Would you marry again?

[romangod]

Which brings up a really good question, is the purpose of marriage ultimately is for the sake of baring and raising children in a cohesive and stable environment?

That is a good question but it seems that marriage these days is not very cohesive and environmentally stable ergo the wrong institution for having well-balanced children. Is there a better way? I have no idea. Maybe humanity is destined to become extinct.


Still, some cultures have kept marriage a strong and effective institution. Unfortunately, Western civilization is not one of them.

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[joekerr31]

Exactly! It seems like many marry out of a fear of loneliness and when they realize that they are lonelier and unhappier by marrying for the wrong reasons it's usually too late to get out of the mine field. The chickens come home to roost.


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yep. and the problem is ALWAYS 100% of the time the same thing. its ALWAYS people who don't really know who they are.

you see, as a man, if you know, to the core of your being, who you are, its very very simple to 'read' other people. you can see through them like syran wrap. no matter how they try to cover up who they are, you are able to see / sense their true nature.

i always laugh when men on here say that women are good actresses. yes, they are, but only with the veil of p*ssy power to hide their true selves. in as much it is actually the mans desire that blinds him to the true nature of the woman in question.

men (and women) so desperately want to be 'saved' from life that they are prepared to believe in any costume their significant other dawns for them.

but i can tell you right now, i could take any woman out there and within 10 minutes tell you how suitable she would be as a wife. a simply myriad of questions would reveal her true nature - even if she were to lie in her answers, it would be evident (to me at least) that she were hiding 'something' in her responses.

in life you never get screwed. you always screw yourself. i watched a movie recently where their was a quote by morgan freeman where he says 'the end is always in the beginning if you look for it.'

the problem is that people have a very poor understanding of human behavior. men have an even poorer understanding of female behavior. and on top of all this people have a vested interest in seeing what they want to see, instead of what is actually in front of them.

but i re-iterate, unless you know who you are, its impossible to know who someone else is. because your view of them will take place as part of a process wherein you are trying to more fully understand who you are. you will interpret their behaviors against an unformed mind, and your locus of focus will be more on what their presence in your life tells you about you.

but when you know who you are. when you know what you believe in. when you have a set of principles that are agnostic of outcome - which is to say that you place them above all else - then others cannot fool you. you become a force unto itself that others must either join with or reject.

no matter how crafty a woman may be, she can never fool a tree into thinking she is one thing or another - because a tree does not react, it cannot be manipulated, it simply is what it is.

when a man has become pure, and is a 'thing in itself', like a tree - when his nature is solid like a piece of steel, instead of pliable like silly putty - a woman will either accept his nature and be loyal to it or walk away from it.

this is not to say that a man will not change and grow as time goes on. but it is to say that when he reaches of stage of being at peace with who he is and what he believes in, when he is able to withstand anything life throws at him without falling to pieces, it is then that he is ready to assess a woman in terms of her marriage potential.

until then, he is but a man with cataracts, stumbling about half blind, and easily lead astray and fooled into thinking he is on the right path when in reality he has no clue where he is being lead.

 

[joekerr31]

That is a good question but it seems that marriage these days is not very cohesive and environmentally stable ergo the wrong institution for having well-balanced children. Is there a better way? I have no idea. Maybe humanity is destined to become extinct.


Still, some cultures have kept marriage a strong and effective institution. Unfortunately, Western civilization is not one of them.

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most people who have children shouldn't. and most people who don't should.

the simple reality is that the baby boomers have been a very selfish generation. they are the 'me' generation. a generation of excess. they are the generation of secularism. of excess consumerism. of SUVs. they are the generation that racked up trillions in deficits. they are the generation that create credit cards and the notion of buy now pay later.

the baby boomers are a blip on the radar of mankind and due to their numbers created a temporary bubble in the economy - a bubble that was further expanded by excess spending and debt fueled by a voracious quest for self fulfillment.

and it is this generation that destroyed the institute of marriage.

as a result, their children (most of us) are very leary of this institute.

but i do believe, as time goes on, future generations who did not have to live in the wake of the baby boomer fiasco, will be less pessimistic about marriage and more idealistic / pragmatic.

i do believe children are best served growing up in a stable two parent environment. the reality is however, that many baby boomer households were anything but stable.

the baby boomers not only destroyed the nuclear family, but left their childrens generation with a pessimistic attitude towards marriage.

and with most things, this has lead to a self fulfilling prophecy where we are repeating the errors of our fathers.

but i think the generation that comes after us will be better equipped for the institute of marriage. they are far enough removed from the immature, self centered ways of the baby boomers that they will believe in marriage more than our generation does.

 

[STR8UP]

in life you never get screwed. you always screw yourself. i watched a movie recently where their was a quote by morgan freeman where he says 'the end is always in the beginning if you look for it.'

