Women who break your heart...

[squirrels]

We run into it all the time these days...women who lead us on, play with our hearts, lie to us, play us off other men, test us, tease us, and leave us hanging, alone and brokenhearted.

So far, our approach to beat this has been to impress the women, to woo them, to do what they want us to do to make them LIKE us so they WON'T break our hearts. But depsite our best efforts, the possibility still exists...and is not only possible, but PROBABLE.

What's the solution, then? How do we avoid getting our hearts broken when, despite our best "DJ efforts", someone comes along who is just BETTER, and not necessarily better, but maybe a better match for the girl we have our eye on? Or maybe just more skilled in the "DJ arts"?

The answer can be summed up by paraphrasing Sun Tzu:

Unconquerability lies within oneself. Conquerability lies within the enemy.

What does this mean in laymen's terms??

A WOMAN CANNOT BREAK YOUR HEART IF YOU DO NOT GIVE IT TO HER TO BREAK!

But how can you build a healthy relationship if you dont' give your heart to a woman?

One day at a time.

You can give a woman plenty of love without giving her your heart to break. The key to doing so is to NOT ASSUME THE RELATIONSHIP.

When you meet a new girl, date her a few times, maybe even bed her, your mind starts racing with ideas, "OMG, she's awesome! She's the one! She might make a great steady girl, or maybe even a WIFE one day."

The truth is that you're probably building a relationship in your head...but you're building it alone. If you're laying bricks but she's not mixing the mortar, then your house will simply fall apart sooner or later.

So take your relationships with women one day at a time. Don't ask yourself, "If I want this girl for a FB/FWB/GF/WIFE, should I take her out today? Or tomorrow?" Ask yourself, "On THIS PARTICULAR day, do I want to spend my time and do the things I had planned IN THE COMPANY of this girl?"

If the answer is yes, then call her up. If no, then DON'T FORCE IT. Just go do your thing and enjoy yourself.

Don't worry about her. Don't hang your heart up for this girl...she's not worth it. You have love in your heart enough for Amy, and Ashley, and Angie, and Annie, and all the women out there, plus your friends, your family, your hobbies, and your own happiness. Giving your heart to someone else is a waste of your love and a dreadful loss for your soul.

You may think that giving your heart to her instills in her a sense of obligation to you. But people in general, and women in particular, are ruthless. When she gets your heart, she will do what SHE pleases with it.

And as long as she holds it, you will CONSTANTLY be worried what she'll do with it. Will she treat it right? Will she use it for good? For ill? Will she BREAK it and scatter the pieces to the four corners of the Earth?

When a woman holds your heart, your LIFE IS NOT YOUR OWN. You should ALWAYS give a woman love, but NEVER your heart.

Take your time and build a relationship with a woman TOGETHER. And if she doesn't want to be part of the building, she's not "the one" for you, or one of the "ones" for you. Find a girl who is. They're out there.

And finally, have faith in yourself. Have faith that your love is worth something and shouldn't be given unconditionally to anyone who doesn't earn it. Have faith that you have what it takes to bag a truly great specimen of a woman. Have faith that you can love and still keep your heart in the process.

Do this and become "unconquerable." Then, once you have obtained these conditions for victory, engage yourself in battle.

Don't fear defeat. Because even though she can take your life, she can't take your heart.

 

[Double]

im wondering if being heart broken is really that bad - at least it has the ability to significantly accelarate transformation!

 

[i am me]

I think every guy should experience heartbreak at least once because you learn alot from it...but when you "get it", this is a great way to avoid heartbreak again. Nice article...

 

[whistler]

Squirrels,

That's good advice, and nicely written. The feeling of love is probably biological, and you can rest assure it will reoccur if the situation and person is right.

But I think I'm leaning toward Double and i am me's side.

Heartbreak sucks sh!t. But there's something unmanly about avoiding emotional risk (and possibly some really wild emotions).

