Women who flake

[armstrong]

It keeps happening to me. The meeting is all set and I get a call or text saying, "I'm sick and can't make it, etc."

It happens so much that I look at new women and don't even feel like talking to them because I start to think, "What's the point? She'll just flake on me, too."

I know the best thing to do in these situations is to go out and meet even more women, but like I said, I'm aggravated right now and don't feel like it. Somebody say something to light a fire under my ***.

 

[guru1000]

It keeps happening to me. The meeting is all set and I get a call or text saying, "I'm sick and can't make it, etc."

It happens so much that I look at new women and don't even feel like talking to them because I start to think, "What's the point? She'll just flake on me, too."

I know the best thing to do in these situations is to go out and meet even more women, but like I said, I'm aggravated right now and don't feel like it. Somebody say something to light a fire under my ***.

Women flake because their interest level is not high enough. How many women would flake on a CELEBRITY on the first date?

There are so many dynamics involved from A-Z (initial encounter-first date), that I cannot comment on what you are doing wrong unless you express more details.

 

[STR8UP]

Join the club.

I have had a string of flakes over the past six months. Like ALL of them.

When I analyzed the situation, the only common denominator I could find was the fact that these women were all simply FLAKY women.

They didn't just do it to me, they do it to their BEST FRIENDS. I know this because I know their friends, and their friends complained about the same type of behavior.

Now of course, a high interest woman won't behave like this even if she IS a flaky person, but on the other hand, a woman who ISN'T a flaky person might be quite a bit less inclined to flake even if her interest ISN'T so high.

This is important because it lets us see that a flaky woman is a double whammy. How CAN you ever raise a woman's interest level if she doesn't show up to the initial meetings?

I would like to think that this is just a string of bad luck for me. Hopefully I can get away from hooking up with these unreliable women.

 

[STR8UP]

Women flake because their interest level is not high enough. How many women would flake on a CELEBRITY on the first date?

There are so many dynamics involved from A-Z (initial encounter-first date), that I cannot comment on what you are doing wrong unless you express more details.

But the problem is that most of us aren't celebrities.

You make a perfectly good and valid point, however, it isn't an across the board solution to the problem.

 

[guru1000]

But the problem is that most of us aren't celebrities.

You make a perfectly good and valid point, however, it isn't an across the board solution to the problem.

I am just using an extreme point to make a conclusion.

We are not celebrities, BUT, if we are the PRIZE , our frame should be IN PLACE as though we are.

I am treated like GOLD, not because I am famous.

 

[armstrong]

I'm not sure if there's an easy solution because each situation I'm in is different. I'm starting to believe that these women enjoy giving out their # and planning dates because it boosts their ego. They're not actually interested in getting to know me or pursuing something, they just like the fact that guys are interested in them.

But that's not really what I want to think about right now. I'm interested in learning how to put each flake behind me and move on with a positive attitude. But like I said in my initial post, that's hard when it keeps happening over and over again. You lose faith in women. You get to the point where a new one passes you on the street and smiles, and you don't feel like entertaining it anymore because you feel like she'll just flake on you, too.

 

[Mr. Me]

You have to practice Flake Prevention by tightening up your method. There are tell-tale signs usually that warn that she's making the date, but going to flake.

Let's back up a little first. Women flake typically because they have no real interest in meeting you. They just find it difficult to be up front (they don't have the balls), so they will say "yes" to meeting you figuring they can later say "can't make it" to your voice mail or email or just not show up.

So the first step is to see why they're losing interest. Is it because you're calling/texting them 50 times a day every day? Is it because you wear your heart on your sleeve and told them all your vulnerabilities and fears? Told her your whole life story (now there's no reason left to meet you, she knows all about you and there's nothing left to find out). Is it because your conversation with them was mostly about how your ex screwed you over? Typical AFC stuff like this turns off the woman.

Anyway, when asking her out, now we get into how she's asked out: do you use a direct approach, such as, "Hey, look... Let's meet up next Monday at 8 over a cup of coffee" or do you beg for the date: "Ummm, would you be interested in getting together sometime? When's better for you? Where would you like to go?" as the latter approach turns off women too.

Assuming you've done a good job of keeping her interested in meeting you and making the date, what you want to hear is "Yes".

Anything else, as rational as it sounds, is her making excuses not to meet you. Generally, their Game Book has just a few variations, but you've heard them. Here's one:

"That sounds great, but I don't know what my work schedule for next week is yet. Call me back next week."

