Wow! Completely called out on my own games

[Don Juan the Fantastic]

Quick background info on her -
She used to play games a lot, and she had her last boyfriend completely whipped.. I was having a fun time countering her attempts at doing the same to me with my arsenal of DJ weapons. We've gone out once a week for almost a month and a half now, and apparently there's been quite a turnaround..

See if you can pick out the DJ principles that she gets mad at:

her: do you not like me
me: where did that come from?
her: because you never call me unless you want to do something that day, so i wonder if you don't like me and you just want some
me: hey, i usually call a few days in advance =) just cause i don't call every day doesn't mean that, i've just been busy lately
her: you're also different than most guys, you don't tell me anything as to whether you like me or not and you never call to just talk
her: it's just weird for me bc i never know if this is the last time we go out or not

...

her: what is going on we need to stop with the games right now
her: i think you like to play games to hide yourself .. you're not open, and it seems like you are never going to tell me what you think about anything and i don't know why this is.


Anyway, the conversation was filled with things like that.. then she went on to talk about how there's no "committment" in our relationship and made some very obvious hints that she's ready for me to ask her to be exclusive.

How often does this happen to you guys, and what do you think? I should probably step down some of the DJ stuff if I want to keep her.. my knowledge of moving to LTRs is kinda sketchy. Is it safe to flat out tell her I like her now, instead of sidestepping the question?

 

[izm]

Ahh ha You see you need to use what I like to call the turn around.
She is very observant, and you seem like your a person with a great imagination. Just make up a story, make it out to be a confession. Make it up so, she feels shes getting to get deeper into you, make up a story of how you were hurt or something to that nature it should work. Oh yeah and its lots of fun (for me at least to make a story and watch their reaction) be very descriptive on how you felt
etc in your story. Then never mention it again. she should try and probe even deeper into you. seeing that the women is observant give her something else to observe

 

[Freewill]

"what is going on we need to stop with the games right now"

She's a control freak. When a girl says something like this, the games have just began. She wants to control you, and she's irritated that she can't. Keep playing games. If she doesn't like it, she can leave. But remember, its the challenge that's keeping her around. Obviously, she's never met as skilled a DJ as you before. The other guys she dated were easy to control.

As for being exclusive with her, I wouldn't subject yourself to her whims. If you want to be exclusive, do it. If not, ignore her and play even harder to get. She's obviously still looking to dominate you with this maneuver, or looking for some sign that you like her and that she can start to be in the control seat.

Just my $0.02.

FW


------------------
No, his mind is not for rent
To any god or government
Always hopeful yet discontent
He knows changes aren't permanent
--Rush "Tom Sawyer"

 

[Freewill]

I think izm is suggesting that you have a little mystery about yourself. This can be very attractive to girls, of course. This is a way of playing games with her...the same games she's playing with you. However, I wouldn't act like a wuss when you talk about your past relationship, if you decide to play this particular game. Be careful where you go, because there's no reverse.

------------------
No, his mind is not for rent
To any god or government
Always hopeful yet discontent
He knows changes aren't permanent
--Rush "Tom Sawyer"

 

[Pro]

Dude you are in the most awesome spot with her!!

Remain a mystery at the same time keeping the dates rollin' in with her. Use heavy kino (she sounds pretty interested in you). Don't forget to smile, a lot!

------------------
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face” -Eleanor Roosevelt

"If you do something, you'll reap rewards."

 

[Don the Legend]

DJTF,

You: "Is it safe to flat out tell her I like her now, instead of sidestepping the question?"

Me: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let her be the first one to tell you her feelings, exclusiveness, etc.... Never put yourself out of the game by telling your emotions, until she proves herself. She is saying all of those things because she is not in control. You are a DJ. You are in control. If there are things you agree with what you said, you mimic those that you also agree. But here is an important point, if there is something you don't agree with what she said, you must say so. You don't want to be a yes man. You must say no every once in awhile.

You are doing a great job so far. Keep up the great DJ work.

