Would a highly interested girl do this?

[Fireballs]

I have been dating this girl for 4 months (have been exclusive now for 1 month) (I am 29 and she is 25) and in October she is going away on a holiday for 4 months which she had been planning and saving for before we met and has just booked her flights.

She shows VERY HIGH INTEREST in me and has asked me to come on part of her trip for 3-4 weeks but this is highly unlikely due to work and $$$ but I think she has it in her head that I will be coming.

Anyway, long distance relationships are tough and the thought of having to have a temporary one with a girlfriend of only 10 months (by the time she goes) does not sit well with me.

I know she had planned this before we met but would a highly interested girl still go ahead with these plans? I thought she may have reduced her holiday to even 2 months and do the rest with me when we can both go.

I'm really not sure how to handle this situation.

Do I:
a) tell her I wouldn't think any girlfriend of mine would voluntary move away from me for so long when she has options of avoiding this

b) tell her to pay for me if she wants me to come

c) don't say anything about it, go with it, try to have a 4 month LDR

d) Am I over-reacting? I feel quite annoyed at her for still going ahead with it all.

 

[Turuwal]

I was the same as you but roles reversed. I was in my relationship only one month with a girl I really liked before embarking on a long planned holiday of almost a year.

I think your mistake was to go exclusive so soon before her trip. The thing is that anything can happen in the space of four months. You both need to acknowledge this. But it also looks like you both like each other. You both need to acknowledge this too.

So what you will both be saying is that you are both really into each other, and you see a future where you are still together when she comes back, but as with all things in life something might happen to either of you that could change this.

This is how I approached it. And how did it go for me? I went overseas, met a bunch of amazing people, had quite a bit of fun, then came back and she was still into me. Sure we had to change the parameters of the relationship based on various things I had learned during my journey, but in the end we still ended up together.

By the way, travel is amazing. I left with the question of "how can you have a relationship that feels like you just got together forever" and came back with the answer of "nothing is permanent so spend each moment together like it could be your last".

 

[pyros]

I think if she's going no matter what on a 4 months holidays...it could mean:

a) she does not take your relationship as seriously as you do
b) she does, is worried about it, but she doesn't say a word (try to figure out if she's super happy about the trip, or if she's kind of preocupied)
c) is planning on breaking up with sooner or later.

No, you're not overreacting, but the problem here is that I sense that you care more about the relationship than she does, which is bad, it should be the other way around.

I would not do any of the options you commented, I would just talk to her about it and see if, as I said above, is worried about your relationship or if she does not care so much.
Is she going on her own? with friends? where is she going?

 

[Fireballs]

Thanks for the replies. She is going on her own but meeting friends along the way. eg. europe for 1 month will see friends - south america for a month doing a tour with friends for some of it etc.. but will be alone for alot of it too.

She has also asked me to move to another town with her (moving for work) when she gets back and live together etc..

 

[crazyboy]

any highly interested person would still going on trip around the world. So you tell me if your going book a trip to europe south america and stuff that you would stop just because your now in a 4 month relationship. dude get real consider her friends with benefits. meet with other chicks while she gone enjoy yourself then when she get back you can try start the relationship. yes your over reacting because 4 months doesnt equate to nothing hell the honeymoon phase is 3 months and now your just in 4 months and you expect her pass up chance to travel the world just stay with a guy she met for 4 months nope not going happen. I repeat treat as friend with benefit hit her up every two weeks to see how she doing. Get another girl why she gone since she is going to be gone just as long yall been together jeez.

 

[Fireballs]

I understand what you are saying. But by the time she leaves we will have been together 10 months. Anyway thanks for the reply.

 

[crazyboy]

is this your first relationship or something. okay ooh 10 months alot can happen in a six month period my friend. if your intend is to keep her ill be banging her brains out and not acting insecure boy. Telling her to have fun and enjoy her trip . hell you get another chick in the picture just to keep her honest. But she going go regardless. You my aswell assume she banging other dude as well because i mean how you going honestly find out. Like i said before stop acting emotional and selfish for a minute. and look at the big picture. The only thing i can say for you bang her brains out make her miss you then maybe you can have the relationship you want so bad. when she comes back. i mean this is a chance of lifetime for the average person how many people get travel outside there country.

 

[TheException]

is this your first relationship or something. okay ooh 10 months alot can happen in a six month period my friend. if your intend is to keep her ill be banging her brains out and not acting insecure boy. Telling her to have fun and enjoy her trip . hell you get another chick in the picture just to keep her honest. But she going go regardless. You my aswell assume she banging other dude as well because i mean how you going honestly find out. Like i said before stop acting emotional and selfish for a minute. and look at the big picture. The only thing i can say for you bang her brains out make her miss you then maybe you can have the relationship you want so bad. when she comes back. i mean this is a chance of lifetime for the average person how many people get travel outside there country.

CWAF^ and pathetic.

crazyboy is right about one thing......you are acting like a chump. No need to get all angry and upset over this. Just have an honest conversation with her and see if you guys would like to remain exclusive or not while she is gone. 10 months is a decent amount of time. You may love each other at this point if you dont already.