If she says she can't, then the next thing you want to hear her say following that is a counter offer: "I can't next Monday... but Wednesday's good!"

A woman who wants to meet you works with you to meet up.

Now, if you hear anything like this:

"Okay! Next Monday! Sounds terrific! Just call me Sunday to confirm." Then that's her setting it up so she can cancel by Sunday. You're not going to accept that date because come Sunday, guess who won't be answering her phone.

Instead, to any such excuse, you simply say, "Hey look, why don't we do this another time when you know your schedule better?" and say your goodbyes and get off the phone and move on to the next woman's phone number. If this one starts to wrangle with you about it, "Oh, no, no, I want to meet up with you..." just keep to your guns. They hate to look bad and they'd rather suck you back in even if they still intend on flaking.

That's the skinny on Flake Prevention.

Here's a personal example from last week... She had given me her number ("let's chat!") asking me to call her. So I finally did, and we chatted a little, fun, silly banter and...

ME: Hey, look... Let's meet up. I have a small window of time, could meet you for a little bit next Monday...

SHE: [interrupting me] Oh! Next Monday I have a business meeting at night! Is there another day that's good?

ME: No, 'fraid not, kinda crazy week. Well, let's touch base another time then.

SHE: Yes! Call me!!!

But I see in this good reason to think she just wants attention, someone to chat with on the phone, and doesn't really want to meet me.

Did you catch why?

It's because when I mentioned that I had a LITTLE AMOUNT OF TIME on Monday to meet her, I never got so far as to tell her EXACTLY when that time would be - but she immediately jumped in to tell me why she couldn't meet me on Monday night at all. I could've been thinking of 5 PM. Or lunch time. She never said, "Well it depends on what time. I have business meeting at 7, I could meet you at about 6.."

Then she didn't counter offer with a specific day and time, just an invite to call back again. More chat! I'm thinking AW.

It's these kinds of set ups that usually flake.

When you practice this Flake Prevention, you'll feel better.

 

[guru1000]

The same way you get over any kind of rejection, PERCEPTION. In my business, a broker can get hung up on 1000 times before someone says YES. How does he plow through it?

It's a numbers game. The LAW OF AVERAGES state if you ask enough people of what you want, it will be GUARANTEED that you will CLOSE.

That being said, this does not handle the situation at hand. You may learn how to handle rejection by playing the numbers but you must LEARN how to become more effective.

Ask yourself one question. If YOU approached you as a friend, to go hang out, would you FLAKE?

 

[armstrong]

The flake prevention thing is good stuff and I'm going to try and incorporate that next time. This last one didn't show any of those signs though. She was excited and simply agreed when I stated the time and place. And I didn't do any of the AFC stuff you mentioned.

I understand the law of averages and that's what I need to do. The problem is that the more this happens, the more annoyed I become. I'm going to try though. Time heals anything and flakes are very minor!

 

[scrapperdog]

I got flaked on 2 first dates in a row have had 4 first dates in a row with no flake. There is some kinda luck factor going on here. Could easily just been your on a string of bad luck.

Also, I am sure celebrities get flaked on. One reason women flake is the whole mental stress and butterflies that can come right before the date. If it is a celebrity women will probably even feel more of this than normal. Yes I agree interest level is a huge factor, but for many emotional females I think some of them plan to do it in their head and then just chicken out. Kinda like diving off a 2 story diving board. Looks fine when your planning it, looks good from the ground, but when your actually standing on the board looking down some people will back out. Even if the person in the water did nothing wrong and is worth diving in for.

Look at the situation with an open mind, then dont blame yourself unless you actually are doing something wrong.

 

[armstrong]

I got flaked on 2 first dates in a row have had 4 first dates in a row with no flake. There is some kinda luck factor going on here. Could easily just been your on a string of bad luck.

It's a pretty long string! lol

I'm in the process of mentally brushing it off. I'm going to the gym to work some of this frustration off. All these words of advice are great. I'm feeling better already.

 

[armstrong]

Every time one of them flakes out on me, I get so aggravated that I don't feel like going out or talking to women. I'll stay in this funk for weeks until it passes. What I'm searching for is a way to overcome this and to feel good about the future regardless of who or how many flake on me.

