Inspector Clouseau
Senior Don Juan
"I usually don't give out my number to customers. It's a work thing."
Translation:
"I'm going to let you off real easy, buddy. I have more interest in that ****roach standing next to you -- Hi Frank -- but I'm going to lead you on into thinking that it was a chance of fate we didn't meet in some other way, where only if I had met you through a friend or car accident, I'd be more than happy for you to bang me. But I'm sorry, real sorry, I have this little "policy;" as if I really have a policy. I don't want things to get all "weird" if things go bad; as if anything worse could happen than you stop showing up. Sorry that I forgot how to pronounce the word "no", you know? Now buy something damn it."
"I have a policy against dating co-workers."
Translation:
"Even though I hate this job and have no company loyalty, that's more important to me than you. Hell, if you were Antonio Banderas, I'd get my fiesty hands on you in a heartbeat and pull you into a stock room, make out like wild bunnies on speed. I hate all the company rules, only giving them lip service, and break them at ease. Yet I'll use this never enforced company rule at my disposal to knock any glimmer of hope you may have of one day being with me. It's "the rules." I'm a good girl, I couldn't possibly ever break company rules. What's Frank the ****roach's extension? I need to call him."
"I can't do Wednesday. Wednesday is my only day off, and I must take care of some things."
Translation:
16 hours awake - 2 hours shopping = um... zero hours! Thank you for having second grade math skills.
(Woman barely dates a co-worker and never really goes anywhere.)
"I can't. I already went out with John. I don't want things to get uncomfortable."
Translation:
"Even though John and I did not make any connection of any kind, other than his wallet connecting to my dinner bill, I'll use him as my foil to get you off my back. We didn't even really date, only went out a couple of times, so we weren't really a couple or anything, but I'll deviously use my mastery of the English language like a lawyer writing a contract. I will now go out with Frank, who doesn't "count" because he's a different species than me."
Clouseau
Translation:
"I'm going to let you off real easy, buddy. I have more interest in that ****roach standing next to you -- Hi Frank -- but I'm going to lead you on into thinking that it was a chance of fate we didn't meet in some other way, where only if I had met you through a friend or car accident, I'd be more than happy for you to bang me. But I'm sorry, real sorry, I have this little "policy;" as if I really have a policy. I don't want things to get all "weird" if things go bad; as if anything worse could happen than you stop showing up. Sorry that I forgot how to pronounce the word "no", you know? Now buy something damn it."
"I have a policy against dating co-workers."
Translation:
"Even though I hate this job and have no company loyalty, that's more important to me than you. Hell, if you were Antonio Banderas, I'd get my fiesty hands on you in a heartbeat and pull you into a stock room, make out like wild bunnies on speed. I hate all the company rules, only giving them lip service, and break them at ease. Yet I'll use this never enforced company rule at my disposal to knock any glimmer of hope you may have of one day being with me. It's "the rules." I'm a good girl, I couldn't possibly ever break company rules. What's Frank the ****roach's extension? I need to call him."
"I can't do Wednesday. Wednesday is my only day off, and I must take care of some things."
Translation:
16 hours awake - 2 hours shopping = um... zero hours! Thank you for having second grade math skills.
(Woman barely dates a co-worker and never really goes anywhere.)
"I can't. I already went out with John. I don't want things to get uncomfortable."
Translation:
"Even though John and I did not make any connection of any kind, other than his wallet connecting to my dinner bill, I'll use him as my foil to get you off my back. We didn't even really date, only went out a couple of times, so we weren't really a couple or anything, but I'll deviously use my mastery of the English language like a lawyer writing a contract. I will now go out with Frank, who doesn't "count" because he's a different species than me."
Clouseau