I am all about taking personal responsibility and owning up to your own mistakes, however, to say that "you always screw yourself" is a pretty broad claim.

I tell people all the time "Most of the time people will tell you everything you need to know, you just need to learn how to hear what they are saying". Which means that in any interaction where you get "screwed", you can always look back and see little things that someone said or did that foreshadowed the outcome.

So I see what you are saying, and i agree to a point, but just saying "you never GET screwed" doesn't acknowledge the fact that there IS someone on the other side who needs to be held accountable as well.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's exactly my philosophy! Francisco, I wish you were a woman!

Uhhh.. Thanks???

 

[Señor Fingers]

Though I swore I'd never do it again, I remarried. In fact, I'm in the middle of writing a post about that crazy chapter.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That is a good question but it seems that marriage these days is not very cohesive and environmentally stable ergo the wrong institution for having well-balanced children. Is there a better way? I have no idea. Maybe humanity is destined to become extinct.


Still, some cultures have kept marriage a strong and effective institution. Unfortunately, Western civilization is not one of them.

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Good points. Also in other cultures marriage is more about the family and less about the individuals; interesting concept.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Exactly! It seems like many marry out of a fear of loneliness and when they realize that they are lonelier and unhappier by marrying for the wrong reasons it's usually too late to get out of the mine field. The chickens come home to roost.


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Well hell, most guys are even dating women who aren't the best for them out of the same fear. They do this in their youth, carry it into adulthood and sometimes die with someone who makes them unhappy in order to say that they weren't lonely. Yeah, sitting around hating your partner's guts is a good way to live life.

 

[romangod]

but i think the generation that comes after us will be better equipped for the institute of marriage. they are far enough removed from the immature, self centered ways of the baby boomers that they will believe in marriage more than our generation does.

Excellent posts joekerr. I enjoy your contributions. However........ I still think that the institute of marriage will not recover. It has become too disposeable and too transient. The next generation may be better equipped but it will take a massive change in the laws, the spirit of men and women and the culture. They have to believe that marriage and family are the top priority. Still, I hope you are right.


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[romangod]

Though I swore I'd never do it again, I remarried. In fact, I'm in the middle of writing a post about that crazy chapter.

Please! Please! I'm dying to hear your views.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Which brings up a really good question, is the purpose of marriage ultimately is for the sake of baring and raising children in a cohesive and stable environment?

I would say absolutely yes.

I'd like to have kids at some point, and I've thought a lot about this issue. The only reason I would marry is if I met someone I wanted to start a family with at some point.

 

[RedPill]

These marriage threads draw me in like flies on dog sh1t.

This weekend I got asked from three different people (a customer, a married friend, and a family member, respectively) if I'm getting married anytime soon.

Fukk.

Three! The Kingdom of AFC is getting out of hand. When these situations arise I never pretend for a moment to identify with the mentality of the person asking, nor do I make some sort of shame-driven explanation why I "just haven't found the right one yet."

The interaction usually goes something like this (obviously a little more tact is used when necessary to maintain social harmony):

Subscriber to The Way™: :rock: So RedPill, did you get lucky and find yourself a girl to marry yet?

RedPill: Are you serious? You do know I'm only 26, right? Check back with me in another 15 years or so. [pretends not to hear the "get lucky" bit]

STW: Do you plan on ever getting married? You don't want to be older when you have your kids you know. . .

RP: . . .perhaps if I was a woman. I'll let you know when I'm about to run out of eggs.

(And so on and so forth. . .)
---------------

The purpose of most marriages is co-dependence. It's two people who can let themselves go and know that they can still get laid by someone. Two disposable incomes to combine and secure extra debt with. Most importantly, two people who can marinate in each others' scarcity mentalities. Nobody's gonna grow old alone in this house!

I think I've figured it out with marriage - I'll marry the girl who sees it as an unnecesary requirement to live together and/or raise children together. She'll be the type of girl who doesn't require the big traditional celebration, and most certainly she won't be religious, so going "down the aisle" won't be necessary. Maybe we'll wear the rings and such to quiet the herd, and have a small private ceremony on some far away island with maybe one or two close friends in attendance, but none of this madness of "the Big Day" with 3 years of pre-planning.

No sir, the long-term woman for me has to be unplugged. She also needs to be hot, mature, have the self-improvement bug, and even then she'll be a very well-considered decision before any sort of indefinite pair-bonding takes place.

 

[penkitten]

Though I swore I'd never do it again, I remarried.

me too.
however, i enjoy it whole heartedly this time around.

 

[DJDamage]

I think I've figured it out with marriage - I'll marry the girl who sees it as an unnecesary requirement to live together and/or raise children together. She'll be the type of girl who doesn't require the big traditional celebration, and most certainly she won't be religious, so going "down the aisle" won't be necessary. Maybe we'll wear the rings and such to quiet the herd, and have a small private ceremony on some far away island with maybe one or two close friends in attendance, but none of this madness of "the Big Day" with 3 years of pre-planning.

