"... would you f.ck somebody else?"

[hck332]

Hi everyboody!!

I hope someone can give me advice, or at least his opinion on my current situation.

I've been with this girl for almost 3 months now. Our relationship is not really serious, both of us see it as an adventure, and a chance to experiment... Last nite she told me much about her previous sexual expiriences, and asked me would I try this and that, blah blah, she is very open.

Later that night, (after a lot of sex and lots of talking) she asked meif I would cheat on her. I gave her some C&F answers, but she really insisted on sincere answer. (She said something like "I dont ask if you would kiss or touch somebody else, I men would you (if you were drunk/horny etc) f-uck some other girl if she wanted to do it with me).

I gave her very stupid answer -
I wouldnt even kiss anybody else.

wow! what an AFC answer, right? I mean, I like her, but probably not that much. I think I told her that because I wouldn't want HER to even kiss someone else (and I really doubt she wouldnt if she was drunk etc), especially because she's very open sexually.

When I answered, she said - "me neither. especially because now that I know YOU wouldnt cheat on ME." Then she told me how many guys approached her the night before, and although she was very drunk and very horny and I would never find out, she rejected all of them because she was thinking about me.

I dont date other chicks, she's enough for me (for now). But again, I'm not sure what would happen if i was really horny/drunk, and some chick grabed my d-ick.

I realised that my answer destroyed much mystery...

Was my answer bad?
What would you do in such situation?

 

[Porky]

your answer was fine. a simple "no" would have sufficed, but whatever.

if you dance around that issue too much and refuse to give a girl an answer, she's going to assume that yes, you would cheat on her and that you probably already have.

some questions need a direct answer.

 

[hck332]

I just realised I posted in wrong forum ("Anything Else" except of "DJ discussion")

Thank you for your answer, Porky!

The problem is that I wouldn't like to lye her. Now that I told her I want to be exclusive, I would feel like a bad person if it ever happens that I cheat her.

One more question - Do you consider (french) kissing as cheating?

 

[Julian]

you should have flipped the script on her and asked her what she asked u before u answered.

 

[doctoroxygen]

What you said is fine. If you're in a committed relationship, that should be the expected rule. If you're not, or if that's not the expected rule, then things are different.

Kissing is cheating.

 

[Porky]

anything you wouldn't tell her about is questionable.

 

[Colossus]

Hmm. Good post and I can relate.

I am in a similar situation to yours-- but a bit more serious, I think. Ive been dating my gf for about three months, and for all practical purposes it is a commited relationship. I have asked her, from day one, that she be faithful to me. I have made it clear that if she ever does ANYTHING sexual or physical with another guy, were done. Period. She has never asked me the "would you cheat" question, probably for a few reasons. First, she knows that she is loved and accepted by me; I treat her well and I am almost always kind and loving with her, because, frankly, I really am fond of her and she hasnt given me any reason to treat her otherwise.

Second, I asked that she be exclusive with me, so it would be pretty low of me to go off and seek out other women given my expectations of her. I know if I were to do this she would drop me as well. If you want a relationship to last, as Im sure you know, there HAS to be this understanding.

Now, if some little hottie were to come up to me at the right time and make herself available, I cant say I wouldnt be tempted. In fact, I usually avoid those situations if I can.

So you have to ask yourself what you want with this girl. Most women, like men, have the CAPACITY to cheat, but, if she is a good girl AND feels loved and accepted by you, she wont.

But youre right---now that you have laid the foundation that you wouldnt even kiss another girl, you gotta keep your hands to yourself.

Yeah, you may have killed a little mystery, but like I said, women are faithful to the degree that they are loved---usually. So at least you have a little peace of mind in exchange.

Cheating is subjective. If you said that you wouldnt even kiss another girl, then yes, french kissing would be cheating. I know, youre thinking "doh! Why did I say that?"

But that doesent mean you cant TALK to other girls. You know, "window shop". Look, but dont touch I guess. If you find someone else better for you, then you can break it off, but until then, it always a good idea to be sexually exclusive with ONE girl. No matter what anyone here says. The risk is too great.

Colossus

 

[hck332]

Thanks for replying!

I still think that this is very specific situation. She didn't ASK me to be exclusive. She mentioned me being with other girls like it's something normal.

I think this is some kind of test, which will save her from bonding to me before she's sure i'll be exclusive to her.

But the problem is that this way, it seems like I have lost some power!

Would you agree on this?

 

[MrS]

She asked, that means a lot, as in she's seeing the relationship in the way you do, and ultimately both want.

The answer worked out in the end so no harm done

 

[Shiftkey]

What you said is not AFC. Many of the rules you learn here do not apply to LTRs.

Part of having a healthy relationship requires you to give up some of your "power" just as she must give up some of her's.

 

[OzyBoy]

I might, i haven't before but if i keep going on without getting any for a few months i might start thinking about it.

 

[Ice Cold]

You answered fine.

I wouldn't even be C&F about it, cause it can make her insecure or cause her to think you're cheating already.

 

[Stud]

if you are in a serious relationship with a girl that you are in love with, and THE FEELING IS MUTUAL, then your response was fine. her asking you to be loyal to her is not a unreasonable demand, just be sure that she knows that lots of women are pounding on your door, you just never answer..

if you are in a casual relationship or just dating, a good response would be something like, "ehh maybe...which one of your friends want me?" you dont want to get all emotional and attached if you guys are just foolin around.

 

[OzyBoy]

actually i dont think i could, if the opportunity presented itself and i said okay i would get cold feet and change my mind and not go through with it, i'm just a bit tired and impatient so i'm sorry.

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

I get this question sometimes also, I answer the honest way.

"I want to, but I wont because Im in a relationship."

 

[hck332]

I get this question sometimes also, I answer the honest way.

Wow, that's nice!