Women love to screw up awesome relationships...

[studioworks]

Hey pppl..

Been a avid reader at sosuave.com for a number of years and finally decided to post on the discussion forums....

Well i've been dating this 9/10 woman for the last 6 months... had the most satisfying of relationships... - she was single for 2 yrs before we started dating.. she was single coz of a horrible past relationship which left her in complete clinical depression for almost 1 year..

the relationship started wid me being the "jerk" that is soooo attractive to women and ultimately she cudnt resist coz i was persuasive in a very ****y / jerky way...

Anywayz cutting a long story short.... she was vary of relationships... i sweeped in and used all possible DJ tactics... made her mine... had an intense relationship for 6 months (i am guilty of forgetting being the jerk at some point in the relation - only coz she was soooo damn nice to me and also of spending too much time together) until one day SHE JUST FLIPPED... starting acting wierd.. called a lot but had nuthin to say.. this went on for about 4-5 days and then she asked for "a break" and after 2 days a "break up" - reason... she tried her best but cant get herself to give 100% to this relationship... and its not fair to me.. so she wants to not be wid me.. infact not be in any relationship... she also went on to add how this was the most perfect relation any woman cud ask for and that she asked herself the question what more did she want in a guy to which her answer was nuthin more... and hence she came to a conclusion that there was nuthin wrong wid me but she had just become COLD coz of her past and hence shud not be in any relation.. coz she cant be happy in them,,,, she also went on to add how the sex was greaaaaaat and she wud miss it..

I gave my reasoning on why we shud not split coz it was soooo beautiful and trust me it was... but if she didnt want it.. then we shud split,... which we did...

She called me the next day and just wanted to know how i was doin... i said i was doin fine... but she shud stop these calls as i'm tryin to move on and this doesnt help... she said fine and that was that...

Now its only been a couple of days.. she hasnt called... is a strong woman and i wont be shocked if she doesnt call at all.....

I would love to have her back... but not at the cost of my respect..

How should i handle this situation ?

 

[sodbuster]

You did/are doing all you could.Whenever you are dealing with another person, you can't MAKE them do anything-you can only do what makes you happy[as long as it doesn't involve changing their mind,it never works for long]. SHE doesn't want to be in a relationship with you[she is emotionally unavailabel,found another guy,whatever],it's done;let it die. SHE may have only called to see if you were an emotional wreck-gives women a sense of power.


When my ex-wife said "you'll never find another woman to treat you as well as I do". I couldn't figure it out logically. I mean, every woman wants to live in a bigger house,not have to work for a living and{if I'm in a bar}over half don't want to have sex with me. How hard could it be to find one to replace her? BUT because I'm not remarried[not a big priority of mine],she thinks she was right

 

[pipe007]

5 days of her showing showing low interest level, calling you , and you doing all the talking , while she had nothing to say...

5 days is a lot to me, at the 2nd or 3rd day max, i would have put my brakes and suggest giving her space, that maybe she needs to find herself or something... and see if that would wake her up...

if not you should have ended it first... anyway, learn from it, learn to NEVER tolerate low interest from a woman, you walk away from that ...

its over, she dumped you, why would you want her back? last time a girl told me to break up,,, i said ok, turned around and went to my car, she came chasing me, i said... i dont have to talk to you anymore, she said no wait listen to me let me explain myself,,,, i was like .... pfff laters!!!!

No contact, and she came back to me all desperate that she made a mistake......

make her pay for her mistake, make her suffer and cry helplessly cuz she just lost you... hope you can do that.

 

[Igetit!]

Well I must admit that it does seem like some women do like to wreck relationships when they seem to be going well,but that isn't the case here with you and this girl.


Here,YOU screwed up this "awesome" relationship.


That part is CLEAR.


I'll go through your thread and show you what I mean.

the relationship started wid me being the "jerk" that is soooo attractive to women and ultimately she cudnt resist coz i was persuasive in a very ****y / jerky way...