Good Luck,

Legend



------------------
"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

"The key to happiness in your life is "Your Life",... Don the Legend

 

[izm]

Do you even realize your winning? Its obvious
that this woman has been trying to figure you out. MEANING YOU HAVE BEEN ON HER MIND FOR SOME TIME NOW...

 

[Don Juan the Fantastic]

Great advice, thanks.. and you're right, she is very very interested in me, and there's been plenty of heavy kino.

It's true that girls fear rejection a lot, and in this case, it's what's driving her to try to get some straight answers out of me. She did say that she didn't want to be hurt again, or something along those lines..

Now, is there a way I can sorta postpone this exclusive thing a little? If I weren't dating 3 other girls, I'd say yes right away - but since I am, I'm not ready to answer that.. and anything other than a yes or no from me tonight will probably drive her to desperation.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Whenever I hear things like this from women, I know I'm totally on the right track. Keep up the good work and don't break down just because she's freakin' out... deep down, she loves this.



------------------
CASANOVA

"Now when you talk with her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes makes it happen. I want you to be the guy in the rated-R movie who you're not sure if you like yet."
- Trent in "Swingers"

"Enough of this melodrama. My advice: Just one b*tch in this world. One b*tch with many faces."
- Jay, in "Chasing Amy"

 

[izm]

If she says shes been hurt then mirror her and say youve been hurt but like freewill said don't sound like a wuss. BUT YOUR WINNING!

 

[Wyldfire]

I'm not going to go into why because it will just start an argument...but...

She's noticed the games and doesn't like them.

She verbalized there is a problem.

If you continue on as you are, she IS going to dump you.

If you tone things down a bit and reward her for choosing to TALK about things rather than respond with her own games, you might just get a really good relationship out of the deal...if that's what you want.

 

[TheRockStar]

DO NOT GIVE IN. she is trying to crack you. like freewill said she wants control. and if you give in now she will take you freaking soul man. just keep it up it sounds like you are going well.

------------------
Got a drum life?

"No little perv bull**** is gonna work with this one, you gotta play it smooth, be Don Juan de la Nootch"- Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

 

[Don the Legend]

DJTF,

You said: "Now, is there a way I can sorta postpone this exclusive thing a little? If I weren't dating 3 other girls, I'd say yes right away - but since I am, I'm not ready to answer that.. and anything other than a yes or no from me tonight will probably drive her to desperation."

Me: Unless she has asked you to be exclusive, keep being elusive. A controlled person wouldn't be worried. She is clearly worried. She is not used to being challenged. That's why your DJ skills here starts to hit pay dirt. It puts the control back to where is started.

If you are not ready to be with just one woman, after she asked to be exclusive, you have every right to tell her, "I am not ready to be in an exclusive relationship."

You are in the driver's seat man.

Have fun,

Legend

------------------
"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

"The key to happiness in your life is "Your Life",... Don the Legend

 

[Don Juan the Fantastic]

To the people posting the "don't give in" advice.. I'm just thinking about what I learned from Anti-Dump's post on letting up after the 2 month mark. It hasn't been quite that long yet... but you can't play the games 100% forever.

To others, like Don the Legend.. you said it's best to wait "until she proves herself"? I know that she likes me, and we've been physical.. what else do you wait for? How often do women actually straight out ask the exclusive question?

When she brings up the subject that "there's no committment" and that "Usually after someone gets to know me and they tell me they like me it moves to a more serious relationship when they 'ask me out,' then it's exclusive".. it's pretty obvious (note the "and they tell me they like me" part.. subtle trickery!)

 

[Pro]

Originally posted by Don Juan the Fantastic:
To the people posting the "don't give in" advice.. I'm just thinking about what I learned from Anti-Dump's post on letting up after the 2 month mark. It hasn't been quite that long yet... but you can't play the games 100% forever.

How often do women actually straight out ask the exclusive question?

You can play games 100% forever. If you are playing the game correctly that is and the lady is happy. Games are not always negative, you just need the ones that work.

And do you notice how you worded that second statement above? Read it again. She asked the exclusive question. This does not mean she feels the same way. What concrete proof do you have she already likes you physically? Tell me.

