFC behavior in the past..and then reading this site.

I still have a long way to go..Being a "True DJ" isnt one of my top priorities..but its hella fun

 

[Lone_raider]

Nice work for your first week ever! It took me a lot longer then a week after reading the bible to realize the big picture, but man every article I read clued me in more, and eventual I began to see things clearly, all at once I saw everything I ever did wrong, and everything I should have done. When I look back now I see a pathetic sap, something like a lost puppy dog looking for a kindly girl to toss me a biscuit lol. But now I'm in control, of women, of myself and of the situation Although I'm not fully a DJ yet, every single day I get closer!

 

[bugsquish]

A major factor that helped me was the concept that being a Don Juan isn't just about pulling chicks, but it will improve every aspect of your life, and your relationships with everyone you interact with! Taking my sights off the ladies for a bit helped me focus on the task ahead.

Also, I read a lot about how people just don't talk to chicks because they fear rejection. I realised: how can the NEGATIVE of a possible rejection by a HB ever compete with the POSITIVE of possibly screwing that HB??? That little risk is a damn good investment if you ask me The reward far outweighs the risk.

Advice to fellow newbs. I found spending time with an ugly chick who obviously fancied me was a bit of a confidence boost. I just pretended she was hot to see how I would react in that situation. Great practise, and you don't need to fear rejection cos youre gonna do that bit yourself (apologies to womens rights groups). Start ugly, work up.

Thanks for the motivational comments guys, I truly believe no-one is beyond help now - even though i thought i was last week. Lone raider, ur comments about the big picture are bang on the nail. Feels like I'm putting together a jigsaw of a new me.

Still holding out for some advice on the Hannah situation. I'm salivating just thinking about her...

 

[Bonhomme]

Excellent

Great to see you jump into action and turn around so quickly. I see great things ahead.

As for Hannah ... play it cool. Thursday's still a long way away. If she flakes out then, bust her for it in as you would a misbehaving child: let her know she fvcked up, but don't lose your cool.

Once again, well done.

 

[davelmn2003]

welcome to the site, bugsquish!

You should be happy with your progress!! Only one week and you have got so much action going on...

Now, instead of seeing an ugly chick as a HB for practise, see this HB as an ugly chick instead!! If you get too impressed with her looks you'll start to lose your cool.

Going to clubs/bars alone is great. I do the same. BRING YOUR PEN. I always have my pen with me.

...So you just smile at girls and they'd come say hi to you? I want to find out how you got the ONS with Claire?? What did you do? How did you ask her to go to your place etc.?

It's good to talk to guys in the bars/clubs too. These are fun-loving people, and when they have a few drinks, they get really friendly with you, and vice versa. Enjoy yourself.

 

[bugsquish]

Phew some advice! I've never got this close to pulling a chick this hot.. and I am really struggling to fight off the AFC tendencies

Bonhomme:
As for Hannah ... play it cool. Thursday's still a long way away. If she flakes out then, bust her for it in as you would a misbehaving child: let her know she fvcked up, but don't lose your cool.

So what ur saying Bonhomme is give her a ticking off in a playful sorta way? Yea I can see the sense in that, thx!

davelmn2003:
Now, instead of seeing an ugly chick as a HB for practise, see this HB as an ugly chick instead!! If you get too impressed with her looks you'll start to lose your cool.

Ur right I am too impressed with her looks... I get that "rollercoaster stomach" feeling when I think of her. So yea, sound advice.. just focus on her bad points (if there are any) and get her off that damn pedestal! Of all the girls I met this weekend she's the only one with the potential to put me straight back into AFC mode.

What did u think of my decision not to kiss her? Was that a mistake or a good idea?

davelmn2003:
...So you just smile at girls and they'd come say hi to you? I want to find out how you got the ONS with Claire?? What did you do? How did you ask her to go to your place etc.?

Well they don't all come say hi but a few do. Friday, I was on my way to the dance floor with this guy, and I said to this chick on my way past "Are you really gonna let me and *the guy* dance alone? You should be ashamed of yourself (smile)" and went onto the dance floor and sure enough she followed, danced for a bit and then I gave her a nice big kiss. The second girl I noticed her looking and just smiled and she smiled back. I turned away for a minute (cuz I was talking to the first girl lol) and then turned back and she was still there so I smiled again and just kept smiling, and she started talking to me! Was kissing her within minutes much to the annoyance of the first chick

On Sunday I'd been smiling at the same chick (the 7.5) off and on for about half an hour (she was dancing and i was dancing nearby) and without a word being spoken between us she came up and started rubbing her ass against my groin and we did some dirty dancing after that

With Claire, I was just going for a wander looking for a mate and we walked past each other. I smiled straight at her and she smiled back and said hi. I said hi and kept going (but still smiling at her). Then she started walking behind me, and I stopped and said "Hey are you following me? (smile)". Out of the blue she just grabbed my hand and dragged me to the dance floor. She was obviously drunk or completely shameless cuz she was grinding her pu$$y against my leg and going pretty mental. As it turns out I already met her at her work (in AFC mode) but I was too shy to pay much attention. BUT SHE REMEMBERED ME! Anyway we left together and I started my usual walk up the road. I didn't say or do anything to get her to come back, it was just like some unspoken thing She spent the whole walk going "you have such a cute ass etc." so I pretty much knew I was in for some fun

Going back to Hannah though, what did u think of my decision to not kiss her? Was that a mistake or a good idea?