Just dont keep being exclusive, yet get a girl on the side while she is gone.

 

[crazyboy]

CWAF^ and pathetic.

crazyboy is right about one thing......you are acting like a chump. No need to get all angry and upset over this. Just have an honest conversation with her and see if you guys would like to remain exclusive or not while she is gone. 10 months is a decent amount of time. You may love each other at this point if you dont already.

Just dont keep being exclusive, yet get a girl on the side while she is gone.

what does cwaf mean and why is it pathetic

 

[Greasy Pig]

An ex fvcked off to Europe for six weeks about six months after we went exclusive.
It sucked old hairy balls.
I'd text her and email her and wouldn't get a reply for days because she was out sailing or clubbing at some exotic location with no phone or internet coverage.
It drove me mad.

10 months isn't really a long enough time to develop a strong enough bond that will prevent her from drunkenly blowing some hot dude spitting game at her in French.
If you think she's stable enough to stay faithful for four months, then stick with her.
The less stressful option is to end it and see if you both want to get back together when she gets back.
Tough call, man. Good luck.

 

[Fireballs]

You're worried about her cheating or you wouldn't really care. This is justified, all things being equal, the average woman travelling to exotic places for 4 months will cheat. The real problem here is that you know in your gut that this girl is not a high quality woman that can deny herself the temptations of hot romances and sex with exotic men that has been glorified in her mind by Hollywood since she was 12.

What are the logistics of the trip, who is she going with specifically?

Going by herself but meeting friends along the way..holiday has been planned for a while

Is she meeting anyone?
friends and some family

How attractive is she?(1-10)
looks 7.5/10 - personality 9.5/10 - very charming and charismatic girl

Is she high quality?
Yes, it's the only reason I said yes to her exclusive proposal

With the cheating, I'm 99% sure she wouldn't but there is always that 1% of doubt in my mind..

Answers in bold.


Also I appreciate everyones input.

''I think you need to have the attitude "go with my blessings and have fun, keep in touch, and we will pick up when you get back" - I think this is my best option.

 

[Don-Kong]

Im wondering how old you are? If you are in your 20's then you will want to travel and get away.

If you see this as something that will turn into something special, then take the risk, sack off work and go for a month or whatever.

In this scenario you would tell her about your insecurities and allow yourself to be vulnerable. If you think she is worth it. This is a high-risk strategy. I almost always go high-risk. If it messes up, you can always move on, simple right. Better to have risked it and had the kahuunas to go get it.

I've seen guys do this. GF's off to Japan, the States etc and these guys just get up and go. Savvy, smart guys, they fall in love. Ask yourself this, are you in love?

If not, or cannot see it, then do not invest. Take the other road, detach, spin plates and enjoy the ride.

Good luck man!

 

[DonGorgon]

you are taking her to serious find a new main and demote her to F buddy

 

[VladPatton]

Stop thinking about it. Think of nothing past next week, it'll save you a lot of headaches. Nothing is permanent, especially when dealing with females. You can think everything's fantastic, meanwhile she's looking to bang someone else. Put it this way, would YOU cancel a 4 month life experience for a girl? I sure as fück wouldn't.

Let her do her thing, be confident, and whatever happens after the time happens. What of YOU meet a hot, cute, phenomenal girl while she's away? Do you say no to her? Live in the now, enjoy what you have, and when time's up, time's up.

 

[JoeMarron]

I was the same as you but roles reversed. I was in my relationship only one month with a girl I really liked before embarking on a long planned holiday of almost a year.

I think your mistake was to go exclusive so soon before her trip. The thing is that anything can happen in the space of four months. You both need to acknowledge this. But it also looks like you both like each other. You both need to acknowledge this too.

So what you will both be saying is that you are both really into each other, and you see a future where you are still together when she comes back, but as with all things in life something might happen to either of you that could change this.

This is how I approached it. And how did it go for me? I went overseas, met a bunch of amazing people, had quite a bit of fun, then came back and she was still into me. Sure we had to change the parameters of the relationship based on various things I had learned during my journey, but in the end we still ended up together.

By the way, travel is amazing. I left with the question of "how can you have a relationship that feels like you just got together forever" and came back with the answer of "nothing is permanent so spend each moment together like it could be your last".

Agreed. She isn't going to change plans that she had in place long before you came on the scene, especially something as major as a 4 month overseas vacation. Just chill out, enjoy her while she's here and give yourself and her the freedom to do whatever you want while she's gone. She'll most likely give you some sh!t for changing the rules on her but if she's truly interested she'll come back to you when she gets back and you won't have to worry about how many c0cks she let inside her.

 

[Fireballs]

"Friends" is not specific enough. If thats all she told you then you're probably fvcked. Family is good though. Family tends to police bad behavior.

I should have been more specific. I have met the girlfriends that she is meeting up with in her travels.

I am really torn between talking to her about not being exclusive while she is away and possibly picking it back up when shes back or..

Just go with it, deal with it when it comes, trust her etc..

@Don_Kong I am 29.

****ty situation, but whatever happens, at least I will learn from this experience.