------------------
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face” -Eleanor Roosevelt

"If you do something, you'll reap rewards."

 

[crowes22]

*How often do women actually straight out ask the exclusive question?*

When their interest is high enough that they want to be exclusive, which 'sounds' like your chick.

I've NEVER asked a girl that in my life, except for the 4-5th grade shyt, where that is how it was done, when you're that age.

Anyway I noticed they often do it subtly, in a ******** way, expecting you to read their damn mind of course. Saying shyt like "well people have been asking me what's up w/ 'us'"

You know BS like that. I always gently led them into it when they brought that up, if I wanted a r'ship w/ her, 'it' being her asking the question. Youre in good shape I'd say. Just mix it up, you care, you don't, hot and cold, no extremes.

 

[TesuqueRed]

6 weeks. What does 6 weeks do for you?

She had her last BF whipped and tried the same approach w/you. Do you think she's been broken from that?

She's tired of the games (watch that comment, it sounds suspiciously the same as "I don't play games"--a truly devious dis-arming technique, don't fall for it)

She's tired of the games? Call her on her last relationship (careful--if you can't see doing this right, don't do it)--bust her at every point where she had her last BF whipped, her part in it, her eventual disgust w/her ex-BF, etc. Tired of games?? Not tired enough, I'd say. Do this wrong and she walks, you gotta be prepared for that. She probably won't be ready to 'fess up, can't give up control and will have to walk in order to save face.

6 weeks is a touch too early for exclusivity. Tell her as much if you have to. Then say that you're having a good time, hope she is, and go do something fun with her. 6 weeks means you still need to keep it light and lively (hell, 39 yrs later you'll need to keep light and lively with whomever you're with, right?)

WF is right about easing up a little, but I don't know that we've ever considered that in context with someone used to whipping their BF into obediency.

I think 6 weeks is too early. But if you're feeling that what you're doing is playing a scripted game, you need more practice, make it part of yourself. What's good practice? Ease up, reveal yourself, watch her resume her games and see if you can't counter. At all times you have to be willing to walk.

Side question: how did she get "hurt" last time? She whipped him, right? What did he do in response?

 

[Sting]

I have a friend of mine who appears to have been "playing games" with his girlfriend (and for the last three years, live-in girlfriend) for the past FIVE YEARS. I say "appears" because in reality, he isn't. If she walked out the door tomorrow, he would move on with his life without missing a beat.

It's still pretty clear that you haven't adopted the DJ mindset as your own. You still seem to see the "games" aspect of being a DJ as a means to an end. You probably think that once you win the girl, you can stop playing the "games," and show her your true self. You can't.

Relationships are like a coin -- one side is about love, while the other is about committment. Through "committment," one person in a relationship often succumbs to the will of the other, thereby showing "commitment" to the other person. This is not to say that the more dominant person won't be similarly committed, but such committment will be more along the lines of paternalism or maternalism, which is the natural byproduct of a strong personality.

The bottom line is that one person will be the leader, while the other person will be the follower. There will never be true equality.

------------------
It could happen to you, just like it happened to me, there is simply no immunity, there's no guarantee...

 

[Wyldfire]

When you look at how she was with her last b/f you also have to look at his behavior. If she didn't respect him, she's going to walk all over him. The fact that she is using words instead of games with YOU shows that she respects you. How she was with the last boyfriend is only a good indicator of how she'll be with you if you behave just like her ex did.

 

[Wyldfire]

You probably think that once you win the girl, you can stop playing the "games," and show her your true self. You can't.

How sad...this comment essentially says that you think a DJ is a fake...not really showing who they truly are. If you are never going to be yourself with a woman what is the point of being with anyone at all? Pardon me if I'm wrong here, but I have been under the impression that a DJ is SUPPOSED to be a man who has taken an honest look at himself, and changed the things he needed to, and wanted to in order to become a better and less needy person. That's not what you're suggesting here. You are suggesting being a poser and a fraud. So uncool.