 

[Phrozen]

Whatever it turns out to be its already been done and there is no changing it so don't keep analyzing. Only analyze things to learn from them, not to preoccupy your mind with right and wrong. If this girl is seen by others as a 9 then you probably have totally confused her. She is most likely not used to guys turning her down for a kiss and shes probably been thinking about it constantly. Don't wait to long to give her a sign that makes her think you like her though. Don't make it too obvious though, keep her guessing.

 

[bugsquish]

Thanks Phrozen, you da man! Sound, sound advice. She's not just gorgeous but confident and funny and into similar stuff as me. She is pretty young though (18) so I reckon ur right and she's definetely confused if she is interested and I think I can take it from there. If she's not then, reluctantly, but confidently.. next!

Still curious about the "to kiss or not" scenario though (for future) cuz i've seen conflicting opinions on the subject... In fact I already started another thread for the specific subject cuz i didnt think ppl would read this whole thread anymore.

 

[Phrozen]

Yeah, I think it could warrant its own thread, but I believe its also been discussed before and like you said people have mixed opinions. Both camps seem to have been successful so I don't think it really matters.

Anyways, I am glad you like my advice, but sometimes I feel like a phony because I am not out field testing all the things that I say. I do feel that I have a good grasp on the necessary DJ attitude and I can assess another person's situation fairly well.

I guess its ok, because for about a month I thought I had pulled a similar kind of turn around that you had. I went from no experience with girls to a friday night date with one and a saturday date with another. Unfortunately, both of those potentials turned me down so I decided to reevaluate myself and my attitude. I decided that I need to like myself before I can expect girls to like me too. For now I am not pursuing any relationship, I am just trying to get in better shape, clear up my acne, and just change my attitude in general.

 

[bugsquish]

Yea but one of my dates was a pig and the other was in a LTR (which she "forgot" to mention) And if they turned YOU down its THEIR loss right? I set off to find a girlfriend at the weekend. I must have came into contact with 10 chicks to varying levels - but I'm still bloody single. Not disheartened though cuz that's only 10 out of 10,000

 

[crackhead]

congrats man! thats crazy that this all happened in just one week here too... cheers

i don't want to be negative at all, but it would seem that the knowledge on this site atleast somewhat rekindled some sh1t that was already in you. (I mean i guess what we're all trying to do is bring sh1t out thats already in us buried in a vast sea of insecurities to a varying extent) but i think the serious-girlfriendless-for-life have their work cut out for them moreso than you. you've had a serious girlfriend before, thats a foundation that others in here lack

 

[bugsquish]

An interesting point crackhead, and perhaps there's some truth in there - but that doesn't mean for a second that anyone's beyond hope. I've had girlfriends, but I've always had major insecurities not just with girls but with everyone I come in contact with. I guess you could describe me as having an ongoing battle with sociophobia and depression. In fact last month I seriously considered suicide. And to be honest, having been in a relationship has done more harm than good.

So yes, maybe I understand how women tick a little better than some, and yes in the distant past I was definetely not an AFC - but I don't think any other AFCs will find it any harder than me to get out of the ditch if they go through the same steps.
(A) Understand what a DJ actually is
(read that damn bible cuz this $hit is a RELIGION)
(B) Realise that you gotta change
(and you CAN change)
(C) Find a constant supply of people and learn to communicate
(you gotta talk to EVERYONE with the DJ attitude not just girls)
(D) Realise that the reward far outweighs the risk.
("aw she said no" vs. "mm this pu$$y feels warm" no contest )

 

[crackhead]

word, good points

 

[CaliforniaKing]

Bugsquich,

Your problem with the last girl is that she has your number. This is always a big problem for a couple of reasons that I am sure you've read over. It was just unfortunate that you did not have a pen, but hey a lesson learned, right? By getting her number YOU have the control, when she has your number SHE has control. The ball is in her court in other words. I have a feeling that the kiss (or lack thereof) does not play into effect as much as her having your digits, but I'm not sure how akward the situation was. You have not even had one date yet, you are fine. Also from your response 'whatever, just before thursday' she may feel she has the chance to call whenever. I wouldn't worry about it, just learn from your mistakes! Peace

 

[krd]

Originally posted by crackhead
congrats man! thats crazy that this all happened in just one week here too... cheers

i don't want to be negative at all, but it would seem that the knowledge on this site atleast somewhat rekindled some sh1t that was already in you. (I mean i guess what we're all trying to do is bring sh1t out thats already in us buried in a vast sea of insecurities to a varying extent) but i think the serious-girlfriendless-for-life have their work cut out for them moreso than you. you've had a serious girlfriend before, thats a foundation that others in here lack

Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking. Some of us have been on this site for nearly as long as bugsquish's relationship with his ex-girlfriend, but what we don't have is an ex-girlfriend. We have no real experience on which to draw from.

In high school, my interest in having a social life was virtually none, and these are the years when most kids develop socially. Coming into college, when I decided I wanted to change, I didn't anticipate how little I'd fit in with everybody else. Now I'm 24 and still trying to catch up to even those who are three or four years younger than me, but had an active social life as a kid. Things that most guys my age wouldn't think twice about are an extremely big deal to me, and this is especially true for me in the dating world.

Bugsquish, you may have had some trouble in your younger years as well, but it's that ex-girlfriend that made all the difference. At least for you, relationships with members of the opposite sex were a reality and not just some imaginary concept in your mind, as it is for a good number of people here. That's not to undermine your progress, though. You've made some pretty amazing strides, and it's quite inspiring to hear your story. Keep up the good work!