Worried about a friend of mine

[backbreaker]

There is this girl that I am good friends with that I pretty worried about.

Basically, she is "scared" of her dad, and i'll leave it at that. She says he is fine execpt for when he drinks. He has never toched her, in that way, but he p ointed a gun at her before and hit her mom in front of her.

So her mom has to go out of town pretty often. Whenever she does go out of town, I let her spend the night at my house, because she doesn't want to be home alone with her dad, and neither do I want her to.

Her mom went out of town Thursday night, and she calls me Thursday night telling me shes coming over because of it.

So when she leaves Friday Morning and goes home to get her stuff to work, she tells me that her dad is passed out on the living room floor, reeking of liquor. When I first met her, her dad was an Execuctive at MCI/Worldcom back before the whole scandal took place... Needless to say, he wasn't an executive there AFTER it happened. He had to quit and take a job paying like 10 dollars an hour, after making over $100k a year and had recently quit there to work for this girls mom's company for free. She told me that he has always been depressed sense and her mom is seriously considering leaving him.l

Anyway, friday night I am playing NCAA 2006 (kicking ass might I add), and I get a call from her and all I hear is her sobbing. She told me she wouldn't tell me about it then, but would later that night, but that she hated her dad and she was going to move out ASAP.

Her dad was supposed to pick her mom from the airport Friday night, but the girl said he was so drunk she couldn't wake him up, so she did. She called me while she was on the way to the airport and said she would call me back when she got home and got situtated.

That's the last I heard from her, and it's sunday afternoon.


It's not so much that I haven't heard from her in 2 days.... You just know something is wrong when patterns break. Her not calling me at least 1-2 times a day is an extremely rarity, I think out of 7 years of me knowing her, out of all the times we have been on talking terms, I think it has happened no more than 3-4 times. But 2 days? Never happened.

I am also very good with her mom and I know her dad as well, to the piont where I have both of their cell phone numbers. None of them picked up. They run a hispanic newspaper and when they are busy or going somewhere, they usually forward all of thier numbers to one phone number. That didn't happen, and thier house phone didn't pick up.

I probably wouldn't have thought anything of it if I didn't know her dad had been drinking and that she called me crying earlier that night.


Is there anything I can do, without breaking an entry, to make sure she is okay? Is it possibly to get a police car to roll by there to make sure they are okay or anything along thoose lines? I would go over there by myself, but because I know her dad is a drunk that has a gun, I have no Idea what I would be walking into... They also have my puppy (a siberan huskey... not really a puppy anymore). I thought about driving by there last night, but driving by wouldn't do any good.

 

[King of You]

why wouldnt driving by do any good? You could see if lights were on in the house, if their cars were there etc, if your dog was outside taking a leak who knows what you can find out by some drive by surveillance.

Also i question your friendship with this girl... seems like alot of unnessacary problematic behavior and lifestyle.

Theres people in this world who are infectious and they will bring you down with them with their constant drama and trouble especially if you are trying to help them all the time.

just my 2 dollas.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by King of You
why wouldnt driving by do any good? You could see if lights were on in the house, if their cars were there etc, if your dog was outside taking a leak who knows what you can find out by some drive by surveillance.

Also i question your friendship with this girl... seems like alot of unnessacary problematic behavior and lifestyle.

Theres people in this world who are infectious and they will bring you down with them with their constant drama and trouble especially if you are trying to help them all the time.

just my 2 dollas.

honestly dude, now is not the time to tell me who my friends should and shouldn't be.

It wouldn't do any good because they park their cars in a garage anyway, you can't see in the house by driving by, and their two dogs (mine and theirs) are house dogs, and even when the do use the bathroom the do so in the back yard or in the garage.

I'm not going to defend my friendship with this girl, but I will say that it's not alot of drama with her, as a matter of fact I am surprised how normal she is, besides talking alot she is as normal as you would want a girl to be. Her dad is just out there, and i'm not going to not be her friend because of that

I have delt with a girl that had "Daddy" issues.... yeah I delt with her alright, and it's no where near the same

 

[NYC Dude]

How about you, instead of bashing down the door, knock on it and see how everyone is doing? Then if you feel something is wrong and this girl is in danger call the cops.

