Would You Consider These Are Serious Red Flags?

[soulforge]

I ended a 4 month relationship, around a week ago.. and i am struggling to deal with the break up.. i thought i would be ok with it, but the last few days i have been feeling quite low about it.

even tho in the last week or so, i have banged two other chicks, who had much fitter bodies and looks.

we had some really fun times together, and this is the first girl i have developed feelings for in nearly 2 years!

i felt i had no choice but to dump her, as something in my gut told me, things will not end well with her.. sometimes i am second guessing my decision!

i made a list of red flags, that lead me to the decision to dump her..


01. She Jokingly said, that i should be the boss in the bedroom, but she will be the boss of the relationship (i told her, that will never happen jokingly)


02. She kept calling me a small man at the beginning of the relationship.. i am 5ft7 but muscular, big chest and arms.. i eventually turned things around by calling her BIG BONED after that she got the hint & stopped calling me it.


03.She would complain and whinge a lot, about my heating being on too high in my house, and whinge about some other things too, and once even called my choice of music to be ****.


04.Valentines day, we wanted to go to this big restaurant, but it meant waiting ages for a table.. so i took her to this smaller place instead.. later on she described that restaurant as being ****


05. she was stopping at my house one night.. she said something that i found rude and disrespectful.. i called her out on her bad behavior, she didn't like it.. she gave me the cold shoulder for a while, then started to accuse me of not treating her like a guest in my house

she accused me of being unkind to her & she started to play the victim because i called her out.. later on we made up again.. the next day she went home, and usually sends me a text message to tell me she got home fine, but on this occasion i got no text from her..

i sent her a text that night, just asked her how she is etc.. she responded back, but i could sense she was being a little distant.. the next morning i sent her a cheerful text.. just told her it was nice outside & hope she has a good day at work

she responded back.. anyhow i realized that i had texted her for two days in a row now.. so decided to leave it to her to text me now, as i did not want to come over as needy.

I did not get a text from her that night, or the next day, or the day after... i assumed she prob met someone else or gone ghost on me.. so i left her to it.

she eventually messaged me 6 days later and basically accused me of not bothering with her.. claiming she had a gut feeling i would not bother with her again blah blah blah

even tho i had messaged her two days in a row.. she could have easily picked up her phone, and just messaged me in those 6 days..
my guess is she wanted me to keep pursuing her, possible power play on her part


06. She has many male friends, keeps mentioning this dude or that dude she knows.. also she claims to know some drug dealers..


07. some days i don't hear from her, she disappears off whatsapp


08. within 3 months, she was dropping hints off marriage & being together forever etc


10. she makes very little effort to try and resolve a disagreement or fallout, as she constantly feels like the victim & will not communicate properly


i think the biggest problem was a lack of communication on both our parts & her playing the victim a lot & sabotaging the relationship

 

[soulforge]

All that bieng said... she had some very good qualities too..

she was not a big drinker or a party girl, quite down to earth, no bad habits, smoking drugs etc etc.. not money oreintated..

this is why i am finding this break up hard, there was some bad in there, but lots of good too

 

[stevo]

If a break up wasn't needed, you wont have broken up.

Stop doubting your decision.

It's tough the first few weeks after a break up, that doesnt mean the break up wasnt necessary, it just means you're reconditioning your mindset to move on without her.

Always be ready to walk away.


Stay NC. If she hits you up, see her, fcuk her.

In the future though, consider downgrading to a plate first.

 

[soulforge]

If a break up wasn't needed, you wont have broken up.

Stop doubting your decision.

It's tough the first few weeks after a break up, that doesnt mean the break up wasnt necessary, it just means you're reconditioning your mindset to move on without her.

Always be ready to walk away.


Stay NC. If she hits you up, see her, fcuk her.

In the future though, consider downgrading to a plate first.

I did consider downgrading to a plate... but we was at a point where if i did not dump her, there was a strong possibility she would have dumped me first..

I offered her a chance to meet for some food and a chat and hopefully talk things through face to face.. she made excuses, about not bieng able to meet.. but no counter offer to meet and talk things through another day

 

[Infern0]

There's a few red flags there, some of it is just **** tests though.

The situation as it stands you need to be moving on with your life. If she comes back just arrange to go out and "have fun" you don't need to sit her down and talk , just have fun with her.
Downgrade her to FB status, you should always see if she proves herself to you before you catch the feelings, some girls just like to **** test a lot but will change if they are really into you, others are just only FB material.

 

[soulforge]

In this case i don't think it was possible to growngrade to FB, i have feelings for this girl... also she was not contacting me at all.. i think she was expecting me to grovel or aplogise etc.. Chase.. i did suggest we go for some food.. she said she cant because her kids, but no suggestion of meeting another day

 

[soulforge]

We used to spend nights together, take day trips together.. hold hands etc


Downgrading her to an FB would mean all those things would have to stop... and she would have noticed the big chance

I think she would make a great FB, but at the time, it was a matter of me dumping her first, before she dumps me!!!

 

[backseatjuan]

Those are not red flags relax and buy her a ring.

 

[soulforge]

Those are not red flags relax and buy her a ring.