 

[wjh]

it's only a matter of time armstrong.

keep working on yourself, your passion in life, developing your core being, and don't be bitter towards women. this is how they are. keep reading/learning/understanding - and you'll get over this small slump.

cheers

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

....I know the best thing to do in these situations is to go out and meet even more women, but like I said, I'm aggravated right now and don't feel like it. Somebody say something to light a fire under my ***.

Meeting more women isn't going to help you if you keep doing the same things that make you continue focusing on women who aren't interested. What Mr. Me suggested was good stuff. It's all about qualifying a woman and if you're only goal is to get a phone number that's all that you're going to get, stop expecting any more than that if you aren't willing to put in additional effort.

 

[armstrong]

Meeting more women isn't going to help you if you keep doing the same things that make you continue focusing on women who aren't interested. What Mr. Me suggested was good stuff. It's all about qualifying a woman and if you're only goal is to get a phone number that's all that you're going to get, stop expecting any more than that if you aren't willing to put in additional effort.

You misunderstand me. Sometimes I'll ask for the # and get it. Sometimes they'll offer it up themselves. Every situation is different. Things don't even escalate to a point where I can put in any more effort.

If I'm focusing on women that aren't interested, then it's a surprise to me. Because let me tell you, some of these women will look me up and down and smile when they meet me. If that's not looking interested then I don't know what is. The conversations go well and I see nothing that would indicate that they'd flake later on. But it happens and it happens with a variety of different types of women.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You misunderstand me. Sometimes I'll ask for the # and get it. Sometimes they'll offer it up themselves. Every situation is different. Things don't even escalate to a point where I can put in any more effort.

The phone number doesn't mean a thing, a woman will give you a number whether or not she's interested. It's mind boggling that guys still think that a phone number is some Holy Grail of an indicator of interest.

If I'm focusing on women that aren't interested, then it's a surprise to me. Because let me tell you, some of these women will look me up and down and smile when they meet me.

This is what women do, she's assessing you!

If that's not looking interested then I don't know what is. The conversations go well and I see nothing that would indicate that they'd flake later on. But it happens and it happens with a variety of different types of women.

Women are social beings, they're just being social. Some women have grace in that they won't reject you directly. When they're not interested it's easier to either give you a fake number or give you her number and just never answer. Either way you're out of their hair.

 

[armstrong]

The phone number doesn't mean a thing, a woman will give you a number whether or not she's interested. It's mind boggling that guys still think that a phone number is some Holy Grail of an indicator of interest.

This is what women do, she's assessing you!

Women are social beings, they're just being social. Some women have grace in that they won't reject you directly. When they're not interested it's easier to either give you a fake number or give you her number and just never answer. Either way you're out of their hair.

Well women need to quit giving their number to guys they aren't interested in. Women need to quit doing a lot of stuff lol.

And what about when they tell you 5 times during the course of a conversation that you should get together and do this and do that? That's what the last one did. Then she flakes 2 hours before the date.

 

[scrapperdog]

One problem might be your investing too much emotionally in this, and it could be showing to the girl. Most people dont go into a funk for weeks when they get flaked on.

I like going in with lowish expectations. Not even that she will show up. You expect nothing, you lose nothing when it does not happen. Anything that does happen is a bonus. That way your not getting overly emotionally invested in this stranger who if she shows up or not really has nothing to do with what your value is.

 

[armstrong]

One problem might be your investing too much emotionally in this, and it could be showing to the girl. Most people dont go into a funk for weeks when they get flaked on.

I like going in with lowish expectations. Not even that she will show up. You expect nothing, you lose nothing when it does not happen. Anything that does happen is a bonus. That way your not getting overly emotionally invested in this stranger who if she shows up or not really has nothing to do with what your value is.

The reason it affects me the way it does is because I'm alone in a new city. I had all these expectations when I moved up here that didn't materialize. I've found it harder to make friends than I thought and even harder to find women I'd like to date. What's frustrating is that I live in one of the largest cities in America where the women far outnumber the men. Go figure.

So when I do run into one, I'm happy until she flakes. But that's the problem, I don't meet enough of them to get any plates spinning. I can't find any plates to spin. lol

 

[Phyzzle]

THE FLAKE IS NOT THE END OF THE ROAD.

Not on the first date anyways.


From Tyler Durden:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=129725
From Allen Thompson:
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/persistence.htm
And this guy:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=81724

You don't have to do just what these guys say, but I have found their basic attitude extremely helpful.
I used to take flakes super personally myself, but I've gotten a lot more laid back about it recently, largely thanks to these guys.