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Have a cop roll by and check things out.

Mr. Mystery

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by NYC Dude
How about you, instead of bashing down the door, knock on it and see how everyone is doing? Then if you feel something is wrong and this girl is in danger call the cops.

I'm not going over there... period.

Yeah I could, the reason I am thinking about calling the cops is I don't know WHAT'S going on.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery II
Have a cop roll by and check things out.

Mr. Mystery

I just called the police and asked them to make sure everything was okay. I honestly didn't know you could do that.. I have never had to call the police before

 

[backbreaker]

okay, I just got a call from this girl's mom...

something is definatly wrong, but there is nothing I can do about it now.

She calls me from her Cell phone, and asked me why did I call the police?

Before I can expain , she goes off on me, telling me that I have caused alot of "trouble" with the police in the background. all the time I could her her dad in the background yelling.

I am thinking "what trouble"?..?

She goes and says she doesn't want to see my number on the caller ID again, and what I did was "disrespectful" and I didnt' have a "right" to call the police..

ahh... yeah I did, I pay taxes... more than you might I add. I think a good friend of mine is in trouble. Thank godness she is fine (she is on punishment, for somethign I think I know what, and if it's what I think it's a stupid reaosn to be on punishment)

My whole thing is, if she was fine, I called YOUR cell phone. why not pick up the cell phone and say she can't come to the phone or she is on punishment.

I called your house phone, not only was it not fowarded, which it usually is 98% of the time, no one picked up.

I left a message on their answering machine saying to call me,and these are my exact words, I am making sure you are okay... why not call me back and tell me she is on punishment?

Her mom had 2 days to deaden the situation, but by not picking up the phone or calling me back... a woman that up until now I was pretty cool with, we both owned businesses and even did some business together.

I seriously am reliaved to see she is okay, but what if something HAD been wrong... then she would have been dying for someone to care enough to call the cops.

I was trying to explain that it wasn't the fact that I hadn't talked to her that made me call the police, it's the fact that I called 4 different numbers, and no one picked up, called back, or forwarded the numbers.

And it wasn't even just THAT, it was that combined with the fact that I know not 1 hour before the last time I talked to her, her dad just came home drunk and her mom didn't even want her staying there with her by theirselves, and the girl called me crying right before she went to pick her mom up.

 

[iqqi]

i think you should leave a note with moms saying all that. just be very careful how you word the actual personal issues they have.

 

[HateOnMe]

DAmn.

You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Its all up to the mom now or your friend leaving the house for good. The mom soundsl like shes in denial or something to whatever her husbands doing. If she can't step up to her husband by calling the police and hauling his bastard ass to jail and pressing charges then this kinda situation will continue on. Your in the out situation, what good if they catch his ass in the act? If the mom or your friend doesn't press charges. Sitiuations like this needs the victims to take a stand if not then no one can help them but themselves. I doubt even the dad can recognize he has a problem until hes in jail and next to someone bigger then he is and beatin the **** out of him.
You can try to check if your friends okay but what good will that do? If it happens agian? Its all on the mom now to take the stand.

 

[backbreaker]

I know that, and she was cursing ME out Friday night because her mom won't really do anything about it. She kicked him out 2 years ago, but he came back last year, because they were struggling financially.

Now, their business has grown to the point where they are doing fine without his income.

But yeah, that's what I was thinking, it's ovbious that something isn't right, my friend knows it, and she wants to leave, but doesn't want to leave her mom and doesn't have any sourse of income since she works for her mom.


I will let tempers cool down and shoot her mom an email later this week, explaning what was going though my mind.

I do understand where she is coming from.... it's kinda embarassing having the police show up at your door, but with that said, being "embarassed" is the least of my concerns, a friend of mine could have possibly been in great danger, I mean, as a mom, your sole job on earth is to keep your kids out of harms way. If you can't do it, don't get mad because I give a damn enough to take 2 mintues to call the police to make sure everything is okay.