Look at what you said here: You said that the relationship started with "YOU being the jerk that's soooo attractive to women".


So you admit that YOU started off acting and behaving one way in the beginning of the relationship,but then you said....

had an intense relationship for 6 months (i am guilty of forgetting being the jerk at some point in the relation

You see the part I put in bold?

Well you said that you forgot to maintain being the jerk at some point in the relationship. So this "jerk" persona,that YOU said women find "soooo attractive" and that this woman found to be irresistable,you unknowingly dropped it.


YOU allowed THE VERY THING that this woman found so attractive about you to go away,therefore her attraction for you went away as well.

And you have the nerve to say that she screwed up this relationship?

one day SHE JUST FLIPPED... starting acting wierd.. called a lot but had nuthin to say..

You know why she started acting weird? Because she was in a relationship with someone she was no longer attracted to.


You know why she kept calling you with nothing to say? Because she was trying to see if there was still any attraction there. She called you,listened to you talk to see if she "felt" anything,and after doing this a bunch of times and not sensing any attraction there,that's when she "asked for a break".

and after 2 days a "break up" - reason... she tried her best but cant get herself to give 100% to this relationship... and its not fair to me.. so she wants to not be wid me.. infact not be in any relationship

That "she doesn't want to be in any relationship" thing is a lie.

She does want to be in a relationship,just not with someone she's not attracted to.


Don't you find it interesting that everything was ok up until you dropped being a "jerk" with her?


Everything was fine until you turned "nice" and started spending too much time with her.

she also went on to add how this was the most perfect relation any woman cud ask for and that she asked herself the question what more did she want in a guy to which her answer was nuthin more... and hence she came to a conclusion that there was nuthin wrong wid me but she had just become COLD coz of her past and hence shud not be in any relation.. coz she cant be happy in them,,,, she also went on to add how the sex was greaaaaaat and she wud miss it..

She came to a wrong conclusion.


Of course she couldn't think of anything more to ask for in a guy.

The thing she's missing and couldn't quite put her finger on is a FEELING.


Call it what you want....."Chemistry/Attraction/a "spark",whatever you name it,that's what's missing.



She didn't go "cold" because of her past. Her past was there in the beginning of the relationship,right? If her past makes her cold,then why did she even bother to get involved with you in the first place?


Why didn't she "go cold" on you when you first approached her? Her past was present then just as it is now,so what's the difference?


The difference is YOU. You were a jerk in the beginning,then you changed throughout the course of the relationship.



She didn't go cold because of her past. She went cold because of YOU.

I gave my reasoning on why we shud not split coz it was soooo beautiful and trust me it was... but if she didnt want it.. then we shud split,... which we did..

You gave your "reasoning" to her.

And that was a mistake.


You tried to "reason" with her. That doesn't work with women. You can't use reason or logic with a woman to create attraction.


If you wanted her back,you just should have GRADUALLY went back to being a jerk.



She would have been turned on/"re-attracted" to you and not even known why,just like when she tried to discover what more she could have asked of you concerning your relationship,and she couldn't come up with a reason.

I would love to have her back... but not at the cost of my respect..

How should i handle this situation ?

What situation? I thought she dumped you and the relationship was over.


You say you want her back? Well to me,the only thing that would get her back is what originally got her in the first place.


So drop the "reasoning" with her.

Stop trying to "convinvce her" of why you two should be together,and just simply go back to being that "jerk" you started off as in the beginning.


Just do it gradually though. Otherwise you'll end up looking like you're bi-polar,lol.

 

[nismo-4]

Pastor Igetit! did it again!

OP, this relationship was ended only by yourself, not the woman. You turned into mush. You done it.

Now you know what not to do.

 

[studioworks]

IGETIT..... i mean i actually get it... hehehehe... Awesome post !!!!!!!!!

Honestly my take on the thing was absolutely the same... the relationship broke apart only coz the "attraction" faded away... the very essence of the relationship died...