No sir, the long-term woman for me has to be unplugged. She also needs to be hot, mature, have the self-improvement bug, and even then she'll be a very well-considered decision before any sort of indefinite pair-bonding takes place.

the chances of finding a hot mature woman who agrees to this arragement is close to 0. Any woman in her 20's in our society will choose the marriage option. Its ingrained into her head since being a small child, that marriage is the begining to everything.

 

[RedPill]

the chances of finding a hot mature woman who agrees to this arragement is close to 0. Any woman in her 20's in our society will choose the marriage option. Its ingrained into her head since being a small child, that marriage is the begining to everything.

Well, if you're right then I never get married.

But, I think you're selling youself short by believing that there aren't women who think and live outside the paradigm of the masses.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...But, I think you're selling youself short by believing that there aren't women who think and live outside the paradigm of the masses.

I'm not a praying man but I still have hope.

 

[DJDamage]

Well, if you're right then I never get married.

But, I think you're selling youself short by believing that there aren't women who think and live outside the paradigm of the masses.

You will have to sift through alot of women in your lifetime to find this one special woman and you got to accept that regarless if you find her or not, your life is no worse or better as a result.

All I am saying that its great that you have your convictions and you are sticking by them. A lesser man would have caved and would have chosen a lesser woman which is why we have bad marriages.

 

[Last Man Standing]

I have never been married, and for a good reason - I have reasoning!!!

An institution based on trust and loyalty should not be partaken upon unless there are trustworthy and loyal subjects!!!

The women of today are a bastardization of their true feminine self - not complementary to the male; thus, failure is inevitable!!!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Subscriber to The Way™: :rock: So RedPill, did you get lucky and find yourself a girl to marry yet?

The most blatant tell-tale sign of any AFC is that he equates achieving a woman's intimacy with "luck."



That said, I've been married 11.5 years, been with Mrs. Tomassi for 12.5, and if I were to have it all to do again, yes I would marry her. However, God forbid, I were to find myself single again I would definitely NOT get married again. First and foremost I wouldn't subject my daughter to that. Second, my standards have become so high with regards to women, LTRs, marriage, how I expect to live, etc. that any woman I met after my wife could never fill that role. Beyond that, I'm comfortable being on my own and I would never allow myself to be held accountable to a woman who couldn't measure up to my standards. That may sound conceited, but I'll be 40 this year and I've learned enough about myself in that time to know who and what I can and cannot be committed to.

Don't buy the lonley old man myth. This is yet another feminine social convention.

This notion is one of the biggest AFC rationale ever perpetrated on men, with the latent purpose of scaring a guy into commitment. The real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone. Precious few men ever truly allow themselves to be alone and learn real independence and self-reliance. The vast majority of guys (particularly in western culture) tend to transition from mother to wife with little or no intermission between, going from LTR to LTR until they 'settle' without ever having learned how to interact as an adult.

The fear of loneliness is entirely too exaggerated in modern western romaticism. The popularized fear-mythology of becoming the "lonely old man who never loved" is the new 'old maid' myth made popular in an era when a woman's worth was dependent upon her marital status and equally as false a premise. But in our brave new generation AFC, men (who've become women) are repackaged and shamed into believing this horsesh!t as part & parcel of this feminized gender role reversal. And thus we get Speed Dating and eHarmony and a host of other "conveniences" to pacify the insecurities this reversal inspires.

Don't buy into the powder-puff idea that if you don't find your ONE by the time you're 30 and ASAP you'll tempt fate and risk a life of quiet desperation. This contrivance only serves the interests of women who's imperative it is to enjoy their party years in their 20's with as many Jerks as they can attract and have a stable Nice Guy who's petrified he'll live a life of loneliness and isolation waiting for them at 28-30 to marry and ensure their long term security.

Don't buy this lie. The man who is comfortable with himself and confident in his true independence is the one that women will want to be associated with and to share in it. How you handle being alone and what you do with the opportunities this freedom affords you is the real measure of a man.

If you're single and middle-aged you STILL have options if you're only brave enough to explore them. In fact you're better off in that you benefit from a greater depth of experience (or at least you should). I know divorced men in their 50s who're dating mid to late 30s women now and I know men in their 60s who've been trapped and emotionally blackmailed by their wives for 20 years.

 

[romangod]

I want to congratulate everyone for some great posts and great contributions to this discussion. I'm sure it has opened many eyes and ways of thinking.


Marriage (for a man) is one of the biggest decisions in life that has a lasting effect one way or another. Lately, it seems the effect is more negative than positive(my opinion). Hopefully, by discussing it as deeply as we are we can enlighten our fellow men to make the right decision for themselves with their eyes wide open.


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