Anyway, the girl called me about 2 hours later, and I can tell she had been crying. She said she doesn't want to be there anymore but she can't move because "it's not that easy". I sorta sympthized with her becuase she really did nothing wrong, but at the same time, I'm not her GF and it's kinda hard keeping a distance with something like this.

 

[backbreaker]

it's so bad that this girl's mom sleeps with this girl every night because she doesn't want to sleep or talk to her husband.

 

[( . )( . )]

So have you banged this future nutjob or what?
Who is she to you are you the b!tches case manager or something?

Whats the deal here.

 

[Wyldfire]

I know exactly what this girl and her mother is going through right now. I've been in their shoes before.

I wish I had of seen this before you decided to call the police. I would have advised you to drive by instead. By calling the police you have put them in more danger. That man is going to take out what you did on his wife and daughter. The mother understands that, and right now that's all she's concerned about. Her husband probably wouldn't allow any of them to pick up your calls. He very likely took or disabled their phones. Abusers do that to prevent the police from being called.

You can't make either one of them leave until they are ready to. The daughter doesn't want to leave without the mother because she'll be afraid for her. The mother has invested many years in her marriage and hasn't yet figured out that it's not going to get better. The father isn't going to just stop being abusive and violent.

It's not going to be easy for the mother to leave in this situation because there is a business involved. She can't leave and be safe. He will always know where he can find her, and since he has a gun and is out of control, he is genuinely dangerous.

I don't see this ending anytime soon and all you can do to be helpful is offer emotional support and a list of resources for when they've had enough.

Don't be angry about the reaction you got over calling the police. In a situation like this, that mother and daughter are doing what they have to just to survive. Your attempt to make sure they were okay put them in more danger. All they can think about is that added fear right now. It's important that you not take it personally, because it's not even about what you did, but rather the father's reaction to it and the fact that he'll blame your friend and her mother.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: DAmn.

Originally posted by HateOnMe
You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Its all up to the mom now or your friend leaving the house for good. The mom soundsl like shes in denial or something to whatever her husbands doing. If she can't step up to her husband by calling the police and hauling his bastard ass to jail and pressing charges then this kinda situation will continue on. Your in the out situation, what good if they catch his ass in the act? If the mom or your friend doesn't press charges. Sitiuations like this needs the victims to take a stand if not then no one can help them but themselves. I doubt even the dad can recognize he has a problem until hes in jail and next to someone bigger then he is and beatin the **** out of him.
You can try to check if your friends okay but what good will that do? If it happens agian? Its all on the mom now to take the stand.

Most states will press charges against an abuser if the victim/s won't. It's usually a crime against the state to abuse a family member now.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by Wyldfire

It's not going to be easy for the mother to leave in this situation because there is a business involved. She can't leave and be safe. He will always know where he can find her, and since he has a gun and is out of control, he is genuinely dangerous.

which is EXACTLY why I didn't go over there myself, or drive by.

Well from what I know, and I know alot, he has never laid his hands on this girl, but has in the past. He has pulled a gun on her I know that.

I thought about what you were saying and I see where you are coming from, but what I am saying is this... If she isn't going to look out for the best interest of the girl, what am I supposed to do? I know what you mean by added danger, but what if he had them tied up in the bedroom or something crazy like that... I didn't think that was the problem, but when I met them, I didn't think he was the type of person that hits his wife.

Just like what you said earlier, I talked to her earlier today and she said she wanted to leave but she said "it's not that easy". I think I know what she means by that now. Yes, she probably could find a place to stay, but what about her mom?

I know there is nothing wrong with what I did, hell I'm a man, and one of my best friends was possibly in a hell of a lot of danger, I dont' have to explain my actions.

If I honestly thought that he would possibly take it out on my friend, I wouldn't have called the police. I am more worried about her mom then her.



As for the girl, she is attractive, but I have known her since I was like 13. I do think of her as a sister. Like I said, suprisingly, she is pretty damn normal. I could see, in the distant future, with her dad and her family issues out of the picture, me and her getting together, but I doubt it, we know too much about each other.