Women give me confidence

[Santos]

This sucks! I am trying to find a true form of confidence in myself. As soon as I am dating a girl or I know a HB is interested in me my confidence increases. Not DRASTICALLY but I feel a lot more confident. I am much more relaxed and making everybody laugh. I am happy. I deal with women and people in general a lot better. I become focused. Once I feel I am working on getting a GF and getting laid I study better and the rest of my life gets going.

Just recently when things were going great with this chick I was REALLY confident (always happens). Now that everything has gone to **** I am a total AFC around women again. I have no motivation. Annoying. AFC, I know. But it's the truth.

You see, I just wanted to bang this chick so I could lose my virginity. It bugs me that I'm still a virgin. I'm not too worried about not having had a LTR before. I just don't want to be a 21 y/o virgin.

I want to have a true source of confidence. I just wish I could feel the same confidence regardless of whether there's a woman in my life or not. You know, it's an ego thing. I have a low opinion of myself so some ***** gives me the time of day and my self-esteem becomes NORMAL. I am confident. Then she uses me or rejects me and I return to AFC mode!

I am at the point where I've taken 2 steps forward and 10 steps back. Time to try and get my **** together again.

Any of you feel the same way? I just want to feel I am worth something without having a woman to prove it to me.

Santos

 

[Celadus]

Everybody is going to tell you try and not focus on women so much..but I am in the same boat as you, but worse.

Its hard not to focus on what you don't have. I'll tell you my proposed remedy for my troubles.


Find a dumb girl to spend time with and use her while you work on things that you are good at(I work out and do kickboxing/jujitsu), which will give you more confidence.

I'm very shy and scared of rejection. To love myself, I need to feel loved by someone other than my parents. I'd committ suicide if I thought I had to wait until I liked myself before I kissed my first girl, or lost my virginity.

I am so desperate that any girl will do for alittle while.

 

[LouieVaton Don]

I must profess I am in the same boat, I cannot find it within myself to stay confident. Its like i'll be feeling real good(like once out of 2 weeks) but I have no control over when. Most of the time Im either depressed or I just dont wat to be bothered with people in general. Whenever ive had females pop up in my life, it made me feel good about myself but theres something not right there. I hate having to think I need someone else to validate my existence but thats the reality because not only have I not had many girls but I havent had many acquaintances period. So I get clingy, then I find some reason to push them away eventually. Im stuck in this brutal cycle.

 

[dionysius_d]

Save up your pocket money, and visit a massage parlour or brother.. (good one). That will fix your virginity problem easily, and you'll feel better.

 

[Hot Ice]

Santos,
it's good to have an ego at some level.
But your ego is needy. And it needs something to be something.

I remember I was like this once.
In the beginning when I found sosuave.
I wasn't sure about myself.

What happened to me that I was developing this new attitude, midset, new way of thinking.
Then all of the sudden, my interest dropped to zero towards women.
In school I didn't even talk to chicks. I didn't give a shyt.
I even wasn't on the boards on that time.

I wondered what the fukk is happening to me?
Am I gay? I answered hell no.
I killed my needy ego.
And it gave me the confidence that doesn't fade.
It's because the true source of confidence is now myself.
Not a woman, nor car, money, style.. etc.
All neediness, fear of women, everyting AFC'ish died inside me.

There are several other DJ's here who have been trough a similar phase like I did.

You just have to do it by yourself. Explore your mind.
Your mind and wrong type of ego are the only things that are the only things that ties you down.
You can't be free is you feel need towards something.

It's that you have to realize and experience yourself.
Read the great midset threads from these boards and work on it.
I'm sure you'll reach it.
It's just something you need to find yourself. There are no magic posts to do it.

About that virgin thing.
You don't really need to hurry on that.
I can tell you it's not THAT cool thing. You just have shared an intimite experience with a girl. And that's not a really big deal in life.
But I advice you to get mentally ready for it by reading guys stories around here. Do a search.
Read some books.
Get as much as information as you can.
Not too advanced. Just that you know the basics.
Then just find a girl and do it when you feel like it.

For a record, I haven't felt any depression or loneliness over a half year. Not a single of those feelings many AFC men feel.
I am really happy to be me.
It gives me confidence I need.
And I am positive you can do it too.
As I said before, you just need to start thinking differently and get a new midset. It may take a little time, but after finding it nothing can stop you.

 

[Santos]

Thanks for the reply Hot Ice. Very wise words that I'll take to heart!

Good DJing!
Santos

 

[Hot Ice]

No problem bro.
Take care and improve!

Happy hunting!
Hot Ice

 

[Lone_raider]

I reached the same level as Hot Ice did a while back. At some point, whether right at the beggining, or after getting screwed over by a girl or multiple girls (and not in the good way lol) something happens to you. And that is woman just don't become that important to you. You no longer rely on them for your confidence, or for the happiness of your daily life. Beleive me, sometimes it takes a few girls to stab you in the heart for this to happen, that's what happened to me anyway!

One specific girl a long time ago really hurt me, but something strange happened afterwards, instead of getting depressed as usual I found myself saying F*ck her! Who the hell does she think she is, she wants to leave and not say anything to me, Fine! Women Suck!!!! Basically I became angry with her, and never wanted to see her again, then I became angry with all women and for a while didn't even attempt to get them anymore. It was at this point that I found this website here, and that is when I began to see the truth. I had already told myself women weren't going to be that important to me anymore, and this site informed me of that fact as well. But it also calmed me down a bit more and showed me the truth, and it persuaded me to go back into the business of trying to pick up women. But this time I would make none of the same mistakes. I am confident all the time, even by myself. I never get upset about women anymore, hey if they flake out, or want to leave that's fine, there are about 2 billion women on this planet, I just keep doing what I'm doing.

But it's sort of like the Matrix, nobody can tell you this, we can't make any of you feel any better by reading our examples if you don't feel this way, you have to experience it for yourself