Here's my rule:

Ask yourself if you will regret doing -- or not doing -- something. Then act to avoid regrets.

Fear is the only thing that will make you choose a path that may lead to regrets. And fear has no place in the life of a passionate person.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by whistler
Squirrels,

That's good advice, and nicely written. The feeling of love is probably biological, and you can rest assure it will reoccur if the situation and person is right.

But I think I'm leaning toward Double and i am me's side.

Heartbreak sucks sh!t. But there's something unmanly about avoiding emotional risk (and possibly some really wild emotions).

Here's my rule:

Ask yourself if you will regret doing -- or not doing -- something. Then act to avoid regrets.

Fear is the only thing that will make you choose a path that may lead to regrets. And fear has no place in the life of a passionate person.

I understand that. And like I said, there's never a reason not to give love to a woman, because if you're strong, you have an infinite supply of love. But if you give her your HEART, the source of that love, she pretty much controls you, which is a lose-lose situation.

I'm not saying don't take risks. All I'm saying is that even if you take a shot and lose, if your heart remains your own, you'll always have the strength and resilience to try again.

Think of it this way...giving a woman your heart is no different than giving her flowers or expensive jewelry. You're giving it to her in the hope that it will create some kind of obligation in her to love you for it and not to break it. But in reality, she will do whatever she feels like with it and may STILL not love you. You can, however, give her all the love she would want from your heart while keeping the heart for yourself. And when you give love, it tends to earn interest and come back to you in dividends. If you give away the bank, you have nothing.

 

[Bloke]

My heart was broken, still hurts a little, even after 3 months!

The pain I felt got me to this site

Now I'm more comfortable with women than ever before

Her making me feel like **** was the best thing that's ever happened to me

 

[Hellboy]

Having your heart broken is a good thing. Because no human is more productive than when he is in despair! Not only can you learn a lot from the whole experience, including your mistakes, but your standards have raised. So you improve yourself and your life, meaning the next girl you get involved with can only be better than the last!

There are no mistakes, only lessons. The worst thing to do is let your future actions with women be ruled by fear, which is what your post seems to suggest. Embrace the pain, and the fear, and have a better shot at it next time round!

And it probably doesn't help to think of it as a battle, or that it's about winning or losing. If you are suspicious, competetive and mysogynistic you are cutting yourself off from really feeling anything worthwhile.

I can totally see where you're coming from, and I've been there myself believe me. I agree with the concept behind your post. Especially this:

Take your time and build a relationship with a woman TOGETHER. And if she doesn't want to be part of the building, she's not "the one" for you, or one of the "ones" for you. Find a girl who is. They're out there.

But you have to remember, these girls are human beings too, and they worry about the same things. And if someone worries too much about something, what happens? The thing they were worrying about, that's what. Your anxiety feeds off each other and the relationship falls apart. You subconsciously make it happen. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Meet your girl. Fall in love. Remember that life is a cycle and yes, you're probably gonna get hurt. But you'll learn so much in the process. About yourself. About the world. And when it all falls apart, you'll die a little, emotionally, all over again. But then you'll rise from the ashes stronger. Better. With a deeper understanding of what it's all about. And next time will be better. Less anxious. More patient. Deeper. More fulfilling.

And as you get better at it, maybe you won't get hurt next time. That's always a possibility.

 

[FM 3321]

Originally posted by Bloke
My heart was broken, still hurts a little, even after 3 months!

The pain I felt got me to this site

Now I'm more comfortable with women than ever before

Her making me feel like **** was the best thing that's ever happened to me

I agree. Heartbreak is what got me on the path to learning how to be more successful with women. Six months ago I was heartbroken more than I've ever been and that motivated me to do so much that I wouldn't have done before.

I also should thank that girl I pursued 4 years ago that said she wasn't interested because it was the first time I've ever been seriously heartbroken. That incident changed my whole outlook on life for the better.

