women sense lack of confidence

[joekerr31]

random thought ...

you might be wondering why it is that confidence is so important for men and why women can sense confidence or lack there of it. also interest how women can be overly ****y and confidence (so it appears) in dealing with a non confident man.

pretty simple answer. woman play the submissive role but at the same time are the ones doing the judging. it is the man who approaches, and there for it is the man who must "prove" himself.

easiest way to flip the tables is to show her that even though you approached her that you are judging her as well. you can do this in a complimentary fashion that also makes her accutely aware she is being judged.

for instance, at some point in the convo...

"you have a great smile. not a lot of people do. my friend alison had her teeth bleeched and they look amazing now."

instantly tells her that you are judging her appearance, comparing her to other girls, etc.

her mind almost will instantly flip from judging you to assessing herself "Great, he likes my teeth. Now i just hope he doesn't notice my fat butt".

anyway, i've found any time a woman is getting TOO comfy in her position of judging I just drop a line like above and she crumbles in 15 seconds and suddenly starts flirting and trying to deflect attention and me away from assessing anything else about her.

 

[Sinistar]

The perception mechanism of a woman is really quite impressive when you think about. Their sense of feeling seems to extend deeply, especially in the more rapid senses of sight & sound and touch.

Where we (before becoming aware) tend to overlook certain silences, postures, sublte supplicative uses of grammer, etc - women seem to lock onto them nearly instantly without any training or social input.

Obviously a man of lesser confidence in his world tends to throw off these (out ward) warning signs to her. Actually, the worst part is that he doesn't realize he is even doing it. He is unware.

And sometimes I think that is what she senses. Not just that he lacks some degree of confidence (she detects that quite clearly), rather that he has no idea what confidence really is. And that causes her programming to jump to another subroutine.

When a woman knows a guy isn't confident, she will let him know and the irony, this rather covert/indirect female creature will tend to be quite direct/overt in communicating it (why? because she knows that's what a guy will hear). She'll bust your ba11s about stuff, break plans, spend time with others and make sure you're aware, etc. Obviously sh!t tests. As if her programmed response is to expolit the perceived weakness until it corrects itself (ie guys mans up) or another more confident dude comes along. At one point in time we all thought being nice would get us the prize (note the wrong frame purposely implied). Then we found out she only has two programmed responses to 'nice guy (which I am interchanging loosely with unconfident guy) bust him until he becomes aware or spit him out and process the next AFC in search of a Alpha.

I know the matrix methaphor has been thrown around alot, yet it seems to work even here.

Consider the guy who becomes aware. His existence shifts to a realistic place. He takes responsibility for his actions. Within the matrix it is always someone elses fault. Once outside it and aware, each of his actions, reactions and outcomes are his and his alone. Can he really blame anyone but himself once he knows and understands? I guess that "Baked my noodle" when I first realized it. Anyway, my point here is that when a woman comes into contact with someone aware and operating outside her socially programmed reality, a different subroutine kicks in for her. She will sense mystery (why is he that way/different?). Strangely enough, although this confident guy may be mysterious, assertive, and takes actions I think she is drawn in because she finds it in some way comforting. Or put more simply, the fact she 'believes' he is confident garners initial trust and security. With that first hint of trust and security, she won't feel judged or slvutty or whatever it is that makes them close up.

Acting confident, that's the parlor trick the magician uses to impress his audience.

Realizing what confidence is and then knowing when we have become truly confident, that's the magician's secret. That he learned by becoming aware (often a negative/painful experience).

PS. Welcome back Joe

 

[Albion10]

Think about it like this. If the man isn't confident and sure of himself, is he going to stand and fight or run when something attacks? A woman wants to know that when she's 8 months pregnant with his child that he'll protect and provide for her. A lack of confidence does not guarantee this. Even though it's technically not necessary in our age of technology and equal opportunity, the instinct is still there.

-Al

 

[Vulpine]

"Baked my noodle"

Bravo!

Good post.

 

[WaterTiger]

There is a guy at work who has NO confidence. I work in the hotel industry and he's a front desk clerk. The instant a guest complains or becomes pushy, he falls like a house of cards. Once he even took guest laundry home, and washed it in his own machine because he was afraid to tell the guest we didn't have laundry service on Sunday.

Dispite the fact he's older than me & has more "time served" than I do, I have very little respect for the guy. I almost view him as a little boy that needs guidence and protection.

If a woman views you as a little boy, she can't see you as some one she'd ever sleep with.

 

[Latinoman]

There is a guy at work who has NO confidence. I work in the hotel industry and he's a front desk clerk. The instant a guest complains or becomes pushy, he falls like a house of cards. Once he even took guest laundry home, and washed it in his own machine because he was afraid to tell the guest we didn't have laundry service on Sunday.

Dispite the fact he's older than me & has more "time served" than I do, I have very little respect for the guy. I almost view him as a little boy that needs guidence and protection.

If a woman views you as a little boy, she can't see you as some one she'd ever sleep with.

What made you think he was "afraid"? Maybe he comes from a generation that clearly understands how to serve a customer. Something that has been lost in America.

Some jobs require for a person to listen to their customers complaints and to do so by acting polite and concerned. Especially hotels/restaurants or any tourist industry type jobs.

I know of a great restaurant in the East Coast in which the person in charge went to the store to buy a diet coke (the lady on the table only drinked diet coke). In my book: that's customer service. I have lot of respect for that.

It does not necessary mean "lack of confidence". In fact, we can argue that this is more of "customer awareness".

In America...we have lost that. We get crappy service all the time.

Note: I am not saying that people should take abuse from Customers either. Abusive customers are typically kicked out from the place by the man in charge.

 

[realsmoothie]

Sorry, but taking someone's laundry home because you can't tell a customer that there's no laundry service that day shows a definite lack of self-confidence to stand up for yourself.

And while we're whining about employees... what about customers? I work in the service industry and I'm telling you, people are morons and a general pain in the butt. Not all of them, of course, but there is a certain percentage out there that are just in it for themselves and use every transaction with a customer service person as an excuse to play power games.

Heh, customers and employees... sounds like women and men.

 

[Vulpine]

Not all of them, of course, but there is a certain percentage out there that are just in it for themselves and use every transaction with a customer service person as an excuse to play power games.

Or get a free lunch. It's sick how many people try to haggle and complain just to get discounts or things for free.

That's a funny point, realsmoothie, customers do try to exploit employees... just like women try to exploit men.

 

[Latinoman]

Sorry, but taking someone's laundry home because you can't tell a customer that there's no laundry service that day shows a definite lack of self-confidence to stand up for yourself.

And while we're whining about employees... what about customers? I work in the service industry and I'm telling you, people are morons and a general pain in the butt. Not all of them, of course, but there is a certain percentage out there that are just in it for themselves and use every transaction with a customer service person as an excuse to play power games.

Heh, customers and employees... sounds like women and men.

I have travelled to places in Europe, Asia, North/South America, Caribbean.
The WORST service is in the U.S. (and its territories).

And there is a difference between working in a 3 star Hotel in Kentucky and working in a 5-star Hotel in New York. Or working in McDonalds or working in a top-10 Restaurant in Washington, D.C. So, there are different expectations.

My point is...we don't have the entire story in front of us. What we have is one poster obviously upset that his co-worker (with more seniority and age) is doing something that is not uncommon in some other places. I mean...I understand he using his co-worker as an example of a man that is an AFC in relationships or within the context of "women sensing lack of confidence". But he went completely out of context. Sounded more like he was venting.

 

[Latinoman]

Note: I would NEVER do anyones laundry either. I'm just playing devil advocate.