Hahaha funny guy

 

[devilkingx2]

most of those were red flags, only like, the first 3 weren't.

her personality sounds rather unpleasant.

if you still are unsure after a month or two then consider going back, until then NC and stay strong.

 

[soulforge]

most of those were red flags, only like, the first 3 weren't.

her personality sounds rather unpleasant.

if you still are unsure after a month or two then consider going back, until then NC and stay strong.

The one where she disappeared for 6 days is defo a red flag... the main issue i have noticed about her is, she plays the victim alot...

She will take something that can be quite easily sorted, and she will sabotage the relationship..

how would this woman stick by me through the good and the bad times, if she is willing to walk out over the slightest disagreemant?

Also she never seems to admit her part in anything, and makes no effort to resolve any conflict, especially over petty things


This is why i was forced to dump her... and something did not feel right, about her knowing so many guys

I hope i have done the right thing? ?

 

[VladPatton]

Sounds like a disrespectful brat, and that bothered you. Always go with your gut. Own the decision, and ride out the feeling of being low, it'll pass. Going back to her now will be devastating to your well being. She'll dominate you full force.

 

[soulforge]

Sounds like a disrespectful brat, and that bothered you. Always go with your gut. Own the decision, and ride out the feeling of being low, it'll pass. Going back to her now will be devastating to your well being. She'll dominate you full force.

Here is the thing, the more relaxed she got with me.. the more ****y and disrespecful she was.. so i kept my barrier up a liitle.

If i call this chick out for acting in a fuked up way, she plays victims and will withdraw from the relationship, unless i am the one chasing her

Seems like a power play.. both of us communicated badly with each other, i am to blame for that too.

But i was also willing to try and resolve conflict.. where as she was too proud, unwilling to be bothered

 

[Rainman4707]

She does seem distant i.e point 5.

In future you may want to consider setting a boundary before entering a relationship. The boundary being that if she enters a relationship with you, you don't want her meeting other guys one on one, texting other guys. She will get the picture. She will most likely try to complicate the boundary, but we all know what is expected of her & also you would behave the same, no meeting women one on one, no texting women.

My Gf has been talking about marriage, kids & all that stuff for ages now. I believe she is genuine, but talk is cheap & a lot of girls aren't genuine when they say stuff like that in my opinion.

 

[soulforge]

She does seem distant i.e point 5.

In future you may want to consider setting a boundary before entering a relationship. The boundary being that if she enters a relationship with you, you don't want her meeting other guys one on one, texting other guys. She will get the picture. She will most likely try to complicate the boundary, but we all know what is expected of her & also you would behave the same, no meeting women one on one, no texting women.

My Gf has been talking about marriage, kids & all that stuff for ages now. I believe she is genuine, but talk is cheap & a lot of girls aren't genuine when they say stuff like that in my opinion.

I hear you mate... this girl i was seeing was communicating with alot of guys... they was mostly from the football club where her son played..

So it was difficult to tell her, not to have anything to do with them, as she is around these guys, when she takes her son to football


i agree... talk is cheap... her actions do not really match what she is saying... a girl who wants to marry you, will do her very best to make the relationship work... not behave like she has been doing

 

[soulforge]

This is the first chick i really liked in ages... and it has got so badly screwed up.. i feel somewhat gutted about it..

I keep questioning my decision?

I banged two really hot girls only last week, and it meant nothing to me.. i,m 38 years old and just want something meaningful in my life now.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

In this case i don't think it was possible to growngrade to FB, i have feelings for this girl... also she was not contacting me at all.. i think she was expecting me to grovel or aplogise etc.. Chase.. i did suggest we go for some food.. she said she cant because her kids, but no suggestion of meeting another day

^This is enough of a red flag for me.^ I've previously dated enough milfs and not once did they treat me like this b*tch is treating you. You have a bad case of onetis over a naggy a** milf.

You made the right move! She expects you chase & put her a** on a pedastal. Fvck that sh*t man let some other chump put up with her games.

 

[soulforge]

^This is enough of a red flag for me.^ I've previously dated enough milfs and not once did they treat me like this b*tch is treating you. You have a bad case of onetis over a naggy a** milf.

You made the right move! She expects you chase & put her a** on a pedastal. Fvck that sh*t man let some other chump put up with her games.

Thats my feeling too... she wants me to apologise and chase, so she can have control over the relationship...

I stupidly ignored the biggest red flag of all... where i never heard from her in 6 days..

And when i finaly did hear from her, she blamed me for not bothering with her.. and she indirectly ended the relationship..

Like a fuking idiot, i talked to her, and got back together with her...

 

[soulforge]

Thats my feeling too... she wants me to apologise and chase, so she can have control over the relationship...

I stupidly ignored the biggest red flag of all... where i never heard from her in 6 days..

And when i finaly did hear from her, she blamed me for not bothering with her.. and she indirectly ended the relationship..

Like a fuking idiot, i talked to her, and got back together with her...

She was expecting me to be texting her, chasing her... when i didn't she blamed me, and bailed out

 

[Roni_88]

I am no expert or don juan here but your excessive whinning and overthinking about this situation is not good. Snap out of it,,, face your reality, learn and continue. See it as dodging a bullet ,, a woman with kids ?.. enough said.