 

[becker]

I'll tell you what it does, it turns you into a bitter, jaded bastard who views women as evil. This in turn, makes you unattainable, thus attractive to women. Crazy a$$ world we live in, makes me want to kill myself.

 

[squirrels]

The best way to motivate yourself to protect your heart is to get it broken a couple of times.

But seriously, heartbreak has no other value other than teaching you how to protect your heart.

When I see people who have had their hearts broken, men OR women, and are still in that stage, I feel pity for them, but at the same time I feel disdain and disgust. A heartbroken creature is truly wretched and I find it impossible to really have any love or interest in them beyond simple pity.

And it all could be avoided if they had given the other their LOVE, but not their HEART ITSELF. The heart, the ability to love, is the most divine gift given to any human being. Giving it away makes that human being a shell of his or her former self. Your heart was never meant to be given, it was meant to be used, INVESTED.

Giving a woman your heart to show her how much you love her is like mailing her your balls so she can have your baby.

 

[Hellboy]

Since I was 15, I've had my heart broken over and over (usually my fault). My mom always said I wear my heart in my sleeve. I guess that's true. And each time it's happened, it's hurt a little bit more. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I have had amazing pleasures and deep fulfilment in the last few years that easily surpasses the heartbreak, once it subsides. And with each experience you become wiser in the ways of life. You learn to choose your women more wisely, and to play the relationship game a little better the next time round.

The girl I am seeing just now, she has the potential to break my heart more than ever. I have never met a girl like this. And I know it could happen at any moment. But by responding to my fear of this eventuality I would cut myself off from truly appreciating the beauty of requited love.

By holding back, I nearly lost her. Instead, I took a chance and our relationship has truly blossomed ever since. She is taking the same risk and everything is on even terms.

If it ends, then it ends. I will wanna crawl under a rock for a while. But when the pain subsides (it always does) I will still have filled a portion of my life with happy memories. And I will eventually find someone else to continue the cycle.

 

[themanwithnoname]

in order for you to become a true dj, you must have your heart broken several times, and in order to fix it, you must learn not to repeat the mistakes.

 

[Void]

Finally I get to read a thread by you!! Haha, just kidding.

This thread came at the right time for me, as I'm entering a relationship with a girl that dumped me before. BEFORE my transformation...

Thanks.

 

[squirrels]

There's a difference between "fear" and "prudence".

Is it "fear" that makes you wear goggles when grinding or cutting metal? Or wearing pads when you play football? Or locking your door when you go to sleep at night?

No, it's just sound thinking. It's not like you're INHIBITING your way of life or your ability to love if you keep a hold of your heart and don't let anyone else handle it.

The old saying goes, "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Likewise, give a girl your heart, she'll have love for a day. Love a girl, and she'll have love for a lifetime.

 

[Plain & Simple]

Originally posted by squirrels


Likewise, give a girl your heart, she'll have love for a day. Love a girl, and she'll have love for a lifetime.

I think its the other way around "Give a girl love and shell have love for a day, give a girl your heart and shell have love for a lifetime.

The purpose here is not giving a girl your heart, cause thats when she can do whatever she pleases with it, cause now she HAS your heart , but you should give her love, you in control of deciding how much love you give her, wich shouldnt be enough for her to have your heart.

 

[ReT]

Very nice post, it makes me realize some mistakes I've done, giving a woman my heart.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

You shouldnt wear your heart out on your sleeve, but if you shield yourself from developing deep feelings for a girl you wont be happy in the end either.

We really can't control how we feel anyway, well to some extent, so this kind of advice "don't love her" or "don't give her your heart" is kind of useless for the most part unless you drill it so deep into your head you start developing attachment problems and start seeing a shrink.

There is nothing wrong with making special plans to see a girl vs. seeing if you can include her into premade plans. That's very selfish thinking. I'd rather take time out of my week or day and do something we both would wanna do rather than drag her along to some of the things I attend that I know for sure she won't enjoy.