There were enough signs which i honestly brushed aside... (BIG MISTAKE GUYS)... only coz things were sooo perfect... she was DAMN happy.. she was investing in the relationship... cudnt stop going on and on about how much she loved me.... everything was just as it shud be.... ITS EASY TO BECOME COMPLACENT in such a situation...

About the "being cold" part... well she was extremely cold even when i met her... like i said shed been single for 2 yrs... and it was over the 1 year period that the cold persona dissapeared and an amazing loving person came out... and she gives me 100% credit for bringing out that person...

Anways... to come to the point... It has been an AWESOME AWESOME 1 year.. i dont think that all is lost.... i would love to keep my respect and get that attraction back so that WE get back...

To achieve this i have decided to initiate NO CONTACT for 2 weeks... trust me i have left her with more than enough good memories to miss me.... not only the things we did... but she would share every little thing of her's with me... not to mention that she almost alwayz needed my advise on most things...

Maybe.. just maybe... these 2/3 weeks of no contact will make her realize what shez missing and bring back the attraction... thoughts ???

Just 2 questions....

1. What if she tries to contact me during this time ? My strategy

2. If she doesnt initiate contact... shud i contact her ONE LAST TIME after this period.... and be the person i was when she was tremendously attracted to me in the 1st place ?

 

[Igetit!]

i would love to keep my respect and get that attraction back so that WE get back...

To achieve this i have decided to initiate NO CONTACT for 2 weeks... trust me i have left her with more than enough good memories to miss me.... not only the things we did... but she would share every little thing of her's with me... not to mention that she almost alwayz needed my advise on most things...

Maybe.. just maybe... these 2/3 weeks of no contact will make her realize what shez missing and bring back the attraction... thoughts ???

Well the going no contact could cause her to reflect on the time you two shared and all the good memories of you two being together,but good memories of PAST attraction won't sustain a right now/in the present relationship.


I don't think you quite get it just yet.


You think that 2 or 3 weeks of no contact will make her realize what she's missing.


She ALREADY KNOWS WHAT SHE'S MISSING. That's why she left.


She didn't leave behind the suave,attractive jerk she met in the beginning.

She left the mushy "nice guy" you turned into.


You're CURRENTLY the nice guy. So if you go two weeks of no contact and she does miss you and try to get in contact with you again,if the guy she gets back in touch with is this same nice guy,all you will have done is confirm in her mind that she made the right decision when she left you.


You can go no contact if you want,but the important thing is WHO YOU'LL BE once the no contact is over.


Will you be the "nice guy" she broke up with,or the jerk she fell for in the beginning?

Just 2 questions....

1. What if she tries to contact me during this time ? My strategy

Easy....talk to her.

Ask her how she's doing,what she's been up to,tell her how you've been,and tell her something EXCITING you've done or that has happened to you since you two have been apart. And make sure YOU SOUND EXCITED while you'll telling her this.


You want her to see that you're just as happy,just as content,just as whole,and just as complete WITHOUT HER as you were with her.



Make her feel like her presense or absence in your life has NO EFFECT on you whatsoever.


Then right after you tell her about something exciting that's happened with you,say something "jerky" to her. Say something that that "old you" would say. Then END THE CALL.


Don't ask her out.
Don't tell her you miss her.
Don't tell her you want to see her.


Just get in there and talk a little chit-chat,say something exciting,say something "jerky",then get off the phone.


She'll sense a little of that "old you" from the beginning,feel a bit of attraction,and it'll peak her curiousity as to whether she made the right decision or not about leaving you.

2. If she doesnt initiate contact... shud i contact her ONE LAST TIME after this period.... and be the person i was when she was tremendously attracted to me in the 1st place ?

Yeah,you can do this if she doesn't contact you,but you need to allow some time to pass by first.


If you call her too soon and just bust out acting all jerky out of the blue,you'll come off as being incongruent.


So if she doesn't call,you should wait a while first,then call her.


But do like I suggested above:talk and chat for a bit,then throw in some jerkiness. Don't go straight into being a jerk,it'll seem weird.



Good luck man.